In 2023, the question of "What will it take to grow the women's game?" was posed. Since then, and seemingly overnight, this question has been answered when women's sports began reaching new heights.
Receiving millions of dollars in marketing and sponsorship, sports like basketball, soccer, and track and field, have transformed into raved and acclaimed entertainment, as female athletes finally receive the respect they have always deserved. With women's sports prophesied to bring in over $1 billion in 2024, and record-breaking viewership, many are looking forward to seeing what women athletes are capable of, now that they are given the same media coverage as their counterparts.
With the 2024 Paris Olympic games around the corner, stellar athletes, who are both well-known and unknown, are destined to continue skyrocketing the popularity of women's sports. And to make sure you're not caught off guard or unaware of who the standouts are, we have provided a guide to the top Black female athletes to watch during this Olympic season. Check it out.
3x3 Basketball
Dearica Hamby
2022 WNBA Champion Dearica Hamby plays as a forward in the WNBA for the Los Angeles Sparks. Coming from Marietta, GA, and in her ninth season, Hamby is playing exceptionally in the 2024 regular season, with an average of 19.1 points, 10.4 rebounds, and 3.6 assists per game; ranking the veteran number 9 overall in the league. Although her team isn’t doing well this year–the Sparks are tenth in the WNBA standings– she has proven herself to be an unquestionable leader and star with accolades like two-time WNBA Sixth Woman of the Year and three-time WNBA All-Star, all of which has inevitably led to her qualifying for Paris 2024’s USA 3x3 Basketball team.
With Hamby on the 3x3 team, along with Cierra Burdick and Rhyne Howard, the team is predicted to take home gold for this Olympic season.
Other Honorable Mentions:
Cierra Burdick
Rhyne Howard
Basketball
A'ja Wilson
A'ja Wilson is to the WNBA what Caitlin Clark was to College Women’s Basketball: a legend. In a way, saying it like this cheapens the accomplishments that A'ja Wilson has had in College Women’s Basketball, the WNBA, and everywhere else. Unfortunately, due to its newly found popularity, this is the best comparison that can be made for one truly to understand. Regardless, the two-time WNBA Champion was the MVP of the WNBA league and the top defensive player in the league for the past two seasons. She also holds the record as the franchise’s all-time league scorer and has had six games with 30-plus points and 15 games hitting the 26-plus mark this season alone. In other words, she is a phenomenon.
With her current season average of 26.9 points, 10.9 rebounds, 2.7 assists, and 1.8 steals per game, the USA Women’s Basketball team is destined to take home the gold. Not to mention, Wilson will be playing with teammates and fellow WNBA champs Jackie Young, Chelsea Gray, Brittney Griner, and Jewel Lloyd, respectively.
Other Honorable Mentions:
Jackie Young
Chelsea Gray
Kahleah Copper
Brittney Griner
Jewell Loyd
Boxing
Morelle McCane
Representing Team USA in the 2024 Paris Olympics, Morelle McCane qualified for the Olympic Games by securing a silver medal at the 2023 Pan American Games in Santiago. Qualifying for the Olympic Games, McCane begins her quest for gold as a newfound history maker, as the first female from Cleveland, Ohio to qualify for the Olympic Games. Starting at the age of 17, McCane proved herself indispensable in the world of boxing, with accomplishments in the 2022 USA Boxing International Invitational, 2021 USA Boxing Elite National Championships, 2021 National Golden Gloves, and 2020 USA Boxing Elite National Championships.
Now, the Olympian hopes to obtain gold and inspire children and women to follow in her footsteps. In an article for Olympics.com, the rising star said, “Of course, I'm a girl and I like to look cute, dress cute, so I just want to bring every aspect of me into the ring, and then it’s my time to shine…I don’t want people to think I fight as strongly as a man. Instead, I want people to stare in awe at this woman who landed a vicious right hook.”
Fencing
Lauren Scruggs
How often do you hear about a Black fencing player? Especially one from Queens?
