

Even though I’m pretty sure that no one is surprised that December is the most popular month for marriage proposals, did you know that December 11 is reportedly the most popular day for break-ups? Aside from the fact that the end of the year is the time when a lot of people are self-reflecting when it comes to pretty much every area of their life, the holiday season can also bring with it a fair amount of stress, which could be a leading cause of why folks decide to call it quits.
How to Reflect on Your Relationship Before the New Year
Knowing all of this is actually what inspired me to encourage those of you who are currently in a relationship to take some time aside to ask yourself (then your partner) some questions that can help you decide if you should go into a new year with your significant other — or if it really is time to do some emotional and relational shifting. Because if you are indeed someone who uses this time of year to reprioritize people and things, it’s important (and highly beneficial) to know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that you’re not just “in a relationship”…but with the right person. Wouldn’t you agree?
Key Questions to Ask Yourself About Your Partner
1. Do We Truly Want the Same Things?
I definitely think that one of the biggest mistakes dating couples make is thinking that just because they deeply care for each other or even love one another, they believe that those feelings must mean that they are meant to be together. Listen, some of my male friends? I brag on them every chance I get. They’re attractive, spiritual, smart, and make really good money…hands down, some of my favorite folks — and yes, it never fails that I am asked why I don’t see them as options. One of the main reasons?
We are close enough for me to know that we ultimately don’t want the same things out of life — so, why try and “make us gel” when our life plans are different in so many ways…when I already know that, as friends, we support each other’s goals beautifully, yet what’s required as a partner? We would fail, semi-miserably, because we do not complement one another on that level.
So yes, the first question that you and your man need to ask each other — and please be prepared for the answer either way — is if you both indeed do want the same things out of life: Marriage? Yes or no. Kids? Yes or no. A traditional home? Yes or no? Are you on the same page spiritually and financially when it comes to how you prioritize family and friends? Are you sexually compatible (even if the two of you choose to wait to have sex, there are definitely things that you can find out in a conversation)? Do your relational needs “sync up”? Do you have similar interests when it comes to spending quality time, travel, and social activities?
I truly could go on and on, yet I think you get the gist. Again, loving someone is one thing — knowing that you want the same things? That is oftentimes another matter entirely different.
2. Is the Passion Strong?
Recently, while talking to a client of mine about why she and her now ex-husband did not go the distance, she brought up, yet again (because she is on-repeat when it comes to this topic), how lust was not really present in their dynamic — and how she needs it to be in her relationships moving forward. Even though she’s not a Christian, she was raised in that faith, and so I said, “Why do you think that the Bible is not fond of lust?” (and it’s not — I John 2:16). She didn’t have an answer, and so I said, “It’s because, by definition, something that lacks self-control and you never should desire something that you can’t bring balance to. That’s why I’m a bigger fan of the word ‘passion.'”
Even though passion can be associated with sex, when it comes to this question, I’m encouraging you to go beyond that. Past the bedroom, do you have a deep desire for each other (because I’ve been in situations where I convinced myself that I was into someone more than I actually was)?
Are you both enthusiastic about being in each other’s space and the potential of where the relationship is headed? Do you like each other…A LOT? Is there plenty of affection between the two of you? Do you bring each other joy (yep, joy is a synonym for passion)? Do you almost crave spending time together (not in a clingy or obsessive way; however, are you BOTH intentional about cultivating quality time)?
Look, is love important in a relationship? Sure, it is. However, if you and your partner are lacking passion, that love can turn into friendship real quick. Passion is something that takes a relationship to a whole ‘nother level, in every room of a home — and everyone deserves to be with someone who is truly passionate about them.
3. Do We “Trigger” Each Other or Bring Each Other Serenity?
I’ve got a male friend right now who is in quite the bind because he’s engaged to someone who he loves on a deep and profound level; the problem is, they trigger each other like nobody’s business. I mean to the point where, if I didn’t know their backstory, sometimes I would wonder if they were even friends, not just based on the things that they argue about but how they argue with one another. I know enough about both of their histories to get that a part of the issue is she speaks in a harsh tone and can be very dismissive, and because it’s like a lot of the women who raised my friend during his childhood, it really gets to him.
