How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
After meeting by way of mutual friends at an HBCU homecoming almost ten years ago, Tenesia and Terence exchanged numbers only to go their separate ways and move on with their lives. It wasn't until randomly meeting again at a club years later that the two would realize that their encounter wasn't a coincidence, it was fate.
After months of pursuing a long-distance relationship, the couple now shares a home with a few fur babies in Raleigh, NC and according to Tenesia and Terence, their love story is just getting started. In a recent interview with xoNecole, the couple opened up about their first encounter, taking the first steps in their relationship, and learning to cope when you and your partner speak different love languages.
While it's true that opposites attract, this fact can also cause a lot of friction in your relationship. Tenesia told xoNecole, "Terence and I are complete opposites in a lot of areas. And although that works to our advantage in so many ways, it can also cause challenges. I think the most challenging thing for me is acknowledging those differences and learning how to navigate around them, especially in communication."
The couple explained that although there have been times when their relationship has been challenging, there hasn't been a moment that it wasn't worth it. To read more about how Tenesia and Terence's chance encounter slowly but surely evolved into a modern-day love story, scroll below!
How They Met
Terence: I first met Tenesia at North Carolina A&T University's Homecoming almost a decade ago. I was leaving a concert with my line brothers and one of my line brothers wanted to meet up with some friends he knew as we walked back to our car. He began introducing me to everyone and all I wanted to know is who's the cutie in the backseat. He got to Tenesia and we exchanged some words, I showed my charm (laughs) which led to us exchanging numbers and guess what? We never texted each other after that day—talk about dropping the ball.
Years went by without us ever talking until one random night at the club where we met for the first time all over again, or at least that's what Tenesia thought at first. I always knew who she was. I mean how could I forget her? Anyways, we went to exchange numbers again and noticed we already had each other's contacts in our phone. After feeling stupid and laughing it over, we took a white gummy bear shot together—I'll never forget—and the rest was history.
Tenesia: Our "how we met" story will always be one of my favorite stories to tell because it happened twice. It was fate (laughs).
First Impressions
Terence: My first impression of Tenesia was that she was a true free spirit that loved to have fun. She gave off an amazing vibe that made me feel like no one ever did. Plus, she was drop-dead gorgeous and to this day she is saved in my phone as "Gorg".
Tenesia: My first impression was, "Well, he's gorgeous!" But after talking that night, it just felt so natural and easy. I could tell he was super respectful and I immediately felt comfortable around him.
Instagram/@tenesiaandterence
"We spent all night just talking and vibing on someone's dock at the beach. It was so good that we didn't realize we were out there until like 5am. It was a romantic's dream."
First Date
Terence: Tenesia will probably say our first date was at the state fair which was probably the first "planned" date but I always thought it was this night at the beach when we first started talking. I was in her town for the weekend and we, of course, met up. We spent all night just talking and vibing on someone's dock at the beach. It was so good that we didn't realize we were out there until like 5am. It was a romantic's dream.
Tenesia: Our first date was the North Carolina State Fair. I have always loved the fair so I was so excited! We took a picture at the cheesy little display they have when you walk in and rode pretty much every ride! Terence even convinced me to get on the Ferris wheel (which I am terrified of). I remember he played the game where you have to stand the glass bottle up straight using a ring connected to a string on a pole and he was so determined to win me the biggest prize. Now that we've been together for years, it makes perfect sense because Terence will keep working at something until he gets it right! He did end up winning me a huge bear and then he carried it around the rest of the night.
Making It Official
Terence: Tenesia's answer is probably funnier because she always believed she coerced me into being in a relationship with her after a couple's weekend mountain retreat. We were surrounding a bonfire and she basically said, "We're now together." And I was like, "Yeah, I guess so…" I didn't know that was going to be the weekend we made it official but she definitely did (laughs). We later confirmed we both wanted this relationship to be official during the car ride home but the night before was iffy.
