A surgeon and author by the name of Maxwell Maltz once came up with one of my absolute favorite quotes on self-esteem: “Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your handbrake on.” Indeed, how you see yourself, the way you speak about yourself (both to you as well as to others), the value that you put onto yourself, it all plays a very pivotal and relevant role in how you are able to move through this thing that we call life. And you know what else? Your level of self-esteem also has a way of impacting your health including when it comes to your vagina and vulva (the outer part of your vagina).
Geeze. When’s the last time that you heard that what and how you think about yourself can actually cause “her” to act — or act up — a certain way? And yet, as you’re about to see in just a bit, it’s very true. However, before I share with you how your self-worth and vaginal health work together — or against each other if you’re not careful — let’s unpack a bit more about what it means to have a healthy sense of self-esteem vs. signs that you could stand to do a bit more work in that department. For your overall sake and for the sake of your vagina’s too.
What Does It Mean to Have High Self-Esteem?
GiphySo, let’s come out swinging, just a bit, on this one. Although we live in a time where a lot of people come across as being extremely arrogant, that isn’t an indication that they have a high sense of self-esteem; in fact, oftentimes, it’s just the opposite. When it comes to cockiness and being pretentious, as I oftentimes say, “Arrogance is nothing more than low-self esteem throwing a temper tantrum.”
Okay, so what does a healthy level of self-esteem look and live like?
Confidence is a sign of high self-esteem. Taking accountability and responsibility for one’s actions is a sign of high self-esteem. Setting and upholding (that is key) clear boundaries for the sake of your mind, body, and spirit’s ability to thrive is a sign of high self-esteem. Having healthy relationships (and won’t that preach) is a sign of having high self-esteem. I like how one article that I read on the topic said that not settling for just a paycheck when it comes to choosing employment, not making self-destructive decisions, and choosing to build people up instead of tearing them down are also signs of having high self-esteem.
Know what else are clear signs? Prioritizing your physical health and also pampering yourself — and no, your vagina should not be exempt when it comes to both of these things. This is why it’s important to see your doctor if you recognize any abnormalities down below, that you perform vaginal self-exams on a consistent basis, and yes, that you treat “her” as a very vital part of your being…because “she” is exactly that. Doing these things significantly increases your chances of having a healthy vagina and vulva — just like low self-esteem can do the opposite.
Let’s keep going. So, on the flip side, how does low self-esteem present itself?
What Does It Mean to Have Low Self-Esteem?
GiphyPeople who don’t find themselves very worthy of much, they tend to display the following characteristics:
- They worry a lot
- They self-deprecate
- They lack good boundaries (or they let people talk them out of their boundaries)
- They go overboard when it comes to people-pleasing
- They don’t have much of a backbone (folks can easily sway them out of their standards and beliefs)
- They constantly compare themselves to others
- They regularly participate in negativity
- They lack self-control
- They are unforgiving when it comes to themselves and others (because they are highly critical)
- They don’t prioritize self-care
And doesn’t it make perfect sense that if you’re in this kind of head and heart space, your physical (and mental) health would suffer on some levels? Yeah, you might be surprised at just how much.
How Low Self-Esteem Impacts Your Health Overall
GiphyIf you’re constantly caught up in negativity, if you don’t have self-control and/or you allow people to talk you in and out of whatever, I’m sure you get how that can lead to toxic relationships, depression and anxiety and possibly even the abuse of substances (mental health stuff). Okay, but how does low self-esteem directly affect your physical health?
One way that it can rear its ugly head is by causing you to have an unhealthy relationship with food whether that’s developing some type of eating disorder or simply not feeding yourself things that are good for you. Another? Well, there are studies that indicate that negative people and those who don’t get adequate rest tend to have low self-esteem.
There is also plenty of data out in these streets that says people with low self-esteem tend to make far more unwise sex-related decisions than those with high self-esteem. You can read here and here about how there are direct ties between low self-esteem and obesity (even in medical students). Another thing that low self-esteem can do is put unnecessary stress and strain on your heart which can potentially lead to heart disease, heart attacks, and strokes.