On her end, because she’s been a single mom all of her life, she can be very defensive about his insights because she’s never really known how to “loosen the reins” and allow a man to provide leadership in some areas. Yep, as one of my favorite sayings goes, “adulthood is surviving childhood” and sometimes, people come into our lives to show us where we are hurt/harmed, unhealed, and need therapy. Real talk.
Anyway, whenever he comes to me about how he should handle certain matters, one of the things that I share with him is you don’t want to sign up for a life where you are triggered in your own house on a constant basis. Y’all, if there is any place where you should be able to find and provide peace, tranquility, calm — it’s at home. Unfortunately, that is going to be hard to do if you and your partner know each other’s buttons and are constantly pushing on them.
That said, if you know that your partner triggers you and it’s not really about them but some stuff that you need to deal with internally, even if you don’t break up, I definitely advise “pushing pause” on moving forward in your relationship until you are able to get some professional help. However, if after reading all of this, you see that the source of a lot of your frustration is things that your significant other says and/or does, you need to bring it up, and be open to if they feel the same way about you — and then you both need to decide if there are compromises that can be made or if you simply are not each other’s source of peace — so that you can separate…peacefully.
4. Are We Evolving Together?
Evolving is about gradually growing — so, I already hope you caught that if you’re impatient or you’re with someone who is, that’s another reason to pump the brakes on your relationship because being with someone who is a constant source of stress and pressure, mostly because they want to see things happen in their way and timing, that ultimately isn’t going to be good for either one of you. At the same time, though, there will be plenty of times in life when you and your man will hit a fork in the road when it comes to decisions that need to be made, and going left or right, together or apart, will determine if you are truly evolving together…or not.
What do I mean? Say that you’ve been dating someone for about two years now, and you get a promotion that requires you to move to another city — that would be called a “fork in the road.” Long-distance relationships? Well, statistics say that the average shelf life of them is somewhere around five months, and the success rate hovers around something like almost 60 percent. So, do you and your partner want to attempt that? Or is it time to make some real decisions about where the two of you are headed? Is it time to get engaged? And if not, why not?
Because if marriage isn’t on the menu, does that mean that you both want to eternally date? If one of you does desire a spouse (and possibly children), staying together without a plan ultimately only wastes time. Why do I say that? Because if you’re just staying together without any real future and then you meet someone else who does want what you do, if they know their value (and they operate with a good amount of common sense), they aren’t going to want to try and start up something serious with an individual who still has emotionally “webs” with someone else.
And so yes, if there are some forks in the road right now between you and your man, you’ve got to figure out if you are going to evolve together or if it’s time to grow…apart.
5. Would We Be Better Off As Individuals…Apart?
Speaking of growing apart, this one really could be an article all on its own because, while people are out here looking for someone who will make them “happier,” I wish that they would focus on finding someone who will make them better — and yes, there is a difference.
An example that I constantly use to illustrate this point is although working out on a constant basis, without question, makes you BETTER — you may not always be HAPPY about doing it. Because this isn’t discussed enough, sadly, some people either ditch relationships faster than they should because they put being happy over being better, or they remain in a relationship well past its time and purpose, and it’s all because they don’t ask themselves if they are becoming a better individual as a direct result of being with their current “person.”
And what if you’re currently so emotionally attached to someone that you don’t know how to self-evaluate when it comes to this point?
How has your spiritual growth been since being in your relationship? Has it gotten better or worse? How have you been doing mentally and emotionally? Are you getting better or worse? Your purpose and its evolution? Since your relationship, have you seen progress or…not so much? Your self-awareness, maturity, and accountability levels? Are they elevating or nah? Are you more financially responsible? Are you professionally flourishing? Your physical (and sexual) health and well-being? Can you say that everything is thriving, or is it stagnating or on the decline?
If you get nothing else out of this article, I hope you truly hear me when I say that if you can’t clearly articulate how being with your partner has made you a better person — not just made you “feel good” but you have clear examples of how you have grown and developed — you really should do some soul-searching on whether it’s time to call it quits. Life is too short, and time is far too precious to share your world with someone who really isn’t helping you to be better…especially if, instead, they honestly are only making matters…worse.
