If you ever needed the blueprint to trusting the process and making a major comeback after a setback, just take a look at the path of media personalities Scottie Beam and Sylvia Obell.
While this podcasting duo has had a long-standing friendship over the years, they officially joined forces back in 2020 while co-hosting their popular Netflix podcast, Okay, Now Listen.
The show garnered rave reviews and a devoted community throughout the pandemic, however, in July 2022, the podcast ended. But as timing would have it, these media besties are now launching their latest series, The Scottie & Sylvia Show, with Issa Rae's “audio everywhere” platform, Raedio.
And yes, it’s bigger and better than before.
With so much shifting in our day-to-day lives and so many pop culture moments unfolding right before our screens, Scottie and Sylvia are the perfect pair to provide a refreshing take on today's ever-growing society. Each week, the two will tackle topics such as colorism, imposter syndrome, romance, and vulnerability, featuring celebrity guests and engaging gamified segments that invite listeners into their inspiring friendship.
The podcast partnership came together as organic as Scottie and Sylvia’s bond, only, their missing link was multi-hyphenate media mogul, Issa Rae. As the co-hosts were wrapping up their Netflix podcast, Sylvia — who has a background in journalism — had the opportunity to profile Issa Rae for her Today.com cover story. After the interview, Rae inquired about how things were going with the podcast when Sylvia shared the news of its ending.
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“I knew that a lot was about to change on the landscape again, and I was like, ‘Where can we go and be safe?'" Sylvia says. “I didn’t want to be under the whim of white billionaires anymore. And that’s why Issa was the perfect fit for that.
”What she didn’t know at the time was that Rae was interested in picking up their show under her media company, and after a few discussions, their partnership was born.
"Scottie and Sylvia are so raw and relatable, and I'm such a fan of their effortless, hilarious chemistry," said Issa Rae, CEO of HOORAE. "I'm so grateful they chose Raedio as their podcast home."
xoNecole: Since the moment you all announced the completion of your podcast with Netflix, you all were very adamant about saying, “This is not goodbye…” Can you all touch on how the power of speaking things into existence played a role in your careers thus far?
Scottie Beam: Listen, sometimes that's all you have: speaking things into existence; because that's what you have to work off of. Your words mean things, and there is power of the tongue. I truly believe in saying things, manifesting things, and then going after them. So when we said we were going to come back, we definitely did, and we made sure it was bigger and better.
Sylvia Obell: I'm a believer. So I've always believed that God had a purpose for my life and that the prayers of ‘the righteous availeth much.’ If I asked for things and they coordinate with God's will, then they will come to pass. What's interesting about this portion of my life is that this wasn't my initial plan or dream; I think it's something that happened to me, which makes it feel more purpose-driven and [like] where I was supposed to be, rather than something I pushed myself into.
The part we manifested, or at least believed in, was that if Netflix wasn't the place for us, we would find the right place.
xoN: Let’s take things back a little, many of us were first introduced to Scottie through Hot 97 and on to 'Black Girl Podcast.' What initially drew you to podcasting in the beginning, and did you ever see it becoming what it’s become today?
SB: My love for radio. I love radio, I've been in radio before I started podcasting, and with Black Girl Podcast, we figured out that other Black women were talking and that Black women need to be talking to each other. We decided to sit in front of those mics, talk, and see where it goes. That podcast was us talking about experiences, sharing each other's feelings, and being able to relate on so many different levels.
A lot of us feel alone most of the time because we don't have the spaces. But now we get to dominate these spaces and are trying to dominate these spaces, and Black Girl Podcast really did its thing. It's incredible what we were able to do during that time.
xoN: Sylvia, you come from a journalism background, and you’ve always said that you create with Black women in mind first. Why is it important to have and see more Black women represented within the podcasting space?
SO: We deserve to hear our stories and see ourselves in one another and not feel alone and not feel like our experiences are just siloed. Finding community and realizing that there are people who know how you feel, what you're going through, and here's how they got out.
Also, just feeling seen — it’s like the feeling of coconut oil being poured on your soul. Knowing you’re not alone, especially after the pandemic, and because we launched our first podcast during the pandemic, so much of what it was based on was us helping people not feel alone, feel like they're with their friends, and feel like they're a part of our friendship And like that matters.
That's why it's important that we all contribute to that as much as we can, not just me and Scottie, but as many Black women who are able to step up to the table because our experiences are also not a monolith. There's diversity within that diversity. It’s important to get as much representation as possible out there in the podcasting space and in all spaces.
"Sometimes that's all you have: speaking things into existence; because that's what you have to work off of. Your words mean things, and there is power of the tongue."
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xoN: The first episode of your podcast was a really touching moment of reflection on the past year you both have shared “navigating unknown territory.” What was the biggest lesson you all learned from that time?
SB: Being still is a skill. It's an art that I have not mastered yet, but I had to do [so] in order to find some calm within the chaos. And the chaos, meaning my mind, overthinking everything, trying to reach for perfection, and never seeming to actually get it not. But what I had to do was listen to God and be still.
