A good friend of mine recently became a travel nurse, and since then she's been able to live in 4 different cities and meet new people - all while having a housing stipend and a pretty nice paycheck too.
If you're looking for a career that will let you travel the country (or even the world depending on the agency), becoming a travel nurse is a viable option.
However, just like any career, being a travel nurse isn't perfect. As this career field is becoming more popular, there have been more talk about the benefits of being a travel nurse, but not enough real talk around this profession. Recently, we were able to catch up with 5 travel nurses and they shared information about their work experience and the things that they wish they would've known before becoming a travel nurse.
*Responses have been edited for length and clarity.
Breanna Mays
Courtesy of Breanna Mays
Number of Year(s) as a Travel Nurse: 1
Current Assignment: Albuquerque, New Mexico
Favorite Assignment: Washington, D.C.
The Hiring Process:
"After many Google searches, reading travel nurse blogs, and frequent postings on travel nurse FB groups I landed the best agency for my needs at the time. However, I quickly learned that having multiple agencies in my back pocket usually serves me better in the long run. This provides me the opportunity to negotiate contracts and ensures that I am getting optimum pay and accommodations during my stay."
What She Wished She Knew About Changing Locations & Switching Hospitals:
"When I finally made the decision to work contracts at different hospitals around the U.S., I quickly learned that every facility was not the same. Of course that sounds like a pretty obvious fact but realizing every hospital's policies and procedures varied from place to place was definitely an adjustment. Learning how to take care of patients with different levels of acuity was the easy part."
Lessons She's Learned:
"One of the most important things I've learned was oddly enough one of the things I was actually prefaced with before becoming a travel nurse. Sometimes loneliness settles in without warning or contrition. Moving to new places is great, but not knowing a single person within a 1200-mile radius can be quite an unsettling feeling. However, the time for self-discovery is truly limitless during these times. I have learned to embrace the quiet times but I have definitely learned when to speak up when I needed to see a familiar face."
Her Advice to Aspiring Travel Nurses:
"One piece of advice I would give anyone aspiring to work as a travel nurse is to remember that flexibility is a necessary attribute. Nothing is always set in stone. Contracts/shifts get cancelled, pay is not the same in every location, safe and affordable housing can be hard to find, and floating to other units in the hospitals can become routine. Before booking your contracts, remember that you are your best advocate. Do not settle for less than your worth when negotiating contracts and do not settle when recruiters don't seem to be working in your best interest."
Colea Owens
Courtesy of Colea Owens
Number of Years as a Travel Nurse: 3
Current Assignment: Dallas, Texas
Favorite Assignment: Dallas, Texas
The Hiring Process:
"When I started travel nursing, I was so excited to begin traveling that I took the first offer that was given to me. Travel nursing has extremely complicated packaging. You get a base rate which is taxed and paid by the company and a per diem food and travel stipend rate which is untaxed and paid by the government. I had let my recruiter convince me to take an extremely low base rate in order to have a higher per diem rate. For companies, they can pocket a higher overhead because they are taking less money to pay you since the majority of your income comes from the government stipend. It may not be illegal but it's definitely unethical. I had naively fallen into the trap, but thank God I learned early and never made that mistake again."
What She Wished She Knew About Changing Locations & Switching Hospitals:
"Switching new hospitals is fun and I enjoy meeting new people and exploring new locations. I wish I would have known that staff are sometimes very critical of travel nurses. You have to really work hard to prove yourself and be considered a part of their team, particularly because they may resent that you make more or have the flexibility in your lifestyle that they don't have. You also may get the harder patients and most difficult assignments. Be ready to jump right in, be a team player, and don't complain!"
Lessons She's Learned:
"People think travel nurses have it easy and make all this money. In reality, you may make more but you have a different set of challenges. You don't always know if you will have another assignment lined up and your current contract can get cut at any moment. You are also the first one to get floated or canceled for a shift, so you lose hours. You are also held to higher standards than the staff nurses or anyone else. When I was driving 17 hours to my assignment in Dallas, I had to pull over in Tennessee to do a mandatory stroke scale certification that they gave me less than 6 hours to complete or my contract would be cancelled! It was 9 at night and I was on the road looking for a place with internet so I could comply. Be ready for all challenges!"