Tenesia: I knew it was time to make it official when I went on a trip to the mountains with him and his friends. We had been dating a couple of months and I was just like, "I'm not letting this get away." I knew what I wanted and told him! It worked.
The “L” Word
Terence: Honestly, I cannot remember the first time I said I love you but I was definitely the first to say it for sure. Must be the Cancer in me...
Tenesia: This sounds so bad but I honestly can't remember the first time we said I love you! I know that I was feeling myself falling for him for so long before I ever said it though. And I'm 90% sure he said it first!
"Over time, I think I just knew Tenesia was the one. She became the only person I wanted to be around. She challenged me, encouraged me, and made me a better man. She loves me despite my flaws and I naturally wanted to create a future with her. We never second-guessed anything together, no matter how crazy it sounded."
The One
Terence: I always believed that someone becomes the one versus just finding "the one". You can have an amazing spark with someone but you may not be compatible long-term. You have to teach each other and show them how you need to be loved. Over time, I think I just knew Tenesia was the one. She became the only person I wanted to be around. She challenged me, encouraged me, and made me a better man. She loves me despite my flaws and I naturally wanted to create a future with her. We never second-guessed anything together, no matter how crazy it sounded.
Tenesia: I knew Terence was the one before we were ever officially together. It was when we first started talking/dating... he came down to visit me and we went out with my friends. The night was super fun and after the bar closed we went for a walk on the beach. We ended up talking for hours and it just felt right. Like everything that I thought had gone wrong before, went wrong for a reason to eventually lead me to meeting him (again) and to that night. I even texted my friend after that night and told her that I knew Terence was it!
Trading Spaces
Terence: Tenesia decided to be a travel nurse within our first year of dating. I had the idea of her taking a contract in the city where I lived and just staying with me. It just made sense, we were always traveling to see each other plus why not save money by staying together.
Tenesia: We made ourselves official in November and moved in together that next May. I'm pretty sure I brought it up because I wanted us to be able to spend more time together. Plus, I was tired of driving back and forth!
Building Together
Terence: Well, first comes marriage and then (laughs)... is there some bling-bling in Tenesia's future? Stay tuned. We really want to build our Tenesia And Terence empire and become financially free. We also want to move to our dream location and settle down.
Tenesia: We just bought our first house together in June 2019 and are already talking about moving again in the near future! But running Instagram and our blog together and trying to build our brand is one of our main focuses as far as building together. We are always brainstorming new ideas to build our empire!
Instagram/@tenesiaandterence
"We've learned that communication is key. We have different ways of communicating but we've both come to the understanding that we have to talk things out in order to get past them."
Overcoming Challenges
Terence: We rarely have a true confrontation with each other but when we do we just talk it out or realize it's not a big deal. The good thing about us is we can't stay mad at each other and always work it out.
Tenesia: We've learned that communication is key. We have different ways of communicating but we've both come to the understanding that we have to talk things out in order to get past them. We honestly don't argue often, but even in the little disagreements, we try to take a step back and understand where the other person is coming from.
Favorite Things
Terence: My favorite thing about Tenesia is the way she is never satisfied with being average and complacent in life. She is always dreaming of life without limits and believing that both of us can achieve anything. She has a very unorthodox way of thinking.
Tenesia: My favorite thing about Terence is how thoughtful he is. From tiny things he says or does that lets me know he was listening when I thought he wasn't. Making sure I chug water after I've been drinking so I don't have a headache the next day. Or never coming home without calling me first to see if I need anything. He really is just the sweetest guy!
For more Tenesia & Terence, follow them on Instagram!
Featured image by Instagram/@TenesiaandTerence.
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A Goddard College graduate, who earned an MFA from Pratt Institute and was awarded an honorary doctorate from Marymount Manhattan College, Mahogany offers unapologetic realness with a side of grace and empowerment. "I started touring locally. I started creating chat books so that those poems will go in the hands of the people who were sitting in the rooms," she shared.