Fencer Lauren Scruggs, who attended Harvard, began her impressive career thanks to her brother’s influence. A six-time World Champion at Junior and Cadet Worlds (three individual and three team Ws), and the youngest foil fencer to ever win Junior World Champion, Scruggs secured a spot fencing for the U.S. National Team at the 2024 Olympics after having a standout three seasons with Harvard University’s women’s fencing team. After her outstanding performance on the junior circuit, the rising star accepted the challenge of playing against more experienced opponents when she first began competing at senior competitions in 2021.
In her most recent season, the 2022-2023 season, the fencer went undefeated on the season with the record of 36-0; and became 4th in the women’s World Championship and 11th overall in the 2023-2024 season. Now, entering the Paris 2024 Olympics the foil fencer is a contender to take a medal home for the US, which could make her the third US American woman to take a medal home.
Gymnastics
Simon Biles
Remember that time Simone Biles' husband said when they started dating, he “didn’t even know who she was”? As charming as that might’ve seemed, it’s just truly hard to believe, considering all the records this woman keeps breaking.
A true catch (see what I did there?), Simone Biles has become the oldest U.S. gymnast to compete in the Olympics in 72 years, at the age of 27. With four gold medals, the gymnast returns to the Olympic games with a few loose ends. Despite taking home two medals, Biles ended her run early in the 2021 Tokyo Games to concentrate on her mental health. The athlete returns now, mentally stronger, hoping to win back the gold.
The USA Women’s team is a clear favorite to win gold because the reigning Russian champions are no longer eligible to compete due to the Russian-Ukrainan war. Therefore, it’s possible Biles will not go home empty-handed. However, in the individual events, first place might be harder to obtain for the seven-time Olympian and 30 World Championships title holder, with stiff competitors Hezly Rivera, Suni Lee, Jordan Chiles, and Jade Carey vying for the gold medal.
Other Honorable Mentions:
Jordan Chiles
Rugby
Naya Tapper
If you're part of the 46% of women who like watching football: watch rugby. If you're a part of the other 54% who don't like watching football, but enjoy watching women be badasses: watch women's rugby, especially during these Olympic Games.
Five years ago, World Rugby declared former track and field star, Naya Tapper, "USA's surging star." Since then, Tapper has qualified for two Olympic rugby teams and leads the current USA team as co-captain. The first American woman to reach 100 tries (think touchdowns for football), the UNC alumni is the all-time leading try scorer for the USA Women's 7s team and inevitably one to watch during these Olympic Games Paris 2024. With insane speed, fantastic judgment, and unrelenting, showstopping tackles, Tapper dominates in a sport that is gaining popularity in the USA.
Though, the USA Women's team has a long way to go during this Olympic Games to win the gold medal. With the women's team ranking seventh in the world, they'll need to overcome teams like England, Canada, and New Zealand to even see a glimpse of gold.
Other Honorable Mentions:
Cheta Emba
Ariana Ramsey
Soccer
Sophia Smith
Sadly, it has been a while since I’ve trusted the US Women’s National Team; especially under the leadership of Vlatko Andonovski, who wasn’t a bad coach, just a bad coach for the USWNT. Nevertheless, the team has tripped, fallen, and stumbled into the arms of legendary coach Emma Hayes, and the future is suddenly looking a little brighter.
Well, that’s due to Hayes and the relentless Sophia Smith and her golden foot.
At 23 years old, Smith has been named 2022 MVP and 2023 Golden Boot winner with just four seasons under her belt. Now, she is the US women's soccer player to watch, as she has discovered a new shift in her mindset. In a recent interview with NBC, the soccer star says, "Now, I feel like I'm in a good place confidently to be like, 'I know what I can do, I know what my strengths are, I know what my weaknesses are." Armed with her newfound discoveries, the star hopes to "control [her] confidence" and lean on her strengths and weaknesses to acquire the prestigious gold medal, which has eluded the US team since 2012.
In her first Olympic Games, Sophia Smith hopes to put her name among legends Abby Wambach. Mia Hamm, and Carli Lloyd. Though, she has a lot of work ahead of her, especially considering the USA's ever-growing relentless competition, and our team's long journey to return to the top.