6. Are We Trying Too Hard to Make This Thing Work?
Remember the engaged guy who I mentioned earlier?
Y’all, in my opinion, it truly can’t be said enough that we really need to stop “dating like we’re married” because it “programs” us into thinking that we owe a boyfriend the same kind of commitment level that we do a husband — and as controversial as it might be for some folks to hear these days, that simply IS NOT the case.
Dating is about seeing if someone “fits the bill” when it comes to becoming a spouse or long-term partner; however, while dating, no vows are taken, and no paperwork has been signed…in other words, until you are married, you don’t have to consider them in the way that you would if you were married to them.
When you are single in the way that the Bible and IRS state (there are no boyfriends and girlfriends in Scripture or on tax forms), YOU ARE YOUR TOP PRIORITY, which means that it’s okay to be unapologetic about choosing what really works best for you.
This isn’t about not being flexible or compromising — in any relationship, that is required. This is about, well, if there is always a problem, you are constantly feeling like you are toiling, if it always seems like there is some drama or trauma going on…at the end of the day, if it seems like it’s just too hard to make the relationship work, what’s the point in staying in it?
Sis, even if all of what I just said isn’t a bright red flag, it’s most definitely a dark yellow or deep orange one because “your fit” won’t consistently stretch out your bandwidth — he will pour into your cup more than drain it (as you do the very same thing for him…that is key!).
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A wise person once said, “Be picky about who you invest your time in because wasted time is worse than wasted money,” and that’s because you can’t ever get time back (check out “Love Is Patient. But Is Your Relationship Just Wasting Your Time?” and “Are You Wasting Your Time With 'Expiration Dating'?”).
So, if you and your partner truly care about each other, before January 1 arrives, do some relational inventory to see if you’re ultimately helping or harming one another. Because hear me when I say that it’s ALWAYS best to let a relationship go so that you can get to who is actually best for you rather than to selfishly hold on to who you know is…not.
A harsh truth…a real one, though. TRULY.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Luxury Hairstylist On Viral 'Hey Boo' Texts & Professionalism In The Hair Industry
As Black women, our hair is our crowning glory - whether we paid for it or not. We take pride in how we wear and take care of our hair. As with everything, hair care and hair styling have evolved over the years. Long gone are the days of Blue Magic (although I hear it’s making a comeback).
Now, we have a plethora of creams, oils, conditioners, shampoos, and stylists to choose from. Beyond wearing our natural curls, we have a range of options, from wigs and sew-ins to tape-ins, I-tips, and K-tips. So much choice! But you know what they say about too much of a good thing...
The Black hair industry has definitely blossomed in the last decade with a wave of new stylists and salons popping up all over the place. As much as I love that for us, many of these stylists have become the subjects of viral TikTok and Instagram tirades because of their alleged questionable behavior and bizarre rules.
Excessive policies, strange fees, long wait times, poor performance, and the infamous “Hey boo” texts. Beauty is pain, they say… xoNecole got to the root of these issues with luxury hair extensionist Dee Michelle, who’s been in the hair game for 20 years and runs a seven-figure business - all while being a mom of four.
Antonio Livingston
“I started my business with my career in the hair industry [at] very, very young age when I was maybe like eight...So, over the years, I've just built a very successful seven-figure business very quickly just by offering high-end services and creating great experiences for my clients, many of whom are high-profile professionals,” she said. “I'm also a mother of four, including a set of triplets, which inspires me daily to show what's possible with my hard work and focus.”
Dee’s business has gone viral on social media because of what many call outrageous prices for her invisible K-Tip installs.
“When I developed my invisible K-tip extensions technique, I made sure that it wasn't just about the hair or the style, but about providing a high-end experience from start to finish. So, my clients just aren't paying for the extensions or just the style itself, but they're investing into my meticulous, seamless craft and premium hair sourced from the best suppliers…I've spent so many hours mastering my craft, creating this seamless method that gives my clients long-lasting natural results, and my pricing just reflects that - the value of my expertise and the exclusivity of the service.”
