

A surgeon and author by the name of Maxwell Maltz once came up with one of my absolute favorite quotes on self-esteem: “Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your handbrake on.” Indeed, how you see yourself, the way you speak about yourself (both to you as well as to others), the value that you put onto yourself, it all plays a very pivotal and relevant role in how you are able to move through this thing that we call life. And you know what else? Your level of self-esteem also has a way of impacting your health including when it comes to your vagina and vulva (the outer part of your vagina).
Geeze. When’s the last time that you heard that what and how you think about yourself can actually cause “her” to act — or act up — a certain way? And yet, as you’re about to see in just a bit, it’s very true. However, before I share with you how your self-worth and vaginal health work together — or against each other if you’re not careful — let’s unpack a bit more about what it means to have a healthy sense of self-esteem vs. signs that you could stand to do a bit more work in that department. For your overall sake and for the sake of your vagina’s too.
What Does It Mean to Have High Self-Esteem?
So, let’s come out swinging, just a bit, on this one. Although we live in a time where a lot of people come across as being extremely arrogant, that isn’t an indication that they have a high sense of self-esteem; in fact, oftentimes, it’s just the opposite. When it comes to cockiness and being pretentious, as I oftentimes say, “Arrogance is nothing more than low-self esteem throwing a temper tantrum.”
Okay, so what does a healthy level of self-esteem look and live like?
Confidence is a sign of high self-esteem. Taking accountability and responsibility for one’s actions is a sign of high self-esteem. Setting and upholding (that is key) clear boundaries for the sake of your mind, body, and spirit’s ability to thrive is a sign of high self-esteem. Having healthy relationships (and won’t that preach) is a sign of having high self-esteem. I like how one article that I read on the topic said that not settling for just a paycheck when it comes to choosing employment, not making self-destructive decisions, and choosing to build people up instead of tearing them down are also signs of having high self-esteem.
Know what else are clear signs? Prioritizing your physical health and also pampering yourself — and no, your vagina should not be exempt when it comes to both of these things. This is why it’s important to see your doctor if you recognize any abnormalities down below, that you perform vaginal self-exams on a consistent basis, and yes, that you treat “her” as a very vital part of your being…because “she” is exactly that. Doing these things significantly increases your chances of having a healthy vagina and vulva — just like low self-esteem can do the opposite.
Let’s keep going. So, on the flip side, how does low self-esteem present itself?
What Does It Mean to Have Low Self-Esteem?
People who don’t find themselves very worthy of much, they tend to display the following characteristics:
- They worry a lot
- They self-deprecate
- They lack good boundaries (or they let people talk them out of their boundaries)
- They go overboard when it comes to people-pleasing
- They don’t have much of a backbone (folks can easily sway them out of their standards and beliefs)
- They constantly compare themselves to others
- They regularly participate in negativity
- They lack self-control
- They are unforgiving when it comes to themselves and others (because they are highly critical)
- They don’t prioritize self-care
And doesn’t it make perfect sense that if you’re in this kind of head and heart space, your physical (and mental) health would suffer on some levels? Yeah, you might be surprised at just how much.
How Low Self-Esteem Impacts Your Health Overall
If you’re constantly caught up in negativity, if you don’t have self-control and/or you allow people to talk you in and out of whatever, I’m sure you get how that can lead to toxic relationships, depression and anxiety and possibly even the abuse of substances (mental health stuff). Okay, but how does low self-esteem directly affect your physical health?
One way that it can rear its ugly head is by causing you to have an unhealthy relationship with food whether that’s developing some type of eating disorder or simply not feeding yourself things that are good for you. Another? Well, there are studies that indicate that negative people and those who don’t get adequate rest tend to have low self-esteem.
There is also plenty of data out in these streets that says people with low self-esteem tend to make far more unwise sex-related decisions than those with high self-esteem. You can read here and here about how there are direct ties between low self-esteem and obesity (even in medical students). Another thing that low self-esteem can do is put unnecessary stress and strain on your heart which can potentially lead to heart disease, heart attacks, and strokes.
Hell, there is even research that says that low self-esteem can trigger things in your system that will result in breakouts, excessive itching, and intensified symptoms of eczema and psoriasis. And yes, even when it comes to your vagina and vulva, low self-worth can certainly take its toll.
5 Ways Low Self-Esteem Affects Your Vaginal Health and Well-Being
Need some convincing that low self-esteem can wreak absolute havoc on your genitalia? Here ya go.
1. Low self-esteem increases your cortisol levels. People with low self-esteem tend to be more stressed which can cause their cortisol levels to rise. When that happens, it can increase inflammation, throw off your vagina’s pH levels, and cause more bad bacteria to enter into your vagina — and all of this creates a perfect storm for becoming so much more vulnerable to vaginal infections.
2. Low self-esteem can lower your libido. The way that low self-esteem typically presents itself in the bedroom is it can cause you to have a negative body image and/or give you performance anxiety and/or make you put up walls with your partner and/or cause you to believe that you aren’t worthy of the kind of intimacy (physically and/or emotionally) that you desire. And all of this can cause your libido to tank.