Her Advice to Aspiring Travel Nurses:
"One piece of advice I would tell aspiring travel nurses: set a standard and negotiate your pay. After my first assignment, I didn't take less than $20/hr for a base rate (remember base isn't your take-home rate) which is a safe zone for auditing and other government items. I got a tax accountant to cover my numbers. I knew the tax laws in each state I traveled to. And I didn't submit information to a recruiter until they sent me a pay package I liked."
Reneisha Walker
Courtesy of Reneisha Walker
Number of Years as a Travel Nurse: 5
Current Assignment: Birmingham, Alabama
Favorite Assignment: Northern California
The Hiring Process:
"When I first began traveling, I traveled within my state of Alabama. I did not go through a travel company. Instead, I took an internal contract with the hospitals. I prefer to do it that way. I can stay in the comfort of my own state and make double the amount of money. You don't have a low hourly rate, like if you go through an agency, which I prefer because I like to work a lot of overtime. If the facility is close enough, I can stay in the comfort of my own home or with a friend. When I travel out of state, I use an agency. I have used several different agencies and most are pretty much the same. I just compare the jobs and pay packages available and choose the best one for me."
What She Wished She Knew About Changing Locations & Switching Hospitals:
"Research your cost of living. If you still have a home to maintain, is it going to be worth going to another state and having to find somewhere to live and rent a car if you don't get yours shipped? Travel companies give you the option of taking a tax-free stipend or letting them find housing for you. It's best to take the stipend and find your own housing. But before you take any assignment, look on sites like Airbnb, Craigslist, and travel nurse housing, and see how much it will cost you to move there. Do a budget of how much you will make there, subtract how much it cost to live there, then compare that to how much you already make. If I am leaving the comfort of my home, the magic number for me is always double what I'm currently making. Have a set number in mind when you talk to recruiters and don't take anything less than that."
Lessons She's Learned:
"A misconception that I hear all the time is that you can't travel with your family or if you have a family. Definitely not true. I have friends who bring their whole family with them on assignments and they get to enjoy a new city with their loved ones. I only travel out of state during the summer, so that my daughter can come with me or stay with her grandparents. If you have children and you want to travel, find other nurses with kids as well and split housing."
Her Advice to Aspiring Travel Nurses:
"Some of the staff at hospitals will not like you because you are coming in to do their job and make twice as much. They label travelers as incompetent very quickly if you don't go in on your p's and q's. They will even try to get your contract cancelled. It's best to stay to yourself and take great care of your patients."
Deanna Wallace
Courtesy of Deanna Wallace
Number of Years as a Travel Nurse: 4
Current Assignment: Houston, Texas
Favorite Assignment: Houston, Texas
The Hiring Process:
"The interview process as a travel nurse is always different with each location I apply to. I usually apply directly through a staffing agency. A recruiter calls me back to go over the details of what I am looking for, and the details of the jobs they have available. When the managers are available, they will call to interview you. During the hiring process, I feel like the hardest part is being available when the manager tries to call for the interview. Sometimes you are at work, and you can't answer the phone. Due to that, I sometimes lose out on that job because there are 10 other nurses that the manager is interviewing that same day. By the time I am able to get the manager back on the phone, they have already hired someone else. I would recommend setting a time and date on an off day so you can give the best answers possible for your interview. If you have to do your interview while you're at work, you should definitely do the interview on your lunch break to avoid distractions."
What She Wished She Knew About Changing Locations & Switching Hospitals:
"I wish someone had told me before I started travel nursing to pack lighter. Whenever it is time to move, I always regret having so many items to pack back up. Pack light but also remember to pack enough clothes for when the weather changes from hot to cold, outfits to explore the city, or a beach day to relax. Be ready to explore each new city to build memories because you may never visit that city again."
Lessons She's Learned:
"One misconception about travel nurses that I have found is the same at each hospital is that travel nurses are lazy, we never want to help staff nurses, and that we aren't as smart as the staff nurses. My advice to you is to just continue to be a great nurse as you have always been. Do not let anyone's opinion of travel nurses put you down when you know you're doing an awesome job. With travel nursing you will have to always prove that you are a good nurse through excellent patient care, helping out other staff nurses, and communicating well with the doctors."