Other Honorable Mentions:
Crystal Dunn
Naomi Girma
Casey Krueger
Trinity Rodman
Jaedyn Shaw
Mallory Swanson
Tennis
Coco Gauff
Have y'all ever watched Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends? If not, take a second to look up Coco from the show on YouTube, and listen to how he says his name. That's what I think of when I see Coco Gauff on my television screen. Regardless of who she is playing against, regardless of their rank, and potential to be stiff competition, I cannot help but continuously repeat: Coco, Coco, Coco.
In her Olympics debut, the 20-year-old tennis champion has ambitious plans to acquire several titles and medals, stating she wants to win medals in "singles, doubles, and mixed." Currently ranked number four in the world, Gauff is a strong contender in these Summer Olympic Games and has only shown herself to be successful under the close gaze of doubters. Nonetheless, Gauff's desire to win in all three will not come easy, especially without having a mixed doubles partner. However, the hope of taking home two gold medals is not too far out of reach, with the tennis star becoming one of the best in women's and one-half of women's doubles tennis, with the highest ranking of two in singles, and one and two in doubles.
With representing Team USA, there will be inevitable comparisons to players who have come before Guaff, such as the Williams sisters. Nevertheless, after these Olympic games, I have a feeling the comparisons will finally die down, and the world, too, will begin chanting Coco, Coco, Coco.
Swimming
Simone Manuel
If you don't know who Simone Manuel is, let me tell you: She is the first Black American woman to land an individual Olympic gold medal.
Dominating in the 2016 Rio Olympic Games, Manuel has won a gold medal for the woman's 100m freestyle, and 4x100m medley, while also taking home two silver medals for 50m free and the woman's 4x100m freestyle. Four years later, in the Tokyo Games, the swimmer managed to acquire a bronze medal in the 4x100m freestyle relay, despite having been diagnosed with over-training. Following the games, the swimmer took a break from the sport and established her own foundation to support the expansion of swimming among Black communities and other marginalized groups that had been mostly excluded from a predominantly White sport.
After giving herself time to recover both physically and mentally, the swimmer is now much more prepared to go after gold in the games. Manuel plans to strive for greatness as a top contender, but she doesn't plan to do it at any cost. In her recent AP Summer Olympics article, she states, "I’ve always been very in tune with my body in regards to swimming, but I’ve just learned it’s really important to take a breath. It’s really important to not just be in tune with your body, but really listen to it.”
Track and Field
Track and field athlete Sha'Carri Richardson poses during the Team USA Paris 2024 Olympic Portrait Shoot at NBC Universal Studios Stage 16.
Harry How/Getty Images
Sha'Carri Richardson
The only thing that can stop Sha'Carri Richardson from coming home with the gold medal is Richardson herself.
At the age of 19, Sha'Carri Richardson became one of the ten fastest women in history. Two years later, the track and field star became the sixth-fastest woman of all time, the fourth-fastest American woman in history, and qualified for the 2020 Summer Olympics. Nevertheless, this feat was short-lived when the athlete tested positive for THC, which created controversy once her winning results were invalidated and she became ineligible to compete in the Olympic Games.
Nevertheless, Richardson has not let this stop her. Since 2020, the runner has won gold at the 2023 Budapest World Championships for individual and team relays and successfully defended her title in the 2024 Olympic Qualifying Games. Not to mention the star has received a multi-million dollar deal with Nike, Android, and Whoop, and a cover with Vogue. With nothing to stop her, Richardson has returned with a passion to take possession of the gold that the world has always believed has been hers. As the current title holder of the fastest woman alive, the star wants everyone to know that during these Olympic Games, she's "not back, [she's] better."
Other Honorable Mentions:
Nia Akins
Brittany Brown
Aaliyah Butler
Anna Cockrell
Vashti Cunningham
Tara Davis-Woodhall
Annette Echikunwoke
Kendall Ellis
Veronica Fraley
Tori Franklin
Rachel Glenn
Alexis Holmes
Melissa Jefferson
Alaysha Johnson
Jasmine Jones
McKenzie Long
Jasmine Moore
Keturah Orji
Jaida Ross
Raven Saunders
Grace Stark
Gabby Thomas
Juliette Whittaker
Other athletes to watch that were not mentioned: Marie Laborde (Judo), Ashleigh Johnson (Water Polo) and Chiaka Ogbogu, Jordan Thompson, and Haleigh Washington (Volleyball).
