If you were blessed to have melanin skin, be sure to thank baby Jesus. However, while we were born to glow, we still have to maintain it. Let's be honest - finding a well-balanced skincare routine without messing up our unique skin can be stressful. That's why we are grateful for people who know their skin and who know how to share the wealth. People like, Siraad Dirshe.
Siraad has made it her business to help black women, no matter their age, feel like their most beautiful selves. And not just on the outside but the inside too, because that's what helps us empower ourselves to live our lives unapologetically. Siraad's resume includes heavyhitters like Clinique, Nike, Vogue and most recently, Beauty Editor at ESSENCE. Needless to say, the saying "Trust Black Women" was high-key referring to Siraad.
She told the J Spot Collective, "I never thought I was 'good' at makeup, so I was pretty much afraid of it. I also think since beauty brands have historically not created products with us in mind, I never really found colors and tones that complimented my deeper skin tone. So I think skin care just seemed more accessible and easy to understand/use."
xoNecole has been intrigued with Siraad and her magic so it was only right that we talk with her about all things beauty, self-care and the virtue of black women.
You have been deemed "The Glow Expert," how did you come to snag this title?
SD: That's funny! I think it's something I just kind of claimed for myself because I thought it was catchy. A few years ago, it seemed like everyone was after having glowy and bright skin. I also had a lot of friends at the time who had asked about my skin care routine and how I would get to be so glowy. So I thought what better name to call myself (laughs).
What's your secret to glowing skin?
SD: I know this is super cliche but I really think 60% is not the masks, serums, or moisturizers. Of course, they're great but I really think it's things like sleep, water, and what you eat that truly make your skin glow and have the radiance that everyone wants. I make sure to get (at least) 8 hours of sleep, drink a gallon of water a day, and try to avoid things like dairy. I feel like once I started doing those things, my skin started to really change for the better.
What advice do you have for women struggling to maintain great skin?
SD: I would say that there's no such thing as great skin, there's only better skin. I think beauty companies can sell us a false ideal that we should all have glowing and clear skin and for some, that's just not realistic. So I instead say, strive to get your skin in a healthy place that makes you feel your most confident self.
"There's no such thing as great skin, there's only better skin... I instead say, strive to get your skin in a healthy place that makes you feel your most confident self."
When it comes to moisturizers, what's your go-to?
SD: I have super dry skin so for me it's all about cocktailing a mixture of oils, serums, and moisturizers so my skin stays hydrated all day. In the morning, I tend to be a bit lighter on the oils and serums (especially if I plan to wear makeup) and just go for a heavy moisturizer. A few of my favorites include Charlotte Tilbury's Magic Cream or Drunk Elephant's Protini™ Polypeptide Cream. Both are hydrating but also light enough that I can layer makeup on them and it won't slip or slide.
As a woman of color, what do you think makes us beautiful?
SD: Wow, this is such a loaded question for me. There are very few things I find more beautiful than Black women. While there's no denying our physical beauty, our range of skin tones, hair textures, bold features, I think it's our spirits that make us most beautiful. In addition to being resilient, creative beyond measure, and intelligent we also have an incredible love for each other that makes us truly beautiful.
Let's say you have 30 minutes for a beauty look, what products would you use for your desired look?
SD: I actually really try to keep my makeup to under 15 minutes so this 30 minutes seems like so much time. After washing my face and doing a quick mask (I'm really into this one right now) I'll use one of the above moisturizers. Next, I'll use a tinted moisturizer -- Glossier's new formulas are pretty great and give you some coverage without being super cakey (I'm shade G2). Then I'll use NARS' creamy concealer, which is hands down one of the best concealers. I like to use that under my eyes and then on any spots I want to cover up.
While I don't use eyeshadow everyday, when I do I love to use a super bright color. Because why not? Colourpop has amazing colors and their products are super affordable. I love their pinks or blues and I'll usually use the shadow on my lashline for a nice pop. Then I'll finish off the eyes with lots of mascara. I like it super clumpy and think and NARS' Climax mascara one is super good.
If I go for a bright color shadow then I'll keep lips simple with gloss. As of late, I've been really into the old school MAC Lipglass. I used to use it a lot in highschool, so it's super nostalgic for me.
Self-care has become a huge buzzword – what does self-care mean to you?
SD: Self-care to me consciously living and constantly checking in with my body and spirit to see where I am. It also means having healthy ways of helping myself get back in balance when I am feeling off. It also means exercising the word "no" a lot more. If something is jeopardizing my well-being, I know it's okay to say "no" to that event, hang out, or even relationship.
