
Impostor Syndrome: How I’m Learning To Be A Proud Black Girl In White Spaces

Show me a person that's winning at life.
They have an amazing career, lots of money in the bank, great family and friends, and a gym membership they actually use. Show me that person and I will show you someone that has, at one time or another, doubted themselves and their abilities. If they haven't, I'd like to ask what their secret is because that kind of self-belief is a gift I do not possess.
I have made room for doubt in my life and time and time again, grant it invitation despite the fact that it torments and violates me every time I allow it to come in. It's a feeling that a lot of black women have encountered and most have not yet discovered how to overcome. It's a phenomenon known by no other name than Impostor Syndrome.
I would describe Impostor Syndrome as being accused of burgling your own house. You know you belong there. Your belongings are the receipts for all the hard work you've put in to buy this house you call your home, but nobody's there to corroborate your story and the neighbors really don't care.
It is an embarrassing, demeaning, and futile exchange that
wears you down to the point that you start believing they are right. Suddenly,
when you look around, things don't seem so familiar.
And you do so all the while, never realising your accuser is really you. That, to me, is Imposter Syndrome.
About a year ago, I started to come to the realization that something was really wrong with me.
On the outside, I had just embarked on an amazing advertising career; it was something I'd studied for and dreamed about. I had also taken unpaid internships (like many others) in the hope of differentiating myself from that vast competition surrounding me and finally, my efforts were paying off. Working on campaigns for the likes of Disney, Marie Claire, and Porsche were everything I had wanted. And yet, I found myself feeling, hands-down, the most anxious, nervous, and fearful I have ever been in my entire life.
This led to me second-guessing every decision I made, reverting into myself for fear of being singled out or ridiculed for saying something stupid, and procrastinating in a state of analysis paralysis, which isn't great when you have sold yourself on your efficiency, ability to share ideas, and being a team player.
These issues weren't just limited to my work but also my ability to make friends or at least friendly acquaintances in this new, much longed-for work environment. I don't care what anyone says, if you are working for eight hours a day, you need to like, or at least feel comfortable, with your team. I did make some amazing friends. But even then, I found myself wondering when the penny would drop for them – monologues of situational scenarios like, don't hang around with her, whatever she has could be contagious, we need to hang around with the people we want to be like and emulate ran rampant in my mind.
Thoughts of I'm not good enough and I don't know enough are even louder.
I plodded through my initial six-month contract and even the excitement of it being extended didn't cure my feelings of just not being good enough or that, sooner or later, people would find that out.
It took me a minute, but when I finally found the name for my ailment, I was taking the first steps to building up my sense of self and getting my power back. As previously mentioned, Google taught me that I was suffering from the rather debilitating Impostor Syndrome.
My self-diagnosis was affirmed by the transparency from accomplished celebrities like Viola Davis speaking on the subject and raising awareness around an issue that touches many people to varying degrees.
One article I read broke Impostor Syndrome down into three familiar areas: persistence, avoidance, and garnering approval. From the shared adage that "black people must work twice as hard. Harder than our white counterparts" to going to extreme lengths to be validated – Impostor Syndrome is reflective of the WOC experience in predominantly white spaces.
I won't say I have all, or even any, of the answers but what I will say is there is hope. Like many illnesses, it's about the prevention and not the cure, as I don't believe there is one for Impostor Syndrome.
However, I would like to share some of the things that have helped me overcome BIS, or at least better manage my feelings and help me feel pride to establish ownership of the spaces I occupy:
1. Appreciate The Big And Small Wins
I practice self-gratification every time I achieve something or generally get sh*t done. I own that moment and tick it off my list.
2. Focus On Representation Matters
I look at great examples around me, be it family and friends or public figures and celebrities. People that are unapologetically themselves, even if it only looks like that from the outside. I look at them not from a place of wanting to be them, but of examples of it can be done. Talent comes in all shapes, colors, and sizes, and the route to these successes may not be well-worn or traditional, but they are there.
3. Follow the Growth Mentality
Looking at each scenario, problem, or win, and working out what I can take from it has helped my mental substantially. Seeking knowledge from the experiences that happen to me by asking the question: what could I do differently next time or how can I build on my successes? This is a great way to evaluate a situation without unnecessary dwelling and a way to move on.
There is no quick fix to overcoming Impostor Syndrome. As black women in the form of educators, creatives, entrepreneurs, doctors will all tell you, they have struggled one time or another with feeling like enough or believing they have earned the success that has come to them. Despite the light that shines on us, we doubt ourselves. We believe that we are frauds.
Even though that's further from the truth.
The first step to becoming empowered by your seat at the table is knowing that you've earned a right to be there. To sit, to eat, to exist. Remind yourself that you are everything, you are worthy, and your existence and your presence in your respective industries and on this planet are valid. It's about owning your light and refusing to let it dim for anyone - even you. The simple act of being is all the confirmation needed.