Starting July 26, check out these amazing Olympians during the 2024 Paris Olympics.
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak
From their perspective, their friend should simply know what they should and shouldn’t do. Yeah, one day, I’m going to write an article about how a lot of relationships could be spared so much drama if we all stopped automatically expecting others to think, act, and even love like we do. Anyway, my client did pause for a moment; then she shared that there was one thing, in particular, that she had told her friend that she didn’t appreciate and her friend just kept on doing it — so much to the point where it was starting to feel not only intentional but disrespectful too. In response to that, here’s how the rest of the dialogue between us went down:
Me: “Did she apologize?”
Her: “I mean, after I about lost it and told her that I was sick of her sh-t, she did. I don’t know if I can trust it, though.”
Me: “Has the action happened again since?”
Her: “The last time was only a few weeks ago. It’s too soon to tell. I know I’m starting to put distance between us, though. I’m not sure if I want to be friends with her anymore at this point.”
*le sigh* What to do, what to freakin’ do, when you’ve got a friend in your life who does something that bothers, offends, hurts, or harms you (because those are all different things, y’all), they apologize and you’re not exactly sure what to do with their apology. That is something that I’m pretty sure that all of us have gone through, probably more than once. If you definitely have, and there have been times when it’s left you feeling stumped, let’s unpack it all a bit — just so you’ll know how to move, with complete peace of mind, for the sake of your friendship and, most importantly, your peace of mind.
People with Regrets Apologize (and Every Self-Aware Human Should Have Regrets)
GiphySometime last year, I was talking to a friend of mine about his spouse. As he was raving about all of the things that he adores about her, something that he said caused my eyes to get semi-big: “I mean, she doesn’t believe in apologizing which can get on my nerves but that’s about it.” Whew, chile. Also, another article for another time: It’s very hard for a marriage to function, in a healthy way, if both people aren’t willing to apologize and forgive because there are going to be countless times when doing one or the other is going to be extremely necessary. Why?
Because we all make mistakes and sometimes poor decisions (and no, those two things aren’t the same either) must be corrected with an apology. Not only that but we all also experience times when someone needs to apologize to us and, because of the first thing that I said, we should forgive them and LET. IT. GO.
Yeah, those “I don’t apologize” people? Talk about folks who I don’t trust because that typically either means that they have way too much pride going on or they suck and taking personal accountability for their actions — and neither of those things makes it easy when it comes to trying to have a solid relationship with someone else. Honestly, the only kind of folks who “cause me to pause” more are the ones who claim that they don’t have any regrets in life. Truly…what in the world are you talking about?
If you’ve been rocking with me on this platform for a while now, you already know that I totally and completely loathe the saying, “I don’t regret anything” (check out “Why Regret Might Not Always Be A Bad Thing”). SMDH. Some statements, I just think that they have been popular for so long that people repeat them without really thinking about what they actually mean.
When it comes to regret, if you look up its definition, you should see the word “remorse” somewhere in there and remorse means “deep and painful regret for wrongdoing; compunction” — and if you NEVER feel this way, that low-key sounds like either you think that you never do anything wrong (which is a completely delusional mindset) or you don’t care to “right your wrongs” whenever you do them (which makes you a pretty unsafe individual to be around).
And why am I laying down all of this foundation? Because, before getting into how to discern someone’s apology, it’s important to first surround yourself with individuals who even get that they should apologize from time to time in the first place — not because you think so but because they think so. I’m telling you, it can spare you a ton of time and potential heartbreak to follow this tip.
I say that because I ended a relationship about six years ago, mostly because the person reached out to me to help them out with something, and when I wrote out a full email about something they did that was highly offensive and would result in my not obliging them — not only did they not apologize, they didn’t even acknowledge what I said. What kind of makes it “comically worse” (utter audacity-wise) is the few times that I’ve seen them since, they’ve acted like nothing even happened. Then I had to think back to other times when I’ve brought hurt feelings or offenses to their attention and how they would deflect, play the victim, or change the subject (bookmark that).
