If I were to poll a group of women, I'm sure many of us would agree that we live and work in a male-dominated society. At times, it can be challenging to make our voices heard, but for Megan Thomas - on-air host and producer at All Def, and podcast creator - she's found a way to successfully push through the "no's", pursue her dreams, and represent for the ladies.
For those who may not be familiar, All Def is a black-owned, multi-platform media company that gained its strength and popularity through the cultural power of hip-hop, comedy, and social justice. Since its inception, they have amassed millions of followers as well as partnerships with brands like HBO, MTV, and Spotify. While it's common to hear about some of their other great comedic talent like KevOnStage or Patrick Cloud, Megan has definitely represented for the ladies even when there were no other female hosts on the All Def platform. With shows like The Drop, Great Taste, and Squadd Cast, she continues to hold it down as one of the primary female voices and producers.
We recently had the opportunity to talk with Megan about what it takes to be successful in the industry, as well as what self-care looks like for her as a professional working mom.
xoNecole: Megan, tell me how you first got involved with All Def?
Megan Thomas: I auditioned for a sports show back in 2015 for KevOnStage. They asked me, "Who are your top linebackers?" And I said, "I don't know." Needless to say, they never moved forward with the sports show. Then, around the end of 2015 they held auditions for the daily show, and instantly, in my heart I was like, "I got this." So, I auditioned again, and a week later they asked me to be the female host. So, I started hosting The Drop around early 2016, and after a month, they were like, "Hey, can you also produce The Drop?" I have a background in radio and producing, so I was like, "Yeah, of course." From there, I started appearing in and producing other types of content as well.
xoNecole: They went from asking you to host and then produce. What helped push you to say "yes" to these new roles and opportunities?
Megan: I said "yes" because of "the spirit of yes" I have inside of me. Since I was a kid, I've always had it because I didn't want to be bored. I felt like if I had more stuff to do, then I would feel important. Plus, I believe everything you do in your life builds upon the next thing. If I hadn't been a producer in radio or produced all of this free stuff for years that I never got paid [for] while living in LA, I wouldn't have been prepared. Saying "yes", however, can cause issues because I will say "yes" to stuff even when I don't have the time. Now, I'm practicing how to say "no".
Photo courtesy of Megan Thomas
"I believe everything you do in your life builds upon the next thing. If I hadn't been a producer in radio or produced all of this free stuff for years that I never got paid [for] while living in LA, I wouldn't have been prepared."
xoNecole: Many of us as women, regardless of the industry or profession, can relate to being the only or one of few women of color in a male-dominated environment and how challenging it can be. How do you hold it down being one of few, and in some instances the only female, in your field?
Megan: It's tough, because by nature, men don't always listen to women. So, you have to demand respect as a woman and do everything in your power to make sure they respect you. I know the guys that I work with are really good-natured men. They love women and they're kind to women, but there are times when they talk over me. I'll even say a joke and no one will hear it, but someone else will say the same exact joke and get all the laughs in the room and I'll be like, "Yo, I said the same exact joke verbatim."
They're my brothers for sure, but as a woman it can feel isolating because there are times when I want to talk about certain stuff and they're like, "No, only guy stuff." On the flip side, I bring a perspective that they don't have insight into because none of them are women. They may have daughters, girlfriends, and wives, but they've never been a woman so their perspective may be one-sided.
That's why I'm working on doing something that's more geared to women on the channel. I'm not sure what that looks like just yet, but I know women love funny stuff too. We like shows like Roast Me, and there are good female roasters out there. Our demographic is mainly black, urban males, but a lot of women watch the channel as well.
xoNecole: What’s the most enjoyable thing about working with a team comprised of mostly men?
Megan: The laughter and the jokes. I've had corporate jobs and there's code-switching you have to do, but not with this group. They're just funny, and I can be myself. I'm so blessed that I get paid to work with people who are funny, and we get to make other people laugh.
xoNecole: I know the ADD followers love a good roast. Has anyone ever said anything that really cut deep, or is it pretty much no holds barred?
Megan: You have to have tough skin. There have been times when things hit deep, but I also understand that I'm in the public. Growing up as a chubby kid, I had to be smarter, have [a] quicker wit…I just had to be better. So, that helps with rolling stuff off my back.
xoNecole: Besides helping a group of funny, talented men stay on-task, how’s it going with managing life as a mom as well?
Megan: Honestly, I'm learning as I go through this process. Communication is key – it's absolutely necessary to communicate things especially when it comes to scheduling. Preparation is also very important. If I know I'm going to be out of town, I'm a stickler about what my son eats. I take responsibility for preparing everything so that his dad [Megan's fiancé] knows what to do while I'm gone. If God blesses us with another one, I'm sure I'll be more relaxed about that.
xoNecole: What does self-care look like for you as a working mom?