The K-tip specialist stands on business when it comes to catering to her clients and giving them an experience worth the cost.
“And it's just important for me to also say that my clients are high-profile individuals who value quality, their privacy, and their time. They want a service that fits into their lifestyle and their time. They want things that deliver perfection. And I deliver that every single time.”
I’m sure we’ve all seen the various TikTok rants about people’s nightmare experiences with stylists and uttered a silent “FELT!” We asked Dee her opinion on a few nightmare scenarios that beg the response, “please be so forreal."
On stylists charging extra to wash clients’ hair:
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
On ‘deposits’ that don’t go towards the cost of the service:
“I think that's kind of weird, too, for deposits to not be like a part of the service. I've seen people have booking fees and I just don't understand it, to be honest. I disagree with that kind of policy…By all means, people should do what works for them, but to me, it doesn't make sense. Why does somebody have to pay a fee just to book an appointment with you? I don't get it. It feels like exploitation.”
On stylists charging extra to style (straighten/curl) wigs, sew-ins etc., after installing:
“I don't get it. Clients come to us to get their hair done, to get it styled. So why is it extra for you to style it? If you're going to charge extra, just increase your price. I feel like it could be just a lack of confidence in those stylists, feeling like people won't pay a certain price for certain things, or just their lack of professionalism as well, because people are coming to us to get styled.”
On the infamous “Hey boo” text stylists send to clients when they need to cancel/reschedule:
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
We know all too well what kinds of things will keep us from ever gracing certain hairstylists’ chairs with our butts again. So, what should hairstylists do to provide a good service to their clients? What is good hairstylist etiquette?
“For one, being on time is an important rule for stylist etiquette. It's just not okay to require your clients to be on time, and you're not on time. Also, communication. Being able to communicate clearly, respectfully, and professionally, whether that's in person, via text, or on social media. Style is etiquette. Appearance matters. So just maintaining a clean, polished, and professional look. Clients respect you more whenever your appearance reflects your work. There's just so many things, but another thing I would say is active listening. So, being able to pay close attention to what your client wants and also clarifying any questions that they might have. Just to ensure that they feel heard and to minimize any misunderstandings.”
Dee also shared some red flags to look out for when considering a new stylist.
“Even me as a client, if I'm booking somebody and they have a long list of rules, I don't even book with them. That's, for one, just such a huge turn-off. Also, stylists who have inconsistent or unclear pricing, that's a red flag. People who change their rates too much without an explanation. Poor communication. So, if a stylist is responding very slow or responding unprofessionally, or giving vague answers to questions, that can make clients question whether or not they are respecting their time and their needs.
Another red flag - an inconsistent or low quality portfolio. And I feel like, I see this a lot with stylists stealing other people's work, and their portfolio on social media is just very inconsistent.”
We couldn’t let Dee go without getting the tea on what styles she predicts will trend in 2025.
“I feel like people are going back to natural-looking styles. So, a lot of people are ditching the wigs, the lace fronts, things like that. People are still wearing them, of course, but it is becoming more of a trend to embrace your natural hair and something that's not looking too fake. That’s one thing that we're going to be seeing a lot. I would say a lot of layers are coming back, heavy layers. Those are becoming really, really trendy. And people are leaning more towards platinum-colored hair. I've been seeing lots of like blondes coming out. Also, jet black is always going to be a trend. But I would say more like natural colors, but natural colors that are still making a statement.”
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Feature image by Antonio Livingston.
6 Destinations Perfect For That Last-Minute Galentine's Day Trip
Valentine’s Day may be all about couple goals and baecations for some, but Galentine’s Day is all about celebrating the most fabulous love of all: friendship. You and your besties deserve a spontaneous escape, so a last-minute Galentine’s Day getaway is the perfect way to reconnect, recharge, and create unforgettable memories.