Hmph. We talk about narcissism a lot both on and offline — uh-huh, be careful about those narcissistic friends out here. They always want to be the center of attention. They constantly put their own needs first. They have a hard time forgiving and yet think that you should dismiss whatever they do that’s wrong (or damaging). I could go on and on about those jokers. For now, I’ll just bring this point to a close by saying that if you want to trust someone’s apology, you need to trust that they care enough to apologize in the first place. And lawd, won’t that preach?
Next point.
Karma Is Attached to Apologies
GiphyOne day, I’m also going to write an article about how much forgiveness tends to be weaponized — and how absolutely insane that is. Meaning, so many people think that they deserve an apology for all of the things that they do while others don’t — and that’s not really how forgiveness works. If you’re looking at it from a Scriptural standpoint, the Good Book tells us that if you want to be right with God, you’ve got to forgive other people (Matthew 6:14-15). Science says that if you want to be healthy, it’s wise to forgive as well. Adding to both of these things, since karma (which is basically just reaping what you sow) doesn’t discriminate, if you want to be forgiven in the future, you should forgive others in the present.
And that’s what I mean when I say that karma is attached to apologies. When it comes to some completely bold and If-I-were-a-different-type-of-person-things-would’ve-gone-very-differently things that have happened to me throughout the years — what has kept things peaceful and put me on a faster track to healing is choosing to forgive others; especially when they make a point to apologize (check out “How I Learned To Forgive People In My Life Who Weren't Sorry”).
Honestly, a part of the reason why I can do closure so well is because I can accept an apology. What I mean by that is I think a lot of times, we stay in “hamster wheel relationships” (same problems, no new solutions) or we’re so super devastated (because we’re not just sad, we also beat ourselves up with guilt and yes, regret) if something should happen to someone who we used to be in relationship with and it’s partly because we don’t accept apologies.
Me? I never want to be so high and mighty in my mindset that I think I can gamble my relationship with God or my health simply because I want someone to think that what they do and ask forgiveness doesn’t deserve mercy while I’m somewhere thinking that I should be pardoned for all of my mess. I don’t know about y’all but I need God’s forgiveness, plus, it feels good — cleansing even — whenever people who I’ve hurt or harmed have forgiven me and so I give forgiveness in order to receive it — because every single human needs to receive it.
Next point.
A Sincere Apology Doesn't Deflect, Justify or Play the Victim. It Takes Full Ownership.
GiphyNow that we’ve talked about why you should only befriend people who forgive and apologize and how you shouldn’t be in relationships if you don’t know how to forgive (and apologize) — let’s talk about what a sincere apology should even look like.
Years ago, I had a friend who violated a very clear boundary of mine. She kept trying to push something on me that I didn’t want to do until one day, she did it anyway. And boy, was I pissed. When she saw how angry I was, she called me crying and, although she did say that she was sorry, she also went into all kinds of reasons why she thought that she was the bigger victim. The more that I listened, it was like she wanted me to apologize to her for violating me (whew, chile). Yeah, don’t trust those kinds of apologies because they are chocked full of manipulation.
And this is where we start to tiptoe into the difference between accepting an apology and trusting one.
Since she literally said, “I’m so sorry,” I accepted her apology because, although I think that my discernment is pretty keen and she was trying to manipulate matters, at the end of the day, who am I to brush off her efforts to acknowledge what she did? Did I trust her apology, though? Absolutely not because to trust something, you’ve gotta be confident in it, and anyone who decides to make what they did to you totally about them? They don’t really get what an apology is all about.
Hmph. I grew up with people who would apologize and also deflect (shift blame, gaslight, go into semi-denial mode), justify poor behavior (make excuses, follow their apology with some long ass story) and/or play the victim (act like they are more hurt than you are) in the midst of their apologies and those types of individuals typically only apologize in order to “move on” from what they’ve done — not to really make sure that you are okay about what had transpired.
