

I'll admit, that planning any trip can feel like a daunting task. There are so many variables to consider, so much preparation, but the end result is so worth it (read: there are still bound to be f*ck ups). Europe was no different.
I wanted to go to London since I was a little girl watching the Olsen twins in the direct-to-video film Winning London. It had a lasting effect, similarly to the way Passport to Paris did. I was going to delay my travels until 2019, but ultimately decided why should I wait any longer. I can work anywhere, the nature of my life warrants flexibility, so I am finally free to move like the water I have always felt a special connection to. And so, I decided to start planning my long lusted trip to London, England with plans to also stop in Paris.
Initially, I chose April, but after a death in the family inspired me to press pause for just a bit, reconnect to what I really want (hello, apartment), and second-guess traveling this year once again all together, I was going to cancel. Luckily, my heart sang a different tune and I decided to sing to that instead - opted for October, paid the $308 fee to change my flight, and was London-bound for the fall.
And for those of you who might be feeling overwhelmed by the planning of it all, I've done some of the necessary work for you by gathering some of the tips that helped me plan my first European travel excursion. Check 'em out below:
Do All The Necessary Prep Work Ahead Of Time
Arriving at St. Pancras International in London
Photo Cred: Terrence Porter
Note that while there's no such thing as an "off-peak" season in Paris, you can find cheaper airline deals between September-December range (anytime after or before summer is best to avoid the heavy tourist crowd). Ensure that your passport is up to date, also read up the parameters of travel limitations for the place you plan to visit. You can read up on that via the Bureau of Consular Affairs for the given country's international travel information. Before you travel abroad, also be sure to make copies of your important travel and identity docs, i.e. your passport, license, and perhaps your social security card. In addition to your plane tickets, book any additional transportation plans, like a rental car, public transportation passes, or a train if necessary.
In our case, purchasing our train tickets for Eurostar ahead of time were a must too. It's advised to start booking your train from London to Paris at least three months in advance (find them here). We did our best to leave a couple of hours between our flights' arrival and our train's departure so that once we touched down in London, we'd take the train to Paris to pack our travel day as much as possible and do a one-shot to our next destination.
In reality, what actually happened was we missed our train by about five minutes and had to pay 44 euros for a new ticket for the next train to Paris. Some research on my part would have been helpful in figuring out how to map out the train departure in relation to our flight arrival, especially because London St. Pancras International ended up being kind of far from the airport (about 35-45 minutes to be exact). And if you do nothing else, get an International plan with your cell phone service because the data will be needed for Ubers and such. Trust. And because my friend and I had Airbnbs in both locations, WhatsApp and some data comes clutch for the check-in process. So again I say, TRUST.
Lodging Recommendations
In Paris:
Hotel Emile - it's located in Marais, relatively close to a metro station, and offers free breakfast with direct booking.
Airbnb - we stayed in this studio apartment. It was very quaint and located in a trendier complex in the North part of Paris. Close to laundry, cafes, food, grocery stores, and only a few miles away from big attractions.
In London:
The Pilgrm - it's located in Paddington, relatively close to the tube station, and is very stylish. If I didn't stay in an Airbnb, this was going to be the one.
Airbnb - Huma's Victorian townhome feels so authentically London, it was so dope to stay there for a few days. Definitely recommend.
See All The Must-See Attractions
Capturing moments at the Louvre
Photo Cred: Terrence Porter
It is impossible to see everything a city has to offer, especially in the span of three days. Think about it, there are people who call these cities home and still haven't seen everything it has to offer. On your first day, make a running list of attractions that you feel are the Must-See places and hit them up when the day breaks. See as much as possible, and do as much as possible, especially during your first day in a new place. This will give allow you to see all of the touristy spots, while also allowing the freedom of sticking a pin in some of your favorite sights to potentially go to again before your trip is over.
In London, everything was very centralized and the tube was really easy to navigate, so hitting up Big Ben, London Bridge, the London Eye, Buckingham Palace, Hyde Park, and Kensington Palace was done pretty effortlessly. On our first day in Paris, we walked to Montmartre, the Arc du Triomphe, and the Eiffel Tower. Because we chose walking over public transportation, we saved the Louvre for the next evening and allowed ourselves to indulge a little with the next tip.
Tour The City Like A Local
Taking in the Seine River in Paris
Photo Cred: Terrence Porter
This is the day to get lost, to take your time, and really take in the beauty and the history, the sights and sounds of the city in a less strategical way. While in Europe, I noticed that people had places to go but I also noted how lax a lot of the locals were with spending time in a state of experiencing. In Paris, they'd bring espresso and crepes to talk and gaze at the Seine or drink beer alongside the Thames. I even saw a guy outside of the Gare du Nord train station with an espresso cup that he rested on a newspaper stand as he stood and people watched in the middle of the sidewalk. Or in London, where people took midday breaks at the pub with a draft beer and wrote in their moleskins as the city moved around them.
My point is, everyone seemed to take their time a bit more. So, as we got lost, it was important to me to take breaks and take in the city, take in the life, take in the quiet and just be still. It was a lesson in being present that I really enjoyed.
Sit Back & Relax Your Mind
A glimpse of our beautiful Airbnb
Photo Cred: Terrence Porter
Don't let the go-go-go mentality of travel stop you from relaxing in the moment and showing gratitude for the fact that you are there. Make sure you don't allow guilt to dictate the moves you make or don't make. If you want to relax and recoup from your 16-hour travel day, take your time. Rest up. Enjoy yourself. You've earned it. My travel buddy was an up and at 'em kind of traveler that wanted to be up by 7 am to explore until 11 or noon, and then we'd convene and spend the day and evening together until I was ready to wrap up the night (especially because this ninja had the motto of walking everywhere in Paris).
