I grew up spending summers with my aunts and uncles in Brooklyn and Harlem, crushing hard on Puerto Rican boys and enjoying city escapades within the Puerto Rican diaspora community that had a major presence there. Back then, I’d hear Hector Levoe as often as I would Michael Jackson, and I’d crave traditional arroz con pollo just as much as a traditional pizza slice. I’d felt the Black and Brown connection of food, music, and traditions from a young age.
But even after years of traveling a lot for business and pleasure in my adulthood, I’d never actually been to Puerto Rico.
San Juan is always at the top of the list for popular vacation spots in PR, but when I was finally offered the opportunity to witness the true richness of Black culture via a trip with Discover Puerto Rico to Fajardo— a region in the East, just an hour’s drive from San Juan—I jumped at the chance. The whole experience was eye-opening, cleansing, alluring, and life-changing.
And since it’s Black History Month, I've created an itinerary full of cultural richness and adventure that you can add to your bucket list when you visit Puerto Rico.
Where I Stayed:
At El Conquistador Resort's La Marina
Courtesy of Janell Hazelwood
El Conquistador
Fajardo, Puerto Rico
This was just the perfect spot to not only be centrally located to take on activities and excursions but to get the quiet time I needed to reflect on all I saw and witnessed on the trip.
The resort is an expansive property with four pools, a massive golf course, a private island called Palomino, a water park, and beachfront restaurants. It still had a vibe that hugged you in a way no super-commercialized tourist trap ever would.
My room was located within their La Marina Village section, which was a Godsend because, from my private balcony, I could enjoy quiet mornings and sunrises with my cup of coffee. The room also included a king-sized bed, minimalist but modern decor, a waterfall shower, a workspace and seating area, a coffee station, and streaming and cable TV. The vibes were like living in an oceanfront gated community.
Fun Excursions
Bespoke Lifestyle Management
Carolina
The drivers and tour guides had us riding in style (a luxury Black SUV to be exact) while they transported us to and from each activity, sharing details on the history of the rainforest, the culture of the surrounding communities, and the best off-the-beaten-path spots to eat. (Because of them, there’s a strip of restaurants in Fajardo that specialize in offering nothing but pork that I have to visit next time I’m in PR).
I highly recommend booking tours through a guide service or company because they usually know all of the off-the-beaten-path places to go. (But even if you don’t book one like Bespoke, you can still hire your own driver or rent your own car.)
Mini-Boat & Snorkeling Tours With Kayaking Puerto Rico
Las Croabas
I’m nobody’s swimmer (and I’ve never really enjoyed being in the middle of an ocean in a boat smaller than a cruise ship,) but this right here was a memorable tour that I’m glad I tried. You can get your Megan Thee Stallion on and drive the boat, or like me—the fearful non-swimmer in the group—opt to be a passenger, in pairs of twos or threes.
We were part of a small convoy riding along the beautiful coast of Fajardo. We stopped for guided snorkeling in La Cordillera Nature Reserve’s amazing coral reefs.
Then we ventured to Icacos Beach (located on the small island of Cayo Icacos) where we enjoyed drinks and snacks. The team was informative, and fun, and made sure everyone (from experienced snorkelers to newbies) could enjoy themselves.
The Rainforest Zipline Park
Rio Grande
This location has five platforms with the first few being testers to prep you for the higher lines that take you through the lush greenery and nature. The staff was welcoming, fun, and super-attentive to ensuring everyone's safety, and this was key for me, a first-timer who has a fear of heights and has battled with vertigo in the past.
The groups were small, which made the experience feel intimate. I learned new things about pushing my own boundaries and recognized how fear literally is an avoidable roadblock to fully enjoying life. It sparked a new interest to do more extreme sports during my travels.
Brisket at La Estacion in Fajardo, Puerto Rico
Courtesy of Janell Hazelwood
Where I Ate (My Favs):
Rio Grande
A local breakfast and brunch favorite, this cute restaurant had friendly staff, chic coffee-shop decor, and good food. Instead of going with the usual pancake or egg dishes, try the arepa benedicts, a Puerto Rican play on the Eggs Benedict that swaps out the English muffin with cornmeal cakes. It was a lovely mix of savory, creamy, and sweet.
Cinco Nudos
Fajardo
This is a casual waterfront seafood eatery that I absolutely loved. I highly recommend trying the croquetas de bacalao (traditional Puerto Rican cod croquettes), the Calamares Costeros (squid rings with lemon aioli), and the fresh whole red snapper with Creole sauce. Everything tasted like they literally caught it that day.
Whole snapper fish at Cinco Nudos
Courtesy of Janell Hazelwood
La Estacion
Fajardo
The Nuyorican BBQ here was more than amazing but what really intrigued me was the backstory of this restaurant being a former gas station revamped into a restaurant by a couple who relocated to their roots more than a decade ago.
Try the charcoal-grilled local spiny-tail lobster, the coconut arepitas, their traditional rice and beans, and the star of the table: their brisket.
