Sometimes, just for fun, I'll go over to the National Calendar Day website. You'd be surprised how many things get their own special day of observance—nail polish (June 1), making your bed (September 11), even bittersweet chocolate with almonds (November 7). But after the past 10 months or so that I've had, it was one day, in particular, that had me so hype that I've already decided that I'm going to celebrate it to the fullest! I'm pretty sure the title of this article is a dead giveaway. Saturday, March 9, is National Get Over It Day—all day long.
If you're anything like me, whenever you're going through something semi-traumatizing (or even just emotionally draining) and someone flippantly says to you, "Girl, you need to just get over it," it hits a tender spot that kinda makes you want to hit them for saying it. When someone devastates you, when a job doesn't come through, when you miss out on an opportunity that you've been hoping, praying, and preparing for, the last thing you want to be told is to get over it. But when I read more about where this particular day of observance came from, I got why this can be such an important thing to do.
Long story short, a man by the name of Jeff Goldblatt instituted the day after struggling with getting over an ex of his. He chose a time that was midway between Valentine's Day and April Fool's Day and even wrote a poem about it. It got me to thinking. If Jeff can put that much effort into getting over a broken heart, I can do my part to make getting over things easier for all of us as well.
If you've got something that you know you need to get over, hopefully, just in time for March 9, the following steps will help to point you into the right direction.
How To Get Over Just About Anything
1.Accept the Reality of Your Situation
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Let's start with the basics. Getting over something (or someone) comes in two stages. The first is to accept that something you didn't want to happen has indeed happened. The second is to then move on. I don't know about you, but some of the things that have been the most difficult for me to get over are the ones that I remained in denial about.
I can't believe my writing contract just ended with no warning.
I can't believe my so-called friend just treated me like that.
I can't believe ole' boy did me dirty that way.
When you're still in the "I can't believe" stage of things and someone brings up you needing to get over it, that can seem like a dagger to your heart because you're still in shock. Or denial. Or both. That's why, before you can effectively do anything else, you need to accept the reality of what's transpired. No matter how much you might not like it or you wish that it was different, it really is what it is. Let the reality of that sink in for a moment.
2.Decide How Long You’re Going to Stew in It
I don't have kids of my own, but I do have a godchild (and one on the way). She's almost 8 and when she's dealing with something in her world that she needs to get over, I tell her that she has an entire room to process her feelings in. She doesn't need to be in there three days straight, upset about a television show she couldn't watch or a cookie she couldn't have, but she does need a certain amount of time and space to…well, grieve.
Isn't it interesting—and by that, I mean semi-hypocritical—that we'll put children on a time limit to work out their disappointments, but we'll sometimes take weeks, months, or even years to get through our own?
I once read an article that said temptation only lasts for two minutes. Anything beyond that, we feed into with our thoughts and actions. There are plenty of articles by therapists that basically say the same thing about our feelings (check out "5 Ways to Get Your Unwanted Emotions Under Control"). My point? Once you've truly accepted what has happened to you, the next step is to feel it out. Just don't forget that you are a lot more in control of your feelings than you might think you are.
Give yourself an allotted amount of time to emotionally work through what you're going through. At the same time, discipline yourself to not roll around in those feelings. Times a tickin' and there's too much waiting for you on the other side of your disappointment to remain stuck in your emotions.
3.MOVE. ON.
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Moving on isn't just something to say; it's something to do. But when you've been used to doing something—loving someone, working somewhere, etc.—how do you actually go about letting something or one go?
Hold a funeral for the fantasy. That might sound crazy, but whatever—it works. Take out a piece of paper and write down all of what you hoped would come from the very person or situation that you need to let go of. Then burn it or bury it. Cry while you're doing it. Play Brian McKnight's "One Last Cry" if you need to. Just determine in your mind that you're gonna memorialize things and then move on from them.
Be compassionate with yourself. The definition of compassion is to see someone suffer and then do what you can to alleviate the pain. As you're grieving, extend compassion to yourself. A spa day. A day of binge-watching movies. A mani/pedi appointment—whatever it is, do something to not only love on yourself but also celebrate the strength and courage you had to move on in the first place.
Practice a little mindfulness. Mindfulness is a big self-help word these days. It all boils down to being self-aware and remaining in the moment. A part of the reason why a lot of us suck at getting over things is because we stay in the past more than we do in the present or preparing for our future. If you know this is something that you struggle with, apps like Headspace can get you centered and focused.
4.Get Yourself an Accountability Partner
I'll tell you something that has helped me to get over certain things much quicker—an accountability partner. Sometimes, when I feel myself slipping back into the valley of whys and what ifs, a friend of mine will be like, "Shellie, he was such a jerk" or "That publication didn't appreciate you". Just hearing those statements reminds me why it was time to move on in the first place.
So yeah, be intentional about getting some people in your life who can support you in letting certain people, places, things and ideas go. Chances are, if you try and tackle everything on your own, there's gonna be a voice on one shoulder telling you to get over it while another on the other will provide all of the reasons why you should hang on. That will keep you in the constant tug of war between pure logic and strong emotions. You don't need to go through that kind of turmoil or waste that kind of energy.
