November is a time of maintaining your strength and opening your heart. This is the month to stand in your empowerment, trust the guiding force of your heart and the intuition it brings, and get inspired by where you are headed right now. The month begins in the midst of Eclipse Season, with the final eclipse of the year occurring in Taurus on November 8th. This Total Full Moon Lunar Eclipse also happens to be the Blood Moon of the year, signifying an empowering, transformational, and somewhat intense time for the collective. Changes and transformations are inevitable this month, but what you do with what is occurring will be the biggest game changer of it all.
Scorpio Season always brings a little more intensity and revelation, however, without this time the world would know no depth. Scorpio takes us to places we need to be and uncovers the mysteries we have been pondering. On November 16th, the energy begins to move into Sagittarius as Venus enters this fire sign. With Venus in Sagittarius until December 9th, love goes on an adventure and is a little harder to grasp for the time being. Venus in Sagittarius loves its freedom and shows us the importance of having fun, living with an open mind and heart, and trusting your intuition first and foremost.
The Sun moves into Sagittarius on November 22nd, and with Sagittarius Season here, this is the time to have a little more fun with life after a heavy emotional time in Scorpio Season and to explore your world. Sagittarius Season is when travel is heavy, the vibes are inspiring, and when perspective is everything. There is a New Moon in Sagittarius the very next day after Sag Season begins, and the more you can focus on the positive opportunities and paths that are opening for you right now, the more that can come. This New Moon is a time of gathering your strength, remaining optimistic, and walking into new doors.
As November comes to a close, Jupiter in Pisces moves out of retrograde and goes direct on the same day of the New Moon, on November 23rd. Jupiter is the planet of blessings and good fortune, and in direct motion, it’s able to bring that. You can expect some positive experiences at the end of the month, and karma coming around to bless the world again. Jupiter in Pisces is all about creativity, compassion, and your belief systems, and by the end of the month, there is more freedom to explore, engage, and live free. November overall is a month to release doubts and trust the process.
Aries Horoscope for November 2022
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleNovember is all about overcoming fears, Aries. With Scorpio Season underway, and the Sun currently moving through your 8th house of transformation, there is a lot to process this month. You are uncovering new truths and are also seeing what’s been holding you back in the process. The revelations that are appearing in your life are changing the path ahead for you, and it’s about letting go of what’s leaving you feeling trapped rather than as free as you should feel.
On November 22nd, the Sun moves out of Scorpio and into fellow fire sign, Sagittarius. When the Sun is in the same element as yours, you feel more aligned with what is occurring and there are fewer hiccups on your path toward success. The Sun moves into the adventure zone of your chart, and with a New Moon in this area on the 23rd, you will be leaving this month feeling inspired, hopeful, and with some new plans set in motion.
Taurus Horoscope for November 2022
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleYour guidance for the month is to expect the best for yourself, Taurus. Don’t let fears or insecurities get the best of your mind this month, and remember to take the time to decompress and allow things to come to fruition the way they are meant to. There have been a lot of things happening regarding your love life this year, and this month things are coming to a head here. The more you can focus on what you want rather than what you don’t, the closer you will be to where your heart is.
The Full Blood Moon Lunar Eclipse happening this month on November 8th is occurring in your sign, and you are moving through a major release in your life. This month is all about releasing what doesn’t feel like you anymore and knowing that you are supported in this process. Stand by the decisions you are making for yourself and your growth right now and know that sometimes it’s about you looking out for yourself and putting your goals first.
Gemini Horoscope for November 2022
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is a beautiful month for you, Gemini. Some happy and fortunate outcomes are coming through for you in November, and it’s about time you are given this grace. This is a month to believe in your dreams and your ideas and to move forward with the plans you have set up for yourself this year. Have confidence in what is happening for you, take care of your responsibilities, stretch your wings and fly!
Moving further into the month, the Sun moves into your opposite sign Sagittarius, and enters your 7th house of love. The end of November and into December is one of the most important times of the year for your love life and your relationships, and you are seeing progress and commitment in this area of your life right now. The New Moon on November 23 is a good time to set your intentions for your future in love and what you want to see come about in your relationships. You are love, you are loved, Gemini.
Cancer Horoscope for November 2022
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleNovember is a time of exploring your options, Cancer. With the Sun currently in a fellow water sign, Scorpio, you are flowing through this time with curiosity and faith. This is a month of taking a look at where you’ve been, where you are now, and the path you want to create for yourself moving forward. Remember though, the past often looks better in hindsight, and there are so many gifts and treasures to appreciate right here and now that you don’t want to lose sight of.
