As a life coach myself, I’m not shocked in the least that it is currently a market that is going totally off the rails as far as evolution and demand are concerned. For instance, over the past few years, the industry has reportedly grown over 33 percent as more individuals are looking for other ways to seek mental health solutions and/or achieve various goals in life.
Here’s the thing, though — even though life coaching is a billion-dollar industry, did you know that there are currently only 23,000 certified coaches in the United States (and only 71,000 in the world)? How is that possible? For one thing, it’s one field that currently isn’t regulated (although that’s about to change), which is why you see people everywhere — and I do mean everywhere — saying that they are a life coach even if they are more like a media personality, an influencer, a public speaker or someone who just wants to sound like they are an authority on something (even if they technically aren’t).
That’s why I thought it would be important — critical even — to share with you what it means to be a life coach and how it could benefit you to work with one. Because if you’ve been giving hiring one some serious consideration as of late, you need to make sure that you know just what you’re getting into and if it’s actually a wise investment (for you personally).
What’s the Difference Between a Life Coach and a Therapist?
I won’t lie to you — this first question really is its own article which is why I provided you with the handy chart (above). However, if I were to summarize things, I would say that if you want someone who will help you to dive into your past in order to figure out layers of “whys” in your life, a therapist is who you’re looking for. On the other hand, if you want someone who is trained in how to ask the kind of questions that will assist you in tapping into what you need to do in the present as it directly relates to your future, a life coach can make that happen.
In fact, one of the things that a life coach is taught while getting certified (and credentialed if they decide to pursue that as well) is that when it comes to the “who, what, when, where, why, and how” list of questions, the one that they actually are supposed to avoid (as much as possible) IS the “why.” Why? Because, again, the past is not their job; the present is.
A better way to explain this is, say you want to figure out why you keep dating the same kind of men who only prove to be unhealthy for you. If it’s been years of the same pattern, you should probably see a therapist. On the other hand, if you’re pretty self-aware of your cycle and you’re basically needing some assistance on receiving some ah-ha moments that can help you to put a plan together to date differently in the future, this is where a life coach can help you out.
My opinion? If you know that you need to unpack your past and you want to be proactive about your present and future, it can’t hurt to see a therapist and life coach at the same time, especially since, if a life coach is good at their job, you shouldn’t need to see them for years on end anyway. Solid ones can help you to get the insight that you need, typically after just a few sessions (like maybe 5-7), so that you can feel confident in making future decisions on your own. Or you can look for a hybrid of a therapist and life coach, which is slowly yet surely becoming a popular phenomenon in the world of mental health as well.
How Can a Life Coach Benefit You?
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A married couple who I’ve just started working with was just about at their wit’s end before getting referred to me by another client of mine. They’ve actually seen several therapists, yet they feel like it’s been a complete waste of their time and money because pretty much all those people did was stare at them with a notepad and take their coins.
Yeah, it really is another article for another time, how there are some licensed therapists who ain’t really worth a damn (#sorrynotsorry). Hell, some of them are ranting on TikTok as we speak. SMDH. That’s why you should never assume that just because someone has letters behind their name that they will automatically be good at their job. A therapist/client relationship is a serious one and a big investment mentally, emotionally, and financially on your end, so definitely make sure to vet a potential therapist thoroughly before officially signing on to work with them (a therapist’s blog that has a list of 22 good questions that you should ask prospective therapists is located here).
As far as the new couple goes, we’ve been thriving, in part, because my knowledge of marriage has given them some new things to think about. Also, since I’m not the most conventional coach on the planet (which is kind of an understatement), they like that I’m not comfortable with sessions ending without them getting some real clarity and having some short-term goals to work on. More than anything, though, what they have told me is they appreciate how much more confident they feel about their relationship since coming to my sessions.
And why is that? Because it’s a wise person who once said that wisdom lies not so much in having the right answers but in being asked the right questions. And why is that? Because questions help you to slow down and think. Questions help you to gain more internal clarity. Questions take the emphasis off of the person you hired (a lot of mental health professionals will talk more than listen, which can sometimes be super counterproductive) and back onto yourself. Questions can urge you to tap deeper into your curious, creative, and even organized sides of being. Questions can reveal to you the answers that you didn’t even know you had. And a life coach (a properly trained one) can help you to learn how to see all of this by asking you the right — meaning most beneficial — questions.
