Sometimes, just for fun, I'll go over to the National Calendar Day website. You'd be surprised how many things get their own special day of observance—nail polish (June 1), making your bed (September 11), even bittersweet chocolate with almonds (November 7). But after the past 10 months or so that I've had, it was one day, in particular, that had me so hype that I've already decided that I'm going to celebrate it to the fullest! I'm pretty sure the title of this article is a dead giveaway. Saturday, March 9, is National Get Over It Day—all day long.
If you're anything like me, whenever you're going through something semi-traumatizing (or even just emotionally draining) and someone flippantly says to you, "Girl, you need to just get over it," it hits a tender spot that kinda makes you want to hit them for saying it. When someone devastates you, when a job doesn't come through, when you miss out on an opportunity that you've been hoping, praying, and preparing for, the last thing you want to be told is to get over it. But when I read more about where this particular day of observance came from, I got why this can be such an important thing to do.
Long story short, a man by the name of Jeff Goldblatt instituted the day after struggling with getting over an ex of his. He chose a time that was midway between Valentine's Day and April Fool's Day and even wrote a poem about it. It got me to thinking. If Jeff can put that much effort into getting over a broken heart, I can do my part to make getting over things easier for all of us as well.
If you've got something that you know you need to get over, hopefully, just in time for March 9, the following steps will help to point you into the right direction.
How To Get Over Just About Anything
1.Accept the Reality of Your Situation
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Let's start with the basics. Getting over something (or someone) comes in two stages. The first is to accept that something you didn't want to happen has indeed happened. The second is to then move on. I don't know about you, but some of the things that have been the most difficult for me to get over are the ones that I remained in denial about.
I can't believe my writing contract just ended with no warning.
I can't believe my so-called friend just treated me like that.
I can't believe ole' boy did me dirty that way.
When you're still in the "I can't believe" stage of things and someone brings up you needing to get over it, that can seem like a dagger to your heart because you're still in shock. Or denial. Or both. That's why, before you can effectively do anything else, you need to accept the reality of what's transpired. No matter how much you might not like it or you wish that it was different, it really is what it is. Let the reality of that sink in for a moment.
2.Decide How Long You’re Going to Stew in It
I don't have kids of my own, but I do have a godchild (and one on the way). She's almost 8 and when she's dealing with something in her world that she needs to get over, I tell her that she has an entire room to process her feelings in. She doesn't need to be in there three days straight, upset about a television show she couldn't watch or a cookie she couldn't have, but she does need a certain amount of time and space to…well, grieve.
Isn't it interesting—and by that, I mean semi-hypocritical—that we'll put children on a time limit to work out their disappointments, but we'll sometimes take weeks, months, or even years to get through our own?
I once read an article that said temptation only lasts for two minutes. Anything beyond that, we feed into with our thoughts and actions. There are plenty of articles by therapists that basically say the same thing about our feelings (check out "5 Ways to Get Your Unwanted Emotions Under Control"). My point? Once you've truly accepted what has happened to you, the next step is to feel it out. Just don't forget that you are a lot more in control of your feelings than you might think you are.
Give yourself an allotted amount of time to emotionally work through what you're going through. At the same time, discipline yourself to not roll around in those feelings. Times a tickin' and there's too much waiting for you on the other side of your disappointment to remain stuck in your emotions.
3.MOVE. ON.
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Moving on isn't just something to say; it's something to do. But when you've been used to doing something—loving someone, working somewhere, etc.—how do you actually go about letting something or one go?
Hold a funeral for the fantasy. That might sound crazy, but whatever—it works. Take out a piece of paper and write down all of what you hoped would come from the very person or situation that you need to let go of. Then burn it or bury it. Cry while you're doing it. Play Brian McKnight's "One Last Cry" if you need to. Just determine in your mind that you're gonna memorialize things and then move on from them.