The sticky, sweet, and tender meat almost melts on your tongue and the cilantro chimichurri adds just enough of a citrusy boost that leaves you yearning for more.
A bonus: The owners brought out something called pitorro, or “Puerto Rican moonshine,”—a fermented drink traditionally made with sugarcane, spices, and fruits and enjoyed during the holidays. (Coming from someone who can drink shots of Jamaican white rum straight, the name didn’t scare me. It was a delish sweet closer for the night).
Bomba dancing in Loiza, Puerto Rico
Courtesy of Janell Hazelwood
Must-Visit Black Culture Spots:
Bomba Dancing With Sheila Osoiro of Taller Nzambi
Loiza
Bomba dance has roots in African ancestry and the slave rebellion in Puerto Rico, and learning the steps along with participating in this activity was deeply connecting and spiritual. (And not in the ‘Blood of Jesus, rebuke it!’ way.) Her classes are taught at the oceanfront, near a small square of small shops and stands where everyday Loizans congregate. Sheila was bold and captivating in her movements as well as her detailing the relationship between the drummers and the dancer and the history of bomba’s influential impact on generations of Afro-Puerto Ricans.
With every step of my bare feet in the sand and every sway of my hips, I felt not only a once-in-a-lifetime kinship with the land but with all the women who communed together in the dance circle with me, embracing both the living and the memories of those passed on.
This stop is mandatory when visiting Puerto Rico, especially as Black women of the diaspora.
Art Experience with Samuel Lind
Loiza
The three-story enclave—that by the way, gave alluring, mystical New Orleans Bourbon Street vibes—is located on a quiet narrow street in a community called Medianía Alta, and it serves as Lind's art studio and home.
His vivid realist depictions of Afro-Puerto Rican culture, festivals, spirituality, and traditions, especially of the people of Loiza, are colorfully divine and really intrigue you. I was so captivated that I bought a print on-site, which he signed.
I was happy to add a piece from an iconic artist, whose work has been featured at the Museum of Contemporary Art in Santurce, Puerto Rico as well as in Chicago, Philadelphia, New York, and Cleveland, to my own collection.
Iconic scultor and painter Samuel Lind, in his studio in Loiza, Puerto Rico
Courtesy of Janell Hazelwood
When I was told that I would be visiting Artesanias Castor Ayala, a shop that specializes in vejigantes masks (a horned mask that dates back to medieval Spanish folklore and is used in PR's Carnivals), I thought, ‘Oh, hell no!’ Any mention of demons and you can count me out. However, since the vejigantes masks are a huge part of Afro-Puerto Rican culture and, in today’s uses, are said to be more about the “battle between good and evil,” I took a deep breath, said a prayer, and gave it a chance. (And to be fair, a lot of our favorite American and Caribbean festivals and celebrations have less-than-savory undertones and history.) I was relieved when we went to this little house, just a few minutes' drive from the art gallery, because, who was there? A group of nuns. (Ha, look at God!)
By the time we left, I got a good sense of what goes into hand-making the masks and why they play such a huge role in Afro-Puerto Rican culture and folklore.
An added bonus: Tito, one of the hosts, took us in the backyard (where chickens were walking about unfazed) to show us photos and news clippings from his music career when he toured internationally with Latin bands. He chopped fresh coconuts for us to drink the water and eat the jelly (and shout out to all my fellow Caribbeans because I literally felt like I was back a ya’d at this guy’s spot).
If you're looking to tap into African culture and heritage in Puerto Rico, or simply explore another part of the diverse island, this itinerary is for you, allowing the space for reflection, fun, good eating, and more.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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And honestly, the holiday season isn’t exempt from this. I know from personal experience because, as someone who hasn’t observed any for many years now (without one regret), you’d be amazed by all of the theories that I’ve heard as to why that is the case. SMDH.
Chile, you don’t have the time and I don’t have the space to get into all of that nonsense. For now, I just want to provide a silver lining from my having to endure other people’s yapping by letting those of you who may not be super enthusiastic about the holidays this year (or any year) either that there is nothing wrong with that — or with you.
I’ll break down why and how I’ve come to that conclusion.
Not Being “on-10” Doesn’t Make You a Grinch
GiphyHonestly, I have some pretty solid memories about Christmastime. Because my mother grew up with an alcoholic father (and supreme spiritual hypocrite), she was very emotionally tied to the holiday because it was the only time that she recalled having real peace in her home. And so, we did the Christmas thing, pretty much to the hilt — fresh Christmas trees, baking Christmas-themed desserts, watching holiday movies, going caroling, stringing popcorn…you name it.
It wasn’t until I became an adult and I started doing research on the origin stories of holidays (check out “The History of Christmas” if you don’t already know about it), in general, that I became more and more detached. Plus, as a seventh-day Sabbath observer (Exodus 20:8-11, Hebrews 4, Matthew 28:1) — every Friday sunset through Saturday sunset was like a holiday in certain ways to me, so I never really “lived” for traditional calendar ones.