SO: Knowing who you are outside of your job and your work. Cultivating that part of you, the evolution and growth of you as a personal human being, especially when you have a platform. It's so important that you do the inside work to be somebody who can be responsible on that mic, who can share fruitful thoughts and not just petty ones or shady ones or quips or things that will go viral because they're wreaking havoc. I don't want to wreak havoc, I want to wreak joy.
I want insight, knowledge, and growth. Yes, we're going to laugh, have fun, and be light, but I want to go viral over, like saving somebody from pain or a mistake.
xoN: I truly believe that you all are the bounce-back queens. What do you think is the secret to bouncing back after life’s darkest seasons?
SB: It's definitely all about learning from the failure instead of just attacking yourself because you failed. And that is the hardest thing that I have to learn, and I’m still learning to do. Also, knowing that you're gonna bounce again, and bounce again, and bounce again. Because life is going to "life" and it’s going to continue to "life" for the rest of your life. So you just have to master the art of living.
SO: Just knowing that that's all life is: bounce back after bounce back. It's not some type of cruel personal thing that's happening to you, that's just the gig of life, and it's just going to keep happening until it's over. So to wish for it to stop happening is to wish for life to stop changing — and this is coming from somebody who hates change. I had to [learn] how to do what did Toni Morrison said, "If you surrender to the air, you could ride it."
"It's definitely all about learning from the failure instead of just attacking yourself because you failed. Because life is going to 'life' and it’s going to continue to 'life' for the rest of your life. So you just have to master the art of living."
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xoN: Issa Rae is a role model for so many of us Black women today. In working with her, what is one lesson or trait that you all have been able to glean from her?
SB: I learned from Issa Rae how to stand in your talent, stand in your power, and believe in the power that you have. Make sure that you work for it, and it works for you. Make sure that whatever power, talent, and blessing that you have, you lean into it. I am 100% behind that. The humble approach is nice, but sometimes you do have to realize that you are really that girl, so lean into it.
SO: Networking across, not up. From the Awkward Black Girl web series to Insecure, they didn’t have these big stars… they didn't lean on ‘hey, look at me, look at my show,' or beg [them] to be a part of this. There’s power in how many people are to my left and my right; there’s talent, and together we have this power to make this really cool thing that will get that attention naturally.
We just need a platform, and together, we can really take off and continue to extend. That's why Raedio just feels like a perfect fit because they're already about looking in versus outwards to create art. And I think that that's such a beautiful lesson Issa has shown us all.
xoN: For fans that have followed you since the start of your career to the new ones that will be introduced to this new platform, what can listeners of 'The Scottie and Sylvia Show' expect from you all in the new chapter of your podcasting era?
SO: We're going to be able to talk about more, be more, and do more, all while still keeping that friendship base and all the things that people love from us.
SB: With this new chapter of podcasting, there's also a new chapter of life that we've lived, so we'll be able to share a lot on that, our experiences. I'm so excited to be able to just talk to y'all again, relate to y'all again, and joke with y'all again. We have games, new segments, guests — we have it all, honey! It's just better because we're on Raedio now; so that's gonna be amazing.
Tune in weekly to The Scottie and Sylvia Show now on @TheRaedio's YouTube channel, or listen in on Spotify and Apple Podcast.
Featured image courtesy of Scottie Beam and Sylvia Obell
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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1. Create a Budget. Stick to It.
GiphyBudgets, boy. I recently read that one of the reasons why they don’t work for a lot of people is because many folks don’t have a clue about how much money they spend on a monthly basis to begin with. SMDH. That said, at the end of the day, it’s important to remember that a budget is simply setting boundaries/limits on your spending — and being intentional about moving in this fashion is always a wise move; especially when it comes to this time of the year…especially being that it’s typical for half of all Americans to take on some type of holiday season debt with 17 percent needing six (or more) months to pay it off.
Know what can prevent this kind of financial chaos? A SPENDING BUDGET. Tips for how to create one of your own this year can be found here.
2. Never Shop When You’re Stressed or Pressed
GiphyYou know how they say that it’s not a good idea to go grocery shopping when you’re hungry? Although the holiday season can be a stressful time, avoid shopping for gifts (or décor or food for recipes) when you are feeling stressed out or pressed for time. More times than not, that cultivates anxiety which could cause you to either purchase things that you don’t really want or to spend money that you don’t really have (P.S. If you’re relying on credit cards, that qualifies as money that you don’t really have. Just sayin’).
3. Don’t Keep Up with the Joneses
GiphyKnow something else that can stress you out: trying to keep up with the Joneses. And y’all, now that we have social media, the reality is that envy is at an all-time high. That’s because it can be really easy to watch holiday engagements, holiday trips and folks bragging about the things that they’ve received in times past, only for you to find yourself wishing that you were them — or putting pressure on yourself and those in your world to keep up.
