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Married Folks, Make This The Most Romantic Valentine's Day Ever
I don’t know if it’s an unpopular opinion or not but, it seems to me that the people who make the biggest deal about Valentine’s Day are typically the individuals who aren’t married. And although folks who are single, dating, or even engaged definitely deserve love just as much as husbands and wives do, I do think that the ones who signed up to love someone, flaws ‘n all, until death parts them should be the ones who celebrate V-Day most. After all, since the day is all about love and nothing teaches folks about love quite like marriage does — some intentionality in the holiday’s direction absolutely needs to transpire for married people especially.
That said, I get that sometimes the process of staying in a healthy relationship makes it challenging to prepare for special occasions like the one that is just a few days away. That’s why I decided to help all spouses out by providing 15 ideas that can help you and your partner to have one of the most romantic Valentine’s Days that the two of you have had in a really long time (if ever)…because, again, if anyone deserves it…y’all do.
1. Take the Day Off
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Did you know that close to 50 percent of people reportedly don’t use up all of their PTO? Umm, you earned it, so what’s the problem? Honestly, out of all of the ideas that I’m about to share today, I think one of the best things that you could do as a couple is take Valentine’s Day off. Sleep in. Eat breakfast in bed (after having it delivered). Have sex. Nap. Have sex again. Nap some more. Just enjoy the idea of doing absolutely nothing while the rest of the world is hustling and bustling around. Doesn’t just the mere thought of that make you feel all warm ‘n fuzzy inside?
2. Download Some Apps
These days, there really is an app for pretty much everything — including encouraging romance and intimacy between couples. For instance, there’s the Gottman Card Decks app that gives relationship and date idea advice. There’s the Love Nudge app that breaks down the five languages and how you personally relate to them by percentage.
Also, there’s the iPassion app that makes it easier for you and your spouse to share some of your deepest sexual needs and desires. Just putting these apps out here if you and your man are constantly on your devices. Might as well put some of that smartphone time towards investing in your relationship…right?
3. Have a Winter Picnic
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Two weeks ago in Nashville, the high was the teens for damn near a week straight after about 6” fell. Now it’s in the 60s. My point? While there is absolutely no tellin’ what Valentine’s Day is going to be like where any of us live, as far as the weather goes, a winter picnic can still be sweet and a lot of fun. Dress warm. Serve foods like soup, hot cocoa, and s’mores, and cuddle as much as possible the entire time. Even if you only have 30 minutes on your lunch break, it can be just what you need to build up anticipation for seeing each other after you both get off of work.
4. Create a “Dream Date Series” Vision Board
A few years ago, I wrote the article, “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’” for the platform because I personally think that one of the best ways to keep spark, spontaneity, and sexiness in a marriage is to come up with things that you and your partner have never done (together) before. And so, while dinner and a movie are pretty much the signature kind of date out in these streets, this year, pour a glass of wine for each of you, snack on some chocolate-covered strawberries, and come up with two dream dates that you both can do each month.
Make sure the ideas are fresh, creative, and something that both of you can get excited about. If you need a bit of inspiration, “15 Date Ideas Based On Your Love Language” and “10 Romantic Dates You Can Go On (In Your Own Home)” may be able to help you out.
5. Pitch an Indoor Tent
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A few years back, I penned, “Here's How To Create The Perfect Romantic Indoor Picnic” for the platform. It was because, hands down, one of my favorite romantic date ideas is doing just that: having an indoor picnic. I don’t know what it is about stringing some lights, pitching a tent, throwing some pillows on the floor, and enjoying a meal with that special someone that I find to be so sweet and sensual — but I do. Anyway, just putting the idea out there if you’ve never considered doing this before. It’s pretty easy to put together, and I don’t see how in the world you would end up regretting giving it a shot.
6. Cook Together. Naked.
The reason why I once wrote the article, “Here’s How To Make Cooking A Meal Together Sexy (When You Hate To Cook)” is mostly due to what’s in the parenthesis of the title. Even though cooking with your partner is not only healthier, it’s also a great way to spend quality time, reduce stress, and learn new things together (and sometimes about each other), I get that some people would rather rake the yard in 30-degree weather than get in the kitchen. However, nobody said that you had to make a five-course meal.
Besides, if the two of you have on nothing but some aprons, you might be able to find some super creative ways to pass the time while you’re waiting for a homemade sauce to simmer or your homemade dessert to finish baking. Not to mention the fact that having sex in atypical locations can help to make the experience that much more…erotic.
7. Come Up with Your Own Signature Cocktail
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Something that I enjoy about wedding receptions is when a newly married couple offers up 1-2 signature cocktails that consist of some of their favorite ingredients; then they create a super cute name for it by melding or name blending. What’s wild, though, is I rarely (if ever) hear about couples doing this outside of their nuptials. This Valentine’s Day, why not be a trendsetter by creating a signature drink with your own bae? If you really like this idea yet, you need some help in how to execute this tip properly, The Bar is a site that features an article that can walk you through the process. You can check it out here.