Her Advice to Aspiring Travel Nurses:
"The best advice I can give to any nurse looking to start travel nursing is to make sure to pack light, make new friends with staff nurses and travel nurses to explore the city with, save money each time you get paid, and travel to one new country or city each time you take a break in between assignments. Trust me, you won't regret it."
Leia Osbourne
Courtesy of Leia Osbourne
Number of Years as a Travel Nurse: 4
Current Assignment: San Diego, California
Favorite Assignment: Both Los Angeles and San Diego, California
The Hiring Process:
"One challenge about the hiring process is keeping up with current assignments and getting references! Sometimes it is hard to get a reference from a charge nurse or manager that you have worked with temporarily, but you need one to move on to the next assignment."
What She Wished She Knew About Changing Locations & Switching Hospitals:
"Not every hospital is travel-friendly. You would think that if the hospital needs help with staffing needs, that employees would be grateful...but not always. You need tough skin, and need to know how to advocate for yourself and navigate the system if anything happens (such as a canceled contract/wrongful termination, unpaid wages, housing difficulties, etc.)."
Lessons She's Learned:
"A misconception about travel nurses is that we are rich because we travel! There are definitely ways to secure the bag as a travel nurse, but we have bills, families to take care of, and expenses just like everyone else."
Her Advice to Aspiring Travel Nurses:
"Be flexible, shop around for the best pay package (you don't have to accept the first offer), save and invest your money. And don't be afraid to say "no" to a recruiter, assignment, pay package, manager, or anything/anyone else that is not in your best interest."
If you're interested in becoming a Travel Nurse, be sure to take note of the tips above! If you're a Travel Nurse and would like to share your experience, tweet us at @xonecole.
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- 5 Requirements To Become A Travel Nurse | Travel Nursing ›
- 10 Steps to Become a Travel Nurse » BluePipes Blog ›
- How to Become a Travel Nurse - 2018 Guide | All Nursing Schools ›
- 20 Questions: What You Need to Know About Travel Nursing Jobs ›
- Trust Me, I'm a Traveler: 7 Things Only a Travel Nurse Would Know ›
Amber Riley has the type of laugh that sticks with you long after the raspy, rhythmic sounds have ceased. It punctuates her sentences sometimes, whether she’s giving a chuckle to denote the serious nature of something she just said or throwing her head back in rip-roarious laughter after a joke. She laughs as if she understands the fragility of each minute. She chooses laughter often with the understanding that future joy is not guaranteed.
Credit: Ally Green
The sound of her laughter is rivaled only by her singing voice, an emblem of the past and the future resilience of Black women stretched over a few octaves. On Fox’s Glee, her character Mercedes Jones was portrayed, perhaps unfairly, as the vocal duel to Rachel Berry (Lea Michele), offering rough, full-throated belts behind her co-star’s smooth, pristine vocals. Riley’s always been more than the singer who could deliver a finishing note, though.
Portraying Effie White, she displayed the dynamic emotions of a song such as “And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going” in Dreamgirls on London’s West End without buckling under the historic weight of her predecessors. With her instrument, John Mayer’s “Gravity” became a religious experience, a belted hymnal full of growls and churchy riffs. In her voice, Nicole Scherzinger once said she heard “the power of God.”
Credit: Ally Green
Riley’s voice has been a staple throughout pop culture for nearly 15 years now. Her tone has become so distinguishable that most viewers of Fox’s The Masked Singer recognized the multihyphenate even before it was revealed that she was Harp, the competition-winning, gold-masked figure with an actual harp strapped to her back.
Still, it wasn’t until recently that Riley began to feel like she’d found her voice. This sounds unbelievable. But she’s not referring to the one she uses on stage. She’s referencing the voice that speaks to who she is at her core. “Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind,” the 37-year-old says. “It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women. I got so comfortable in [doing so], and I really want other people, especially Black women, to get more comfortable in that space.”
“Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind. It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women."
