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How To Support Your Loved One Through A Dark Time
Watching your loved one go through a hard time can make you feel helpless and confused, especially when they are inflicted with an illness that is not necessarily easy to see or can be measured by an X-ray. To put it simply, depression sucks, and claims the lives of many each year, especially in the Black community where there is a lack of awareness due to the systematic lack of resources.
When faced with your own battle of the blues, it's tempting to attempt to pray it away, party it away, sex it away, or think that shaming yourself out of a depressive state will cure it. If that were the case, there would be no mental issues in the world and no suffering; and if you look at the news, it seems the opposite is happening at an alarming rate. Most of us were taught to treat others the way we would like to be treated, so what happens when we never learned how to treat our own mental issues? How are we supposed to be compassionate towards our sister going through a hard time emotionally when we ourselves did not receive that type of compassion in our darkest hour? The answer is simpler than you think: we vibrate higher.
When it comes to depression in regards to your loved ones, you cannot fix them but you can support them while they attempt to fix themselves. The "saving" part should be left to the professionals who have studied mental health and received the credentials in order to assist patients best. Your job is to support your girl, and supporting is literally holding them up, helping them fight their battle while the professionals do their thing. Here are a few ways how to:
Ask how you can be of support to them at this time.
I know this sounds like a no-brainer, but I even find myself missing this mark. We can't assume that our version of support translates well to another person despite us having the best of intentions. Simply asking what a person needs at the moment makes it 100% easier to get it to deliver it to them.
The answers may shock you in a pleasant way and is a great point of introspection for you and your loved one. Think about it, how often does someone ask you how they can support you? How often do you ask yourself how you can support yourself emotionally? This supports people, in general, to get comfortable asking for what they need by first defining it and realizing that the universe is not working against them.
Make your supportive presence as palpable as possible.
We are gifted with technology which means we have the ability to communicate with less commitment, effort, or inconvenience as ever before despite our distance. Check-in in a way that is best for you, as often as you feel comfortable. A little bit goes a long way. A quick "I was just thinking about you, how are you?" could mean more than you could ever imagine. Find a way to not overcommit yourself, but at the same time, be sure that you are there when they need you the most.
Pump up the intensity during this time. Opt for Facetime and phone calls so that they can feel the love in your voice instead of watching their moves on social media to gauge their life. Listen as their energy starts to improve as your conversation goes along. Ask if it's alright for you to stop by every once in a while, not in an inquisitorial way, but to let them know even at their lowest that you enjoy their presence. This will also strengthen your bond.
Let them know it's okay for them to take their mask off around you.
Shame and silence are deadly. Mental issues are a silent killer because most of the time people get so good at masking their problems from other people, and hell, even themselves. Giving someone the okay to not be okay is a lifesaver. No judgment, no overly critical energy, you are not pulling out the 'Bob the Builder' toolbelt, you are just letting her be. That in itself makes doing the work that they need to do to fight depression easier because they are not resisting depression, they are sitting in it and saying, "I'm a mess and I'm still worthy of love, happiness, and prosperity." Plus, there aren't enough bottomless brunches, girls trips, or memes in the word to help when life gets really real.
People go through real issues. Losing loved ones, jobs, apartments, purpose, and there is no rainbows and sunshine to preach. Sometimes a "girl, this must be so hard for you, I'm here if you ever need to talk" goes a whole lot further than an "everything is going to be okay". It is more than okay not to be okay! By giving someone permission to be a beautiful hot mess, you will start to have more compassion for yourself when you are going through a hard time.
Check-in with you.
Make sure that while you are supporting others, you are also pouring into yourself. The journey you take with your loved one through the darkness may trigger some emotions in you indicating where you need some healing also. Check-in with your emotional wellness often. You can't put the responsibility of saving or fixing anyone besides yourself on your plate. All you can do is do your best to be supportive while another person does their inner work. You cannot pour from an empty cup or give what you don't have.
