Quantcast
I Am A 27-Year-Old Struggling Mom & I Regret Having My Child

I Am A 27-Year-Old Struggling Mom & I Regret Having My Child

It hurts me to have to say this.

Motherhood

I always ask myself: How did I get here?


Since I can recall, I have always had enormous plans for my future. I was going to take Atlanta by storm and not only be the best journalist in the game, but also take care of the people I left behind in Ohio.

Instead, I am a 27-year-old struggling single mother, and the truth is that I regret having my child.

For years, I battled with my self-esteem, allowing myself to be bound to unhealthy relationships and circumstances. Ultimately, it led me to a Planned Parenthood clinic, where I considered having an abortion. But after discussing the matter with my family and boyfriend at the time, I decided to have my child. My baby's father promised to be there for us and support me along the way, but promises are made to be broken they say, and five years later, he is absent and uninterested in fathering the child he begged for. Just like all of the single mothers I witnessed growing up, I consciously decided that I was going to take care of my child to the best of my ability with or without the father.

What I was not aware of was the sacrifice that come along with becoming someone's mother.

It's embarrassing to admit that I can see life without being a parent; a life in which I would thoroughly enjoy. I often hear parents saying their kids are the best thing that happened to them. What I never hear is people like myself, who love their child but birthing them may have completely destroyed the life they wanted for themselves.

Don't get me wrong, I love my child and I am a good parent. I was blessed with an outgoing, intelligent and loving child. We share daily aspirations of power. I embed into his spirit how priceless he is and all of the possibilities he has in the world. School functions and extra-curricular activities are vital. I am at each event cheering him on as the proud parent he knows and deserves.

The problem is the peace that my life lacks when I lay down at night. The turmoil in my spirit that leaves me wondering “what if" daily. Vivid dreams of what could've been prevent me from accepting what is.

However, I don't blame my child. I take full responsibility in this situation because I had a choice, and I chose to sacrifice my mind, body and future to please someone else. There was a lack of self-love, which catapulted my desire to please everyone but myself.

Here I am now trying to figure it all out. I am hurt and ashamed, but looking for a raft to grab onto to navigate these waters of my reality.

My message to other people in this situation is to understand that you are not alone. Society does not necessarily accept our truth, but nevertheless it's ours. As we battle what is in comparison to what could've been, I hope we find peace. The new goal is to find a way to join both my reality and my heart's desires.

I know I can still have the life I wanted for myself. We all can. The first step is realizing it. Once we accept that are dreams are still possible, even if they were detoured by motherhood, we can begin taking the steps necessary to start working towards our dreams again.

Have a personal story or essay you'd like to share with our readers? Email your submissions to submissions@xonecole.com to be our next featured story.

Trans People Are Not The Enemy

Cisters, we need to talk. (By “cis” I mean cisgender women–people who were assigned female at birth and also identify as women).

Keep reading...Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.
a-black-woman-protester-holding-up-a-sign-during-abortion-protest

When it comes to reproductive rights in this country, things have gone left fast. Well, if you’re on the outside looking in that is. In this case, being on the outside simply means those of us who weren’t on the frontlines of activism as it pertains to abortion access. Those who had been anticipating this outcome were laying the groundwork for the overturning of Roe v. Wade for quite some time now. And honestly, it didn’t take much to notice the direction things were headed in with the many trigger bans. So perhaps I underestimate all of our intelligence when I say those on the frontlines understood what was going on when in reality I think many of us could see the writing on the wall, but just thought we had more time.

Keep reading...Show less
Big Sean Says He ‘Can’t Wait To Be A Dad’ Following News That He And Jhené Aiko Are Expecting

Congratulations are in order for Jhené Aiko and Big Sean! The couple confirmed the news that they are expecting their first child together after photos surfaced of them walking around with the singer’s belly protruding. The “Detroit” rapper took to Instagram to share his excitement about being a dad. “Can’t wait to be a Dad,” he wrote in one of his Instagram Stories. In another post, he shared, “Whole new motivation forreal. Very grateful God continues to bless us, thank you.”

Keep reading...Show less
The Best Crystals For Attracting Love & Romance

As a firm believer in energy, crystals are something I naturally gravitate towards. There is a crystal for everything: crystals for luck, crystals for money, crystals for stress relief, crystals for healing. For this reason, these naturally-occurring wonders of the world make excellent tools for manifestation and intention-setting in your life. What you manifest in life is based on your vibration, so crystals act as a perfect caveat to raising your vibration and therefore attracting what you want most, including love.

Keep reading...Show less
Method Man On Having Low Self-Esteem & How It Caused An Awkward Encounter With Destiny’s Child

Over the last few years, Method Man has been deemed a “zaddy” by many women due to his handsome, grown-man-like features. But while he may be admired for his good looks, he didn’t always feel good about himself. The “Bring the Pain” artist was recently featured on Math Hoffa’s My Expert Opinion podcast where he revealed that he often battled with low self-esteem early on in his career which led him to have an awkward encounter with Destiny’s Child.

Keep reading...Show less
Exclusive Interviews
A Black woman looks into the camera and gives a closed-mouth smile. She's wearing a black turtleneck

Miss Diddy Kicks Off BET Awards Weekend With 'A Toast To Black Hollywood'

Her annual event to celebrate the culture has a new name and more intention than ever before

Latest Posts