I mean, just think about it. While there is something to be said for seeing a professional who will just listen to you (if that’s what you’re looking for) and/or can provide you with some solid tips and tools, think about how good you’ll feel after having a session with someone who helped you to see that you oftentimes have, just what you’re looking for, within yourself? It’s all about working with someone who knows how to guide you along the way — and that’s just what a life coach does (or should be doing).
Aside from that, life coaches can:
- Help you to set and reach goals
- Get you to understand what your current needs are
- Support you in becoming a more effective communicator
- Offer up a different perspective on matters
- Boost your self-esteem
- Reframe your negative thought patterns
- Reduce your stress levels and provide some mental and emotional stability
Yep, they can be bomb on a few different levels…as you can see.
What Are Some Questions You Should Ask Before Officially Hiring a Life Coach?
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Did you notice how on the chart above the first question, it said that life coaches don’t need to be certified or credentialed (which is actually similar to doulas, although some formal training in both fields is a good idea)? While that is indeed true, word on the street is that fact will be changing over the next few years. The reality is that as life coaches are growing in popularity (and let’s be real, they are competing strongly with therapists and counselors), many in the mental health field are standing up and saying that they should be required to have some sort of professional training. Whether their reasons are rooted in jealousy, pettiness, or accountability, this is where we are now, and honestly, there are some benefits to the soon-to-be mandate becoming the case.
Again, because life coaching is still not regulated en masse, anyone with an opinion and a website can call themselves a life coach. And while I won’t name no names (the list is quite frankly too long at this point anyway), a lot of these people aren’t coaches at all. How do I know? Because they don’t do what I just shared that life coaches are supposed to do — ask you the questions that will empower you to find your own answers (in a nutshell).
That’s why, before just paying for a life coaching seminar from someone who offers them on YouTube or TikTok or even hiring someone who was referred to you by someone else, be prepared to ask the following questions:
Are you certified and/or credentialed through an ICF-accredited school? ICF stands for the International Coaching Federation. It’s where the serious life coaches go to get qualified. Although you can find some outstanding coaches who didn’t go through ICF, if you do work with someone who did, you can be confident that they know what a life coach is actually supposed to do and that they’ve been trained in exactly how to do it.
How long have you been working as a life coach? Even if they aren’t certified or credentialed, it helps to work with someone who has some experience underneath their belt. Try not to just take their word for it, either. Ask them if they have some referrals who would be willing to personally vouch for them.
What is your niche? Although a niche is not necessary, it can be beneficial to work with someone who has a “specialty.” For instance, I study marriage on a daily basis, like someone is paying me a million dollars annually to do it, and that has been the case since my 20s. So yeah, my niche is marriage with a subset of dating and relationships, first and foremost. At this point, even though I’ve never been married before (half of all marriages end in divorce, so don’t automatically assume that married folks are full of marriage wisdom just because they’re married…feel me?), there are husbands and wives who will send couples my way because they know how engrossed into the topic of marriage (including intel, stats, books, podcasts, studies, etc.) that I am. Can I also “life coach someone” into making a decision about their finances? Sure, because, again, it’s about knowing what kind of questions to ask. Yet am I better at helping folks with their marriage? Hands down, because it is my “lane.”
Do we have to work together in an office, or are there other options? Most of my clients, we meet by phone. Mostly it’s because many of them are out of town; however, even with the ones who live in my city, I find that a phone call takes some of the pressure off when it comes to them not being stared down for an hour or more at a time. Either way, ask a potential life coach what session options they offer, including in-person, phone, or video chatting (like a Zoom meeting). Sometimes the convenience of chatting from home can make the experience well worth your while (even more so).
Do you plan on getting certified/credentialed at some point? I live in Music City (the real ones know where that is), and so, since Tennessee is leading the charge in people having some formal/professional training, that’s a part of the reason why, even with almost 20 years of experience in working with married couples (and even getting referrals from therapists and pastors), I decided to recently get certified/credentialed as a holistic life coach and trauma recovery coach as well (I will be certified in both by May and credentialed by late fall).
However, if you are working with someone who isn’t certified or credentialed and has no plans on becoming that way, it can’t hurt to ask why. Again, there are some folks who are great without the training — yet knowing the method to their madness can prove to be highly beneficial.
How Much Should You Expect to Pay?
