Yeah. I'm not sure if this is gonna be your favorite read of all time, but what I can assure you is it can help to elevate your health if you take what I'm about to share to heart. The reality is, a lot of us spend a ton of time consuming foods that, while they may not top of the list of the worst foods on the planet, they aren't really the best things for our systems either.
Today, I'm going to share 15 'of em. Even if you decide to keep adding them to your grocery list, my hope is that you'll at least do so a little less. You ready?
1. Bottled Smoothies
Canned fruit. Cantaloupe. Watermelon. Nectarines. Fruit that doesn't have any pulp in them. Guess what all of these fruits have in common—they are low in fiber and oftentimes are "filler fruits" when it comes to the bottled smoothies that you often see at your local grocery store. Aside from that, ready-made bottles smoothies are oftentimes also packed with sugar (that raises your blood sugar) and preservatives (which can weaken heart tissues and oftentimes contain cancer-causing additives). So, if you're a fan of smoothies in the morning, your best bet would be to wake up 20 minutes earlier and make one yourself. That way, you'll know exactly what is going into them.
2. Energy Drinks
I know a guy who is a body builder and a most-of-the-time vegetarian. But man, pretty much every time that I see him, he's got an energy drink in his hand. That's so not good because they contain a ton of caffeine and sugar. That makes them the ultimate stimulant, yes, but they can also significantly increase your heart rate, trigger feelings of anxiety and make it really hard to either go to sleep or stay asleep at night. If energy is something that you struggle with, adding Vitamin B12 to your daily regimen and eating foods like bananas, apples, sweet potatoes, salmon and brown rice are much healthier ways to get what you're looking for.
3. Wheat Bread
Bread is a carb and it's pretty common for carbs to consist of sugar and refined white flour. If you eat too much of them, you have the potential of triggering heart disease, diabetes and definitely obesity. Does this mean you can never enjoy a sandwich? No. Moderation is key. But do make sure that if wheat bread is your thing that you settle for nothing less than the brands that list 100 percent whole wheat bread as the first ingredient on its label. That way, you'll know you're not consuming empty calories only.
4. Fettuccine Alfredo
I already know that some of y'all are rolling your eyes at this one. The thing to keep in mind is that alfredo sauce has tons of cream and butter in it. Then when you throw the "fun carb" known as pasta into the mix—well, you're almost begging to have cholesterol issues at some point.
An alternative is to make your own sauce (you can check out a recipe that doesn't have cream cheese in it here) or you can swap out pasta noodles for zucchini ones. I've done it before and zucchini noodles are absolutely delicious (you can check out a recipe here)!
5. Cheesecake
Definitely one of my favorite desserts to make and eat is cheesecake. Not that non-bake kind either. I'm talking about the kind where the ingredients have to go into a springform pan and bake in the oven for a while (whew!). Yeah, cheesecake is great. It still makes this list, though. Between the cream cheese and sugar, there is plenty of sodium and fat to go around which can easily equate to somewhere between 400-800 calories a slice. If you've got a random taste for one, maybe just crumble up a graham cracker and put some cheesecake-flavored yogurt on top. It's nowhere near the real thing, but it should take a bit of the edge off.
6. Splenda (and Other Artificial Sweeteners)
Yes, artificial sweeteners contain less calories than sugar, but it can be at a pretty high price. Things like aspartame, saccharin, sucralose (which Splenda has a good amount of) and sugar alcohol can trigger headaches, digestive problems and food cravings. Unfortunately, long-term use of artificial sweeteners is linked to cancer too. So, if you want to sweeten your food without the use of sugar, some alternatives to consider include honey, coconut sugar, monk fruit extracts, date paste and molasses.
7. Chinese Food
Who doesn't like Chinese food? I mean, really. The main issue with it is that the sodium levels of most signature dishes is totally off of the charts! For instance, I once read that a plate of stir-fried greens has a whopping 900 calories and well over 2,000 grams of sodium (geeze). Too much sodium can lead to hypertension, and since heart disease, strokes and hypertension are some of the top 10 leading causes of death for us, well…you can see why ordering Chinese needs to be done more sparingly than most of us typically do it (and why you might want to purchase a wok and make some stir fry at home).
8. Refried Beans
Ain't nothin' like some refried beans and rice, right? While beans are pretty good for you (they are loaded with protein, iron, potassium, magnesium and fiber), when you bring lard into the mix, that makes a lot of that close to being irrelevant. Lard is loaded with saturated fat and too much of that can lead to heart disease, high cholesterol and diabetes. If you must, make your own refried beans (there's a delicious black bean recipe here) or look for the low-sodium vegetarian kind. It's better for you and, when you season it right, it almost tastes the same.
