

Most of us want our partners to enjoy themselves during sex. Unless you’re a selfish lover – which is a bigger issue for another day – knowing you are the source of your partner’s pleasure is the ultimate ego boost. Personally, when I hear the moans my partner makes when I do that little thing that they like ignites my water works in ways unimaginable. But what do you do when your partner is quiet? How do you know if they are enjoying it if the only thing you hear is crickets? This is exactly what one of my followers wanted to know. She asked me, what does it mean if her boyfriend is quiet during sex? Does his quietness mean he’s not enjoying it?
Because we have been conditioned to believe that good sex equals vocal sex—thanks to porn and media. We think the louder the moans the better the sex. Sound really has no bearing on the quality of sex. For instance, think about every time you faked it, were you really enjoying it? Or did you make sounds as if you were in hopes to fool your partner? Everyone responds differently during sex, some express pleasure through sighs, giggles, grunts, or screams while others express it through nonverbal reactions. Believe it or not, a lot of people find making sounds during sex embarrassing. Plus, some people just don’t like noisy sex.
Why Some Men Are Quiet During Sex
If your partner is male, having sex in silence is a thing they’ve been accustomed to for years. Men traditionally have been taught to not express emotion. They also have been having solo sex in secret for years, and have mastered the art of climaxing without a sound. So being overly vocal during sex can feel foreign to them. On top of that, a lot of men are not the greatest at multitasking and have a hard time doing multiple things at once. So when they’re having sex, all their concentration is on trying not to cum early and making sure you’re being pleased. Making sounds while in the moment is just not a priority!
How To Tell Your Partner’s Enjoying Sex if He’s Quiet
Regardless of the reason, I totally understand wanting to have a vocal signal during sex. The moans of our partners give us validation that we were hitting all the right spots. However, if your partner is reserved in the bedroom, the best way to know if you’re doing a great job is by watching their body language. Do they get hard or aroused? Do they stay hard or aroused? Did they cum? Can you see their muscles tense? Does the expression on their face change? Are their fingers and toes curling? If the answer to any of these is yes, then it's a good possibility you’re doing something right. As long as they can walk the walk, then talking the talk isn't such a big deal.
How To Communicate Your Needs if You Want Your Partner To Be More Vocal
The best piece of advice I have for anyone wanting to change or improve anything in their bedroom is to communicate. If you want your partner to be more vocal during sex, communicate with them. Communication is the best — if not the only — way to improve your sex life. Tell your partner that you’d like for them to be more vocal during sex and explain how much it turns you on. Make them feel comfortable about it and create a nonjudgmental and open environment where they can express themselves fully. Also playing a little mood music can set the mood and create a sexy vibe and make you or your partner feel less self-conscious. Turning on music while having sex will help buffer any sexual sounds that allow everyone to be in the moment.
If full-on sex noises don’t come easily to your partner, experiment with eye contact. You can communicate just as much with your face as you can with your voice. Plus, looking into your partner’s eyes during sex makes the experience much more intense. Don’t worry about your facial expression — whatever your face naturally does is enough.
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube
Ashley Versher is known for her work in the Tyler Perry's Beauty In Black series and more recently, she starred alongside Taraji P. Henson in the Netflix film Straw. But she is more than just her acting credits and stunning looks (her hair alone is everything). In an xoNecole exclusive, Ashley dishes on her first celebrity crush, how she spends her downtime, and her go-to haircare products because we need the deets.
Get to know Ashley below.
xoNecole: Where are you from?
Ashley Versher: San Francisco - BAY AREAAAAAA!!!!
xoN: What was your first major acting role?
AV: A 49ers Super Bowl commercial - I think I was 3.
Ashley Versher
Johnny Marlow
xoN: Have you ever had an embarrassing or funny audition story? If so, what happened?
AV: Yes! I was doing a self-tape once and I forgot to take off my bonnet. But the tape was so good I sent it in anyway.
xoN: Your hair is gorgeous. What has it been like navigating Hollywood with natural hair?
AV: Thank you so much! Navigating Hollywood with natural hair has definitely been a journey of self-discovery. Early on, I had to make a conscious decision about how I wanted to show up—not just in this industry, but for myself. Once I fully embraced my natural hair and committed to the journey, everything else began to align. It’s been nothing short of empowering.
Navigating Hollywood with natural hair has definitely been a journey of self-discovery. Early on, I had to make a conscious decision about how I wanted to show up—not just in this industry, but for myself.
xoN: What are your favorite go-to hair products?
AV: Ooooooo, right now I’m loving Camille Rose’s Jai Twisting Butter—it’s super moisturizing and gives me a fun, bouncy twist-out! I’ve also recently gotten into oils, and I’m especially loving sweet almond oil.
xoN: We know you as an actress, but what is another special talent you have that most people don't know about?
AV: I trained as a classical violinist for 13/14years.
xoN: Who is your hero?
AV: My mom. She’s incredible - full stop.
Ashley Versher
Johnny Marlow
xoN: How do you like to spend your down time?
AV: Ha! What’s that!? Jk jk, I love to travel, that’s honestly my favorite thing.
xoN: Who was your first celebrity crush?
AV: Prince.
xoN: What is your dream role?
AV: One day I will play a witch with Harry Potter-like powers!
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Feature image by Johnny Marlow