Yeah, I know. When you think of spring cleaning, probably the last thing that comes to mind is your sex life. Just hear me out, though. Spring cleaning is a practice that's all about thoroughly cleaning your living space in preparation for the new seasons that are to come…right? That's why I think it is the perfect idea to apply this way of thinking to your world of intimacy. Because, the reality is, a lot of us are currently having less-than-absolutely-wonderful sexual experiences and it's usually because there are areas that we either totally overlook or don't give our full attention to.
So, in honor of spring cleaning, spring fever and the weather heating up, here are some ways for you to get your sex life back in order so that it can be—pardon the pun—hotter than ever!
1. Get a Physical
I once read that only 1 in 5 people get an annual physical. What fascinated me most about that is many health care providers were divided on if going to the doctor every year was even necessary. Some actually believe that it's a waste of time and money unless you sense something is actually wrong. I'm gonna leave that conclusion to your personal discretion. What I will say is if you're not in the mood for sex, you're inexplicably tired all of the time, your period is all over the place, you feel irritable without really knowing why, sex has suddenly become painful or you no longer enjoy it—definitely make an appointment to see your physician. There are a lot of folks out here who aren't having a great sex life and it's directly related to some sort of underlying health—even if it's mental health, so a therapist can't hurt either—issue. That's why it's so important to "spring clean" your sex life by making sure you're in tip-top shape first.
2. Rearrange Your Bedroom
A couple of years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, "Could Your Home Decor Be Totally Wrecking Your Sex Life?" When you get a chance, I definitely recommend that you check it out. Yet even if you don't feel like doing any real bedroom upgrades that require spending cash, how about rearranging your room a bit?
Boredom is a leading cause of a less-than-stellar sex life when it comes to long-term couples and doing something as simple as moving your bed can make your bedroom space feel totally different. And a change of scenery has a way of adding a spark to couples and their libidos.
3. Bring Some Greenery into Your Space
Spring is the time of year when birds start chirping, flowers begin to bloom and trees are green again. In honor of all of this, tell me something—how many plants are in your bedroom space? It's been proven that plants can do everything from reduce stress and improve your mood to absorb toxins and even reduce noise levels (if you know what I mean). So, why not put a snake plant or pothos on your nightstands or place an English ivy or Gardenia in a corner of the room? It can bring peace to your bedroom and make it feel so warm and comfy that you'll want to cuddle up with your partner—and then some.
4. Incorporate Some "Spring" Oils
Over here, we're huge fans of essential oils (check out "6 Different Places To Apply Essential Oils. And Why." and "8 Natural Aphrodisiac Scents, Where They Go & How To Make Them Last"). Well, why not add a few essential oils to your collection, just in time for spring? Whether you want to freshen up your bedding, create a luxurious bath, make your own massage oils, DIY some body sprays that will help your skin to glow or put a seductive scent in a diffuser—ones that scream "spring" include tangerine, bergamot, Roman chamomile, jasmine, lavender, manuka, neroli, rose, ylang ylang and chocolate peppermint.
5. Create a “Sex Nook”
At the end of the day, a nook is a small space that's considered to be a safe area. Oftentimes it's in a corner of a room or by a window where you can focus on relaxing while doing something that you enjoy. In walks the concept of a "sex nook" that I sometimes recommend to couples. All it means is that you've got a dedicated space where your sex toys and erotic reads may go. It can also be where you do some orgasmic meditation exercises or maybe discuss some of the things that you discovered while surfing the 'net or downloading some sex apps (which we'll get into in a bit). The mind is a funny thing. When you have places with "themes", often that can "program you" into cultivating a certain type of mindset and energy. Sex included.
6. Have a “Sex Section” in Your Fridge
If you're someone who does traditional spring cleaning, I'm pretty sure that one of the things on your to-do list is to get at that fridge of yours. As you're tossing out old condiments and deep cleaning your shelves, set aside a space that can be your "sex section". It can include aphrodisiac foods, sex condiments like whipped cream and chocolate frosting and also things that will keep your vagina healthy and tasting great like kefir and celery. You know what they say—if you build it, they will come. In this case, swap out "they" for "y'all" and "come" for "cum". No doubt.
7. Commit to Cuddle Sessions
If you happen to be someone who's been in a relationship for, let's say three years or more, a synonym for the word "clean" that I'd like you to ponder is "thorough". One of the beautiful things about sex, when you're in a long-term committed relationship, is it connects you to your partner on more than just a physical level. Well, did you know that cuddling does things like cultivate intimacy, reduces stress, helps you and your partner to feel closer to each other on an emotional level, relieves pain and boosts your immune system?