9. Meatloaf
Homemade meatloaf is a staple in a lot of homes, but between the beef, breadcrumbs and salt, it's another kind of food that can wreak absolute havoc if you don't eat it in moderation. Beef is high in saturated and trans fat. Breadcrumbs contain off-the-chart levels of corn syrup and sodium. And salt is loaded with sodium.
One way to get around all of this (at least a little bit) is to substitute the beef for turkey. Turkey is significantly learner than beef is. Oh, and crushed oats or crackers is a cool alternative for breadcrumbs (the oats more than the crackers, by the way).
10. Mayonnaise
Personally, I'm not the biggest fan of mayonnaise, so it's no hair off of my back here. But if you adore it with every fiber of your being, there are a few things you should know. One, mayonnaise is chock-full of sugar, sodium and preservatives. Two, a lot of nutritionists consider it to be the unhealthiest condiment there is. Three, have you ever wondered why, even though mayonnaise has eggs in it, the eggs never separate in its container? Eww. You'd be much better off making some of your own with the help of Greek yogurt, Dijon mustard and white vinegar. If you want to learn how, check out this recipe here.
11. Protein Bars
Are you in a rush and you want to grab something to snack on real quick? Got it. Just make sure that it's not a protein bar. Why is a protein bar not the best solution? Let me count the ways. It's got sugar. It's got preservatives. Many of them have the artificial color of caramel. It's pretty common for protein bars to have polysorbate 60 (an emulsifier that can produce all kinds of toxic compounds in your system) too. Not to mention that brands like the Nutramino Coconut Protein Bar is equal to the caloric count of a freakin' Big Mac (what in the world?!). So, are all protein bars created equal? Eh. Not totally. The key is to make sure that sugar isn't the first ingredient on the label, there are more than 10 grams of protein listed and, there are no sugar alcohols in them like xylitol, sorbitol, isomalt and glycerol; all of those are considered to be artificial sweeteners, and we already discussed why those are absolute no-nos when it comes to your health.
12. Applesauce
This one probably seems blasphemous, right? Here's the deal—a lot of applesauce has high fructose corn syrup in it. If you don't know why that's not a good thing, high fructose corn syrup is an artificial sweetener, made from corn syrup that 1) puts way too much sugar into your system, 2) increases your risk of being diagnosed with fatty liver disease, and 3) is linked to diabetes, heart disease and cancer.
So, are there any healthy applesauce brands out in the world? A few. Epicurious did us all a solid and published "The Best Applesauce You Can Buy at the Store" that features 28 different kinds for your perusing pleasure. Or again, you can always go the DIY route (there's a recipe for that here).
13. Taco Bowl
Meat. Rice. Sour cream. A fried tortilla. Other stuff. All of this explains why taco bowls (no matter how delicious they may be) are loaded with calories, sodium and fat. If you want to take the health risks down a notch, either have the meat without the fried tortilla (consider an unfried one instead) or go without the meat. Either way, this is something that you definitely shouldn't have 2-3 days a week on your lunch break. So, when you order (or make) one, just remember to act like it's a treat rather than a staple.
14. Instant Oatmeal
If you first looked at this one and said to yourself, "I thought that oatmeal was good for me", you'd be right. Oatmeal is a gluten-free grain that has all kinds of vitamins, minerals and fiber in it. Oatmeal is also dope because it can lower your cholesterol levels and help to keep heart disease at bay. The problem with instant oatmeal is 1) it's got preservatives in it and 2) it usually contains hydrogenated soybean oil too. What's wrong with that type of oil? For one thing, it has trans fatty acids that can increase your risk of atherosclerosis and coronary heart disease. Also, soybeans contain phytoestrogens (a plant-based form of estrogen). Too much of that can throw your hormone levels all the way off. Yeah, make your own oatmeal instead.
15. Bottled Water
Thankfully, bottled water is more regulated by the FDA than it used to be. Still, something that many bottled water brands contain is BPA (Bisphenol-A). The problem with BPA is it can disrupt your hormones in a way that can cause all sorts of drama. It can alter your hormones, increase the risk of cancer and have possible effects on the brain, especially when it comes to young children. In order to avoid all of this, it's probably best to put a filter on your faucet and purchase a BPA-free bottle to put the water in. That way, you can drink up with absolutely no worries. Enjoy!