Listen, it is King Solomon who once said, “So are the ways of everyone who is greedy for gain; It takes away the life of its owners” (Proverbs 1:19 — NKJV) and “A sound heart is life to the body, but envy is rottenness to the bones” (Proverbs 14:30 — NKJV) and he’s considered to be the wisest man who ever lived (during his time — I Kings 4:30). Yeah, both of these verses are a spiritual reminder that whatever you are planning to do or give, do it out of the goodness of your heart — not so that you can low-key “outdo” the next guy.
4. No Need to “Tit-for-Tat”
GiphyThis one might be a bit controversial yet I’m totally okay with that. I don’t care what the occasion is, no one is OWED a present. A gift is a voluntary token of one’s appreciation or affection. That said, if you decide to give someone a present this year, don’t automatically expect something in return. If you get something, cool. If not, if you were giving for the right reasons, it really shouldn’t matter (RIGHT?). On the flip side, if someone decides to get you something and you don’t have something to offer in return, also cool.
Other than going to someone’s home for a holiday dinner or party, for anyone to feel like they should have something in hand because someone else does…that’s not giving, that’s competing — and that absolutely should not be the spirit that you are in (or around) during this time of year.
Again, a gift is not an obligatory thing. If you’ve always thought otherwise, it’s time to do some serious reprogramming.
5. Avoid the Pressure to Buy for Lots of Adults
GiphyLast month, Newsweek published an article that said it’s wise to not spend a ton of money purchasing gifts for adults. A financial expert in the piece said that it’s best to buy for kids because, more times than not, you’re going to get adults something that they already have a lot of, they don’t really need or they’re not going to use (beyond maybe regifting) anyway.
If you’re not feeling that insight, my take would be to exchange names and set a price cap for the grown folks. I say that because, I don’t think that people ever outgrow wanting something over Christmas. It’s just that the over-the-top energy should be reserved for the kiddies — and even then, the “4-gift rule” (want, need, read, experience) is probably your best bet for them…financially and otherwise.
6. Go for Thoughtful over Expensive
GiphyIt’s kind of wild how much close-to-torture folks send themselves through to purchase gifts that, a good 6-8 months now, most folks aren’t even going to remember. That’s why it’s also a good idea to purpose in your mind to get something thoughtful over expensive.
Honestly, that’s a big part of the reason why Etsy continues to be a go-to for gifts (for every occasion) for me. It’s because you can oftentimes get things customized/personalized which ends up meaning so much more to people than something that you bought at a generic department store that might have a high price tag yet still lacks in sentimentality and deep meaning.
7. Use Coupons and Promo Codes
GiphyCoupons (and promo codes) are a slippery slope in the sense that…they remind me of when I used to go overboard while thrift store shopping. I say that because, just because I might find several bomb dresses for under $20, what am I going to do with 50 of ‘em (over time)? It’s just as much of a waste of money as buying couture if neither option gets much use.
And that’s kind of the thing about coupons and promo codes. Some people end up overspending because they rationalize that so long as there are discounts attached, it’s all good. At the same time, this doesn’t mean that you should forego coupons and promo codes altogether. The key is to put together your shopping list (and budget) and then use discounts specifically for those items. If you do this, you could save well over $1,000 annually (at least, depending on what you decide to buy).
8. Avoid Add-Ons
GiphyYeah. Dodge add-on expenses. Add-ons like what? The first thing that comes to my mind is a warranty. What’s the chance that someone is actually going to need that? Another example is paying for things to be “professionally” gift wrapped. Chile, throw that stuff in a gift bag with some tissue paper and go on about your day. All good.
9. Rethink Gift Cards
GiphyIf there is any time of the year when there is a noticeable hike in gift card purchases, now would be it. And although they are a convenient approach to gift giving, at the same time, many come with hidden fees, the full amount oftentimes goes unused (which ends up being a waste of money) and they do come with expiration dates that are oftentimes forgotten.
So, if you’re someone who likes to wait until the last minute to do your holiday shopping, resist the urge to impulsively pick up a handful of gift cards. Unless it’s to a place that you know someone is going to use within the next few months, they could end up in somebody’s kitchen drawer for the next couple of years. And what a waste that would be.
10. They’ll Get It When They Do. And That’s Okay.
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GiphyOne more. Although it is super thoughtful and proactive to get people their gifts in time for whatever occasion you purchased them for, if trying to reach that goal is going to require paying for rush shipping that is damn near as high as the price of gift or spending a lot of gas money that you don’t have at the moment to drive miles and miles away — take the pressure off to spend a ton of cash just to make sure that something arrives at December 25. Listen, through doing business with Etsy, I have learned that through this administration, there are all sorts of tariff issues going on and the USPS is slower than ever too, so paying more may not guarantee much.
The hack? Send a message that something special is coming…soon enough. The thought really is what counts (more times than not); plus, it builds anticipation of something good coming, even if it’s after all of the Christmas Day hoopla. And no one (with sense) is going to have a problem with that.
Now don’t you feel better? Happy Holiday Shopping, sis.
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