All you can do is your best to let your loved one know that you believe in them, that they are stronger than they think, and that you will be there for anything you need. All you can do is be the light.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
The Truth Is, Everyone, Has Mental Health Issues
Say These Self-Affirmations To Start Your Day On The Right Note
Featured image by Getty Images
- How to Support a Partner Struggling with Depression ›
- Being a Caregiver for Someone Who is Depressed ›
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- For friends and family | Mind, the mental health charity - help for ... ›
- Helping Someone with Bipolar Disorder - HelpGuide.org ›
- Depression: Supporting a family member or friend - Mayo Clinic ›
- Helping Someone with Depression - HelpGuide.org ›
New Jersey native creating a life that she loves while living in gratitude. She loves using beauty, and fashion to create a balanced lifestyle while prioritizing wellness. A devoted fur mom, and a full-time lover of laughter. She is out for revenge against the darkness by being light, taking her own advice, traveling the world, and letting you know that you are so lit! Connect with her via IG @iamzaniah and please visit Zaniahsworld.com
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
'Love Island USA' Star JaNa Craig On The Reality Of Black Women On Dating Shows
Love Island USA just wrapped up its sixth season, and it has been the talk of the town. According to Nielsen, it's the No. 1 show on streaming, proving it's just as entertaining as the UK version. One of the reasons this season has been successful is due to the authentic relationships formed between the islanders in the villa.
You have the sisterhood between Serena Page, JaNa Craig, and Leah Kateb, aka PPG, and the real relationship moments between couples like Serena Page and Kordell Beckham, who were named the winners of this season. The other finalists include Leah Kateb and Miguel Harichi, Nicole Jacky and Kendall Washington, and JaNa Craig and Kenny Rodriguez.
While JaNa made it to the finale with her boo Kenny, her journey in the villa was far from perfect. Viewers saw the Las Vegas native get her heart stomped on a few times after many of her connections didn't work out.
At one point, it even looked like she was getting kicked off the island. While she had a lot of support from people watching the show, it was clear that she was in a position that many Black women on reality dating shows find themselves in: not being desired.
It has been an ongoing conversation among Black women watching reality dating shows as we see time and time again that non-Black women or racially ambiguous-looking women are often chosen over Black women, especially dark-skinned women. In a discussion with Shadow and Act, JaNa opened up about the support she received from viewers.
@cineaxries i love them 🤧 #janacraig #janaandkenny #loveislandusa #foryou #peacock #loveisland #janaloveisland #xybca #kennyloveisland #janaedit #loveislandedit #janaedits #loveislandusaedit #viral #loveislandusaseason6 #foryoupage #peacocktv
"You know what’s so crazy? I’m so grateful, because when I got my phone, the way they’re making us The Princess and The Frog…I felt honored. I will be that beautiful chocolate queen if I need to be. And the comments like 'beautiful chocolate girl,' I’m like, all Black women are beautiful. There’s the whole light skin versus dark skin, which breaks my heart. I just really don’t understand that, but I will take pride and represent us well," she said.
She also candidly discussed her experience as a dark-skinned Black woman on the show. JaNa and Serena had been in the villa since the first episode, and they were the only dark-skinned Black women there. As new men aka bombshells came into the villa, they found themselves not being wanted by many of them.
"Me and Serena literally had a heart-to-heart before Kenny came in and she’s like, I just don’t think it’s fair that the Black girls don’t get enough fair chance.' Every islander that came in, we were not their top pick. And we just [thought], maybe because we’re Black girls, and the dark-skinned Black girls. It sucked," she said.
"I’m like, 'Serena, we know what we bring to the table. We’re great personalities. A guy’s going to come in for us.' That’s when we manifested what we wanted, and that’s when I manifested Kenny."
@ashleyvera__ We love to see it 🥰 #loveislandusa #loveisland #loveisland2024 #janaandkenny #loveislandseason6 #peacock #realitytv #fypage
After many failed connections, Kenny came in and immediately turned JaNa's experience around. America watched the model get the care and attention that she deserved.
"I’m not going to hold you. When I was in the bottom for a quick second, I’m like, ‘There’s no way America doesn’t [ride for us]. I know Black America had to ride for me, but maybe because I’m a dark-skinned … hmm … maybe … you feel me? And you saw the Casa Amor lineup. Beautiful, beautiful light-skinned [women]," she said.
"We looked at each other like, 'Damn, Love Island did their big one with this. And every single Casa Amor girl was like, 'You girls are gorgeous, you guys are stunning.' They expressed love. You guys are beautiful and it felt good."
Although she and Kenny came in third place, JaNa is happy that she got her man in the end. "I think the thing I’m most grateful about is the fact that this is a beautiful love story like you guys complement each other and there’s no hate toward the skin color. It’s all love and support. I love that more than anything," she said.
"That’s why I was like, 'I won,' even though I didn’t win. And the fact that Serena won, we were like, 'Yeah, run that.' Either way, we won. And I love the support from all communities."