I don't know who needs to hear this but, you are not (and should not be) the end-all-be-all solution to everyone's problems. Burnout is a real issue among women, and it often stems from overcompensating, over-performing, and overextending yourself until you finally give zero F's and become over it.
I recently came across a term that made me do a double-take on my own life: overfunctioning. According to the experts at Psychology Today, overfunctioning happens when you go above and beyond to control a situation and other's perceptions and feelings around it. You try to become the hero who will do anything to make sure that all is well, even if it means putting yourself last or not getting what you truly want.
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A study found that 70 percent of working women have experienced burnout since the start of the pandemic. In addition to being "Zoomed" to death, women have to deal with household and care-giving responsibilities, educational pursuits, and other commitments that put them in overfunctioning mode.
Here's what overfunctioning looks like:
- Excessive people-pleasing to avoid disappointing others
- Avoiding saying "no"
- Setting goals for other people without their permission
- Taking on more responsibilities even when you are not asked
- Enabling bad behaviors in others
- Always talking and never listening to others
- Giving unsolicited advice
- Feeling like a victim when others do not recognize your efforts
As an overfunctioner, your anxiety is the driver of your actions because in your mind, if you are not in control of everything, something has to go wrong eventually. You may argue that overfunctioning is "just how it is" or "just the way you are," but it's actually a response to anxiety related to things that honestly have nothing to do with you.
Here's the thing: For so long, we've heard the narrative of being a "strong Black woman." We have to be tough, resilient, independent, and ready to take on life without a flinch because that is what we were taught to do. However, we have to be conscious enough to understand when we follow generational or societal trends by default or subscribe to the need to constantly be in control at all times.
Whatever your reason, take time to understand the emotional, physical, and mental toll overfunctioning can take on your life. "Doing the most" gives you an illusion of being in control when, in reality, you are losing control of yourself.
Image via Giphy
If you're overfunctioning, understand this:
- You don't always have to be the bigger person if it's to your own mental and physical detriment.
- You don't always have to give people, work, and situations every bit of your being.
- You don't always have to find a solution just because someone comes to you with a problem.
- You don't always have to be a helicopter wife, girlfriend, parent, or friend, trying to stop others from learning from their own mistakes.
You are ultimately responsible for yourself and how you react and respond to life.
You will find better peace of mind knowing that you can eliminate burnout when you stay and operate within your lane and live a life where you can let your hair down and let others do the same, live life, and learn for themselves.
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The cast was filled with eye-candy like McKinley Freeman, Michael Ealy, and Sean Patrick Thomas (Morris Chestnut was added to season two), and a few love scenes that will make you clutch your pearls. xoNecole had the opportunity to chat with the show’s leading lady, Emayatzy Corinealdi, about what we can expect in season two and how she balances keeping her joyful spirit and body-goals physique.
McKinley Freeman, Emayatzy Corinealdi, and Morris Chestnut
Photo by Robin L Marshall/Getty Images for ESSENCE
xoNecole: First, I have to say I’m a fan of the show and your story. I know how you moved to LA 20 years ago to chase this dream, and that world can be so tough while navigating life and motherhood. So, my first question is, how do you balance it all and maintain your well-being?
Emayatz Corinealdi: Girl, it’s just my faith. It helps me by realizing that I'm not perfect. I can't do it all. I realize it’s okay to make mistakes. Giving myself that grace really helps because I used to feel like I have to keep all of the balls in the air and everything has to be one particular way. Now, I’ve learned that I’m almost dishonoring my faith by believing that everything starts and ends with me, and I can just do the whole thing. I can't - well, I can't without letting it go and letting God. That’s really the key.
xoN: So let’s get into the show. What was it like playing a character that is inspired by a real person (Attorney Shawn Holley from the OJ Simpson trial)?
EM: I've only played an actual person in another film. But this isn't truly her, this is just inspired by Shawn Holley. But at the same time, I still want to represent because she is one of the baddest to ever do it. I have so much respect for her and she’s also an executive producer of the show. I want to make sure that I represent not only her, but all the Black women who are attorneys and work in this field. So in that sense, yes, it's always in the back of my mind.
xoN: Okay, so you know, here at xoNecole, we talk a lot about love and relationships. And Jax was in a very interesting love triangle. But it seems like, ultimately, she chose her safe place. I'm curious, personally, what's your thoughts on passion versus security in relationships?
EM: I really think you could have both. I don't think you need to make a choice in that. Ideally, you want to have a relationship where you’re interested and invested - not just settling for the security of things. That’s the route I suggest - not settling. But people have all kinds of reasons why they do things, so I'm never judging.
Ideally, you want to have a relationship where you’re interested and invested - not just settling for the security of things. That’s the route I suggest - not settling. But people have all kinds of reasons why they do things, so I'm never judging.
xoN: Now, can we talk about one of our favorite MCMs over 40, Morris Chestnut? I heard he’s joining the new season. Can you tell us a little about how your characters will interact?
EM: Well, where we left off on season one, Jax had this traumatic experience, with Damon's character. So now, Jax is trying to pick up the pieces because everything is in a state of disarray. She’s trying to find herself again. She feels like, ‘How did I not see this coming? I'm usually on it. I'm sharp. Why did I allow myself to get into this situation, you know?’
So she's asking all these questions when her friend needs her. But then, probably for the first time, Jax realizes she may not be fully able to do what she needs to. So she reaches out to who can get the job done. And that's where Corey comes in, played by Morris Chestnut.
xoN: Speaking of Jax, I don’t know how she has time but that woman is always running. But obviously, to keep that physique, you must personally have a strict exercise regimen too. Can you share a health and fitness tip for the girlies?
EM: Yes, Jax runs, and she's in shape. But I love to run as well! That was one of my favorite things about the character. There’s a huge hill by my house, and I run it about three or four times a week when I’m able – otherwise, it's one or two. But that's a large part of my mental health as well, just feeling good in my body and keeping that going. And I generally like to work out outside. I'll even take my weights and mats. I don't really like gyms, but outdoor workouts help me keep it together.
xoN: You mentioned mental health, last season touched on so many necessary conversations. Themes like abuse and mental health were addressed. Are there any other heavy themes being explored this season that we should prepare for?
EM: Definitely. Domestic violence is going to be a huge theme. Dealing with Janelle’s character, we're going to find out a lot more details about their marriage and how things played out, and what she was really going through.
xoN: Wow, that can be taxing. I’ll close with this: how do you protect your mental health? Would you mind sharing a key practice?
EM: I generally start every day with a devotional. That helps me set the tone for the day… Outside of that, I just center myself multiple times. Instead of allowing things to get me stressed out, I recoup and take moments back. I’ve found that to be helpful, especially when a lot of things are happening. Nothing will fall apart while you take that one second. And if it does, that's okay. I recommend just giving yourself grace.
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