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Kayla Nicole says she wore a dress that was once worn by Braxton herself for the Halloween costume. “It’s not a secret Toni is more on the petite side. I’m obsessed with all 5’2” of her,” she tells xoNecole via email. “But I’m 5’10'' and not missing any meals, honey, so to my surprise, when I got the dress and it actually fit, I knew it was destiny.”
The episode was the perfect way for the multihyphenate to take control of her own narrative. By addressing the viral moment on her own platform, she was able to stir the conversation and keep the focus on her adoration for Braxton, an artist she says she grew up listening to and who still makes her most-played playlist every year. Elsewhere, she likely would’ve received questions about whether or not the costume was a subliminal aimed at her ex-boyfriend and his pop star fiancée. “I think that people will try to project their own narratives, right?” she said, hinting at this in the episode. “But, for me personally – I think it’s very important to say this in this moment – I’m not in the business of tearing other women down. I’m in the business of celebrating them.”
Kayla Nicole is among xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, powered by SheaMoisture, recognized in the Viral Voices category for her work in media and the trends she sets on our timelines, all while prioritizing her own mental and physical health. As she puts it: “Yes, I’m curating conversations on my podcast The Pre-Game, and cultivating community with my wellness brand Tribe Therepē.”
Despite being the frequent topic of conversation online, Kayla Nicole says she’s learning to take advantage of her growing social media platform without becoming consumed by it. “I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out,” she says.
On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."
Credit: Malcolm Roberson
Throughout each episode, she sips a cocktail and addresses trending topics (even when they involve herself). It’s a platform the Pepperdine University alumnus has been preparing to have since she graduated with a degree in broadcast journalism, with a concentration in political science.
“I just knew I was going to end up on a local news network at the head anchor table, breaking high speed chases, and tossing it to the weather girl,” she says. Instead, she ended up working as an assistant at TMZ before covering sports as a freelance reporter. (She’s said she didn’t work for ESPN, despite previous reports saying otherwise.) The Pre-Game combines her love for pop culture and sports in a way that once felt inaccessible to her in traditional media.
She’s not just a podcaster, though. When she’s not behind the mic, taking acting classes or making her New York Fashion Week debut, Kayla Nicole is also busy elevating her wellness brand Tribe Therepē, where she shares her workouts and the workout equipment that helps her look chic while staying fit. She says the brand will add apparel to its line up in early 2026.
“Tribe Therepē has evolved into exactly what I have always envisioned. A community of women who care about being fit not just for the aesthetic, but for their mental and emotional well-being too. It’s grounded. It’s feminine. It’s strong,” she says. “And honestly, it's a reflection of where I am in my life right now. I feel so damn good - mentally, emotionally, and physically. And I am grateful to be in a space where I can pour that love and light back into the community that continues to pour into me.”
Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
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Back to Swayvo Twain, though. After I saw numerous posts about the fact that D’Angelo’s song “Send It On” was a creative collaboration that his parents made in his honor after he was born — I found myself wondering just how many times he’s listened to it this year and especially over the past several weeks. And then, I was like, “Lawd. What is this man’s holiday season going to be like?” I can only imagine.
Holiday seasons mean different things to different people. Yet if you’re someone who has lost a dear loved one (familial or not) this past year and a part of you is absolutely not looking forward to the holiday season because of it — I just want you to know that I see you and I want to provide a few thoughts, just so you don’t have to overthink or unnecessarily pressure yourself or feel like you’ve got to “put on” anything during this time. You absolutely don’t.
And here, in more detail, is exactly what I mean by that.
Expect to Go Through the Five Stages of Grief. Repeatedly.
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Grief is layered and sometimes really complicated. Partly because, well, you’ve heard of the five stages of grief, right — denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance? Well, the thing is, sometimes you can find yourself going through some of those stages simultaneously. Like you might be in denial and angry. Or you might be depressed while accepting the reality that someone who you really cared about is gone. And what’s really wild is sometimes the oddest things can put you in those emotional spaces.
Take my godchildren’s mom, for example. There is a movie called Lucky 7 (Kelly Williams-Paisley, Patrick Dempsey) that makes me think about her. That’s because a part of her story is that she and the lead character in the film both lost their mother to cancer when they were seven. Anyway, Rissi (that’s her name although everyone knows that I typically just refer to her as “my godchildren’s mom” — LOL) said that a couple of weeks ago, she woke herself up sobbing and missing her mom, even though she’s been gone for 37 years now.