8. Recreate Your First Date
There is a married couple who’ve been together for quite some time now that I’ve been working with for a little over six months. One of the main issues that the wife had was that her husband wasn't romantic enough. One of the issues he had was she was too critical. As we’ve been working on these things separately, she has been feeling more loved, and he has been feeling more relaxed (funny how that works, chile). As a direct result, during the holidays, he recreated their first date and then presented her with an upgrade of her engagement ring. Well done, sir.
Anyway, one of the things that science says nostalgia is able to do is bring two people closer together by reigniting pleasant memories. So, if your first date was one of your best experiences with your husband, why not recreate it? On the other hand, if it left much to be desired, “rewrite history” by using Valentine’s Day for a first date do-over. It’ll be a brilliant move either way.
9. Relive Your Wedding Night
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Every time I read that less than 40 percent of couples actually have sex on their wedding night, I get irritated. Why? There are a few reasons. The main one is because I know that consummate means “to complete” and so, it’s not your wedding vows that complete the process of a man and a woman becoming husband and wife; the act of intercourse does (which is why people can annul their marriage if consummation didn’t transpire). And so, yes, sex needs to be prioritized, even if the hanging off of the chandelier part ends up happening later on during the honeymoon.
That said, if you happen to be one of the couples who fell into the “more than 60 percent” category as far as consummating your marriage goes, use this Valentine’s Day to relive your wedding night in a way that makes you feel better about how things went down (or rather didn’t go down). On the flip side, if your wedding night was one for the record books, take a walk down memory lane this year because the thing that I just said about nostalgia a second ago? Yeah, it applies to sex, too.
10. Play the Newlywed Game Together
If you want to give Valentine’s Day a shout-out, yet you’d prefer to go the more chill-and-casual route, how about a board game? The Newlywed Game (here) is a fun idea because you can ask each other some of the questions to see how well you know each other at this stage in your relationship. On the other hand, if you’re like me and you prefer to support Black-owned companies as much as possible, there is a game that is literally called Black Love (here) that serves the same purpose — only it’s designed for “us” specifically. Dig that! Then you can order a heart-shaped pizza, sit back, then learn and laugh for hours.
11. Talk About the Moment You Knew They Were “The One”
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I’ve talked about negativity biases before (check out “7 Signs You Have A Toxic Relationship...With Yourself” and “12 Ways To Be Far More Self-Compassionate Every Day”). The basic concept of it is, that research has proven that our brains tend to lean towards negativity more than positivity; that we have to be hella intentional about seeing “the glass half full” so to speak. That said, I have worked with couples long enough to say, loudly and with my chest poked all the way out, that a huge cause of divorce is people forget (or is it ignore?) that negativity bias can apply to how folks interact with their spouse, too.
One way to remove some of that toxicity from your own relationship is to look your partner in the eyes and tell them about the moment that you knew, beyond a shadow of any doubt, that they were the one for you because no matter what the state of your relationship is in right now (check out “This Will Get You Through The 'Ho-Hum Seasons' In Your Relationship” and “The 'Seasons Of Sex' That Married People Go Through”), the reality is that you chose your partner and then made super sacred promises to them.
This means that there are at least a few things that you adore that got you to that point — and they probably need to hear you verbally express them just as much as you probably need to hear yourself say them too.
12. Have a Private Vow Renewal
Formal wedding vow renewals are uber romantic, no doubt about that. When it comes to this particular suggestion, though, no one is saying that you have to go all out. I’m simply recommending that the two of you get dressed up super cute, dig up your wedding vows, and then say them to one another while standing in your living room. You can even take things up a notch by adding some extra things that life together has caused you to want to vow in real time.
It can be something serious, something silly, or something that you secretly know that your man has been hoping and praying that you would “get” about him. Vows are a beautiful thing. And it can be very romantic to revisit them on Valentine’s Day.
13. You Plan a Day Date. He Plans a Night Date.
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If there’s one thing that I hear, both from single men and married men alike, is the reason why they honestly are more than fine with taking a pass on Valentine’s Day altogether is a day that’s supposed to be about celebrating love rarely seems to prioritize the male demographic. Hey, I totally get it. That’s why, one of the things that I oftentimes recommend to couples is that they don’t just settle for one date on that day — and that not only one person should plan how the day goes down either.
For instance, how about you plan a lunch date this year that focuses on things that your husband likes and have him plan a dinner date that does the same thing for you? That way, both individuals can get in on the romance and reciprocity that should come along with Valentine’s Day.
14. Do a “Do Over” Experience
I’m always going to be Team Forgiveness. That said, something else that working with couples has revealed to me is the fact that sometimes people have a hard time letting things go because there is regret (which means remorse and remorse is a good thing) attached, and they don’t know how to move past the embarrassment, guilt or pain surrounding it. You know, whenever someone asks me how they can “make things right” towards someone they have hurt or disappointed, I recommend that they 1) ask them how they can do just that and 2) make an effort to make amends (check out “Heads Up: It's NOT An Apology If An Amends Isn't Made”).
