With all the talk of inflation, heightened interest rates, and a recession looming, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, especially after pushing through the hardships of a pandemic. If you can find inspiration and motivation to keep pushing through, just take a cue from someone whose mantra screams empowerment and fortitude no matter what life throws at us as Black women.
"We had a conference [recently] and one of our speakers said ‘You are your own economy.’ And I’m of the mindset, after working with coaches and being around people who are moving heavy in their industries, that we are our own economy," said Makeda Smith, CEO of Savvy Chicks In Real Estate, a Plainfield, IL-based marketing agency that offers community, events, coaching, and resources for women in the industry. "The economy may say that we’re looking at increased prices, but what are you going to do to meet the challenge?"
Women are finding financial freedom and empowerment through pursuing careers and businesses in real estate, representing 65% of realtors. (And it's notable that single women, in particular, are leading in homeownership, at 19%, compared with 9% of single men.)
Smith has built a lucrative career in real estate, becoming a multi-million-dollar producer and top-seller in her market. "It's from my hard work that I already put in the industry, being a top producer, that I’ve made an impact in the industry. Now, I’m able to take that same drive and shift it to help women in the business.
She is now working to ensure that Black women in the industry are able to leverage all opportunities to not only build wealth for themselves but also for those in their communities as well.
We talked more with Smith about how she got started, what has kept her passionate about the industry after almost two decades in the business, and how women can tap into a lucrative career despite the current economic climate:
Carl Ankrum of The Media MD
xoNecole: How did you get started working in real estate?
Makeda Smith: I got licensed in 2004, and it was after my husband had pestered me to go and get my license. He thought it would be a good opportunity for me to start a new career. I was coming out of [a career in] customer service. It was a completely different industry, and I wasn’t thinking about real estate until he pushed me. Eighteen years later, I’m still a licensed agent.
We launched our own brokerage in 2011. Then, in 2017, I launched my marketing agency to help women in real estate build their brands. It just came full circle.
xoN: What keeps you going after so many years in the industry, especially with the housing market's ups and downs?
MS: In the early years, [I had] the ability to help a family or an investor to purchase and sell real estate and have that be part of their wealth portfolio. Now, I’m passionate about helping the agents who have just started out in business or those who have been in business but [are] stuck and can’t get over a certain revenue hump. We have the inflation rate and gas prices are high, but people will always need a place to live and there's always opportunities.
Let's say last year, I was working with people who had a price point to where they couldn't get over showing people homes that may have been at $150,000. Those homes are $200,000 and $250,000, so a lot of the agents’ incomes are going up because the property values are moving up. It’s not like 2008 [during the Great Recession].
Carl Ankrum of The Media MD
xoN: It's good you mentioned that because some women might be a bit apprehensive about getting into real estate due to what's going on in the economy right now.
MS: If you’re a new agent coming into the business, it’s no different than when I got into it in 2004. You have to find your lane and you have to go hard in that lane. You have to have a strategy and a plan. Then you have to have a made-up mind that 'I'm going to go for this.’ Figure out how you are going to carve your own space within the saturated market. It was saturated in 2004, it was saturated in 2008, and it’s saturated now.
"If you’re a new agent coming into the business, it’s no different than when I got into it in 2004. You have to find your lane and you have to go hard in that lane. Figure out how you are going to carve your own space within the saturated market. It was saturated in 2004, it was saturated in 2008, and it’s saturated now."
A lot of people are saying that these are times that we will find people leaving the industry, but then you will find out what agents are really made of — those who stay in the industry, who find a way around the noise and distractions.
xoN: How do you carve a niche, though? What actions did you take?
MS: I did not sell traditional real estate. I said, 'Okay, how can I get more listings faster so that I am not doing as much legwork to find new clients?' I began to study and figure out how I could work with a bank like Chase, Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac who already had a bulk of listings and say hey I’d like to be your go-to agent. If you have any foreclosures in your area, I’d love to be your broker on that.' And that’s how I became a top producer. In 2007, when I made top-earner status, I had to bring my husband on in because I couldn't handle all of it myself.
Then we both made at least $100,000 each. We had never ever seen anything like that in our lifetime.
Carl Ankrum of The Media MD
xoN: Some of us struggle with networking and forging relationships. How were you able to do so with the housing and banking institutions?
MS: It's not as easy as people say. I went to a conference in Dallas and it was geared toward businesses that had assets. I said, 'If I could just get in front of them, give them my pitch, and bring them what I have to the table, let’s see if they’ll give me a chance.' I just started showing up at all of these different conferences. I’d hit up reps over and over again. The one thing I would say that worked is that time when I followed up with Freddie Mac over and over. They kept telling me no.