The Lunar Eclipse this month on November 8th is highlighting your friendship zone, and you are seeing some changes regarding your community, friendships, and social circle. Clarity is coming in, and you are seeing transformations regarding your foundations here so that you feel the true support and connection you are looking for. Anything that comes up for you this month is about acceptance, growth, and letting go; and this month overall is all about finding your balance between what’s been and what is.
Leo Horoscope for November 2022
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleYour heart is experiencing some new beginnings this month, Leo. November is a fresh start for you, and your relationships are seeing the blessings of this new beginning. Your heart has been opening to something new, and this is an exciting month for you. Through the journey of self, you have been on this year, you have rediscovered some important insight within that has positively changed the relationships in your life and your view on them. November is your time of seeing something new and positive take place.
With a Lunar Eclipse in your career and reputation zone on the 8th, and a New Moon in your house of romance on the 23rd, you are balancing what you are putting out there, and the love that is coming in. The revelations that are occurring this month are enhancing your life for the better, and your intuition is especially strong right now. Happiness and love are your priority in November, and there are plenty of experiences for you to enjoy this month, Leo.
Virgo Horoscope for November 2022
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleNovember is a month of seeing positive culminations and growth in love, Virgo. You have trusted the process, listened to your heart and opened your mind to a new experience than before. The thing about karma is that it works in your favor when you allow it to be, and this is a month of seeing the tables turn for you for the better. You are sharing the love and receiving it, and the contentment and joy you are feeling in November are worth everything you have been through this year, Virgo.
We have a Lunar Eclipse in fellow earth sign Taurus on November 8th, and this eclipse for you is a time of seeing things in a new light, following through on an adventure, and of spiritual growth. New doors are opening for you this month, and you are on a path of love. Communication is also a prominent factor in your life right now with the Sun in your 3rd house of the mind until the 22nd, and November overall for you is a time of opening your heart and enjoying how far you have come.
Libra Horoscope for November 2022
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleNovember is a month of awakening for you, Libra. There are some major changes and transformations that you are moving through, but they are ultimately creating a much-needed breakthrough in your life. Your guidance for the month is to know that it’s not always about what’s happening, but rather about how you are handling it. Remember to show up for yourself and to trust that you do know what you need and what you don’t. The more you can let go and flow with change, the more you can succeed right now.
The last eclipse of the year is occurring on November 8th and is moving through your house of rebirth. Something is transforming in your life on the deepest levels, and your heart is guiding you to safety. Know that what falls away from your life this month will be replaced by something better, and that it’s important to speak up for yourself and how you are feeling this month.
Scorpio Horoscope for November 2022
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is all about choosing wisely, Scorpio. You begin the month amid Scorpio Season, and you are making some final decisions on where you want to be for the rest of the year and beyond. You have been moving through a lot of different experiences that have made it harder to choose for yourself and feel confident in your inner knowing. This month is all about giving yourself the power to choose and remembering that no decision is a decision, and get moving on your dreams.
With the Sun in your 1st house of self until November 22nd and a Lunar Eclipse in your 7th house of relationships on November 8th, you are finding your balance between what you need, and what others are asking from you. Notice what takes you away from your center and what keeps you there, and align with what your true values are in life. Things get really interesting once Jupiter moves out of retrograde and goes direct in your house of romance on November 23rd, and you are leaving the month entering a time of positivity and inspiration.
Sagittarius Horoscope for November 2022
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleNovember is a breakthrough month for you, Sagittarius. You are noticing the mental restrictions that have been in your life recently and are putting the worries and fears to rest once and for all. This is a month to take action on what has been inspiring you, and about being your biggest advocate and supporter. Know that once you decide on something the whole universe conspires to make it happen for you, and with this perspective, you can tap into your inner courage and confidence more.
The second half of the month is all about you and all about shining in your truth and glory. Venus, the planet of love, moves into Sagittarius on November 16th, Sagittarius Season officially begins on November 22nd, and there is a New Moon in Sag the next day on November 23rd. You are seeing previous blocks in your life being lifted, and your path ahead is feeling a lot more abundant and stable than it has been. This is your month to put yourself first, pave new paths, and be bold.
Capricorn Horoscope for November 2022
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleAbundance is yours in November, Capricorn. Patience has been a key theme in your life this year, and this month you are seeing the fortune that comes from this place of confidence. This is the month to nurture yourself, others, and your dreams, and to open up to a blessing. You deserve to feel lavish, to treat yourself, and to enjoy your life in its entirety. There is a sense of feeling extremely grateful for where you are in life right now, and November is a magical time for you.