"And then I started facilitating poetry workshops, so I used my chat books as curriculum. And that, in turn, allowed me to further invest in my art and show the community and people who were hiring me that it wasn't just a one-off, that it's not just, you know, a fly by night—that I am invested in this art as much as I am invested in your community, in your children's learning, in our growth."
Mahogany has a special way of moving audiences, and her superpower sparks shifts in perspective, post-performance introspection, and strengthening of community bonds, especially among Black women. (One can undeniably recognize her gift for arousal of the spirit and mind merely from her listening to her insights from the other side of a Google Hangout call. I can only imagine the soul-stirring, top-tier sensory encounter when watching her perform in person.)
In this chat with xoNecole, Mahogany reflects on sustaining a creative career, the aftermath of writing a banned book, and using poetry for both healing, community-building, and activism.
Anthony Artis
xoNecole: What are three key things that have laid the foundation for a sustainable creative career for you?
Mahogany L Browne: What has helped me is that I'm willing to go in being an expert at knowing poetry and knowing the way in which art can change the landscape of our lives, not just as a poet, but also as a poetry facilitator. How you move through classes, those things are mastered, right? So when I go into another space that's maybe tech-heavy, I don't mind learning and being, you know, a student of the wonder of how we can make this magic, work together.
Two, you’ve got to know how to pivot. Sometimes we say, ‘Alright, this is what my life is going to be. I'm going to be a New York Times best-selling author. I'm going to, you know, have an album that's Grammy-nominated. And then, say you get dropped from your record label. That doesn't mean you can't make an album anymore. You can also still create an album that can be submitted to the Grammys. So, what does a pivot look like as an artist who doesn't have an institution behind them? Pivot being a student of the wonder.
Relationships also really help. How do I serve the community? And in turn, that tells me how the community can show up. For me, I have long-standing ties with a community that will outlast my one life. So, what does it mean to create space where these relationships can develop, can be nurtured, can be rooted, can be cultivated? Creating space—it happens through relationships.
xoN: With today’s economic challenges, what does your current creative process look like, and what are you working on?
MB: I’m always thinking five years ahead. I just reviewed the pages for two children’s books and recently released a YA novel. I’m drafting an adult fiction manuscript now.
Anything I create is founded with the root of poetry, but it can exist in captions. It can exist in commercials. It can exist as a musical. So that's where I’m at now.
xoN: You started performing "Black Girl Magic" in 2013, had an acclaimed performance of it via PBS and the work went on to viral success shortly after. Talk more about the inspiration. And what do you think about the continued relevance more than a decade later?
MB: I wrote it as a rally cry for the mothers who had been keeping themselves truly in harm's way by, you know, being a part of the community right after the death of their child or their loved one. They are usually mothers of victims of police brutality—and just seeing how they showed up in these community spaces, they are devout to the cause but obviously still grieving.
"I wanted this poem to be just a space of reclamation, of joy and of you, of your light, of your shine, of your brilliance, in any which way in which you fashion. Every room you enter is the room you deserve to be in. What does it mean to have a poem like that that exists?"
And the first time I did the poem, the Weeping that occurred, right? It was like this blood-letting of sorts. The next time I performed it, I'm moved to tears because I'm seeing how it's affecting other women who have just been waiting to hear, ‘You belong. You deserve. You are good. We see you. Thank you, despite everything that they said to make you regret being born in this beautiful brown, dark-skinned, light-skinned, but Black body.’
Black women are the backbone—period. Point blank. And so, that that poem became a necessity, not just to the fortitude of Black women in the community, but like you know, in service of healing the Black women.
xoN: One of your books was banned at a school in Boston, and it was later reinstated due to parental and activist support. What was that experience like?
MB: Well, I think it happened because they were racist. That's it. Point blank. The reversal of it was empowering, right? I realized, oh, I thought we just had to sit here and be on a banned book list. But no, parents are actually the leaders of this charge.