If you ask Riley’s manager, Myisha Brooks, she’ll tell you the foundation of who the multihyphenate is hasn’t changed much since she was a kid growing up in Compton. “She is who she is from when I met her back when she was singing in the front of the church to back when she landed major roles in film and TV,” Brooks says. Time has allowed Riley to grow more comfortable, giving fans a more intimate glimpse into her life, including her mental health journey and the ins and outs of show business.
The actress/singer has been in therapy since 2019, although she suffered from depression and anxiety way before that. In a recent interview with Jason Lee, she recalls having suicidal ideation as a kid. By the time she started seeing a psychologist and taking antidepressants in her thirties, her body had become jittery, a physical reminder of the trauma stacked high inside her. “I was shaking in [my therapist’s] office,” she tells xoNecole. “My fight or flight was on such a high level. I was constantly in survival mode. My heart was beating fast all the time. All I did was sweat.”
There wasn’t just childhood trauma to account for. After auditioning for American Idol and being turned away by producers, Riley began working for Ikea and nearly missed her Glee audition because her car broke down on the highway while en route. Thankfully, Riley had been cast to play Mercedes Jones. American Idol had temporarily convinced her she wasn’t cut out for the entertainment industry, but this was validation that she was right where she belonged. Glee launched in 2009 with the promise of becoming Riley’s big break.
In some ways, it was. The show introduced Riley to millions of fans and catapulted her into major Hollywood circles. But in other ways, it became a reminder of the types of roles Black women, especially those who are plus-sized, are relegated to. Behind the scenes, Riley says she fought for her character "to have a voice" but eventually realized her efforts were useless. "It finally got to a point where I was like, this is not my moment. I'm not who they're choosing, and this is just going to have to be a job for me for now," she says. "And, that's okay because it pays my bills, I still get to be on television, I'm doing more than any other Black plus-sized women that I'm seeing right now on screen."
The actress can recognize now that she was navigating issues associated with trauma and low self-esteem at the time. She now knows that she's long had anxiety and depression and can recognize the ways in which she was triggered by how the cult-like following of the show conflicted with her individual, isolated experiences behind the scenes. But she was in her early '20s back then. She didn't yet have the language or the tools to process how she was feeling.
Riley says she eventually sought out medical intervention. "When you're in Hollywood, and you go to a doctor, they give you pills," she says, sharing a part of her story that she'd never revealed publicly before now. "[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that's not fixing my problem. If anything, it's making it worse."
“[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that’s not fixing my problem. If anything it’s making it worse.”
Credit: Ally Green
At one point, while in her dressing room on set, she rested her arm on a curling iron without realizing it. It wasn't until her makeup artist alerted her that she even realized her skin was burning. Once she noticed, she says she was "so zonked out on pills" that she barely reacted. Speaking today, she holds up her arm and motions towards a scar that remains from the incident. She sought help for her reliance on the pills, but it would still be years before she finally attended therapy.
This stress was only compounded by the trauma of growing up in poverty and the realities of being a "contract worker." "Imagine going from literally one week having to borrow a car to get to set to the next week being on a private jet to New York City," she says. After Glee ended, so did the rides on private planes. The fury of opportunities she expected to follow her appearance on the show failed to materialize. She wasn't even 30 yet, and she was already forced to consider if she'd hit her career peak.
. . .
We’re only four minutes into our Zoom call before Riley delivers her new adage to me. “My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway,” she says.
On this Thursday afternoon in April, the LA-based entertainer is seated inside her closet/dressing room wearing a cerulean blue tank top with matching shorts and eating hot wings. This current phase of healing hinges on balance. It’s about having discipline and consistency, but not at the risk of inflexibility. She was planning to head to the gym, for instance, but she’s still tired from the “exhausting” day before. Instead, she’s spent her day receiving a massage, eating some chicken wings, and planning to spend quality time with friends. “I’m not going to beat myself up for it. I’m not going to talk down to myself. I’m going to eat my chicken wings, and then tomorrow I’m [back] in the gym,” she says.
“My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway."