And you don’t need lots of prep for this. We’ve got you all the way covered with these last-minute Galentine’s Day trip ideas, from domestic to international. (And if you can’t quite make it this year, you’ve got a whole year to add these to the Galentine’s Weekend Trip group chat for 2026):
Antigua, Guatemala
Less than a five-hour flight for many southeastern U.S. folk, Antigua, Guatemala, has a magic about it, with its cobblestone streets and colorful colonial architecture. You and your friends can enjoy grand courtyards, plazas, museums, and vibrant markets. And Villa Bokéh, a former hacienda that turned into a boutique hotel, is the perfect pick for a base. Enjoy six acres of lush gardens, a private lagoon, and an intimate selection of 15 elegant rooms. Each room has a private terrace where you can enjoy panoramic views that include the sight of the three volcanoes surrounding the city.
Puerto Vallarta, Mexico
From the cool on-site dinner offerings at resorts like Marriott Puerto Vallarta (where their “Jalisco at Your Table” menu that takes diners through a gastronomic journey with tequila tastings led by a sommelier), to wellness immersions for spa days and healing, to boat trips to Playa Majahuitas, where there's a trendy beach club, this destination has something for everyone in the group. It's a one-stop shop that even the most picky or bourgeois in your group will love.
Napa, Calif.
If you’re in the Midwest or on the West Coast, this is the perfect option for booking a last-minute flight, train ride, or making it a road trip adventure for Galentine’s Day. Book the "Love, Napa" package at the Meritage Resort & Spa, a getaway that includes a $200 resort credit, a rose petal and sparkling wine turndown, and a fire pit reservation with a s’mores kit. (It runs throughout February until the 28th.)
There’s also the Unwind Spa Terra, which is an experience inside a wine cave. You and your foodie friends? Well, try the three-course aphrodisiac-infused menu at Ember Steak or Olive & Hay (available Feb. 13–23), featuring oysters, truffles, and a tomahawk steak. There’s also Napa’s Lighted Art Festival through Feb. 16, a great stop for enjoying art and the company of your closest friends.
Cabo San Lucas, Mexico
This option is all about the beach, themed cocktails, reflection and a bit of partying to make new Galentine’s memories. Set on the shores of Medano Beach, Corazón Cabo Resort & Spa, with its chic architecture, large bedrooms with balconies and divine hot tubs and its three infinity pools overlooking the famous Cabo Arc. There are rotating DJ sets every weekend, and the resort is home to Sparitual where you can get those chakra cleansed (if that’s what you’re into). Take advantage of the ‘Love, Cabo’ package, offering a special rate of up to 30% off, plus a daily $50 resort food and beverage credit. You can head downtown (a short walk or cab ride) to bar hop, visit tourist spots, and enjoy some of the best cultural experiences Mexico has to offer.
Bellevue, Washington
Get your luxury foodie adventure on in this destination, which is a short distance from Seattle. Check-in at the stylish W Bellevue, where you’ll be central to shopping and nightlife. Have sunset cocktails at Ascend Prime Steak & Sushi before heading to Civility & Unrest’s speakeasy experience.
To recover the next day, visit The Spa at the Bellevue Club, an athletic and social club where you play tennis or take a fitness classes. If you’re into cold-weather outdoor activities, head over to Meydenbauer Bay Park for rosé and local oysters. Other options include sports like Farsi Cafe for Indian food, sushi at Takai by Kashiba, and refined seafood menu at Seastar Restaurant & Raw Bar.
Willemstad, Curaçao
For all the Caribbean travel lovers, take a quick flight to Curaçao. Willemstad, with its colorful pastel buildings and iconic Handleskade backdrop, combines the allure of Europe and the spice of the Caribbean. There are several options for your hotel base, from resorts like Dreams Curaçao, Zoëtry, Renaissance, or Marriott Beach Resort, to locally-owned boutique hotels like Boho Boutique Hotel and Bario.
And this is not a place to forgo the tourist spots to check off your travel bucket list with your girls. Stop at the Queen Emma Bridge, explore the trendy Pietermaai, pause at Serena’s Art Factory, get a bite at an old governor’s mansion, or join the locals at Plasa Bieu. Add an ATV tour with Premium Paradise Tours or take a day trip to off-the-beaten-path Klein Curaçao by private boat charter.
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