When she said that she didn’t know where the wave of grief came from, I reminded her about her single “Old Black Southern Woman” (which premiered November 7 and I've included under this point, so that I can show my babies off) and since the song is in tribute to her mother, that’s probably the origin story of it all.
Honestly, though, when you lose someone dear, you don’t really need a reason. I mean, think about it — none of us “love with an expiration date” and so trying to figure out what to do with the emotions, the commitment, the relationship now that everything about it has permanently shifted? Yeah, it can take you on quite the emotional roller coaster ride. Repeatedly. Without real cause or reason.
And you know what? That is okay.
Grieve how you need to…as it comes.
Surround Yourself with People Who Will Let You…BE
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One thing about losing a parent or a spouse or (whew) a child is, once it happens to you and then you hear about it happening to someone else, you are able to empathize on a whole ‘nother level compared to those who have yet to experience that depth of loss. As a direct result, you get that sometimes they will be in a good mood and then sometimes, without warning, they will isolate. You get that sometimes they will take you up on your offer to hang out and then sometimes you may not hear from them for weeks on end. You even get that sometimes, their energy will switch up on you in mid-conversation and that you can’t personalize it. They are in “grief aftershock” and sometimes, it catches them totally off guard.
And that’s why it’s so important — crucial even — that you are intentional, especially this year, to surround yourself with people who will give you the space and grace to grieve however you need to. Because while you shouldn’t be out here just being mean and rude, if you’re not your best self, folks who are really in tuned to the magnitude of your loss will get that — even to the point of not stressing you out or guilt tripping you if you’d prefer to sit this holiday season (or portions of it) out.
Yeah, the great grief support people? They will be interested in you doing what is best for you — not in you doing what they think is best for you. BIG DIFFERENCE THERE, CHILE.
Try Not to Emotionally Trigger Yourself
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This is a tricky one because, since it is your first holiday season without your loved one, probably all kinds of stuff will get to you. All I’m saying is that you should let memories happen naturally instead of looking for things that will make you feel bad or low.
For instance, if going through every photo of them that you have in your possession will bring you comfort, by all means, pull them all out. However, if doing that is going to make you feel really sad and put you in a state of restlessness and irritation — why punish yourself in that way? Or if there is a holiday movie that the two of you enjoyed together and watching it will somehow make you feel close to them, enjoy. On the other hand, if it’s going to have you an emotional wreck to where you can barely sleep or get out of bed — why do that to yourself?
One way that AI defines an emotional trigger is this: “An emotional trigger is a stimulus that causes a strong, often overwhelming emotional or psychological reaction that feels disproportionate to the current situation”. Did you catch all of that? Triggers are something that overwhelms you in spite of what your current situation may actually be.
Listen, grief is overwhelming enough. Try to be really kind and discerning by not going out of your way to emotionally trigger yourself in the process of handling all that is already on your mind, heart and spirit’s plate.
Prioritize Self-Care
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Years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “The Self-Care Checklist Every Woman Needs.” When you get a chance, please check it out because it covers things like forgiving yourself and taking personal days — both of which are relevant to this piece.
Another reason why losing a loved one can be devastating for some of us is because it can bring forth feelings of regret. Maybe you didn’t have a specific conversation with them that you should’ve. Perhaps you wish that you had taken better advantage of the time that you had with them while they were alive. It could be that you regret not being more of what they needed. Whatever the case may be, their purpose is complete on this planet.
You know whose isn’t? LOOK IN THE MIRROR. You’ve got to forgive yourself and — as I’ve said many times before, one of my favorite definitions of forgiveness is by author Gary Zukav: “Accepting that the past can’t change,” which, interestingly enough, could play a role in the final stage of grief which is acceptance.
And the personal days part? I mean, it is the holiday season, right? If you’ve got personal or vacation days, TAKE THEM. Just as much as work can get your mind off of things, it can also wear you down too, if you’re not careful. Spending some days doing nothing but sleeping, reading or watching movies could be just what you need right now. Because when you’re healing from the loss of the loved one, self-care isn’t a luxury — it is absolutely paramount.