So to see that, the parents said, ‘Nah, we're not gonna let you take this book out of my baby’s school just because it's a Black kid on the front saying, ‘Woke’ and they're talking about being a global citizen. They're talking about accountability. They're talking about accessibility. They're talking about allyship, and you don't want them to have compassion or empathy or have even an understanding, right? So no, we rebuke that, and we want this book here anyway.’ To see that happen in that way. I was, like, reaffirmed. Absolutely.
xoN: You recently organized the Black Girl Magic Ball at the Lincoln Center in New York. Honorees included author and entrepreneur Rachel Cargle and National Black Theater CEO Sade Lythcott. What impact did it have and what expanded legacy do you hope to leave with your creative works?
MB: I was really interested in not celebrating just the book, but celebrating the community that made the book possible. And so I gave out five awards to women doing that thing, like, what does it mean to be a Black girl in this world?
I just thought it was gonna be an amazing time. Everybody's gonna dress up—we're gonna celebrate each other. And boom, I then realized that it responded to like a gaping hole. There was a missing thing for Black girls of all walks of life, all ages, right?
"It's very intergenerational. That was intentional to come together and celebrate just being us."
You have all these instances where just being you is either the butt of a joke or it's diminished and not worthy of a specific title in these larger institutions. So what does it mean to just to be loved up on and celebrated?
It felt like a self-care project at first. You know, for the first couple of years, folks were coming and they were getting that sisterhood. They were getting that tribe work that they were missing in their everyday lives.
I love the Black Girl Magic Ball because we got us. If I go out with a bang, they'll remember that Mahogany worked her a** off to make sure all the Black girls everywhere knew that she was the light. We are the blueprint.
For more information on Mahogany L. Browne, her work, and her future projects, visit her website or follow her on IG @mobrowne.
Featured image by Anthony Artis
Anyway, all of the talk about vampires — you know, due to the film — did cause me to wonder something that might seem rather random, yet that’s oftentimes how my mind works: Do vampires give each other hickeys? As I Googled for an answer, besides a book that has a title close to that name, I did notice an ABC feature from when the vampire Twilight film series was all the rage several years back. It was inquiring if teens were suddenly biting each other (back then) because of the movie(s).
The sexologist who was interviewed came to the conclusion that since biting is “an extension of the hickey” and hickeys are (typically) considered to be passionate, that’s why teens were interested in doing it. As far as what vampires do with each other? I couldn’t find a definitive answer.
I dunno. With hickeys also being called “love bites” and “suck marks” and with folks oftentimes describing vampire-themed movies as sexy, I would think that they could. Either way, what we know for sure is that those of us in the real world do it — and so, in honor/acknowledgement of that, I figured that now would be a perfect time to share some facts about hickeys. Ready?
1. Humans Are Copying Animals When They Give Hickeys
Aight, so what exactly is the origin story of hickeys? It would seem that it came from the literature of authors who wrote about what animals like lions and wolves do whenever they are showing affection towards one another. Apparently, humans saw this and eventually began to follow suit.
Hey, that doesn’t sound so crazy to me, considering doggy style continues to be a fan favorite among our species, and…have you ever seen two cats have sex before? I have, more than once, and the male cat is typically biting on the female one, in her neck region, during the act. So, when I really stop to think about all of this, it definitely tracks.
2. Hickeys Are Oftentimes a Low-Key Power Play
Ah, perfect. If you click here, you will actually see a picture of two cats having sex, and — like I just said, the male cat is biting the female cat. One reason why is because male cat penises have barbs on them which can make the entry or exit of intercourse literally painful for the female. And so, the male cat holds her in place by biting her, so that she doesn’t run away. And yes, along these same lines, some believe that hickeys can serve as their own power dynamic shift, even among humans — especially based on where a person decides to put one. I guess it would be like “peeing on your territory” in a way — hmph, which is something else that animals tend to do.
anon GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphy3. Hickeys Are Nothing More than a Bruise
Okay, so what actually causes a hickey to happen? Well, when someone sucks and gently bites on your skin, it can break some of the surface blood vessels that are underneath your skin to break. When that happens, it results in a bruise. If someone does this to you for about a half a minute, you should notice a hickey emerge in a matter of minutes and, depending on how “good” of a job they did, a hickey can stick around for as much as a couple of weeks.