Nowadays, when I catch myself asking me if I deserve the life I've been blessed with, I remind myself of the privilege it is for me to be me. You got this Queen.
We all got this.
How do you overcome Impostor Syndrome?
*Article Orginally Posted on The Other Box
xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissons@xonecole.com.
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Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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It’s officially Miss Keri, Baby season again—and if you ask us, it’s been a long time coming. After 15 years away from the music scene, Keri Hilson has returned not only with a brand-new album, but also a captivating new role in Lifetime’s Fame—the latest installment in The Temptations film franchise.
Between the album We Need to Talk: Love and her leading role in Fame, this isn’t just a comeback—it’s a rebirth. The Grammy-nominated singer-songwriter turned actress is letting us into her world like never before, unpacking themes of vulnerability, healing, and inner strength with grace, grit, and raw artistry.
Now streaming on Lifetime, Fame follows two superstar sisters—played by Keri and singer/actress Keshia Chanté—as they navigate the cost of stardom, sibling rivalry, and the dark side of desire. The film also stars Romeo Miller, Ecstasia Sanders, Nathan Witte, and Sophie Carriere, and is executive produced by Derrick Williams and Adriane Hopper Williams of the Seven Deadly Sins franchise.
As for the music? We Need to Talk: Love is a three-part album (Love, Drama, Redemption) that tells the story of a woman who’s been through it—and has risen from the ashes. “It was time to speak for myself,” Keri says.
We sat down with Keri to talk about her return to music, her passion for acting, the emotional depth of Fame, and how she’s learning to care for herself amidst the chaos.
From R&B Queen to Drama Star: Keri Gets Into Character
“Even though she’s famous—as am I—it was really her humanity that I wanted to portray.”
Keri plays Cherish, one half of a superstar sibling duo who must confront their fractured relationship in the wake of a traumatic robbery. For Keri, the role was more than a character—it was a psychological study.
“I enjoy departures from reality. That’s why I love acting,” she shares. “Psychology is one of my favorite things in life. I became a writer because I’m an observer of human nature, emotion, and behavior. I think I did a good job showing her humanity.”
The Fame Isn’t Always Worth the Price
“Keep the main thing the main thing.”
Keri doesn’t sugarcoat the industry. When asked about what Fame reveals about the dark side of celebrity culture, her answer is clear:
“It’s a cautionary tale. It reminds you to keep your family close and not allow anything to come between them—especially in pursuit of success. Keep the main thing the main thing. For me, that’s family, love, spirituality, and values.”
Three Chapters, One Story: Love. Drama. Redemption.
“I’ve shed the fear. It was time to tell my own story.”
Released April 18th, We Need to Talk: Love is Keri’s first album in 15 years—and a deeply personal one at that. The three-part project (Love, Drama, Redemption) represents a timeline of healing and growth.
“I’m finally in a place where I’m able and willing to open up more,” she says. “For a while, I became really guarded—shell-shocked, even—after making mistakes in the public eye. Whether it’s all your fault or not, the scrutiny takes its toll. But now, I’ve shed that fear. It’s time to tell my story.”
Cooking, Walks, and Recalibrating in the Chaos
“I’m not doing the best job—but I’m doing what I can.”
Between eight-hour rehearsals, press runs, and music releases, Hilson admits she hasn’t quite figured out the balance yet—but she’s trying. For her, the key is carving out small rituals of normalcy.
“I enjoy cooking. That’s my sanctity,” she says. “I’ll go home, take my makeup off, put on my rehearsal clothes, and cook a meal. I take walks. I run. These little things help me feel like myself again.”
Art Imitates Life (and Album Tracklists)
“Cherish goes from Love… to Drama… to Redemption.”
Asked which album chapter her Fame character would fall into, Keri doesn’t hesitate. “She fits into all three,” she says. “You see her go from love, to drama, to redemption. That arc mirrors the journey of so many women who’ve had to navigate pain and find their way back to themselves.”
No Pressure, Just Art: Keri Wants You to Feel Something
“Just enjoy the art. That’s it.”
After all the time, patience, and healing, Keri isn’t asking for much. She just wants fans to press play—and feel something.
“I just want people to enjoy what they’re seeing and hearing. Enjoy me on screen. Enjoy me through their ears. People have waited, and I feel blessed by that. That helps me keep it all pure and simple.”
As Keri Hilson steps boldly back into the spotlight, it’s clear this era is all about alignment, artistry, and authenticity. With Fame airing on Lifetime and the first chapter of We Need to Talk: Love setting the tone, we’re more than excited to see what’s next.
As she continues to unfold the album’s next two chapters—Drama and Redemption—one thing’s for sure: this isn’t just a comeback. It’s a reintroduction. And we’ll be watching, listening, and cheering her on every step of the way.
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