10 (Mostly) Health-Related Facts About Female Friendships That May (Or May Not) Surprise You

1. Healthy Female Friendships Benefit Your Overall Physical Health

Sometimes, even we introverts and ambiverts need to be reminded that we weren’t created to be islands. In fact, having a solid support system can do wonders for your physical health — and that’s just for starters. There is research out here that says good female friendships can lower depression and anxiety risks (and symptoms), strengthen your heart, boost your immunity and they can also make it easier to go through various life transitions including motherhood and menopause.

2. Healthy Female Friendships Reduce Stress

Although there is data to support the fact that healthy relationships reduce stress overall, I once read an article that brought up an interesting point as it relates to female friendships, in particular: that conversations that are had between women tend to impact both individuals for long periods of time. This means that if the exchanges are good, they also play a role in de-stressing women long-term.

Plus, healthy friendships with women can also prevent cortisol (the stress hormone in your body) levels from going off the charts so that you are less susceptible to weight gain, high blood pressure and blood sugar levels and muscle weakness.

3. Healthy Female Friendships Provide an Oxytocin Boost

Typically, when I talk about oxytocin on this platform, it’s in reference to sex. However, it’s important to put (and keep) on record that oxytocin is considered to be a bonding hormone, period. And so yes, when you spend quality time with your female friends, that actually causes your oxytocin levels to uptick which strengthens the bond between you and your girls while also improving your mental health and making it easier for you to relax too.

4. Healthy Female Friendships Increase Longevity

Now that I have way more time behind me than what’s apparently before me, it is a sobering thought that the current average life span for men is 70 while for women it is 75. Hmph, I don’t know about you but, to me, that means that I need to be even more hypervigilant than ever about taking care of my health — mind, body and spirit. And yes, good female friendships can help with that.

When you get a chance, check out Forbes’s ​“Hanging With Your Girlfriends Helps You Live Longer And Happier” a​nd Oprah Daily’s “Female Friendships Are the Unsung Secret to Longevity.” I mean, if you’re less stressed in life and you know that your girlfriends have something to do with it, this point already tracks. And who doesn’t want to add on a few more years past 70? Yeah, exactly.

5. Successful Female Friendships (Apparently) Need Three S’s

While I was in the process of doing a bit of research for this article, I happened upon a feature that CNN did about this time last year on a sistah author by the name of Danielle Bayard Jackson. She published a book entitled, Fighting for Our Friendships: The Science and Art of Conflict and Connection in Women’s Relationships.

One of the things that she believes is that in order for female friendships to thrive, it needs three “s” things: (emotional) support, symmetry (meaning reciprocity) and secrecy (in the sense of knowing that they are a safe space to share various parts of yourself).

And when I really stop to think about what she’s saying, I honestly don’t know how any friendship can be considered healthy if all three of these things don’t operate as a trinity. Do you?

6. Unhealthy Female Friendships Can Cause Bodily Inflammation

Okay so, just like healthy friendships can impact you in one way, unhealthy ones can affect you in another. And boy, when you have a toxic female friend in your life? Whew, chile. That’s a part of the reason why I’ve written articles for the platform like, “10 Signs You’ve Got A Close (TOXIC) Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “Why Friendships Should Come With Deal-Breakers Too,” “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?” and “5 Signs Your Closest Friends Are The Most Envious Of You” — it’s because it can be semi-easy to let some relational ish slide because you don’t realize that what is transpiring between you and a “friend” is far more destructive than you might’ve (initially) thought.

Like this: Did you know that unhealthy female friendships can increase inflammation in your body? That’s because toxic relationships are full of stress and stress is a leading cause of inflammation. And since inflammation can lead to things like moodiness, weight gain, fatigue, joint pain, heart disease, certain cancers and autoimmune issues like lupus and arthritis — please don’t tell me that you think that any friendship is worth going through all of that. Good lord.

7. Unhealthy Female Friendships Can Cause Psychological Damage

What are some of the signs of psychological damage or trauma? Nightmares. Depression. Constantly experiencing bouts of shame and/or guilt. Edginess. Exhaustion. And yes, a toxic friendship can lead to these things also. I’m not exaggerating either because, there is research which states that if you are constantly in conflict with a friend, they are dishonoring or are dismissive of your boundaries and needs and/or they take more than they give, that can start to take a real toll — one that may need some serious therapy to fully recover from.

