Black Women On What The Art Of Doing Nothing Means To Them
I remember Monday mornings at my old job when everyone (although they hated that it had ended) was eager to tell the whole office about their weekend. These were conversations that I deeply resented. One, because I had little interest in hearing about my coworkers' personal lives, and two, because they were instant reminders of how burnt out and misunderstood being in that place made me feel. Every week it was the same thing: They'd ask me what I did during the weekend and could never believe their ears when they'd hear me say that I didn't do anything. Then, they would guilt-trip me into believing that I was wasting the best years of my life by staying hidden inside my cave and refusing to socialize.
To this day, I'm still wondering why it was so hard for them to conceive that the time we have off from our responsibilities isn't necessarily meant to be spent doing any other activities and that it's OK to choose to rest. That joy and fulfillment can also be found in unplugging from the world and reconnecting with ourselves.
In hindsight, I must admit that I was choosing to escape life every chance I had was more reflective of how miserable I was than the happiness I felt from retreating.
Indeed, a hard truth that I failed to acknowledge before I had the opportunity to discuss the art of embracing doing nothing with four amazing Black women and what it truly means to them is that my me-time had turned into toxic self-isolation. All because it was easier to run away from a life I didn't enjoy rather than making hard decisions that would change the course of my future for the better. The major takeaway that I got from speaking with the women below is that stillness shouldn't (just) be an exit door—and just like everything else in life, it has extremes that finding balance will prevent us from falling in.
Dr. Thema Bryant
Courtesy of Dr. Thema Bryant
Licensed Psychologist & Professor at Pepperdine University
"Indulging in the art of doing nothing is such a radical decision, particularly for women of color because our worth and value are often associated with our busyness. For the longest time, women of color have been put under this pressure to work hard for everyone else. There's often little attention given to our care, wellness, let alone our needs. So, for us to be revolutionary enough to say that those [things] matter and to choose to do nothing at all during moments of our days and life is a declaration that says, "I am worthy and I am enough. I don't have anything to prove."
"I was introduced to stillness by my mother. She's a minister who teaches, particularly women of African descent, about prayer. A lot of people associate prayer with talking but it turns out that a major point of prayer is in silence and stillness. It's a sacred rhythm between activity, action, accomplishment, and taking the time to be still, to reconnect, to be grounded, as well as to be filled. All of which to ensure that when we pour, we are not operating out of emptiness. Growing up, I followed my mother's path and practiced stillness through prayer and meditation. Later, I also added physical movement that allows the mind to be still such as dancing and walking. I believe that there's a need to push back on the idea that the art of doing nothing can only be practiced by sitting still with our eyes closed and our legs crossed.
"To me, the art of doing nothing means slowing down our pace, becoming more aware, operating with gentleness and compassion to ourselves, etc. It's more a way of living than it is an approach to living. It's not something that we're required to schedule or practice during a specific time frame only. It's something that we can decide to do at any given moment."
"However, it is likely that sometimes, the urge to escape our own company by burying ourselves in work or finding something entertaining to do manifests itself. When this happens, it is important to truly understand that being in our own presence is not a punishment. Considering it as such or seeing it as a chore is the best way to miss the gift of it. It becomes another task to add to our to-do lists instead of being a pleasure that we're giving ourselves to stay still and do nothing but to reconnect.
"As a psychologist, I work a lot with trauma survivors and I noticed that people who have gone through very difficult experiences sometimes cope by staying busy. It's their way to prevent their thoughts from taking over their minds. But one thing I know for sure is that busy and distracted don't serve as a definition for healed. And unhealed traumas must be addressed at some point. One of the ways to do that is to practice the art of embracing doing nothing."
Visit Dr. Thema's website drthema.com.
Courtesy of Amber Janae
Professional Expert in Content Strategy & Digital Marketing
"For me, the art of doing nothing is simply being as I am and not feeling any guilt, pressure, or a desire to be anyone or anything other than who I am in the present moment. I believe that women in general should learn to embrace stillness because it's our way to just be. It is the space where we become one with ourselves. It is important to understand that stillness is something that we choose; it does not choose us.
"Many spend a lot of time ignoring their intuition or that inner nudge guiding them in the direction to pause and just be for a while. When you're ready to discover and connect with the parts of yourself that have remained a mystery, you will make time to be still.