Hell, there is even research that says that low self-esteem can trigger things in your system that will result in breakouts, excessive itching, and intensified symptoms of eczema and psoriasis. And yes, even when it comes to your vagina and vulva, low self-worth can certainly take its toll.
5 Ways Low Self-Esteem Affects Your Vaginal Health and Well-Being
GiphyNeed some convincing that low self-esteem can wreak absolute havoc on your genitalia? Here ya go.
1. Low self-esteem increases your cortisol levels. People with low self-esteem tend to be more stressed which can cause their cortisol levels to rise. When that happens, it can increase inflammation, throw off your vagina’s pH levels, and cause more bad bacteria to enter into your vagina — and all of this creates a perfect storm for becoming so much more vulnerable to vaginal infections.
2. Low self-esteem can lower your libido. The way that low self-esteem typically presents itself in the bedroom is it can cause you to have a negative body image and/or give you performance anxiety and/or make you put up walls with your partner and/or cause you to believe that you aren’t worthy of the kind of intimacy (physically and/or emotionally) that you desire. And all of this can cause your libido to tank.
3. Low self-esteem can lead to vaginal dryness. When your estrogen levels are off, that can do a number on your mental health. The interesting thing about that is stress can throw off your hormones in the first place and, as we already touched on, low self-esteem can be quite stressful. When you’re stressed, that can put your hormones on a roller coaster ride which can cause things like vaginal dryness. And your vagina and vulva are a lot less comfortable — both in the bed and out — if it’s constantly dry.
4. Low self-esteem can cause recurring yeast infections. If you seem to keep getting yeast infections, you definitely should see your doctor, just to make sure there isn’t an underlying health issue going on. However, also don’t underestimate that it could be that you need to give your self-esteem a boost. Yep, another interesting way that low self-worth can present itself is it can alter your gut and immunity, making it harder for your system to fight off things like yeast infections. Fascinating.
5. Low self-esteem may cause you to be hypercritical of your vagina/vulva. When you get a chance, please check out “Did You Know That There Are 10 Different Kinds Of Vaginas? Yep.” Since, again, low self-esteem can be pretty unforgiving, it’s not uncommon for women who battle with it to be very hard on how they look — including how their vulva (because you can’t exactly see your vagina) appears.
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One time, while talking with a client about the importance of having high self-esteem, we discussed some of the very things that I just mentioned. When she connected the potential for low self-esteem to it keeping her out of the mood for sex and her having an irritated vagina, interestingly enough, that was the inspiration that she needed to make some real lifestyle changes.
Whatever it takes, chile. If getting your vagina to feeling right is what will make you more intentional about loving on yourself — I mean, so long as the job gets done, one way or another…right?
A television producer by the name of Angela C. Santomero once said, “Self-love is necessary for a functional and successful life.” This includes adoring every single part of yourself. Vagina and vulva included.
Their health and well-being absolutely depend on it. Quite literally, sis.
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Apparently, there was a Thanksgiving episode that featured all of the friends having dinner together. And y’all, there was simply no way that I was going to mention the latter without shouting out the original (amen?).
Okay, so with that out of the way — Friendsgiving. Something that I appreciate about twists to holidays like this is that it’s a reminder that there is no one way to celebrate special occasions. And so, if, for whatever the reason, you will not or cannot be with family during the holiday season, there are certainly other alternatives at your disposal.
That being said, if the thought of spending time with friends this Thanksgiving is something that you’d like to do, yet you’re not sure how to host it in a way that will make Friendsgiving a fan favorite for your entire circle — I’ve got 10 suggestions that can make the planning process easy as pumpkin (or sweet potato) pie.
1. Position Chrysanthemums or Orchids for Your Table Décor
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Let’s start with décor first. Listen, aside from cleaning up your place, you don’t have to be over the top. If you put together a really nice centerpiece or put a flower at each table setting, honestly, you’re all good. And if you’re someone who is big on details and symbolism, my recommendation would be to go with some chrysanthemums and/or orchids.
When it comes to chrysanthemums, not only are they a peak fall flower, they represent things like friendship and happiness. And orchids? They tend to bloom during the fall and spring seasons and, not only are they about luxury, certain orchid colors also symbolize friendship (for the record, yellow roses symbolize friendship too). Perfect.