The Full Moon Lunar Eclipse happening in fellow earth sign Taurus is happening in a romantic, happy, and creative zone of your chart, and this further signifies the exciting month that is ahead of you. The love that is coming full circle for you is everything you have been hoping for, and you have your people around you to enjoy it all. By the end of the month, the Sun moves into your 12th house of endings, and you are closing out a chapter in your life and preparing for a new one.
Aquarius Horoscope for November 2022
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleNovember is a month of seeing growth and progress financially, Aquarius. You have been setting all the right intentions, putting the work in, and focusing on your growth and you are moving through a time of success. Even with the added responsibilities that are on your plate right now, you have everything you need to succeed and you are inspiring those around you to believe in themselves and their dreams as well. Find your balance between work and love, and trust that you can have it all.
Your career zone will be highlighted until November 22nd, when the Sun will enter your 11th house of friendship. Over the past year, you have been making headway in your working life and professional goals, and by the end of the month, you are ready to have some more fun and connect with some new people. There are positive opportunities for connection and new doors opening for you, and November 23rd is a good day to set your intentions and believe in your creative approach. November overall for you is about claiming your blessings, Aquarius.
Pisces Horoscope for November 2022
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is a month where you can take a deep breath, and shine, Pisces. Past challenges and blockages in your life are falling away from your experience, and you have more freedom to move forward right now. There is a lot of activity in your life in November, but you have been looking forward to this type of movement and excitement. This is the month to remember that time is of the essence, to consider where you are heading right now, and to take action on your goals.
One of the most important transits of the month is occurring in your sign on November 23rd, and that is Jupiter moving direct in Pisces, after being in retrograde since July. With Jupiter moving forward in your sign until December 20th, you are entering the luckiest time of the year for yourself, and this time is all about showing up and showing out. If there is anything you are looking to create, manifest, or bring forward, this month is the time to do so, Pisces.
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That’s part of the reason why the term “casual sex” irks me to the billionth degree (check out “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex'”); it’s because, even if you think that sex with someone is next-to-nothing, there is so much going on within you (oxytocin highs, if you’re unprotected, fluid bonding, chemical reactions in your brain, etc.) that doesn’t know if someone is “the one” (in your mind) or not. So, in many ways, it acts like they are (check out this YouTube video from a Catholic woman who studies some unexpected ways that sex affects us physically here; sex goes deep, y’all!).
Yeah, sex is so much more than a notion, and that’s why I’m a firm believer that it is such a barometer for long-term relationships overall — because, as I’ve shared before, I once read that, “Good sex in a relationship is 10 percent of the relationship while bad sex in a relationship is 90 percent of the relationship because sex tends to set the tone for what’s happening in the rest of the house.”
And that’s why I think that there are certain sex-related issues that can not only damage your sex life with your partner but could also end up ruining your relationship if you’re not careful (very careful). Let’s get into seven of them now.
1. Being Unaware of Your “Body Clock”
GiphyI can’t tell you how many clients I’ve had who’ve come to me in some serious trouble, in part due to their flailing (or partly nonexistent) sex life. When I ask them if they went to premarital counseling (if you’re engaged, please do; you have a 33 percent greater chance of avoiding divorce when counseling transpires), many say “no” and the ones who say “yes” usually say that it was no more than 3-5 sessions and the topic of sex barely came up (le sigh). Meanwhile, with my premarital meetings, I try and stick with intimacy for three months if I can because there is a lot to unpack, from what you learned as a child, to your first time (or if you are a virgin), to your needs and fantasies, to how you see it from a spiritual perspective — like I said, there is a lot to unpack there.
Take the mere practicality of sex, for example — and more specifically, your body clock. Do you prefer to have sex at night or in the daytime? A lot of couples struggle with intimacy because one prefers the former while the other likes the latter. Do you keep track of when you’re ovulating? It’s pure science why you are probably hornier during that time of the month (because your body is signaling that it’s time to conceive) vs. the fact that you might not be the most interested in sex when you’re PMS’ing. Are you premenopausal? Hormones shift a lot during that time, and here’s the thing — while menopause only lasts a year, the premenopausal stage (which typically starts between 45-55) can last between 7-14 years. Even paying attention to when you have more energy (some do in the day…morning sex, anyone? While others do early in the evening) can play a role.
So yeah, getting to know your body clock (and discussing your partner’s clock with them) can play a role in how much — or how little — sex you have…and that can add life or drain it from the relationship overall.