4. “Temperature Play” Speeds Up the Healing Process of Hickeys
Again, depending on how “good” of a job someone did at giving you a hickey, it could last between two days and two weeks. If you want yours to fade faster, because, again, hickeys are a bruise, it’s a good idea to bring some temperature play into action. What I mean by that is, start off by putting an ice pack on your hickey for up to 10 minutes, twice a day, for the first two days.
Then, after 48 hours, apply a warm compress for 10 minutes a few times a day. You might also want to apply a bit of peppermint oil to your hickey and gently massage that area as well; that will help to bring more blood flow to the spot, so that your skin can heal faster.
5. If You Take Blood Thinners, Hickeys Will Last Longer
If you’re someone who takes blood thinners, that will keep hickeys aren’t for a longer period of time. That’s because blood thinners are specifically designed to slow down the blood clotting process that’s in your body. So, if you’re big on hickeys and you even take aspirin on a fairly regular basis, you’re gonna have to accept that the “hickey healing hacks” may not actually work for you (at least not as quickly or effectively).
6. Certain “Natural Things” Can Make Them Last Longer Too
Speaking of blood thinners, even if you aren’t on any meds, did you know that certain foods provide blood-thinning effects as well? Some of those include ginger, garlic, aloe, turmeric, and cayenne pepper, and even supplements including vitamin E and melatonin. Just something to keep in mind. (By the way, vitamin C and the bromelain in pineapples can help to heal hickeys as far as supplements and foods go).
7. No, Hickeys Will Not Give You Cancer
It actually wasn’t until I was doing research for this article that I even heard the myth that hickeys can give you cancer. What in the world? Yeah, if you heard that somewhere before, pay that tale no mind, because science absolutely says otherwise. For the most part, hickeys are relatively harmless.
8. They Can Give You an Infection, Though
And why did I just say, “for the most part”? Yeah, you caught that, huh? Well, there is an extreme instance where a woman had a stroke due to a hickey because it happened on top of a major artery — that’s hella rare, though. What is more common is oral herpes transmitted through hickeys.
Not to mention the fact that a hickey is usually a bruise more than a wound; however, if your skin does end up being broken or you’re giving a hickey and blood is somehow transmitted…well, I’m sure you could see how this could be potentially problematic. Bottom line, get — and stay getting — tested. Just to be on the safe side. Hickeys or not.
9. A Dream About Getting a Hickey Is Actually a Warning
Remember how I said earlier that sometimes the person who is giving the hickey is doing so as an act of power? Well, along those same lines, if you happen to dream that someone is giving you a love bite, keep in mind that it probably isn’t about anything sexual; usually, it means that you are either in a toxic or stressful situation and you’re trying to figure out if you should approach it with logic or emotion. The more you know.
10. Sometimes Pain Creates Pleasure
Someone who enjoys being tortured or humiliated during sex, they fall into a category that is known as sexual masochism — and no, that is not what I am referring to here. What I am speaking about is the fact that, because pain and pleasure sensations are housed in the same part of the brain, when mild pain is felt, that could be why it arouses you — and that could be why you may enjoy receiving hickeys (I mean, if you actually do). They both have been proven to create a dopamine and opioid surge, which can intensify your sexual responses and reactions.
____
Hickeys do tend to create a very polarizing response: folks either adore them or loathe them. Either way, now you know what they’re all about, so if you’re on the “A” team, share it with those who are also in your club.
It could make them appreciate hickeys — love bites, suck marks — that much more, chile.
Dig in. #wink
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Featured image by Giphy