2. Incorporate Scents That Cultivate Gratitude
Speaking of cultivating a warm and inviting space, you can never go wrong with scented soy candles — or at least having an essential oil diffuser in a few spots. Some scents that actually help to bring in the spirit of gratitude include vanilla, jasmine, ginger, cedarwood and frankincense.
3. Use Upscale Paper Products to Dine With
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Let’s be real — a lot more of us would probably host events in our home if it wasn’t for the mess that is left behind in our kitchen once the festivities are over. Wanna avoid that? Use paper plates. No, I don’t mean the cheap Styrofoam ones. SMDH. These days, there are paper (and plastic) plate brands that will low-key blow your mind when it comes to how bougie they look. Some that are worth considering are located here, here and here.
4. Handwrite Thank-You Notes (Use Them As Place Settings)
If you’re like Tiffany (from the HBO series Insecure — what a time) was at that memorable dinner party when all hell broke loose between Lawrence and Issa and you’re pretty anal — I mean, particular — LOL — about place settings, it’s a nice touch to pick up some blank thank-you cards that you can write a personalized “I’m thankful for you because…” message in. Place each one where you’d like each friend to sit. They won’t see it coming and it’s a really nice touch.
5. Have Everyone Bring Their Favorite Homemade Dish
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Okay, and what if what has you on the fence about hosting is you don’t feel like doing a ton of cooking? Chile, this is where the concept of having a potluck comes in. Get everyone to bring the dish that they claim they cook the best and make sure to let them know how many individuals you plan on coming (so that they will make enough). You can even make a game out of it by having everyone anonymously vote for the first, second and third best dishes out of the bunch. Take it up a notch by having a prize for each winner.
6. Take a Warm Drink and Dessert Poll Beforehand
You know what isn’t discussed enough about dinner parties? Folks bringing desserts that other people don’t even like. SMDH. You can avoid this from becoming an issue at your Friendsgiving by sending an email (most people prefer that to group chats; let’s be real — and make sure to BCC everyone as well) asking everyone to share what their top three favorite desserts and warm drinks are. Then pick the top 2-3 out of the bunch. That way, you won’t have a ton of (for instance) coffee cake or apple cider lying around that no one even wanted in the first place.
7. Create a Signature Friendsgiving Mocktail and Cocktail
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Speaking of drinks, another way to make your Friendsgiving memorable is to come up with a signature mocktail (for those who don’t consume alcohol) and cocktail. For the mocktail, you can also poll your friends about their favorite mocktail or fruits and come up with a mixture of your own. For the cocktail — although National Friendship Day is actually in August, I did peep that there are certain drinks that have been created in its honor. Some of them are located here for you to do a bit of tweaking on (if you’d like).
8. Ask Everyone to Share Their “Favorite Friend Quality” of Another
You know how it’s customary for everyone to go around and share what they are truly thankful for before having dinner? Well, to continue along with the Friendsgiving theme, have each person share what their favorite friend quality is about the person to their right. If folks are just meeting each other for the first time, instead they can share what they value the most in friendship overall, along with a story of how it was displayed to them personally over the past 12 months.
9. Send Each of Your Guests Home with a Fresh Gratitude Journal
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Wanna send folks home with a nice parting gift? It would be so on-trend to give each of them a gratitude journal. Listen, we are in some crazy times right through here (at least in the States) and so, encouraging your friends to set some time aside, regularly, to think about and then outwardly express what they are grateful for? That helps to keep stress down, keep things in perspective and it reminds us all to maintain a positive mindset as much as possible.
10. Watch a Nostalgic Movie
While everyone is enjoying dessert and drinks, how about watching a movie that brings back fond memories? A list of some of the most popular movies to come out previous Thanksgiving weekends is located here and a list of some favorite Black holiday-themed films can be found here. It’s a way to wind down and share some laughs before everyone heads home.
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Friendsgiving. What a wonderful way to celebrate your friends while also observing Thanksgiving in a way that is totally on your terms. And now that you know how to put it together, what are you waiting for? Hit your friends up and let them know that, whether it’s on actual Thanksgiving Day or a few days before or after, you’ve got a special dinner in mind.
One that has a good time with amazing friends written ALL over it.
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