This is the balance with which she's been approaching much of her life these days. It's why she's worried less about whether or not people see her as someone who is humble. She'd rather be respected. "I think you should be a person that's easy to work with, but in the moments where I have to ruffle feathers and make waves, I'm not shying away from that anymore. You can do it in love, you don't have to be nasty about it, but I had to finally be comfortable with the fact that setting boundaries around my life – in whatever aspect, whether that's personal or business – people are not going to like it. Some people are not going to have nice things to say about you, and you gotta be okay with it," she says.
When Amber talks about the constant humbling of Black women in Hollywood, I think of the entertainers before her who have suffered from this. The brilliant, consistent, overqualified Black women who have spoken of having to fight for opportunities and fair pay. Aretha Franklin. Viola Davis. Tracee Ellis Ross. There's a long list of stars whose success hasn't mirrored their experiences behind the scenes.
Credit: Ally Green
If Black women outside of Hollywood are struggling to decrease the pay gap, so, too, are their wealthier, more famous peers.
Riley says there’s been progress in recent years, but only in small ways and for a limited group of people. “This business is exhausting. The goalpost is constantly moving, and sometimes it’s unfair,” she says. But, I have to say it’s the love that keeps you going.”
“There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman,” she continues. “We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
"There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman. We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
Last year, Riley starred alongside Raven Goodwin in the Lifetime thriller Single Black Female (a modern, diversified take on 1992’s Single White Female). It was more than a leading role for the actress, it also served as proof that someone who looks like her can front a successful project without it hinging on her identity. It showcased that the characters she portrays don’t “have to be about being a big girl. It can just be a regular story.”
Riley sees her work in music as an extension of her efforts to push past the rigid stereotypes in entertainment. Take her appearance on The Masked Singer, for instance. Riley said she decided to perform Mayer’s “Gravity” after being told she couldn’t sing it years earlier. “I wanted to do ‘Gravity’ on Glee. [I] was told no, because that’s not a song that Mercedes would do,” she says. “That was a full circle moment for me, doing that on that show and to hear what it is they had to say.”
As Scherzinger praised the “anointed” performance, a masked Riley began to cry, her chest heaving as she stood on stage, her eyes shielded from view. “You have to understand, I have really big names – casting directors, producers, show creators – that constantly tell me ‘I’m such a big fan. Your talent is unmatched.’ Hire me, then,” she says, reflecting on the moment.
Recently, she’s been in the studio working on original music, the follow-up to her independently-released debut EP, 2020’s Riley. The sequel to songs such as the anthemic “Big Girl Energy” and the reflective ballad “A Moment” on Riley, this new project hones in on the singer’s R&B roots with sensual grooves such as the tentatively titled “All Night.” “You said I wasn’t shit, turns out that I’m the shit. Then you called me a bitch, turns out that I’m that bitch. You said no one would want me, well you should call your homies,” she sings on the tentatively titled “Lately,” a cut about reflecting on a past relationship. From the forthcoming project, xoNecole received five potential tracks. Fans likely already know the strengths and contours of Riley’s vocals, but these new songs are her strongest, most confident offerings as an artist.
“I am so much more comfortable as a writer, and I know who I am as an artist now. I’m evolving as a human being, in general, so I’m way more vulnerable in my music. I’m way more willing to talk about whatever is on my mind. I don’t stop myself from saying what it is I want to say,” she says.
Credit: Ally Green
“Every era and alliteration of Amber, the baseline is ‘Big Girl Energy.’ That’s the name of her company,” her manager Brooks says, referencing the imprint through which Riley releases her music after getting out of a label deal several years ago. “It’s just what she stands for. She’s not just talking about size, it’s in all things. Whether it’s putting your big girl pants on and having to face a boardroom full of executives or sell yourself in front of a casting agent. It’s her trying to achieve the things she wants to do in life.”
Riley says she has big dreams beyond releasing this new music, too. She’d love to star in a rom-com with Winston Duke. She hasn't starred in a biopic yet, but she’d revel in the opportunity to portray Rosetta Tharpe on screen. She’s determined that her previous setbacks won’t stop her from dreaming big.
“I think one of my superpowers is resilience because, at the end of the day, I’m going to kick, scream, cry, cuss, be mad and disappointed, but I’m going to get up and risk having to deal with it all again. It’s worth it for the happy moments,” she says.