Be compassionate with yourself. The definition of compassion is to see someone suffer and then do what you can to alleviate the pain. As you're grieving, extend compassion to yourself. A spa day. A day of binge-watching movies. A mani/pedi appointment—whatever it is, do something to not only love on yourself but also celebrate the strength and courage you had to move on in the first place.
Practice a little mindfulness. Mindfulness is a big self-help word these days. It all boils down to being self-aware and remaining in the moment. A part of the reason why a lot of us suck at getting over things is because we stay in the past more than we do in the present or preparing for our future. If you know this is something that you struggle with, apps like Headspace can get you centered and focused.
4.Get Yourself an Accountability Partner
I'll tell you something that has helped me to get over certain things much quicker—an accountability partner. Sometimes, when I feel myself slipping back into the valley of whys and what ifs, a friend of mine will be like, "Shellie, he was such a jerk" or "That publication didn't appreciate you". Just hearing those statements reminds me why it was time to move on in the first place.
So yeah, be intentional about getting some people in your life who can support you in letting certain people, places, things and ideas go. Chances are, if you try and tackle everything on your own, there's gonna be a voice on one shoulder telling you to get over it while another on the other will provide all of the reasons why you should hang on. That will keep you in the constant tug of war between pure logic and strong emotions. You don't need to go through that kind of turmoil or waste that kind of energy.
5.Set Out to Do Things Differently
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It's hard to get over something (or one) if you keep going back to it (or them). Unfortunately, some of us take for-ev-er to get past things because we're not filling those voids with something new.
One of the best things about being at a place in your life where you need to get over something is it opens up space for exciting, wonderful, and totally different things to happen in your life; things that probably wouldn't have had you remained in the position you were just in.
March 9 is here. Turn all the way up with it! See it as the day when you can officially get over "it" and on with your life. No looking back. Ever again.
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These days, it's for a completely different purpose, though. Now that I am in the hopefully latter stages of perimenopause (I’m not sure because my mother had a full hysterectomy at 29, her mother died at 53 and I don’t deal with my paternal grandmother because…chile… ) — although I have always had relatively easy cycles and I could definitely set my watch to them, about two years ago, my periods started to show up whenever they felt like it and it was damn near a crime scene once they did.
It was driving me crazy, and so, my nurse practitioner recommended that I take progestin-only pills to shorten, if not completely stop, my cycle: “After a year or so, we can wean off and see if you are entering into menopause on your own.” (Whew, perimenopause, chile.)
Although the first five months of being on this particular pill made me wonder if it was worth it to take this approach, I actually re-upped for another 12-month cycle because the extra progestin (a synthetic form of progesterone) has benefitted me in other areas as well because I am sleeping more soundly and my weight is more stabilized (by the way, when these things are “off,” they are signs of low progesterone levels). However, I did ask my nurse practitioner if, once I do decide to wean off of the pill, would there be any issues.
Her response is what inspired me to write this article because, until she said “post-birth control syndrome” to me, I had no idea there was such a thing. Anyway, if you give me a sec, I’ll explain to you what it is and why you should care if hormone-related birth control is currently a part of your life.
Yes, Post-Birth Control Syndrome Is a Very Real Thing
GiphyOkay, so it’s important to always remember that the way that birth control works is it “manipulates” your hormones so that you can significantly reduce your chances of conceiving. This means that taking them could result in some side effects including nausea; weight gain; headaches; irregular periods and/or spotting; increased stress; depression; blurry vision; breast tenderness, and/or a lowered libido.
That said, even though birth control pills are basically 99 percent effective (when taken correctly and consistently), if the side effects that you are experiencing are making you close to miserable, you should absolutely share that with your healthcare provider because…what’s the sense in preventing pregnancy when you don’t even feel up to having sex because you don’t feel good or your sex drive is shot? More times than not, your provider can find you another pill brand or option that will help you to feel more like yourself.
With that out of the way, think about it — if going on the pill can produce side effects, why would going off of it…not? And this is where post-birth control syndrome comes in.