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Personally, I don’t charge as much as I should. I know it. My instructors say it. Other coaches in my life berate me about it. I’ve honestly heard it enough that it’ll probably change by the end of the year. And while I won’t put my own rates on blast (email me at missnosipho@gmail.com if you’re curious/interested), what I will say is the current going rate for life coaches typically averages somewhere between $75-200/hr.
Usually, what I will do is charge half of that amount for the first session to see if a potential client and myself would be a good fit but different life coaches approach the initial meeting in a variety of ways. Just make sure that you ask all of the questions that will make you feel comfortable about moving forward, and don’t feel bad about “interviewing” several before making a final decision.
How Long Should Working with a Life Coach Last?
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Last point. Remember how I said towards the top of this article that life coaching tends to be a shorter-term type of (professional) relationship? Because the ultimate goal of life coaching is to help you to find the answers within yourself that you need for your current and/or future decisions, oftentimes, you may not need more than a few sessions.
On the other hand, some life coaches will assess your situation (it’s normal for them to either give you an intake form) and then recommend a three, six, or 12-month commitment. Bottom line, life coaching really shouldn’t require a super long dynamic — unless you, as the client, would like for it to be that way (for instance, if you have several different things that you would like to be assisted with/supported in).
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Hopefully, I was able to provide you with some insights into the world of life coaching so that you now have a better understanding of what one is and how one could serve you. Plus, now you know that whenever you hear someone call them a coach, you have a proper guideline to go by.
Even though I happen to be one (which does make me a lil’ bit biased), I think everyone could benefit from seeing a life coach at least a couple of times in their lifetime. After all, anything that encourages you to think for yourself in ways that you never had before is definitely not time or money wasted. Straight up.
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Kayla Nicole says she wore a dress that was once worn by Braxton herself for the Halloween costume. “It’s not a secret Toni is more on the petite side. I’m obsessed with all 5’2” of her,” she tells xoNecole via email. “But I’m 5’10'' and not missing any meals, honey, so to my surprise, when I got the dress and it actually fit, I knew it was destiny.”
The episode was the perfect way for the multihyphenate to take control of her own narrative. By addressing the viral moment on her own platform, she was able to stir the conversation and keep the focus on her adoration for Braxton, an artist she says she grew up listening to and who still makes her most-played playlist every year. Elsewhere, she likely would’ve received questions about whether or not the costume was a subliminal aimed at her ex-boyfriend and his pop star fiancée. “I think that people will try to project their own narratives, right?” she said, hinting at this in the episode. “But, for me personally – I think it’s very important to say this in this moment – I’m not in the business of tearing other women down. I’m in the business of celebrating them.”
Kayla Nicole is among xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, powered by SheaMoisture, recognized in the Viral Voices category for her work in media and the trends she sets on our timelines, all while prioritizing her own mental and physical health. As she puts it: “Yes, I’m curating conversations on my podcast The Pre-Game, and cultivating community with my wellness brand Tribe Therepē.”
Despite being the frequent topic of conversation online, Kayla Nicole says she’s learning to take advantage of her growing social media platform without becoming consumed by it. “I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out,” she says.
On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."
Credit: Malcolm Roberson
Throughout each episode, she sips a cocktail and addresses trending topics (even when they involve herself). It’s a platform the Pepperdine University alumnus has been preparing to have since she graduated with a degree in broadcast journalism, with a concentration in political science.
“I just knew I was going to end up on a local news network at the head anchor table, breaking high speed chases, and tossing it to the weather girl,” she says. Instead, she ended up working as an assistant at TMZ before covering sports as a freelance reporter. (She’s said she didn’t work for ESPN, despite previous reports saying otherwise.) The Pre-Game combines her love for pop culture and sports in a way that once felt inaccessible to her in traditional media.
She’s not just a podcaster, though. When she’s not behind the mic, taking acting classes or making her New York Fashion Week debut, Kayla Nicole is also busy elevating her wellness brand Tribe Therepē, where she shares her workouts and the workout equipment that helps her look chic while staying fit. She says the brand will add apparel to its line up in early 2026.
“Tribe Therepē has evolved into exactly what I have always envisioned. A community of women who care about being fit not just for the aesthetic, but for their mental and emotional well-being too. It’s grounded. It’s feminine. It’s strong,” she says. “And honestly, it's a reflection of where I am in my life right now. I feel so damn good - mentally, emotionally, and physically. And I am grateful to be in a space where I can pour that love and light back into the community that continues to pour into me.”
Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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