I took my time though. I slept in. I did my morning routine. I read a book and highlighted passages. I updated my emails and checked on my site. And when I rose to reemerge into the city for hours on end, I lived.
Europe was absolutely magical. 10/10, I definitely recommend. Click through the gallery below to see some of the things I saw and experienced while over there.
Paris Photo Diary
London Photo Diary
*Originally published on Postcards & 808s
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Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
Watch the full episode below:
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by YouTube/xoNecole
6 Tabletop Sex Positions That'll Unlock You & Bae's Most Primal Desires
Something I will never tire of is finding new ways to bring new layers to intimacy. A wall you use as momentum, a bathroom sink to help you keep your balance as he worships you on his knees, a shower that is usually for cleansing but evolves into a sacred ritual of shared intimacy.
My favorite kind of sex is the kind of sex that prioritizes pleasure and connection. So, technically and thankfully, I can say most of my sex life has been quite pleasurable throughout the years. But the memorable encounters for sure take the cake. One such encounter actually took place on a kitchen counter, and with it unleashed inhibitions in ways I never anticipated while unlocking levels to top-tier sex. And that, that involved a kitchen counter.
Why Kitchen Counter Sex Just Hits Different
What is it about having your hips pressed into the edge of a kitchen counter that lets out something so primal in you? The cool-to-the-touch feel of the countertop against exposed skin as you rise to meet him again and again. The urgency in every movement. The playfulness of repurposing an everyday space for something far more erotic. If you’re looking to bring that energy into your own sex life, keep reading for positions and tips to explore.
1. The Bounce House
They don’t call it Bounce House for nothing. In this position, the penetrating partner lies flat on their back on a sturdy table or counter while the receiving partner straddles them, knees bent and facing away. With their hands gripping the edge of the surface for support, the receiving partner slides or bounces at their own pace, owning the rhythm, the motion, and the view.
According to sex therapist Michael Aaron, Ph.D., who spoke with Women’s Health, the receiving partner placing their legs between their partner’s creates a tighter sensation, while staying fully astride allows for more bounce and range of motion. Either way, this one puts the receiver in full control, and you know we love a good woman on top position. Pleasure and power? Say less.
2. The Bicycle
Well, you know what they say about riding a bike. In the case of this table top position, it's the receiving partner who is the rider...but not in the way you think. While lying back on a sturdy surface or a table, the receiver will bring their knees toward their chest, bending them as if in a cycling motion. The penetrating partner stands at the edge of the surface, grabbing the receiver's ankles, and guides themselves inside, slowly so as to savor the moment. This angle puts everything on display for the penetrating partner while allowing for deep, connected thrusting for the receiver.
To take things up a notch , the receiving partner can touch themselves or flex their thighs to control the depth or the rhythm. Because, who says only one person gets to have control?
3. Counter Offer
How could we be at the table and not use it to eat? Enter: Counter Offer. In this oral-focused sex position, the receiving partner perches on the edge of a counter or table, lying back or sitting upright with legs parted or bent for comfort. The penetrating partner kneels or stands between their thighs, depending on the setup and the kind of attention they’re ready to give. No doubt, this one’s all about access and intention.
With the vulva front and center, the height makes it easier to maintain eye contact, use hands freely for things like breast play or incorporating toys, and take their time with every moan-inducing taste. And that’s on five, six, seven, ATE.
4. Standing Doggy
Standing Doggy is what happens when a classic like doggy style gets an upgrade. Instead of being on all fours on a bed, the receiving partner bends over a hard surface like a table or counter, keeping their hips aligned at its edge. The penetrating partner stands behind and enters from the back, using the angle to go deeper and create a strong, steady rhythm. This one offers maximum control and visual appeal, especially if the penetrating partner reaches around for a little extra clitoral stimulation throughout thrusting.
This angle can get intense quickly, so bonus points if the receiving partner engages their pelvic floor muscles or shifts their weight to adjust how the pressure hits, especially if your goal is to hit that G-spot sweet spot.
5. Top Shelf
Men's Healthcalls this one "Yourself on the Shelf," but we like to call it "Top Shelf" because it's giving full view, full grip, and climax potential that's hard to top. The receiving partner sits on the edge of a sturdy table or counter while the penetrating partner stands in front of them and slowly slides in, thrusting while keeping them in position. From there, legs can wrap around their waist, arms can encircle their back, and the closeness at peak ecstasy? Chef's kiss.
If you have the core strength, add lifting to the menu for the final strokes leading to orgasm. Otherwise, allow the surface to the heavy lifting and enjoy the pleasure.
6. The Thumper
What better way to remind yourself that you're both the snack and the entrée than with a little tableside service courtesy of The Thumper? This position has the receiving partner kneeling on a sturdy table or counter (keyword: sturdy), hands gripping the edge or braced in front for support. The penetrating partner can then either kneel behind them (if there's room for two), or stay anchored on the ground with both feet planted on the floor (similar to the previously mentioned Standing Doggy). It all depends on the mood.
Kneeling on the table offers just the right amount of leverage for deep, steady strokes. The receiving partner can play with tightness by either keeping their knees closer together for a snug grip, or open their knees wider to invite more access, depth, and stretch. The Thumper is versatile that way, and the most important thing? The receiver gets to be the main course. Yum.
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