Y’all, my first childhood friend was pure evil — all the way into my 20s. I’m telling you, if you are a parent of a girl, really pay attention to her female circle and be very intentional about making sure that it’s a positive one until she is mature and self-aware enough to do it for herself. Trying to heal from the nonsense of a toxic female friend? Those of us who have successfully done it deserve a trophy, plus, a free vacation.

8. Some Female Friendships Are Nothing More than Trauma Bonds

One of the most unhealthy female friendships that I’ve ever had (and boy, have I had some doozies) is a woman who my mother said, “All you two do is throw-up on each other and eat it up.” A gross analogy, I know. It doesn’t make her any less off-the-mark, though. At the end of the day, what bonded us more than anything was shared trauma — and you need more than that for something to flourish and be mutually beneficial.

That’s why, when I read Vice’s article, “Your Female Friendships Might Be Ruining Your Life” and especially the line, “If the closeness of your friendship is dependent on shared pain, there’s also the danger that you might start manufacturing that pain to keep the relationship going” — it really hit home. A good friend will help you to get through painful experiences; not keep you stagnant in them. Words to live by.

9. Your Mom and Sisters May Significantly Influence Your Female Friendships

About five years ago, Psychology Today published an article entitled, “Unloved Daughters and the Elusive Nature of Friendship.” It particularly caught my attention because, as more data is coming out about adults who are choosing to be estranged from their parents/family members (read more here, here, here, here and here), I realized that it’s about about the fact that if your relationship with your mom and/or sisters was less than stellar, you may repeat the cycle with your female friendships.

Listen, I feel like not a day goes by when I’m not out here saying that you’ve got to remember not to put familiar over what is right. If some of your female friendships feel redundant in a counterproductive way — reflect on your relationship with your mother and/or sisters. You might be surprised by how some dots start to immediately connect.

10. The End of a (Female) Friendship Can Be Worse than a Divorce

In the article, “What Science Reveals About Female Friendship,” I found this part to be interesting:

“For instance, in many traditional societies throughout history, once a woman found a mate or husband, she typically left her family group and went to live with him and his family. Because women had to live with and get along with strangers, they invested in fewer relationships and had smaller social groups. Yet they devoted themselves highly to these friends so that they could enjoy a more secure social network while living with their mate's family.

The unique ways that women communicate today, such as talking about their intimate lives and crying in front of their friends, are a result of these smaller friend networks. By disclosing vulnerable information to their close friends, they’re able to build trust — and they're better able to hold on to this smaller circle of friends.

As a result, women’s friendships tend to be more intense than men’s — but also more fragile. Since it’s so important for women to rely on each other, they don’t tolerate breaches of trust well, and little things that may seem trivial, such as not turning up when you’re invited somewhere, can tip things over the edge.”

You know, a part of the reason why I once wrote, “I Was 'Ghosted' By My Best Friend,” “Lost Some Friends Lately? Welp. Has It Been Seven Years?” “How To Heal From A Broken Friendship” and even “12 Women Told Me 'The Final Straw' With Their Former Besties” is because I get the fact that few things are more devastating than the end of a true friendship (or one that you thought was). And the article that I just referenced perhaps sheds some real light as to why that is the case.

Yeah, y’all don’t get me started on the fact that one reason why the end of a female friendship may feel worse than a divorce is because some people are more invested in their friendships than their marriage (ouch). Still, it also rings true that oftentimes, we don’t even stop to consider that our friendships could end. And so, if/when they do…heart-wrenching, indeed, it is.

And that is why a lot of content says that a friendship break-up can feel like a divorce — worse even. So, if you are going through a friendship break-up in real time and you’re wondering if what you’re feeling is ridiculous or dramatic — eh, probably not. Our emotions process friendships as being built to last; when they crumble, it can be hard to put our heart pieces back together again.

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I enjoy writing on friendships because all of us have at least one close friend. This one, I thought was important to share because we all should really take our health and well-being very seriously and literally. And, as you can see, friendship influences you, on a holistic level, in some very real ways.

As you prepare to close out on this, ponder what a good female friendship does and really take in what an unhealthy one can do to you too.

If you’ve got some real decisions to make, don’t wait.

Your mind, body and spirit need you to choose very wisely. Science says so.

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