"To embrace stillness, you also have to let go of the misconception that stillness simply means not moving or staying in one place. You can force yourself not to physically move for days, weeks, and months but it doesn't guarantee progress is being made. It's not enough to be still, you have to disconnect."
"For me, the art of doing nothing is less of a practice and more of a natural state of being. The benefits that I've gained from such have been loving and trusting myself more than ever before—and not allowing anything to change that. Self-care isn't a one-off thing I do when I am having a bad day or week. I am forever intentionally creating a safe space for myself internally and externally; therefore, I am always practicing a form of self-care. It is less of a single method or action; it is a way of being... It is an organic way of life in my world.
"Personally, I do not believe that stillness is scary. There are very few things that I fear and stillness isn't one. Fearing growth, evolving, or becoming a better me which are the things that we embody when we choose to remain still isn't a natural act to me. In my opinion, if you're actively choosing entrapment, then it more than likely means that you're afraid to face yourself. You live in fear of what awaits you on the other side of self-discovery. You're running from your truth and not ready to embrace, accept, or face the parts of you that need healing."
Follow Amber on Instagram @ajscribes.
Courtesy of Tempest Linh
Freelance Writer, Martial Artist & Tarot Reader
"I learned the true concept of stillness through my journey as a martial artist, which started in 2018. I practice American Kenpo Karate and Tai Chi. My head instructor, a badass Southeast Asian woman, taught me the principles of meditation (Anapanasati) and stillness that I currently practice. Typically, when people think of meditation, they imagine themselves seated in a lotus position and devoid of all thoughts. But that's not what true stillness is to me—it's honestly not realistic, especially in today's climate.
"Stillness is when your mind is racing, but you're not consumed by those thoughts. It's when something can pop up in your mind and you don't ruminate over it. When you can observe your thoughts and emotions without judgment, and just let yourself be."
"Martial arts is my main outlet for practicing stillness. The practice happens when I'm faced with my 'not enough story', as my head instructor calls it. The 'not enough story' is an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy. This happens when I feel like I'm not learning a form or set of techniques fast enough, or when I do learn it I feel like I'm doing it all wrong. It's that nagging inner critic that we all have. The challenge is to move through it, even when I feel like I'm just not good enough, and this mindset trickles into daily life outside of the dojo.
"With that said, even in knowing and experiencing the benefits of stillness, I still struggle to resist escaping my own company. Sometimes, the thought of being alone with myself, and my thoughts is kind of terrible. Even showing up to karate can truly be a struggle—and 2020 made it especially hard. We normally live in a world that's made of distractions, so being forced to pause and sit with ourselves truly allows our 'not enough' stories to come out and be heard. Then, our insecurities become glaringly obvious. I've experienced many existential crises when faced with mine. Being pummeled by your own thoughts and anxieties can be a bit too much; mine, for example, are like monsters and a lot of the time, I just don't want to face them.
"Eventually, it gets to the point where I can't avoid it anymore and I have to sit with myself and get realigned and refocused. But that's when I remember to breathe, find one truth in the madness of my thoughts—because our brains lie to us a lot—and stick to it. I would like to grow to a point where taking the necessary time for myself becomes a daily practice, not just something that I do when I'm fed up."
Follow Tempest on Twitter @sunstorm_.
Courtesy of Radiah Rhodes
Founder at Evók and Smart Pressed Juice & Well-Being Innovator
"The word I'd use to define stillness is 'light'. To me, stillness is where your truth and all the answers that you're looking for reside. It's also an art for which you don't find the time to practice, you create it. Every season, I follow The Inner Game Plan™, a step-by-step process to practicing stillness that I came up with 10 years ago with the intent to save myself and which I'm now able to share with the world. I schedule two to three hours of uninterrupted time and space so I can go through each exercise and stay aligned. I've committed to this process as a way to live my life that makes my well-being the priority and the source for everything else. It allows me to build assurance in my spirit and such peace in my soul from knowing that I stopped, prioritized, inquired, listened, and honored what is within me.
"If it wasn't for stillness, I wouldn't have been able to discover my truth, flow, nor the power of who I am. Because I know me and what works for me, I, therefore, know how to wield it in the world for the good of what matters most to me with very little effort. There's authentic power in stillness."