Then the rep finally came through with that yes. She gave me 50 listings that [they] can give you at one time and I was blown away. I finally heard that yes. I showed up where the people were. If it was me paying for a plane ticket plus a conference ticket and making sure I had money for food even when I was low on cash, I made that investment to show up where I needed to be for my ideal client. That’s how I became a top producer and my husband became a top producer.
"I showed up where the people were. If it was me paying for a plane ticket plus a conference ticket and making sure I had money for food even when I was low on cash, I made that investment to show up where I needed to be for my ideal client. That’s how I became a top producer and my husband became a top producer."
I always say, 'Stop being timid about your business.' Walmart is not timid about selling you their products or putting a commercial in your face. Target is not timid about helping you get into their stores to spend more of your money, so why are we timid when it comes to our own businesses? I don’t care if you are in your first $10,000 or half a million, we cannot afford to be timid about the businesses in which God has given us.
My mission is to help women in real estate have multiple streams of income that not only depends upon real estate transactions but you have digital products, courses Ebooks, and own paid events. Those are things that don’t teach you in real estate school and it's something I wish someone had done that for me. That keeps me going.
For more of Makeda, follow her on Instagram @makedasmithceo.
Featured image by Carl Ankrum of The Media MD
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When I asked a few women I know if they ever tried that before, I was surprised to discover that not only had they, but many didn’t treat it as some random social media fad — they actually still do it to this day. Partly, because it’s fun to them and partly because their partner(s) seem to go crazy for it.
Listen, any time something sexual works like a charm, I’m going to shout it out — (late) trend or not. And so, if you’ve never heard of the whole coconut thing, you tried it and forgot all about it, or you just want to try something new/different/else tonight — here’s a reminder, in article form, that coconut-ting is still alive and well, y’all. And the men are all about it!
But First, The Grapefruit Technique
Video Credit: Myem/YouTube (Funny part starts at 2:40)
If this woman is not familiar to you on sight, you ain’t a real one. LOL. Although I know that a lot of people think that the concept of grapefruiting came from the movie Girls Trip (you can see the clip from the film here) that absolutely is not the case. Auntie Angel (whose real name is reportedly Denise Walker) is the creator of the Grapefruit Technique and although I thought that this video came out way earlier, apparently it made its way onto the YouTube streets sometime back in 2014.
If for some reason, you’re not familiar with grapefruiting on any level, I will tell you right now that I had to download this video because it is absolutely NSFW — so you should probably watch it on your lunch break (on your phone with the volume as low as possible) or at home…because chile, the sound effects? Whew, the sound effects. LOL. However, when I sat down to pen this piece, I thought it was hilarious that this video is what immediately came to mind because it seems like, when it comes to “blow his mind sex hacks,” fruit is constantly on the menu.
When it comes to oral sex, it’s grapefruit.
When it comes to ride ‘em cowgirl, it’s a coconut.
What Is the “Coconut” Sex Trend?
@windy_moraba #duet with @mysteri0us.gir1 spell coconut with your waist 😂😂😂
Okay, so what in the world does a coconut have to do with intercourse? Well, for starters, if you and your partner are looking for an all-natural lubricant, coconut oil works well. HOWEVER, do keep in mind that the disclaimer on this is you shouldn’t use it if condoms are in the mix because they can actually cause rubbers to be less effective (silicone lube is a solid bet for condoms, by the way).
There is another way that coconuts are kinda-sorta incorporated when it comes to making sex more pleasurable — and it actually became pretty popular right after COVID lockdown (2021): spelling C-O-C-O-N-U-T with your hips while you’re on top of your partner.
It’s wild how I forgot all about this until a client of mine was telling me how much her husband liked her on top while it wasn’t her favorite thing to do because it felt awkward to her. When I said, “Have you ever heard of spelling ‘coconut’ with your hips before?” — at first, she looked at me like I was crazy and then she busted out laughing: “Girl, no” was her reply.
Hmph. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it because, as wild as it might sound on the surface, the word isn’t the point so much as the movements that come with spelling it out are.
When you’re moving your pelvis around to make a “c,” “o” or U-turn, not only does it intensify the level of sensation that both you and your partner feel during intercourse, it can also increase the level of blood circulation to both of your genitalia which can make your orgasms more satisfying too.
At the end of the day, spelling “coconut” is simply reminding you that there are more options to riding than simply sitting there while your partner pumps for all he’s worth or you humping up and down like you’re on a pogo stick.
Spelling “coconut” is an easy hack to bring some variety into cowgirling. However…
Honestly, the “Fruit” Isn’t the Point. THIS IS.