Megan: Mommy time – sometimes, it's a playdate and other times it's my fiancé staying at home with our son so that I can have some alone time. As moms, we just need to get away sometimes. I have to have time to just be me.
Asking for help – whether that's from my village, professionals, etc. For instance, I know I had postpartum [depression] the first year after giving birth. I would read the symptoms and knew that I had it, but I didn't seek help because I thought asking for help meant failure. When the truth was, had I asked for the help, a lot of the burdens would've been alleviated.
Grace – I have to give myself grace, and remind myself that everything isn't going to get done. I used to beat myself up if I didn't finish everything on my task list. I used to carry that burden, but Jesus said, "His burden is light." So, I give it to Him. All of it helps with self-care because it helps me be kinder to myself.
Photo courtesy of Megan Thomas
"I have to give myself grace, and remind myself that everything isn't going to get done. I used to beat myself up if I didn't finish everything on my task list. I used to carry that burden, but Jesus said, 'His burden is light.' So, I give it to Him. All of it helps with self-care because it helps me be kinder to myself."
xoNecole: I know you have your podcast, “Mommy Needs A Break”, which I’m sure so many women can relate to. Is that part of your self-care routine as well?
Megan: Yes, I knew the day after my son was born that I needed something. I remember looking at him in awe and praying that he made it to tomorrow…every single day. I immediately gravitated to the idea that I needed an outlet because being a mom consumed my mind, my life, and everything beyond the norm. For example, my baby would be sleeping, but I would be on the internet researching all kinds of stuff. Needless to say, that can drive you crazy. So, I told myself, "I need a break from this." I knew my co-host, Marisa Johnson, was going through the same thing. So, we started the "Mommy Needs a Break" podcast for mommies who just need a break.
xoNecole: I love hearing about your successes as a producer, host, and mom, but tell us about a time when you had to navigate through a season of “no’s.”
Megan: I've had years and years and years of no's. Only recently did I start to have some yes's. There are a lot more no's than yes's. I've been in this industry since 2006, so it's been 14 years, and just within the last four years I've been able to get a gig to support myself.
Even during all those years of no's, one thing I used to tell myself after all those auditions was: "Megan, you are enough! God gave you what He gave you. Nobody else can be you and you can't be anybody else, so just do what you do and do what you do best." I've learned that when it's your time, it will be your time, and nobody will be able to take that away from you.
xoNecole: What advice would you share with ladies who, like you, are pursuing their goals and dreams, or who aspire to get into the media/entertainment industry?
Megan: Do it your way. You don't have to wait for somebody to give you the green light. You have a phone with a camera and YouTube. There's no reason why you can't do this within your own capacity.
Be authentic. I am Black and Korean, and when you grow up Black, what you do affects other people. So, I do this for my people. I'm glad that things are changing in this industry, but you have to be yourself. It should be OK to see me on camera with my big, curly hair. That's why I'm OK with not working in old Hollywood if that means I have to look a certain way, because being authentic is important.
Be ready and willing, and let God guide the path. I feel like God gives us nuggets and glimpses. That's why we have certain passions and things in our heart that we feel like we're drawn to. It's God's way of showing you the path that you're going to be on. I didn't necessarily put in my heart that I wanted to be in comedy (even though I saw the vision for it). That was God-given, but I still had to be open and ready for when it happened.
Do it consistently. Set a schedule for yourself. Whatever that schedule is, keep to it and eventually people will notice what you do.
You are enough. While you can admire other people and observe the things they've done as research or inspiration, don't think that it's going to be your story or your journey. God has something specifically for you. You are unique and special, and your story will look different. So, embrace that. Otherwise, you will succumb to the feeling of not being enough.
The road is long, but success is at the end of it. I worked in LA for four years before I could finally afford to support myself with one paying job. I had three jobs at any given moment and worked tirelessly for free just because I wanted to break into this industry. There were a lot of times when I wanted to give up. I was tired and worn out, but I wish someone had told me to keep going and that there is success at the end of it. You can't give up, because tomorrow might be the day that you hit your goals.
For more of Megan, follow her on Instagram.
Featured image courtesy of Megan Thomas
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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If, while on your continual journey to get the best out of your own tresses, you’d like to learn how to get them healthier than it’s ever been, I’ve got seven acids that are typically known for skin use that can be just as beneficial to your hair as well.
1. Salicylic Acid
When it comes to your skin, salicylic acid is beta-hydroxy acid that is great for your skin if you’re looking for something that will exfoliate it, clear out your pores and dissolve dead skin cells. In fact, this is why it’s an acid that is quite popular when it comes to treating acne.
Your hair will enjoy salicylic acid because, if you’re looking to remove product build-up, you want to soothe an itchy or irritated scalp or you’ve got some dandruff flakes that are totally driving you up the wall, salicylic acid has the ability to treat all of this. Either purchasing a shampoo that contains this ingredient or adding it to your favorite scalp scrub is probably the most effective way to get the most out of it.