Be Okay with Not Knowing
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“Know” is an interesting word. One of its definitions is “to perceive or understand as fact or truth; to apprehend clearly and with certainty.” That said, a few weeks ago, my mother’s husband sent me a grief quote. Although it wasn’t something that I personally resonated with (for many reasons that we don’t have time to get into today), I do believe that many things happen for more than a reason; they have a purpose — and perhaps the quote was for this article:
"When you lose someone, it feels like the entire map of your life has been erased. You still hold the paper in your hands, but the destination seems to be gone. And that’s just one part of grief. People don’t really talk about…Not just the missing person, but the missing sense of direction. The hardest truth is that no one can hand you a new map to your life. It’s up to you to build a compass on your own, one day and one moment at a time. That compass won’t appear overnight, but every choice you survive becomes part of it." (Brendan Shaw)
One thing that is so…let’s go with the word “rough” about death is that it comes in and alters the plans that you had for your life when it comes to the person you lost — and that can have you out here on some “So, what now?”…without having a single clue. Because you’re trying to wrap your mind around what happened and how you are supposed to adjust to it, it can feel like you don’t really have the words, let alone any ideas, about how to move forward. And that is something that you need to make peace with — the not knowing, I mean.
Yeah, that reminds me. There is a project that my mother co-executive produced many years ago. On it, there is a song entitled, “You Don’t Have to Know Why” (Tata Vega/Maia Amada). The chorus goes as follows:
You don’t have to know why
‘Cause the why is unimportant
You don’t have to know when
‘Cause time is not a factor
You don’t have to know what
You don’t have to know how
‘Cause his love for you is all you need to know
Geeze. You see how many times “know” pops up? When you lose someone and your life feels like it has totally turned upside down because of it — be patient with yourself; you don’t have to perceive or understand what’s next. Not right now. Sometimes just getting out of bed, putting one foot in front of another towards your shower and actually getting into is more than enough.
Oh, and did you peep how the last line of the chorus says that “his love” is all that you need to know? They are talking about God — and that brings me to my next point/tip.
KNOW That God Can Handle Every Single Emotion
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Someone in my world is really angry with God right now about a loss that they currently experienced. It’s not the death of a person; it’s the end of a marriage (which is a death in its own kind of way). They are angry with God because they feel like he doesn’t care that they gave their all and their spouse left anyway.
Another topic for another time is that we can’t be thankful that God gave us the power of choice/free will and then turn around and want him to rescind that offer to others. For now I’ll just say what I said to them: “Girl, do you know how many times I’ve been mad at God? And do you know that God doesn’t stop being God just because I’m angry. He can handle your emotions. Trust me.”
And P.S.: God isn’t mad that you’re mad. That’s why I’m so fond of the Scripture, “Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. Selah.” (Psalm 4:4 — NKJV) Hmph. When I look at that word “meditate”, that makes me think of another verse: “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” (Psalm 46:10 — NKJV)
One definition of anger is “a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong” — and why would you think that God wouldn’t understand that you aren’t pleased or that you feel wronged by losing someone? Of course, he does. And yet, peep the wisdom of King David. He said that when you feel that way, don’t do something reckless or even unwise. Instead, MEDITATE. Get still enough to remember that God is involved, even in your pain, confusion and emotional exhaustion. Because he is.
Exercise Self-Compassion with Every Moment…As It Comes
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And finally, I am big on the importance of practicing self-compassion; so much to the point where I penned the article, “12 Ways To Be Far More Self-Compassionate Every Day” a few years back. Compassion means “a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering” and suffering means “to undergo or feel pain or distress,” “to sustain injury, disadvantage, or loss” and “to endure pain, disability, death, etc., patiently or willingly.”
Self-compassion, in part, is about recognizing that you are suffering and then being intentional about doing what you can to reduce the pain that you are experiencing. Journal it out. Talk to a friend. Go for a long walk. Get a mani/pedi or massage. Take a nap. Indulge in some comfort food. See a grief therapist — love on yourself enough by giving your grief a platform to express itself and then find an outlet for the energy to manifest into something that will make you feel…encouraged.
____
My first major death blow happened when I was 21. I lost my fiancé on November 3, 1995 and then my closest great-grandparent the following day. Listen here, that first loss? It feels like you can’t breathe for days at a time — and that first holiday season? It’s pretty much a blur with many moments of heartache in them. That’s the bad news.
The good news is that you will get through it. Like a woman once said on a favorite sitcom of mine once upon a time, “Even despair will eventually exhaust itself” — and while it might not feel that way right now, that is 1000 percent the truth.
I won’t lie to you — probably not by Thanksgiving. Christmas and New Year’s either. Yet if you take my lived-out tips to heart, I believe that they can help make this first year without your loved one more bearable.
You might even smile and laugh a little bit. Yet if you don’t…again, give yourself some grace.
Yeah, feel what you feel…until you don’t.
At the end of the day, sis, that is just what self-love and validation during loss is all about.
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