*Spoilers ahead*
All good things must come to an end, and that especially rings true for season two of Harlemwhich had more twists and turns than a roller coaster. To celebrate the jaw-dropping finale of Prime Video's hot new series, xoNecole set up shop right in the heart of NYC for a star-studded watch party we'll never forget.
xoHarlem Official Watch Party with Prime Videowww.youtube.com
xoNecole was joined by a room full of New York City's most influential guests. Tastemakers and media alike came through for a grown and sexy evening at the famous Ginny's Supper Club restaurant for an exclusive screening of Harlem season two finale episodes "Fall Back To Rumspringa Forward" and "Joy Joy Joy Joy." Host and journalist Kéla Walker was our MC for the night, which kicked off with some delicious soul food complements of GrubHub, some tasty Harlem-themed cocktails, and a dance party that was too lit to quit. New York City's own DJ Red Corvette had the entire function lit with her playlist combining nostalgic jams and TikTok-beloved bangers. A time was had! After all, what's a party without a swag surf moment?
And how could we forget to mention the cherry on top...a front stage moment with Harlem creator Tracy Oliver, along with the cast: Meagan Good, Tyler Lepley, Grace Byers, Shoniqua Shandai, and Jerrie Johnson! The cast hopped on stage following the suspenseful finale to talk about what each character represents, why highlighting Black joy on TV is so monumental, and what could be in store for season three.
Tracy Oliver on highlighting Black joy within Harlem's finale episode:
"We intentionally decided to go against the tendency to revel in Black pain and struggle. There's a lot of that in Hollywood. Even though we go through challenging moments [on the show] there's a lot of love, laughter, sisterhood, and romance we wanted to explore. In the pandemic, we wanted to be escapist, fun, and deliberately joyful. We wanted this season to be that. As you all saw, they're all figuring it out or on the path to figuring it out."
Jerrie Johnson on playing characters that get to be flawed:
"I think it's essential, especially in this place where we're seeing more Black art, but we're also not seeing it because of [things like] shadow banning on Instagram. We're always working off of Black work but we're not always seeing Black art. It starts with the person at the top recognizing that there we want to see real Black people. It's not about casting the person with the most followers, or who's been in the most [projects]. This season was great because we got to catch some of the joy that we get to experience with each other all the time."
Tyler Lepley On Camille and Ian not working out:
"In this life, the way I see it, you either chase the life you want or settle for the life you get. The thing I love about Ian is that he has this juxtaposition. He's in love with Camille, but he's also in love with his passion and what he wants to do. She wants to [live a child-free life] and he honors that. But he's also got to honor himself. I feel like it's a situation where they're both in tune with where they're going, even if it's leading them away from each other."
Shoniqua Shandai on her character Angie finding love:
"The turning point for Angie was going back home. She had to be reminded of where she came from and of her value. She had to be reminded that what she sees does not reflect who she is inside. [It came from] tapping back into her inner source and getting that encouragement from her family. Sometimes you can lose yourself in the industry of artistry. It's very easy to become what you think everybody wants or become hardened from all the rejections. Having someone that reminds you of who you are and getting tapped into why you were inspired in the first place is what gave her that vulnerability to accept love."
Grace Byers on Quinn choosing herself over her dream guy:
"For Quinn, it's really been an identity discovery journey for her. [In] season 1, she's trying to come out from under her mother's wings. She's trying to discover who she is outside of her family, and trying all these different careers. In season 2, she's venturing out in her relationships, trying different people and things, and then she finds out she's dealing with depression. I commend Quinn on the bravery to say, 'Hold up, stop. When the thing that I wanted on paper and in my heart appears before me, but I am not ready, I am mature enough and brave enough to say not yet. Because if I do, this might be the circumstance.' Camille and Ian discovered that in the relationship. Quinn discovered that before the relationship. There's commendability in all of these characters for saying, 'I have to be true to myself, even if that means walking away from you.'"
xoNecole Hosts The Finale Watch Party Of 'Harlem'www.xonecole.com
Harlem Season 2 is now streaming on Prime Video now!
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Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
GiphyThere’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
GiphyA couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
GiphyI’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
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I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
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