And those people? Whether they are too selfish, not self-aware enough or they’re simply ignorant about what a sincere apology looks like, if those three factors come into play, their apology can be accepted yet not really trusted in the sense of you believing that they will do their best to not repeat the action again. How could you TRUST it if they don’t fully OWN it? Make sense?
Next point.
Accepting Apologies and Actually Trusting Them Are Quite Different
GiphyIf you know that someday, you will need to apologize to someone, you will get again why I say that none of us should really refuse someone else’s apology. Another way of looking at this is if someone apologizes and you don’t accept it, it’s basically saying, “I don’t acknowledge that you acknowledge what you did that you are trying to take responsibility for” — and honestly, what kind of sense does that make?
Because while you are thinking that not accepting their apology is harming them, it’s really only hurting you because you are choosing to hold onto what their apology has actually released them from. Plus, y’all know that I am pretty word-literal and, at the end of the day, accepting an apology simply means that 1) you are responding to what they are saying and 2) you are receiving the effort. Over and out.
Now TRUSTING an apology? Again, that is something entirely different. I’ll give you another example. Everyone who knows me (check out “5 Signs You Really Know A Person”) knows that if I come out to a big function, that’s love — DEEP LOVE. Back when I was an entertainment journalist, I had my fill of stuff like that; these days, low-key is how I get down. Anyway, one time, a friend invited me out to a crowded and pretty important function. After a bit of convincing, I made the personal request of not wanting to go along with someone else in their world who I am not fond of (who they are now not even friends with because they discovered on their own just how shady the person can be).
My friend assured me that it wouldn’t be an issue — only for me to get to the place where we were meeting up and my friend then telling me on the way to the venue that the person would be joining us. When I tell you that we literally had the conversation about that not happening just a few hours before? Chile. My response? I left before we headed there and went back home. I am BIG on my boundaries being respected and I’m not going to be set up to be put in a position to somehow be the bad guy if I’m not kee-keeing with someone who I didn’t want to be around, intimately, in the first place. Plus, my friend needed to fully enjoy her night without worrying about what the energy was going to be like.
My friend owned that it was “bad business” to even move like that — that it was thoughtless and a bit manipulative on her part because a part of her thought that if I was pushed to the wall on the matter, I would just get over it. She apologized. I accepted it. However, I didn’t just accept it, I trusted it because, a few weeks later, she invited me to another event, out of state, all expenses paid.
Listen, if you know me, you know that it wasn’t the free trip that “moved me” because my favorite place is always gonna be at home. LOL. It’s that my friend didn’t just acknowledge what she did, she also took it upon herself to make amends — and that’s what a real apology should always include.
And what is amends? It’s “reparation or compensation for a loss, damage, or injury of any kind; recompense.” That said, when we really get the weight and magnitude of something that we’ve done to another person, it’s never enough to just toss a flippant “My bad” in their direction — it’s important to put forth the effort to set things right.
I got that my friend understood how much effort it took for me to do the initial outing with her in the first place because she took a few steps up from that and turned another event into a girls' trip — just us. That was a couple of years ago now. We’ve not had an issue in that lane since.
Your friend who hurt you and apologized? One way to know if you can trust the apology to the point where you know that it’s okay to move on fully from the matter is if they are willing, on their own, to make amends. If, in their own way, they ask you, “How can I make this right?” If you get that from them, I really recommend that you give them a chance because not only does it seem like their apology is heartfelt, but they also want to help you to heal from what they did — and at the end of the day, because none of us can change the past, just “own” our part in it, there’s not much more that a human can do.
Plus, people who go so far as to make amends, they typically also put forth the effort to try and change their behavior (or not repeat the action). And again, what more can you really ask for from any fallible individual (and we are all that)…right?
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No one is perfect. We’re all going to mess up. If you really get that, when a friend apologizes to you, let both of yourselves off of the hook and accept it. And during the apology, if they take full ownership which includes making amends, trust your friend enough to have faith that they will try to not hurt you, in that way, again.
Accept is about recognizing.
Trusting is about putting your confidence in something.
When it comes to apologies, specifically, I hope it’s easier to now know the difference.
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