For the most part, it’s what can happen to your body once you decide to come off of birth control. Typically, the symptoms will last anywhere between 4-6 months and, although the symptoms seem to present themselves most intensely as it relates to going off of the pill, any hormone-related birth control (like IUDs, injections, patches, the ring or implants) could produce similar outcomes.
Outcomes like what?
- Irregular cycles
- Breakouts
- Excessive gas and/or bloating
- Weight gain
- Anxiety and/or depression
- Fertility issues
- Migraines and/or headaches
- Shifts in your libido
- Sleeplessness/restlessness
- Hair loss
Whoa, right? And if a part of you is wondering, “Okay, if this is indeed the case, why have I not heard of this syndrome before?” It’s because it’s not a term that conventional method uses nearly as much as alternative medicine does. Still, it makes all of the sense in the world that if your body has to adjust to an uptick in hormonal intake, it would also need to adjust to removing those extra doses of hormones from your system as well. COMMON. DAMN. SENSE.
Anyway, if you were thinking about taking a break from birth control and taking all of this in has you feeling a bit…let’s go with the word “trepidatious” about doing so, I totally get it. There are some things that you can do to make experiencing post-birth control syndrome either a non-issue or a far more bearable one, though.
7 Home Remedies That Can Make Coping with Post-Birth Control Syndrome Easier
Giphy1. Take a multivitamin.Something that’s fascinating about what going off of birth control can do is it sometimes has the ability to lower your nutrition levels as it relates to certain vitamins and minerals; this is especially the case when it comes to vitamins B, C, E and minerals like magnesium, selenium and zinc. So, if you don’t currently take a multivitamin, now would be the time to start (along with consuming foods that are particularly high in those nutrients as well).
2. Up your vitamin D intake. Speaking of nutrient levels, a vitamin level that commonly drops after going off of birth control isvitamin D. This is hella critical to keep in mind as a Black woman since many of us tend to be naturally deficient in the vitamin as-is and vitamin D is important when it comes to fighting off diseases, regulating weight and keeping your moods stabilized (for starters). So, make sure that your multivitamin has vitamin D in it. Also make sure to consume vitamin D-enriched foods like fatty fish, eggs, mushrooms, yogurt and fortified orange juice.
3. Drink herbal teas. Since going off of birth control will cause your hormones to be all over the place for a season, consider drinking some herbal teas that will help to stabilize them. Black cohosh contains phytoestrogen properties, Chasteberry can help to level out your prolactin levels and green tea can help your hormones out by helping to balance out your insulin (which can sometimes directly affect them).
4. Keep some ibuprofen nearby. The headaches and migraines? Until those subside, you and ibuprofen are probably going to become really good friends; although I will add that ginger tea and inhaling essential oils like chamomile and lavender can help to ease migraine-related symptoms too.
5. Do some meditating. Waiting for your hormones to get back on track can be stressful as all get out. That said, something that can get your cortisol (stress hormone) levels to chill out is to meditate. If meditation is new for you, check out “7 Meditation Hacks (For People Who Can't Seem To Do It).”
6. Get massages. As if you needed an excuse to get a massage, right (check out “12 Different Massage Types. How To Know Which Is Right For You.”)? However, there is some evidence to back the fact that regular massages (somewhere around once a month) can help to lower your stress, boost your dopamine, increase blood flow and drain your lymphatic system so that you will have more energy.
7. Sleep/rest more. There is plenty of scientific research out here which says that sleep deprivation can throw your hormones out of whack — and since your hormones are already trying to stabilize themselves, you definitely need to get 6-8 hours of sleep and not feel the least bit guilty about taking naps sometimes too.
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Post-birth control syndrome may not be the most pleasant thing about getting off of birth control yet it is manageable. So, now that you know all about it, you can feel more confident about taking a birth control break (or getting off altogether) — without the surprises that can come with doing it. Give thanks.
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