GiphyFrom grapefruiting and spelling “coconut” to reading articles that I’ve penned for the platform like “How To Improve The Taste Of Sperm” — fruit and sex are always going to be a winning combination, one way or another. However, the main point of this article isn’t about making sure that you are a master speller so much as providing you with tips that will make the cowgirl position something that you are confident about and you find a ton of fulfillment in doing.
You can make both of these things happen by incorporating the following things:
Stretch beforehand. A charley horse during sex is the worst thing ever — and chile, don’t let it be right before you’re about to climax. SMDH. Yeah, if you want to feel more comfortable when you’re on top, make sure that you stretch beforehand and that you are well-hydrated. That will reduce the chances of experiencing a totally-out-of-nowhere muscle spasm — whether you decide to “spell” during sex or…not.
Bring pillows into the mix. Sometimes riding is a challenge because your partner feels farther away from your body than you would like. Putting a pillow underneath him can help to elevate his pelvis, so that you don’t feel like you’re stretching and straining. Speaking of pillows, a longer one can really come in handy because it can give your knees some additional support as well.
Also, ask him to put his knees up. Speaking of making the “grind” easier for you, ask your partner to put his knees up. That way, your back can recline on his legs as you’re moving your hips around. You’d be amazed how much this one hack can do for you. Straight up.
Add lube. When you get a chance, check out “The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant” and you will automatically see why bringing lubrication into a cowgirl session is an absolute must. It reduces friction. It makes your movements glide with ease. And it’s just more fun. Promise you that.
Lean in. If your partner happens to be on the larger side of life, one way that you can control his depth is by leaning forward into him. That way, your hips can better control how much or little he is inside of you, so that you can get into a position that gives you the sensation that you are looking for.
Get him to multitask. Again, whether you are spelling “coconut” or not and whether you are riding cowgirl or reverse cowgirl — something that is awesome about being on top is it frees your partner’s hands to do, umm, other things. And since it is so much easier to have an orgasm while your clitoris is being stimulated, get your partner to put some of the lube that we discussed earlier on his fingertips, so that he can gently rub on your clitoris while you are riding him. It doesn’t get much better than that!
Don’t wanna spell? Hula Hoop then. What if you try the whole coconut thing and it’s not a favorite for you (or him)? No problem — when’s the last time that you hula hooped? Pretend that you have one of those around your hips and move around that way. I’d be shocked if you ended up feeling “meh” about that option.
5 Guys Tell Me What They Love When Their Partner Is on Top
GiphyA part of the reason why I am “team cowgirl” is because it provides a lot of benefits to the woman: she has more control, it tends to be more comfortable for her, it’s a great position for a quickie and the orgasms tend to be that much more — wonderful. However, as I was thinking about spelling coconut, in general, I couldn’t help but wonder what guys thought about it and the cowgirl position overall.
If you’re curious, here’s what five of ‘em said.
1. Braxford. Engaged. 35. “Y’all be spelling up there? Who knew? My favorite thing about when my fiancée is on top is what I think every man likes: the view. It’s a chance to see her entire body and experience it at the same time. Not even doggy style accomplishes that. Damn, where’s my lady at?”
2. Denez. Single. 42. “Do you know how many ‘spots’ you have access to when y’all are on top? Breasts are in my mouth. Hickeys are on her neck. Prop my head up on a pillow and her tummy is getting licked. When a woman is riding you, it’s sensory overload! It’s crazy how each one looks amazing in that position too.”
3. Omar. In a Serious Relationship. 29. “[He said her name yet I’m not going to share it] isn’t a very vocal lover. Her body and technique are insane, so even though I love dirty talk, I’ve learned to compromise — except when she’s on top. She’s not saying much but those moans? And yeah, we tried the coconut thing. ‘Cs’ and ‘Os,’ hell yeah. ‘Ns’ and “Ts’? Nah.”
4. Nolen. Single. 45. “45 isn’t old but it’s old enough for your back to show out on you when you least expect it. My experience has been that women don’t want a lot of thrusting when they are on top, so it’s like having some of the best sex without having to do much at all. Well, aside from trying not to bust too quickly. I take that back: riding is easy on the body; it’s work on the brain.”
5. Ivan. Married. 37. “I like the spelling sh-t because it switches things up. We make a game out of it by her picking a word and spelling out while I try and guess what it is. We also try to see how many words that we can get to before one of us cums. 12 words is pushing it unless it’s like ‘dog’ or ‘cat’ or something. I’ve guessed ‘coconut’ a few times and I get what the excitement is all about. Spelling bee sex: try it.”
Yep. I concur.
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Featured image by Giphy