5.Set Out to Do Things Differently
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It's hard to get over something (or one) if you keep going back to it (or them). Unfortunately, some of us take for-ev-er to get past things because we're not filling those voids with something new.
One of the best things about being at a place in your life where you need to get over something is it opens up space for exciting, wonderful, and totally different things to happen in your life; things that probably wouldn't have had you remained in the position you were just in.
March 9 is here. Turn all the way up with it! See it as the day when you can officially get over "it" and on with your life. No looking back. Ever again.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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And so, since this is the time of year when catching a cold (and/or the flu) is common, let’s talk about the impact that sleep (and again, a lack thereof) has on your immune system. That way, you can remain as healthy as possible during the fall and winter seasons.
1. Less Sleep Means More Colds
GiphyLike I stated in the intro, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard somewhere that the fall and winter are the seasons when people are most susceptible to catching a cold or coming down with the flu. And that’s exactly why I thought I would start this all off by sharing the fact that some studies reveal that if you get less than six hours of sleep, on a consistent basis, you end up making yourself more vulnerable to coming down with both. In fact, some research says that only 18 percent of people who get six-plus hours of rest caught a cold while almost 40 percent who got less than that did.
The logic behind it all is sleep gives your body time to build up the proteins and cells (like cytokines and T-cells) that you need to fight off certain viruses. So, if nothing bothers you more than having a stuffy nose or stubborn cough when it’s cold outside, getting more sleep is one way to prevent that from happening to you.
2. Less Sleep Means More Allergy Symptoms
GiphyAt the end of the day, an allergy is basically what transpires whenever your immune system “overreacts” to something that other people’s systems do not. And since sleep is what helps to keep your immune system nice and strong — well, I’m sure you get how less allergy-related symptoms and more sleep go hand in hand. Also, since sleep helps to decrease bodily inflammation (more on that in a bit) and inflammation can also intensify allergy symptoms, that’s just one more reason to get as much shut-eye as possible.
3. Less Sleep Means Potential Diabetes and Heart Disease
GiphyDid you know that in 2024, Black women were diagnosed with diabetes 24 percent more than any other adult demographic. Also, it continues to be a reality that heart disease is the leading cause of death for Black women. These two sobering statistics alone should be enough of an incentive to do whatever you can to keep the risk of diabetes and heart disease way down.
One way to do that is by getting more sleep. Aside from the fact that sleep strengthens your immune system to where it is easier for you to fight off illness and diseases, sleep can keep your blood sugar levels in a healthy space; plus, when it comes to your heart, it gives it, along with your arteries and blood vessels a break.
4. Less Sleep Means Less Time for Your Body to Push “Reset”
GiphyIf you really stopped to consider all that your body goes through during the day (you can read some about that here), you definitely would respect it enough to do your best to thank it by giving it no less than six hours of sleep, each and every night. Sleep is what helps to slow your brain and body down so they are able to “refuel” for the next day. After all, how can your body prevent you from getting sick if your immune system is too worn out to fight ailments off? Exactly.
5. More Sleep Helps You to Fight Off Infections
GiphySpeaking of, in order for your body to fight off infections, there are certain cells and antibodies within you that need to be healthy and strong — one way that they get and stay that way is by you getting a good amount of sleep. For instance, remember when I touched on cytokines earlier? Well, the same way that they help to prevent colds, they also help to prevent infections too. And since sleep lowers your cortisol (stress) levels, rest gives your body the time and space to build up an army that can fight off free radicals and other health-related challenges while you are awake.
6. More Sleep Lowers Bodily Inflammation
GiphyWhenever a health-related issue is mentioned on this platform, inflammation is something that is mentioned quite a bit. Probably the easiest way to explain inflammation is it’s how your body responds/reacts whenever something is happening to your body that shouldn’t be, whether it’s an illness, an injury, a germ or something that you may be allergic to.
If you happen to have chronic inflammation, some symptoms that are associated with that include fatigue, stiff joints, skin rashes, weight gain and moodiness.
The interesting thing about all of this is if you aren’t getting enough rest, you could be triggering inflammation in your body. That’s because studies reveal that a lack of sleep can elevate molecules that are associated with inflammation. So, if you don’t want inflammation to increase within your system, you should definitely catch more zzz’s.
7. More Sleep Regulates Hormones
GiphyWhen it comes to hormones like serotonin, estrogen and cortisol, believe it or not, they play a role in how your immune system acts and overreacts. That’s because, if your hormones are out of balance, that can cause your immune system to work harder than it actually should and that can make you more vulnerable to sickness. One way to keep your hormones leveled out? SLEEP.
That’s because sleep gives your body the opportunity to rest, repair and restore your hormone levels. On the other hand, when you are sleep deprived, that can put/keep your hormones on the ultimate roller coaster ride. #notgood
8. More Sleep Strengthens Vaccines
flu shot GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyIf you’re someone who is good for getting some sort of vaccine around this time of the year, make sure that you rest up before and after getting your shots. Not only does adequate rest before a vaccination help your immune system to be better receptive to your shots but sleep also helps your body to build up enough antibodies to make your vaccinations effective after getting them. Because if you’re gonna get pricked, shouldn’t it be worth it? My thoughts exactly.
Get some freakin’ sleep! Your immune system depends on it.
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