If Riley seems more comfortable and confident professionally, it’s because of the work she’s been doing in her personal life.
She’d previously spoken to xoNecole about becoming engaged to a man she discovered in a post on the site, but she called things off last year. For Valentine’s Day, she revealed her new boyfriend publicly. “I decided to post him on Valentine’s Day, partially because I was in the dog house. I got in trouble with him,” she says, half-joking before turning serious. “The breakup was never going to stop me from finding love. Or at least trying. I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness, and you enjoy it and work through it.”
Credit: Ally Green
"I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness and you enjoy it and work through it.”
With her ex, Riley was pretty outspoken about her relationship, even appearing in content for Netflix with him. This time around is different. She’s not hiding her boyfriend of eight months, but she’s more protective of him, especially because he’s a father and isn’t interested in becoming a public figure.
She’s traveling more, too. It’s a deliberate effort on her part to enjoy her money and reject the trauma she’s developed after experiencing poverty in her childhood. “I live in constant fear of being broke. I don’t think you ever don’t remember that trauma or move past that. Now I travel and I’m like, listen, if it goes, it goes. I’m not saying [to] be reckless, but I deserve to enjoy my hard work.”
After everything she’s been through, she certainly deserves to finally let loose a bit. “I have to have a life to live,” she says. “I’ve got to have a life worth fighting for.”
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Take orgasms, for example. Since I’m well aware of the fact that vaginal orgasms (especially) can be a real challenge for a lot of women, I’m constantly on the hunt for what can help to “bridge the gap” in that arena.
And that’s why I decided, this time, to forego science articles, vlogs, and online data and instead ask some women for myself about some of the things that they do to make having an orgasm, improving their orgasms, and their sexual experience overall something that is so much better for themselves.
So, grab yourself a light aphrodisiac snack (check out “Eat Your Way To Better Sex With Aphrodisiacs”) and dig into what 15 Black women told me gets them off, in a mighty big way, just about every time.
*As always, middle names have been used so that everyone can feel comfortable giving up the goods…umm, so to speak*
1. Rochelle. 37. Married for 11 Years.
Giphy“While y’all be out here talking about some kegels, what I’m into is my man giving me a hip massage. The key is to make sure you use some sort of massage oil that has menthol in it. Between the tingling of the menthol and him rubbing on your hips, not only is it really relaxing, but the ‘minty feel’ opens your body up so that once intercourse begins, you’re less tense, and that makes having an orgasm so much easier to do.”
2. Karmyn. 27. Single.
“Kiss him the way you want him to penetrate you. Literally, use your tongue as if it were a penis and move it in his mouth like you want him to move inside of you. The kissing will turn you both on, and if he follows your instructions, you should be able to orgasm with no problem."
"I learned this trick when I asked an ex of mine to explain what p — sy feels like, and he said the best way to explain it is what a tongue feels like inside of [the] mouth. He should’ve never told me that, boy! It’s been hell in these streets ever since!”
3. LaChelle. 43. In a Serious Relationship for Two Years.
“If you’re self-conscious about your body, get some lingerie that has cutouts in them. There is a lot of sexy stuff out here that can have you covering up the parts you’re not comfortable with while still giving him access to the ‘main events.’ My man loves one of my lace one-piece teddies that has no crotch, and it’s easier for me to orgasm because I’m not overthinking the entire time.”
4. Trinitee. 27. Married for One Year.
Giphy“We’ve only been married a year, but we weren’t exactly abstinent when we were just dating. So, we like to find ways to keep it fresh. One thing that we do is go ‘hotel hopping’ once a month. We find a new hotel and meet each other there. We try and do different hours of the day and come with a surprise in hand. Like he might bring a new sex toy, and I might have on some lingerie that he’s never seen before. Then we text each other beforehand to talk about the best part of the sex we had from the last hotel we visited. The anticipation is foreplay.”
5. Wren. 33. In a Serious Relationship for Six Years.
“What works for me is doing afterplay as foreplay. What I mean by that is, taking a nap naked with my boo before any sexual activity is one of my favorite things. Being up under him, especially if he’s spooning me, feels really good, sleeping together is very intimate, and — there’s something about being awakened outta my sleep with kisses on my neck and back that almost makes me want to cum right then and there.”