Can you share three products you swear by?
SD: Three products that I swear by are:
1. Biologique Recherche p50,
2. Drunk Elephant's Babyfacial,
3. Vintner's Daughter serum
.
Are you ready to glow? Be sure to follow Siraad's tips!
- 93 Skin-Care Products Beauty Experts Use Every Morning | SELF ›
- A Guide to Korean Skincare for Women of Color - Racked ›
- Siraad Dirshe - Vogue ›
- Siraad Dirshe - Coveteur ›
- Siraad Dirshe | POPSUGAR ›
- What are Korean Skin Whitening Products and Do They Bleach Your ... ›
- Interview with Siraad Dirshe, ESSENCE Beauty Editor ›
- Siraad Dirshe Archives - Essence ›
- Siraad Dirshe ›
- Siraad Dirshe's Recent Articles - Refinery29 ›
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When I asked a few women I know if they ever tried that before, I was surprised to discover that not only had they, but many didn’t treat it as some random social media fad — they actually still do it to this day. Partly, because it’s fun to them and partly because their partner(s) seem to go crazy for it.
Listen, any time something sexual works like a charm, I’m going to shout it out — (late) trend or not. And so, if you’ve never heard of the whole coconut thing, you tried it and forgot all about it, or you just want to try something new/different/else tonight — here’s a reminder, in article form, that coconut-ting is still alive and well, y’all. And the men are all about it!
But First, The Grapefruit Technique
Video Credit: Myem/YouTube (Funny part starts at 2:40)
If this woman is not familiar to you on sight, you ain’t a real one. LOL. Although I know that a lot of people think that the concept of grapefruiting came from the movie Girls Trip (you can see the clip from the film here) that absolutely is not the case. Auntie Angel (whose real name is reportedly Denise Walker) is the creator of the Grapefruit Technique and although I thought that this video came out way earlier, apparently it made its way onto the YouTube streets sometime back in 2014.
If for some reason, you’re not familiar with grapefruiting on any level, I will tell you right now that I had to download this video because it is absolutely NSFW — so you should probably watch it on your lunch break (on your phone with the volume as low as possible) or at home…because chile, the sound effects? Whew, the sound effects. LOL. However, when I sat down to pen this piece, I thought it was hilarious that this video is what immediately came to mind because it seems like, when it comes to “blow his mind sex hacks,” fruit is constantly on the menu.
When it comes to oral sex, it’s grapefruit.
When it comes to ride ‘em cowgirl, it’s a coconut.
What Is the “Coconut” Sex Trend?
@windy_moraba #duet with @mysteri0us.gir1 spell coconut with your waist 😂😂😂
Okay, so what in the world does a coconut have to do with intercourse? Well, for starters, if you and your partner are looking for an all-natural lubricant, coconut oil works well. HOWEVER, do keep in mind that the disclaimer on this is you shouldn’t use it if condoms are in the mix because they can actually cause rubbers to be less effective (silicone lube is a solid bet for condoms, by the way).
There is another way that coconuts are kinda-sorta incorporated when it comes to making sex more pleasurable — and it actually became pretty popular right after COVID lockdown (2021): spelling C-O-C-O-N-U-T with your hips while you’re on top of your partner.
It’s wild how I forgot all about this until a client of mine was telling me how much her husband liked her on top while it wasn’t her favorite thing to do because it felt awkward to her. When I said, “Have you ever heard of spelling ‘coconut’ with your hips before?” — at first, she looked at me like I was crazy and then she busted out laughing: “Girl, no” was her reply.
Hmph. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it because, as wild as it might sound on the surface, the word isn’t the point so much as the movements that come with spelling it out are.
When you’re moving your pelvis around to make a “c,” “o” or U-turn, not only does it intensify the level of sensation that both you and your partner feel during intercourse, it can also increase the level of blood circulation to both of your genitalia which can make your orgasms more satisfying too.
At the end of the day, spelling “coconut” is simply reminding you that there are more options to riding than simply sitting there while your partner pumps for all he’s worth or you humping up and down like you’re on a pogo stick.
Spelling “coconut” is an easy hack to bring some variety into cowgirling. However…
Honestly, the “Fruit” Isn’t the Point. THIS IS.
