I love birthdays.
I spend time coming up with fun and interesting ideas each year because I believe that birthdays should be memorable for both you and the people you choose to celebrate with. But this past birthday was different.
I still did something out of the box (I hosted a clothing swap party themed birthday), but I felt different. For the first time in my adulthood, I actually began to feel like an adult. *Cues Beyonce "Grown Woman'*
This year I turned 27 and it was as if all of my hopes and dreams were staring me right in the face. But rather stalling or running in the opposite direction, I felt something forcefully pulling me towards them. I was compelled and I didn't feel there was anything in the way of me achieving said dreams. I've always had aspirations, and I'll admit I've been procrastinating; but when I turned 27, it was do or die. Not in a desperate way, but more of a seizing the moment kinda way.
I felt my purpose more than ever.
Prior to my 27th birthday, I decided to take the time to focus on myself and really grasp who I was and the person I wanted to be. To achieve this, I began practicing meditation, reading inspirational books, and writing down goals and mantras. And when I actually turned 27, it's as if all the stars aligned and I began living my best life. I was, for the most part, always in a good mood, I felt empowered, gained more confidence, and I was being more disciplined in my goals. Overall, paraphrasing what Drake said, I liked who I was becoming.
I was ecstatic to share my newfound perspective and experiences after my 27th birthday with a friend and she eagerly informed me that she, too, felt a sense of self when she turned 27. I soon found out that the rest of my friend circle experienced similar feelings. And then I shared the exciting news with my dad and asked him if he had any similar experiences at 27, and that's when I learned that he and my mom actually met at that age and within months of knowing each other, they moved across the country to start their new lives together.
Hearing these stories, I knew that the number 27 had to have a special meaning. If you look into numerology, the number 27 is reduced to the number 9 (2+7=9) and the number 9 represents the end of a cycle. My life path is 1, which means new beginnings and 1 and 9 are the only two numbers that involves a transition between period cycles, especially at age 27.
Transition means change and a lot of times, we grow through changes and become more self-aware. I can honestly say that I am on a path to self-identity and I am enjoying every minute of it. While we don't typically look at 27th birthdays as a milestone birthday, it can still signify a momentous period in your life where everything can start to take shape in your life, like it did for me. You may also begin receiving clarity on relationships that were once hard to maintain or you might decide that it's time to embark on a new career path.
Although turning 27 has been a blissful, life-changing event for me, anyone can view their birthday as a way to form new beginnings.
Have you ever experienced a birthday that changed your life for the better? Let us know in the comments below!
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The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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