3. Low self-esteem can lead to vaginal dryness.When your estrogen levels are off, that can do a number on your mental health. The interesting thing about that is stress can throw off your hormones in the first place and, as we already touched on, low self-esteem can be quite stressful. When you’re stressed, that can put your hormones on a roller coaster ride which can cause things like vaginal dryness. And your vagina and vulva are a lot less comfortable — both in the bed and out — if it’s constantly dry.
4. Low self-esteem can cause recurring yeast infections. If you seem to keep getting yeast infections, you definitely should see your doctor, just to make sure there isn’t an underlying health issue going on. However, also don’t underestimate that it could be that you need to give your self-esteem a boost. Yep, another interesting way that low self-worth can present itself is it can alter your gut and immunity, making it harder for your system to fight off things like yeast infections. Fascinating.
5. Low self-esteem may cause you to be hypercritical of your vagina/vulva. When you get a chance, please check out “Did You Know That There Are 10 Different Kinds Of Vaginas? Yep.” Since, again, low self-esteem can be pretty unforgiving, it’s not uncommon for women who battle with it to be very hard on how they look — including how their vulva (because you can’t exactly see your vagina) appears.
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One time, while talking with a client about the importance of having high self-esteem, we discussed some of the very things that I just mentioned. When she connected the potential for low self-esteem to it keeping her out of the mood for sex and her having an irritated vagina, interestingly enough, that was the inspiration that she needed to make some real lifestyle changes.
Whatever it takes, chile. If getting your vagina to feeling right is what will make you more intentional about loving on yourself — I mean, so long as the job gets done, one way or another…right?
A television producer by the name of Angela C. Santomero once said, “Self-love is necessary for a functional and successful life.” This includes adoring every single part of yourself. Vagina and vulva included.
Their health and well-being absolutely depend on it. Quite literally, sis.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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There’s caviar, and then there’s Black-owned caviar. With the recent explosion of #CaviarTikTok, this luxury delicacy seems to be everywhere these days. I can’t scroll through my feed without seeing our favorite celebs and influencers diving headfirst into extravagant caviar spreads.
From Rihanna pairing her caviar with chicken nuggets (I wonder if our Fenty queen shares with RZA and Riot Rose or if this is just for mama) to Bethenny Frankel educating us on caviar with her series "Caviar University," there’s just no escaping it.
And let’s not forget the elite king himself, DeAndre Brown, indulging in fried chicken and caviar! From videos with caviar-topped burgers, potato latkes, deviled eggs, and pasta dishes—folks are topping everything with caviar. Yet, I had not come across any Black-owned caviar brands until I discovered Caviar Dream.
My Introduction Into Caviar
I started off eating caviar in undergrad on top of sushi, exploring with a variety of roe and tobiko but as an adult, I knew I was ready to try something a little more refined. The first time I fell in love with caviar was in grad school at a southern Italian restaurant in Flatiron.
I tried an appetizer that featured caviar on bruschetta, served with thick garlic bread and burrata cheese, and from that moment, I was hooked. That has become my favorite way to enjoy caviar next to this filet mignon crostini appetizer that I served recently at a dinner party.
Everything You Need To Know About Caviar Dream
Caviar Dream
Courtesy of Yasmine Jameelah
Caviar Dream is the first nationally distributed Black- and woman-owned caviar business, redefining how people experience caviar. Founded by Kendra Anderson, a Chicago-based chef and sommelier, the company’s mission is to make caviar more accessible and inclusive, breaking down barriers and demystifying this delicacy.
What Caviar I Tried
Caviar Dream Kaluga Hybrid ($105-$420 depending on the ounce)
How I Experienced The Caviar:
For this review, I opted for a more traditional approach by pairing Caviar Dream's Kaluga Hybrid with crème fraîche, blinis, and my favorite Black-owned champagne, Le KOOL Champagne by Robert Kool Bell.
My Caviar Dream spread
Courtesy of Yasmine Jameelah
My Honest Review:
I do not say this lightly - this was by far the best caviar I’ve ever had in my life. It was buttery, had no aftertaste, and truly felt as luxurious as it looked.
Prior to this, my favorite caviar was Imperial Caviar. I’ve tried many brands, from well-known to affordable, while recreating my favorite decadent appetizers at home or enjoying caviar bumps at parties with my friends and they were my favorite until now.
Caviar Dream boasts that chefs are obsessed with this versatile hybrid, which tastes more expensive than it actually is—and they were right. This buttery caviar would pair well with any recipe, especially if you’re looking to impress someone or even treat yourself.
As a Black woman, a business owner, and someone who understands that an extension of financial wellness is circulating our dollars, I recognize the importance of incorporating Black-owned businesses throughout every aspect of my life. From my skincare to my favorite sustainable wine, my bank, and even indulgent experiences like caviar, it matters.
As we celebrate culinary innovation and expand our palates, let’s also take the extra step to support Black-owned businesses while doing it. So the next time you’re tempted by the allure of caviar, order from Caviar Dream—it just might become your new favorite.
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