Keeping all of this in mind, if it’s hard to come up with something sweet and lighthearted to do this Valentine’s Day because some regret with your own husband is looming over your head, you can start the healing process and actually make V-Day a great day for him, by making amends. Start by discussing how to “do something over” by trying to correct the situation. While it might not be the most common type of Valentine’s Day approach, it could end up being super effective and beneficial for February 14 and beyond.
15. Go Dark
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Although I can’t recall off the top of my head where I saw it, I once read that the reason why a lot of us like candlelight so much is because it makes us feel warm and safe. As far as romance goes, I think it also makes just about anyone look glowing and radiant, which is always a plus. So, as I close this out, why not shoot your man a text that the two of you should pretend that your electricity went out when you both get home by going with candlelight lighting only for the evening?
Scented ones like vanilla, rose, jasmine, sandalwood, cinnamon, pumpkin, and ylang-ylang are all considered to be aphrodisiacs, and I can’t possibly imagine how having dinner by candlelight, dancing by candlelight, bathing together by candlelight, toasting each other by candlelight — going a few rounds by candlelight wouldn’t be the perfect end to a beautifully romantic and thoughtful Valentine’s Day. Here’s to a very happy and memorable Valentine’s Day, married folks!
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Featured image by Henrik Sorenson/Getty Images
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
'Love Island USA' Star JaNa Craig On The Reality Of Black Women On Dating Shows
Love Island USA just wrapped up its sixth season, and it has been the talk of the town. According to Nielsen, it's the No. 1 show on streaming, proving it's just as entertaining as the UK version. One of the reasons this season has been successful is due to the authentic relationships formed between the islanders in the villa.
You have the sisterhood between Serena Page, JaNa Craig, and Leah Kateb, aka PPG, and the real relationship moments between couples like Serena Page and Kordell Beckham, who were named the winners of this season. The other finalists include Leah Kateb and Miguel Harichi, Nicole Jacky and Kendall Washington, and JaNa Craig and Kenny Rodriguez.
While JaNa made it to the finale with her boo Kenny, her journey in the villa was far from perfect. Viewers saw the Las Vegas native get her heart stomped on a few times after many of her connections didn't work out.
At one point, it even looked like she was getting kicked off the island. While she had a lot of support from people watching the show, it was clear that she was in a position that many Black women on reality dating shows find themselves in: not being desired.
It has been an ongoing conversation among Black women watching reality dating shows as we see time and time again that non-Black women or racially ambiguous-looking women are often chosen over Black women, especially dark-skinned women. In a discussion with Shadow and Act, JaNa opened up about the support she received from viewers.
@cineaxries i love them 🤧 #janacraig #janaandkenny #loveislandusa #foryou #peacock #loveisland #janaloveisland #xybca #kennyloveisland #janaedit #loveislandedit #janaedits #loveislandusaedit #viral #loveislandusaseason6 #foryoupage #peacocktv
"You know what’s so crazy? I’m so grateful, because when I got my phone, the way they’re making us The Princess and The Frog…I felt honored. I will be that beautiful chocolate queen if I need to be. And the comments like 'beautiful chocolate girl,' I’m like, all Black women are beautiful. There’s the whole light skin versus dark skin, which breaks my heart. I just really don’t understand that, but I will take pride and represent us well," she said.
She also candidly discussed her experience as a dark-skinned Black woman on the show. JaNa and Serena had been in the villa since the first episode, and they were the only dark-skinned Black women there. As new men aka bombshells came into the villa, they found themselves not being wanted by many of them.
"Me and Serena literally had a heart-to-heart before Kenny came in and she’s like, I just don’t think it’s fair that the Black girls don’t get enough fair chance.' Every islander that came in, we were not their top pick. And we just [thought], maybe because we’re Black girls, and the dark-skinned Black girls. It sucked," she said.
"I’m like, 'Serena, we know what we bring to the table. We’re great personalities. A guy’s going to come in for us.' That’s when we manifested what we wanted, and that’s when I manifested Kenny."
@ashleyvera__ We love to see it 🥰 #loveislandusa #loveisland #loveisland2024 #janaandkenny #loveislandseason6 #peacock #realitytv #fypage
After many failed connections, Kenny came in and immediately turned JaNa's experience around. America watched the model get the care and attention that she deserved.
"I’m not going to hold you. When I was in the bottom for a quick second, I’m like, ‘There’s no way America doesn’t [ride for us]. I know Black America had to ride for me, but maybe because I’m a dark-skinned … hmm … maybe … you feel me? And you saw the Casa Amor lineup. Beautiful, beautiful light-skinned [women]," she said.
"We looked at each other like, 'Damn, Love Island did their big one with this. And every single Casa Amor girl was like, 'You girls are gorgeous, you guys are stunning.' They expressed love. You guys are beautiful and it felt good."
Although she and Kenny came in third place, JaNa is happy that she got her man in the end. "I think the thing I’m most grateful about is the fact that this is a beautiful love story like you guys complement each other and there’s no hate toward the skin color. It’s all love and support. I love that more than anything," she said.
"That’s why I was like, 'I won,' even though I didn’t win. And the fact that Serena won, we were like, 'Yeah, run that.' Either way, we won. And I love the support from all communities."