6. Bevalyn. 40. Living with Her Partner for Four Years.
“Get on your back and have him kneel in front of you."
"Put your legs over his, and when he penetrates you, ask him to use one of his hands to apply pressure on your pubic bone — the area right above your clitoris."
"As he’s gently pushing down while he’s inside of you…if you don’t cum from that, I don’t know what else to tell you, sis.”
7. Sophia. 38. In a Serious Relationship for Two Years.
Giphy“Shower sex can be a bit much, and I don’t trust a used jacuzzi. What we do is fill up our own inflatable pool and get it on inside of it. It’s perfect during the summer, late at night, because we have a tall fence. Just make sure that you bring some silicone lube to keep things slippery down there. An inflatable pool has been one of the best sex investments that we have ever made!”
8. Averie. 35. Single.
“Wanna know if your man is as into giving you head as he claims? Right after he goes down on you, ask him to immediately penetrate you. If he’s hard, he’s totally into it, and if he catches you soon enough, you’ll be in the perfect position to have a multiple orgasm. Don’t say I didn’t give you the ultimate cheat code.”
9. Victoria. 40. Married for 11 Years.
“Shellie, you actually got me on the cinnamon kick when I read one of your articles that talked about applying cinnamon oil to my clit before oral sex. Since [then], I’ve been doing some research, and it says that cinnamon is also an aphrodisiac because it stimulates blood flow. So, I’ll also drink cinnamon tea throughout the day or share a cinnamon cocktail with my husband. Works like a charm.”
Shellie here: She’s right. I did say that. LOL. You can read for yourself: “Here's How To Have Some Really Great Fall-Themed Sex.”
10. Daniela. 28. Engaged for Six Months.
Giphy“Ever been fingered backward? What I mean is, get on all fours and have him insert a finger or two from behind with his palm being flat. That way, the space in between your anus and your vagina will get a massage while your vagina gets penetrated. There’s nothing quite like it.”
11. Saven. 32. Single.
“Ice. Have him rub a little bit of ice on your clitoris and then immediately warm it up with his tongue. There is something about the drastic changes in temperature that gets me every time. And I mean, EVERY time.”
12. Ferynn. 30. Living with Her Partner for Five Years.
“I don’t know about you, but my man loves to put my legs up in the air. It was never really my favorite move until I read that behind the knees are an unsung erogenous zone. Whoever found that out was onto something because if he rubs back there while talking real crazy to me in a deep voice? Here I come…HERE I COME!”
13. Vivienne. 30. Engaged for One Year.
Giphy“Never underestimate the power of a foot massage. Just make sure that he applies pressure in the middle of your foot where your arch is. It instantly makes me wet. I asked my doctor why and he said that it’s probably because foot massages tend to increase blood flow, including where the vagina is. Either way, it’s always a good night if I get a foot massage first.”
14. Michelle. 24. Single.
“I’m a doula who owns my own exercise ball…for sex. When I first started showing couples the positions that women can get into to make labor easier, it got me to thinking that some of those positions could work for sex too — and they do."
"Something about the movement of the ball takes the pressure off of the back for both men and women. It also makes getting into certain positions a lot easier so that you can enjoy sex for a lot longer.”
15. Carol. 31. Married for Five Years.
“My husband and I have bets. If he wants me to make some of his favorite meals five days in a row, he’s gotta make me cum five times in a row. If I want him to get me something that’s not in our budget, I’ve gotta attempt one of his sex fantasies. We’re both competitive as hell, so it works for us because honestly, even when we ‘lose’…we win!”
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Listen, I don’t know about y’all, but this was definitely worth my while. After all, ain’t nothin’ like some Black women who can speak from very-personal-and-up-close experience about what makes them happy — especially if it can increase the odds of bringing some sexual satisfaction your way too.
Speaking of, if you want to share the wealth, drop some of your own orgasm-related tips in the comment section. The more of us who can woosah on the regular, the better, chile. Straight up. #havefun #lotsofit
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Featured image by Giphy