If your sex life has been going OK yet you can't recall the last time you and yours were intentional about going to bed earlier so that you can snuggle up or you stayed in bed later in the morning so that you could spoon—to be clean is to be thorough. To be thorough is to be "extremely attentive" and "have full mastery of a talent". Use the spring season to make time for more cuddling. That kind of attention can help you to become an even better master at satisfying your partner.
8. Download Some Sex Apps
Something that's great about apps is they're convenient, right? Well, if for the last few weeks or months, it seems like your sex life is in a bit of a low space, how about downloading some sex apps that can hopefully help to "spruce things up" a bit? If you want to sext without anyone but your partner being able to see what you're saying (or showing), go with Confide. Looking to develop better sexual communication with your partner? How about Pillow? If you and/or your partner travel a lot, OhMiBod comes with literal vibrations for your long-distance pleasure. An app that can make the initial stages of foreplay more fun is Dirty Game - Hot Truth or Dare. If it's time to bring in some new sex positions, an absolute must-have is iKamasutra. These are just a few suggestions that can help to evoke spring fever, if needed.
9. Detox Poor Sex Habits/Patterns
Spring tends to be the time of year when a lot of people detox so that they can get their bodies in peak condition for summer. Why not use these next several weeks to detox any poor sexual habits or patterns that you might have? Habits like what? Maybe it's not investing enough time into setting the right mood for sex. Maybe it's not "landscaping" (check out "Yep. Pubic Hair Has Trends (And Specific Needs) Too."). Maybe it's not having enough foreplay. Maybe it's fantasizing too much about other people (check out "You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?"). Maybe it's—one that I personally loathe—weaponizing sex (withholding for the sake of manipulation or power). Maybe it's staying in a sex rut. Maybe it's treating your bedroom like a second office (with all of those damn devices on your bed) or having more time for any and everyone else but your partner. Something that all of these habits/patterns have in common is they're actually pretty toxic and you can't have a healthy sex life when poison is in the way. So, definitely seek to "spring clean" your sex life by doing some detoxing of things that you know are sexually counterproductive—for the sake of sex and ultimately your relationship overall.
10. Do Some Foreplay Edging
Edging is something that we've brought up, more than once, on this platform. It's basically when you and your partner stimulate each other to the point of climaxing, only you pause a few times at that point so that when you do finally orgasm, it's super intense. Along these lines, something that I'd like for you to consider is what I call "foreplay edging". We all know that foreplay is all about things that we do to arouse our partner so that they will want to have sex. The challenge here is this, though. What are things that you can say and do, that aren't directly sexual that can get your partner in the mood to engage in foreplay with you? What kind of texts can you send? What kind of compliments can you give? When it comes to their love language, how can you speak it in such a way that they'll want to jump your bones as soon as they see you?
Sometimes, when I'm in a session with a couple, something that both the men and women will say is they wished they were "wooed", on a seduction level, by their partner more. Figuring out how to make your partner desire foreplay before even thinking about sex is an art that is lost on many yet is effective AF.
11. Cultivate Some Sex Rituals
So, riddle me this. What is a sex ritual that you and your partner have? A ritual is something that is an established procedure and a procedure is a mode of action. When something is established, it is settled, valid and recognized. So, when it comes to sex, what have you and your partner established and settled between the two of you? Is it that you won't go more than a week without some sort of sexual activity? Is it that you won't go a month without trying something new on the sexual front? Perhaps it's that you will schedule a sexcation, at least twice a year or that you won't let "outside drama" infect what happens in the bedroom. One of the biggest mistakes long-term couples make is planning when it comes to every other area of their life and "winging it" when it comes to sex. Using this season to commit to a particular "mode of action" is a wise step if you want to keep your sex life a top priority in your relationship—which is something that you definitely should do.
12. Cleanse. Each and Every Time.
Another definition of clean that I really like is to wash away whatever is contaminating. Something that I think totally fits this bill is holding grudges and not being honest about your feelings. After all, true sexual intimacy is about two people sharing their minds, bodies and even a part of their spirits—that's hard to do when there is bitterness, resentment, anger or even a lack of true openness in the way. Spring cleaning is all about getting in there and removing all of the "yuck". Set aside some time, sooner rather than later, so that you and your partner can have a "cleansing conversation". It's refreshing. It's healing. And it can serve as the foundation for a revived sex life—just in time for all that this spring season has to offer.
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