GiphyFrom grapefruiting and spelling “coconut” to reading articles that I’ve penned for the platform like “How To Improve The Taste Of Sperm” — fruit and sex are always going to be a winning combination, one way or another. However, the main point of this article isn’t about making sure that you are a master speller so much as providing you with tips that will make the cowgirl position something that you are confident about and you find a ton of fulfillment in doing.
You can make both of these things happen by incorporating the following things:
Stretch beforehand. A charley horse during sex is the worst thing ever — and chile, don’t let it be right before you’re about to climax. SMDH. Yeah, if you want to feel more comfortable when you’re on top, make sure that you stretch beforehand and that you are well-hydrated. That will reduce the chances of experiencing a totally-out-of-nowhere muscle spasm — whether you decide to “spell” during sex or…not.
Bring pillows into the mix. Sometimes riding is a challenge because your partner feels farther away from your body than you would like. Putting a pillow underneath him can help to elevate his pelvis, so that you don’t feel like you’re stretching and straining. Speaking of pillows, a longer one can really come in handy because it can give your knees some additional support as well.
Also, ask him to put his knees up. Speaking of making the “grind” easier for you, ask your partner to put his knees up. That way, your back can recline on his legs as you’re moving your hips around. You’d be amazed how much this one hack can do for you. Straight up.
Add lube. When you get a chance, check out “The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant” and you will automatically see why bringing lubrication into a cowgirl session is an absolute must. It reduces friction. It makes your movements glide with ease. And it’s just more fun. Promise you that.
Lean in. If your partner happens to be on the larger side of life, one way that you can control his depth is by leaning forward into him. That way, your hips can better control how much or little he is inside of you, so that you can get into a position that gives you the sensation that you are looking for.
Get him to multitask. Again, whether you are spelling “coconut” or not and whether you are riding cowgirl or reverse cowgirl — something that is awesome about being on top is it frees your partner’s hands to do, umm, other things. And since it is so much easier to have an orgasm while your clitoris is being stimulated, get your partner to put some of the lube that we discussed earlier on his fingertips, so that he can gently rub on your clitoris while you are riding him. It doesn’t get much better than that!
Don’t wanna spell? Hula Hoop then. What if you try the whole coconut thing and it’s not a favorite for you (or him)? No problem — when’s the last time that you hula hooped? Pretend that you have one of those around your hips and move around that way. I’d be shocked if you ended up feeling “meh” about that option.
5 Guys Tell Me What They Love When Their Partner Is on Top
GiphyA part of the reason why I am “team cowgirl” is because it provides a lot of benefits to the woman: she has more control, it tends to be more comfortable for her, it’s a great position for a quickie and the orgasms tend to be that much more — wonderful. However, as I was thinking about spelling coconut, in general, I couldn’t help but wonder what guys thought about it and the cowgirl position overall.
If you’re curious, here’s what five of ‘em said.
1. Braxford. Engaged. 35. “Y’all be spelling up there? Who knew? My favorite thing about when my fiancée is on top is what I think every man likes: the view. It’s a chance to see her entire body and experience it at the same time. Not even doggy style accomplishes that. Damn, where’s my lady at?”
2. Denez. Single. 42. “Do you know how many ‘spots’ you have access to when y’all are on top? Breasts are in my mouth. Hickeys are on her neck. Prop my head up on a pillow and her tummy is getting licked. When a woman is riding you, it’s sensory overload! It’s crazy how each one looks amazing in that position too.”
3. Omar. In a Serious Relationship. 29. “[He said her name yet I’m not going to share it] isn’t a very vocal lover. Her body and technique are insane, so even though I love dirty talk, I’ve learned to compromise — except when she’s on top. She’s not saying much but those moans? And yeah, we tried the coconut thing. ‘Cs’ and ‘Os,’ hell yeah. ‘Ns’ and “Ts’? Nah.”
4. Nolen. Single. 45. “45 isn’t old but it’s old enough for your back to show out on you when you least expect it. My experience has been that women don’t want a lot of thrusting when they are on top, so it’s like having some of the best sex without having to do much at all. Well, aside from trying not to bust too quickly. I take that back: riding is easy on the body; it’s work on the brain.”
5. Ivan. Married. 37. “I like the spelling sh-t because it switches things up. We make a game out of it by her picking a word and spelling out while I try and guess what it is. We also try to see how many words that we can get to before one of us cums. 12 words is pushing it unless it’s like ‘dog’ or ‘cat’ or something. I’ve guessed ‘coconut’ a few times and I get what the excitement is all about. Spelling bee sex: try it.”
Yep. I concur.
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Featured image by Giphy