Just make sure that if your scalp is sensitive or dry that you approach with caution. In these instances, it could end up irritating your scalp more than helping it out, so use a very little bit in the beginning to make sure that it vibes with you.
2. Lactic Acid
Lactic acid is an alpha hydroxy acid that can help to even out your skin tone as well as slow down the signs of aging. The properties in it help to do this by reducing hyperpigmentation and boosting collagen production in your skin as well as keeping it hydrated.
Why is it great for your locks? For one thing, lactic acid is considered to be a humectant. This means that it pulls water from the air so that your hair is able to remain moisturized.
Another thing that makes it a winner is the fact that lactic acid breaks down dead skin cells on your scalp (so that your hair follicles are able to flourish), it can help to soften and detangle your hair (making it a helpful addition on your wash days) and it also helps to protect your tresses from heat styling tools and UV damage. Applying a hair rinse that’s made up of part lactic acid and part water can work wonderfully (so long as you apply it once a month, tops; more than that might be too “intense” for your hair strands).
3. Glycolic Acid
Glycolic acid is a water-soluble alpha hydroxy acid that is actually made from sugar. Your skin will adore it because it smooths the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, improves the texture of your skin, gently exfoliates, clears your pores and brightens up your complexion overall.
The reasons why you should consider this acid for your hair is because it helps to keep your scalp youthful (and yes, there is such a thing; check out “Your Scalp Ages Six Times Faster Than Your Face. Why It Matters.”), removes excess sebum (that could be clogging up your hair follicles) and it helps to keep your hair moisturized. Your best bet here is to make it a part of your pre-shampooing ritual.
4. Succinic Acid
Succinic acid is an acid that is made from sugar cane and contains antimicrobial and anti-inflammatory properties. Although it doesn’t exactly exfoliate (like many of these other acids do), it can still be beneficial to your skin when it comes to reducing the kind of irritation that is associated with eczema, decreasing the bacteria that leads to breakouts and keeping your skin pretty hydrated.
As far as your hair goes, this is an acid that is worth trying out because it helps to balance the sebum that is on your scalp, remove dead skin and product build-up that can irritate your scalp and clog your hair follicles and, succinic acid is also beneficial when it comes to reducing dandruff and helping to prevent hair loss. Most people tend to apply this as a serum.
5. Hyaluronic Acid
I’ve officially sung the praises of hyaluronic acid on this platform before. One example is via the article, “Why Your Skin, Hair, And Nails Need Hyaluronic Acid Like...Yesterday.” On the skin tip, hyaluronic acid is great because it deeply hydrates your skin, contains anti-aging properties and can even bring relief to vaginal (including vulvar) dryness.
Your hair will adore this particular acid because it aids moisture to it (including your hair follicles), will help to improve your hair’s texture and it also soothes scalp dryness, nurtures the cuticles of your tresses and decreases frizz. Using a serum rich in this acid as a pre-poo or as a leave-in conditioner is recommended.
6. Azelaic Acid
If you’ve never heard of azelaic acid before, this is your lucky day. It’s a dicarboxylic acid that, when it comes to skincare (and hair care) products, is usually synthetic. Anyway, if you are looking for a way to reduce inflammation, even skin tone after a breakout or if you want to use an exfoliant that will improve the texture of your skin overtime, you might want to give this acid a shot.
This one makes the list as far as your hair is concerned because, if achieving more inches is your current focus, azelaic acid might come in handy. That’s because it is able to strengthen your hair, thicken your strands and also stimulate hair growth from within your hair follicles.
7. Glutamic Acid
Glutamic acid is actually a type of amino acid. Skin-wise, it’s great for deeply hydrating your skin as well as protecting it from pollutants and damaging UV rays. Also, if you’re looking for an acid that treats skin dryness or “tightness,” this could be the answer to your prayers.
Since glutamic acid is also considered to be a humectant, it’s another acid that can moisturize your hair. As a result, it can decrease breakage while helping your hair to feel smooth and look shiny.
BONUS: Amino Acids
Speaking of amino acids and hair, please try to keep some amino acids in your diet at all times. The reason why is because, since your hair is made up of mostly protein (keratin, to be exact), amino acids are pretty darn effective when it comes to helping you to maintain the overall health and well-being of your hair.
Ones to prioritize include proline (it boosts collagen so that your hair strands can maintain flexibility); arginine (it increases blood flow to your hair follicles so that they can receive the nutrients that they need); cysteine (it helps to keep your hair follicles healthy); alanine (it helps your system to produce more collagen), and isoleucine (it strengthens the tissues that help to make up your hair strands). All of these are available in supplement form or you can use Google to see which foods contain them.
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Although it might initially seem odd to apply acid to your hair, as you can see, certain ones will work miracles for it. So, test them out to see which one tickles your fancy.
Hell, since they work for your skin as well — it’s a two-for-one deal that is worth every penny!
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