"With that said, I didn't get to the point of fully embodying stillness without experiencing fear. Stillness is scary. First, it feels like if we take our foot off of the gas pedal that's gotten us this far, everything is going to drop when we stop. We deeply believe that our 'doing' is the only way to get things done. Then, there's the fear of the unknown—or the unacknowledged because we've been suppressing so much. It's catastrophizing whatever you might uncover. I remember always feeling like I couldn't allow my thoughts or feelings out because then I'd have to do something about them and it was either going to be drastic or cause the loss of something significant if I acknowledged the truth.
"'If I tell the truth about my job, I'm going to have to quit,' I'd think. Or 'If I tell the truth about my marriage, I'm going to have to get a divorce.' In my head, there was so much riding on me: family, finances, community, the culture, the country...all of it. It's easy to think that if we stop, everything will fall apart. That was a catastrophe to be avoided at all costs in my world. However, I came to understand that the pain of suppressing and avoiding is far worse than any discomfort or challenge that stillness and owning your truth will put you through."
Follow Radiah on Instagram @radiahrhodes.
Featured image courtesy of Amber Janae
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The most Gemini woman you'll ever meet. Communications & community enthusiast, I run a media platform centered around spirituality, and I'm always looking to connect with fellow creatives. Follow me on Instagram & Twitter @savannahtaider
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
There’s nothing quite as humbling as navigating adulthood with no instruction manual. Since the turn of the decade, it seems like everything in our society that could go wrong has, inevitably, gone wrong. From the global pandemic, our crippling student debt problem, the loneliness crisis, layoffs, global warming, recession, and not to mention figuring out what to eat for dinner every night. This constant state of uncertainty has many of us wondering, when are the grown-ups coming to fix all of this?
But the catch is, we are the new grown-ups.
As if it happened without our permission, we became the new adults. We are the members of society who are paying taxes, having children, getting married, and keeping our communities afloat, one iced latte at a time. Still, there’s something about doing all these grown-up duties that feel unnaturally grown-up. Enter the #teenagegirlinher20s.
If there’s one hashtag to give you the state of the next cohort of adults, it’s this one. Of the videos that have garnered over 3.9M views, you’ll find a collection of users who are overwhelmed by life’s pressing existential responsibilities, clung to nostalgia, and reminiscent of the days when their mom and dad took care of their insurance plans.
no like i cant explain to her why i had to buy multiple tank air dupes from aritzia #teenagegirlinher20s #fyp
The concept of being a 20-something or 30-something teenager is linked to the sentiment of not feeling “grown up enough” to do grown-up things while feeling underprepared and even nihilistic about whether that preparation even matters.
It’s our generation’s version of when we ask our grandmothers how old they are and they simply reply with, “I still feel 45,” all while being every bit of 76 years old. In this, we share a warped concept of time while clinging to a desire for infantilization.
Granted, the pandemic did a number on our concept of time. Many of us who started the pandemic in our early or mid-20s missed out on three fundamental years of socialization, career development, and personal milestones that traditionally help to mark our growth.
Our time to figure out and plan our next steps through fumbling yet active participation was put on pause indefinitely and then resumed provisionally. This in turn has left many of us hanging in the balance of uncertainty as we try to make sense of the disconnect between our minds and bodies in this missing gap of time.
Because we’re all still figuring out what the ramifications of being locked away and frozen in time by a global pandemic will have on us as a society, there really is no “right” way of making up for lost time. Feeling unprepared for any new chapter of life is a natural rite of passage, pandemic or not. However, it’s important to not stay stuck in the last age or period of life that made sense to us because self-growth is the truest evidence of personal progress.
So whether you’re leaning on your inner child, teenager, or 20-something for guidance as you fill the gap between your real age and pandemic age, know that it’s okay to grieve the person you thought you would be and the milestones you thought you’d hit before you ever knew what a pandemic was. If there’s anything that the pandemic taught us, it’s that we have the power to reimagine a better world and life for ourselves. And if we tap into our inner teenager as a compass, we can piece together our next chapter with a fresh outlook.
Sure, we’ve lost a couple of years, but there are still some really amazing ones ahead.
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Featured image by Stephen Zeigler/Getty Images