2. Comparing Your Present with Your Past
GiphyThere is a wife of almost 20 years I know who, when I asked her if she thought that her husband was good in bed, she paused for a second, shrugged her shoulders, and simply said, “I was a virgin when I got married, so I have nothing to compare him to. I mean, he’s good to me.” On the flip side, there’s a now divorced couple who I also know (who almost made it to 20 years) who had multiple partners before each other while also having a deep interest in porn who once said to me, “Sometimes, there’s as much as 15 people in our bed because of all of the people from our past and the porn that we’ve seen that’s running through our heads.” Yeah, y’all can act like body counts don’t matter, but there is so much evidence out here that says otherwise — that couple just gave one that doesn’t get talked about as much as it should.
You know, one of my favorite throwback shows is King of Queens (Kevin James, Leah Remini). A few weeks ago, I watched a rerun where Doug and Carrie were talking about the images that come up in their minds, sometimes during sex. Neither was too happy about it, and I can totally see why. I mean, if sex was just about “getting off” (and it’s not), then whatever. However, AGAIN, it’s also about connecting with your partner on a mental and emotional level, and that’s hard to do if you’re there with them in the body while you’re fantasizing about a celebrity, a porn actor (porn is usually acting, don’t let it fool you) or an ex (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”).
And what if that is what’s going on? I once spoke with a sex therapist about this very thing. What she said is people should be less concerned about celebs (if it’s on occasion) and more concerned about that ex because rarely is sex with an ex…just about the sex.
And that’s why this point made the list. If you’re physically with your partner and mentally or emotionally with your ex at the same time, please don’t ignore that. There are definitely some unresolved issues there that you need to work through, whether it’s with a therapist, counselor, or coach, a trusted friend (who won’t add fuel to the literal fire), or even with your ex — although you might want to run that by your partner first because…I’m pretty sure you’d want him to do that with/for you. RIGHT?
3. Not Being Clear About Your Sexual Needs
GiphyQuestion — if someone were to walk up to you right now and ask you what your top seven sexual needs are, along with what your top five sexual dealbreakers are, would you be able to answer? It really is kind of wild how many people get upset with their partner for not being able to sexually satisfy them when even they can’t articulate what they need/require in order for that to happen. Yeah, it’s another article for another time about how many people UNREALISTICALLY (and yes, I am yelling it) think that someone loving them well means that they should be able to read their mind. Nope.
It truly can’t be said enough that sex — especially good sex — is about communication. Hmph. It makes me think about a clip that I saw from Tonight’s Conversation podcast (can’t find it at the moment; sorry) where a woman asked how she should tell her partner that he hasn’t been pleasing her, I believe she said for years. My first thought was if he doesn’t know that, she must be faking orgasms (more on that in a bit) which is not only lying — well, it is —, but it’s also pretty counterproductive because while he thinks that he’s “getting the job done,” she’s not fulfilled and resentment is setting in.
Please don’t let rom-coms (fiction) and social media (which is oftentimes fictitious) have you out here thinking that a good lover is someone you automatically gel with who knows exactly what to do; sometimes that is the case, and oftentimes it isn’t.
So, if the sex-related issue that you’re having in your relationship is that your sexual needs aren’t being met, first do you (and your partner) a favor by doing some sex journaling (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”) so that you can tangibly see what those needs are and then plan time within the next week or so to pour a couple of glasses of wine, put on some 90s R&B and discuss with your partner what you need. Because actually, what a good lover is, is someone who listens and retains. This brings me to the next point.
4. Minimizing Your Partner’s Sexual Needs
GiphyA husband once told that when he and his wife were in premarital counseling, something that he mentioned was a bona fide need was fellatio. According to him, his wife told both him and their counselor that she loved giving head. Fast forward to eight years of being in their union, and guess how many times that act went down? A measly four. FOUR TIMES (check out “Sooo...What If You HATE Oral?”).
It’s another message for another time, the amount of people who will “false advertise” during the dating stage in order to get to their goal of marriage. It’s also another message for another time how much that is a form of manipulation that tends to backfire in ways that the manipulator is oftentimes not prepared for.
For now, what I will say, is never think that just because something may not be a need for you that it isn’t a legitimate one for someone else. I mean, how would you feel if that’s how someone treated you? Yeah…exactly.
Yet that is just what happens in a lot of relationships, including when it comes to their bedroom. They will think that their needs should be met, hands down, yet when their partner comes with what’s important to them, all of a sudden, there is dismissiveness, nonchalance, and/or excuses — and how could that not rear its ugly head on so many levels?
Your partner’s sexual needs are essential, even if they are not your own. Never assume that you automatically know everything about them. Also, never assume that what worked two years ago is what will “scratch the itch” now. Hmph. Come to think of it, while you’re sipping on that wine and clearly articulating to him what turns you on, use that as an opportunity to ask him to return the favor. Listen with humility, receptiveness, and intent — the best kind of relationships process their partner’s needs with this kind of vibe…across the board.