That doesn’t mean that I am all "Bah humbug" to folks who are totally into the holiday, though. For instance, my godchildren’s father acts like Christmas is a drug for him and so anything Christmas-like that he can think of is his fix. And although the girls (6 and 14) know that I don’t observe, I am good for getting them a “cold weather present” usually around the time the temps drop (in October) instead of an actual Christmas gift. And although I usually pass on hanging out with folks on Christmas Day, I’ll help bake a cookie or two in the days leading up to it.
So yeah, the first thing that folks who are pretty “meh” about Christmas need to be reminded of is that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make you a Grinch. If you recall the Grinch’s story, he did have some trauma and so he took it out on Christmas. Meanwhile, most of us who can take or leave the holidays, we aren’t “mad”…we’re just…for the most part…disinterested. The rest of y’all “do you,” though. And we mean that sincerely.
Not Being Thrilled Doesn’t Mean That You’re Depressed Either
GiphyI’ve shared before that there is someone in my world who gets so excited about Christmas that I almost want to see if there is a disorder linked to it. LOL. I mean from the start of October on, you are going to hear about her Christmas plans, plus, you are going to start seeing holiday décor up in her house — and she’s always been that way.
Because she knows that “I’m good” on Christmas, there have been times when she’s asked me if it’s because my parents divorced when I was young or if it’s because my family lives overseas or if it’s because I am not married and never had children. Shellie, you’re way too excited for your birthday for you to just…not care about Christmas. I think you might be suppressing something.
Good lord, girl. LOL. I’m excited for birthdays because another year of life in my right mind is a blessing. Christmas, personally, doesn’t make a ton of sense to me (especially to be spending a lot of cents) and so, I’ll pass. It’s really not any deeper than that. Besides, it’s not like I’m sitting in the dark somewhere on Christmas Day rocking back and forth in a corner. If anything, I really appreciate how quiet the world seems to be (both online and off) while everyone else is doing their thing. THANK YOU.
So yeah, if Christmas — or the holiday season, period — doesn’t have you jumping up and down, don’t let other people’s enthusiasm gaslight you into thinking that you should see a therapist. That said, for the record, if someone has mentioned depression to you, here are some signs that mental health professionals say are associated with holiday-related depression:
- Feelings of hopelessness
- Trouble sleeping
- Anxiety
- Tension
- Internalized frustration
- Feeling lonely and isolated
- Not doing any of the things that you typically enjoy
Do you see not wanting to go to a holiday party, opting out of Christmas shopping with a bunch of friends or preferring to not have any Christmas decorations up in your house on the list? Yeah, me neither. Moral to the story: Please don’t let people get you down by trying to manipulate you into thinking that if you aren’t like them, something must be wrong with you. During the holiday seasons or otherwise, chile.
Use This Time (Unapologetically) for Yourself
GiphyRemember how I just said that one of the things I damn near adore about Christmas is, since everyone is focused on their own families, I can get some real quality time to myself? Although a lot of things are closed on Christmas Day, you can still order a favorite meal the day before, turn off your phone and sleep in on Christmas Day and, if you want to get out and about — I don’t know about y’all but one of my favorite things is to go to the movies alone and movie theaters are always open on Christmas.
You know, I’ve shared before that I once interviewed a Jewish woman who was married to a Christian man. Together, they observe Chrismukkah and there is something that she said about it that has always stayed with me (paraphrased): “I don’t believe in Christmas but anything that can bring peace, joy and goodwill to humanity, even for a day, that is something that I can get behind.” I agree. And sometimes, what we need to remind ourselves is we need to set aside time to bring peace, joy and goodwill to ourselves. Use the holiday season to do that, if nothing else. You won’t regret it.
Do Private Things More than Public Ones
GiphyEven beyond Christmas, specifically, what if the entire holiday season is something that you’re pretty ho-hum about because things like mall traffic, stressed out relatives and the busyness of it all aren’t your favorite things? My two cents would be to not put your head under the covers and just wait for January 2 to arrive. Instead, opt out of big celebrations and do “calmer and quieter” things with some of your favorite people.
Since pretty much from a couple of days before Christmas until kids go back to school, folks are not on their “usual schedule,” go to brunch with your favorite aunt (or uncle), host a sleepover with a couple of girlfriends and/or Zoom one of your buddies to create vision boards for the new year.
Listen, just because you may not be in the traditional holiday spirit, that doesn’t mean that you can’t take advantage of the time that it offers for you to do some quality things with people you care about. Just you and them. No one else.
Create Your Own Traditions
GiphyNot into the 12 Days of Christmas? Pamper yourself for the week leading into the New Year. Don’t want a Christmas tree? Have some roses or poinsettias sent to your house. Couldn’t care less about a ball dropping on New Year’s Eve? Rent out a huge Airbnb New Year’s Eve and enjoy a change of scenery.
Y’all, just because the holiday season comes with its own traditions, there is no written rule which says that you have to follow them — or that you can’t come up with some of your own. Hell, if you put enough thought into this tip, you might look up and realize that you absolutely adore this time of year — just for a totally different set of reasons than most. Beautiful.
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