5. Taking the “If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It” Approach
GiphyLazy lovers. When you hear that phrase, what’s the first thing that comes to your mind? If it’s someone who is just lying there during sex, that would certainly qualify; however, I’m actually speaking of a different kind of laziness here. Believe it or not, some synonyms for lazy include words like apathetic, inattentive, tired, passive (cough, cough), procrastinating, neglectful, and slacking. So yeah, if you and/or your partner can use any of these words to define what sex is consistently like between the two of you — red flag, red flag…RED FREAKIN’ FLAG.
Speaking of being passive, another potentially serious sex-related problem is taking on the attitude that if something ain’t broke, you shouldn’t fix it. What I mean by that is, just because you know that getting on top and riding for exactly six-and-a-half minutes is what will get your partner off, that doesn’t mean that it should be your automatic go-to all of the damn time.
Why? Because. While a part of the fun of having sex is “reaching the peak,” another component that should never be underestimated is discovering new territory: trying new positions, creating a sex bucket list, taking (more) sexcations, playing sex-themed board games (put that phrase in Amazon or on Etsy’s site and go ham!)…you know, doing what will inspire creativity and deter either of you from becoming bored.
That said, a husband of 17 years once told me, “A man can be satisfied with the same woman. We just don’t want the same kind of sex with her.” Words to live by. Yes, indeed.
6. Using Sex as a Deflection or Coping Mechanism
GiphyA few years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Make-Up Sex Might Be Doing Your Relationship More Harm Than Good” — and with good cause. Words cannot express how many divorced (or soon-to-be divorced) women have told me that a part of what kept them in their marriage, for as long as they stayed in it, was the fact that the sex with their husband was beyond amazing…even though so much other stuff completely and totally sucked. Hey, good sex isn’t a bad thing (c’mon now); however, if it’s the only real thing that’s keeping you with someone, it can turn out to be a toxic deflector.
The reason why I say that is the purpose of sex isn’t to make love; it’s to celebrate it. And if all you’re doing with your partner is f — king and fighting or avoiding issues by stripping down or thinking that sex will “make it all better,” all the while not really knowing what the problem/issue is or what needs to be done to get down to the root of it, that is using sex as a pacifier and again, that’s not what sex is designed to be. Sex doesn’t deserve the pressure of being the end-all to “fixing” ish.
So, if what’s transpiring in your relationship lately is very little talking and a whole lot of sexing, and then once the sex is over, something still feels “off,” that’s a good indication that you’re misusing sex on some level. Get out of the bed, put on a robe, and do some talking (preferably in a room other than the bedroom; leave that space for sex and sleep only as much as possible). Because remember — as much as the wives that I mentioned said that their husbands once had them climbing the walls, those men are still ex-husbands now. Bottom line, sex is good, yet when it comes to keeping a relationship together, it will never be enough. Again, it was never designed to be.
7. Faking It
GiphyI will never be a fan of faking orgasms. Maybe it’s because I’m a Gemini (we may be a lot of things, but “fake” isn’t really our style). Maybe it’s because I’m a very word-literal individual, and I know that fake means things like “prepare or make (something specious, deceptive, or fraudulent)” and “to conceal the defects of or make appear more attractive, interesting, valuable, etc., usually in order to deceive.” Or perhaps it’s because I don’t get how acting like you’re sexually fulfilled when you actually aren’t is doing anyone any good. Whatever it is, whenever a client (or someone in general because men fakealmost as much as women do) tells me that it’s something they do, I immediately find myself on a mission to shut that mess down (check out “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP”). ALL THE WAY DOWN.
The main reason is that, regardless of if the motive is to hurry things along, not hurt your partner’s feelings, or it’s something more cryptic than that (cough, cough, some form of manipulation tactic), there’s no way around the fact that fakeness is tied to deception and deception is a word that should never be connected to a healthy sexual dynamic.
Besides, one could argue that faking is a form of deflection as well because…wouldn’t it be better to just get it all out in the open WHY you are doing it than to keep pretending when life is too short and great sex is too good to not get the absolute most out of it, as much as possible?
Besides, again, chances are that if you’re faking that you’re sexually pleased, you’re probably faking something else in your relationship (or situation), and how could that possibly be good, right, or beneficial?
Yeah, when it comes to being satisfied across the board, please don’t fake it. State your case in the way that you’d like to hear something said to you, and let the chips fall where they may. If you’ve got a good man, he’s gonna — no pun — rise to the occasion. If his ego can’t handle it, well…that’s something that you should find out sooner than later — when it comes to the bedroom and outside of it? Right? #shoyouright
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