
I'm willing to bet some pretty good money that, when a lot of y'all attended watch night service at your church on New Year's Eve of 2019, you had absolutely no idea that it would be months before you would step foot back into your church again. And yet, here we are. COVID-19 threw us all for a loop and church is one of the casualties of it. At least for now.
As you wait until you can meet with your pastor and the members of your church of choice again, there are some things that you can do to keep the devil from stealing your joy. As we're all navigating through how to live in a pandemic, I've got a few tips on how you can get your praise on, even if you can't currently do it in the church (and pew) that you're used to doing it in every weekend.
First, Refer Back to Acts 2 in the Bible

When I first transitioned out of regular church attendance (check out "What's The Difference Between Being 'Religious' And Being 'Spiritual', Anyway?"), a Scripture that some people literally kept throwing in my face was "not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together". If you read all of Hebrews 10:19-25, that is not in reference to church going, just fellowship. And since the Word also says, "For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them" (Matthew 18:20--NKJV), I'm a firm believer of (and am at perfect peace with) the fact that you don't need a huge congregation in order to get into the presence of the Most High or worship and fellowship with others.
Matter of fact, Acts 2:40-47 speaks of believers not only meeting at the temple but—catch it—also going from house to house. Both of these fall under the title of "A Vital Church Grows" (in the New King James Version of the Bible). So, if there happens to be some part of you who feels really guilty about not attending church or you're avoiding putting your own health (and the health of others) at risk by going, during a pandemic, cut yourself some slack. Worshiping in your home isn't a bad thing. Some would even say it's quite biblical.
Be Thankful This Is Happening When There’s Online Church
I've got a friend who struggles, basically every Sunday, with which church they want to go to. It's because they are super fond of three of 'em. "Thanks" to the pandemic, though, now they are at home. The silver lining to that is now they can attend all three, simultaneously, because they literally keep three different browsers open so that they can watch all of the services at the same time. Yeeeeeah, personally, that would wear me all the way out. But something about what they are doing does bring up a really good point. If your church isn't currently open (or you'd prefer not to attend right now), technology does make it possible to watch church online. You can either Google your favorite church/pastor to see if they've got an online streaming service that's available. Or, you can check out a site like Christian World Media that literally has a list of streaming services all around the world, including the church, date, time and what kind of services are taking place. You can check that out here.
Hold a Zoom Service with Long-Distant Family Members and Friends

Lawd. If anyone didn't foresee their stock rising crazy high in 2020, it would have to be Zoom. I mean, who hasn't had a Zoom meeting, of some sort, this year, right? Well, an alternative to online church is to hold your own church service with some of your loved ones via a Zoom conference call. Each of you can lead a particular part of the service and, while it won't be just like being at your home church, the cool thing about this option is you can worship with people from all over the globe; folks you may not have connected with in a while. If this is an option that piques your interest, the article, "9 Key Tips for Planning an Online Worship Service" can help you to organize your Zoom service in a way that can feel like you're holding an actual service—just from the comfort and convenience of your own home. Oh, and if you somehow have gotten away with never using Zoom before, you can get instructions on how to set it up here.
Create Your Own Praise and Worship Playlist
As far as church music goes, you could give me some old school Winans, The Imperials and Andre Crouch and The Disciples (yep, I took it way back) and I'd be all good on that front. And while I know that a lot of people go to church, in part, for the good music that might be awaiting them there, remember that being at home means that you are literally your own praise and worship DJ. You can think about all of the songs that you like, create a playlist and jam to them all day long, if you'd like. If you don't feel like making your own, you can always go to your favorite search engine and put "praise and worship playlist" or "gospel music playlist" into the search field; it'll automatically pull up several options for you to easily choose from.
Make Your Own Communion Bread. Serve Your Own Wine.

I'm a pretty literal person. So, while I know that communion is a traditional part of most church services (due to the context of what the Apostle Paul spoke of in I Corinthians 11:17-34), I also know that when Christ instructed his disciples to eat bread and wine in honor of his sacrifice, when he said, "do this in remembrance of me" (Luke 22:14-23), he didn't say it in a temple/church. That said, just because your church may not be collectively meeting right now (or you may be personally choosing not to go for health reasons), that doesn't mean you can't partake of communion. I know a few married couples who do this together every week. Even before COVID-19, I did it. You can simply reference Luke 22 and/or I Corinthians 11 and then partake of grape juice (or red wine). Shoot, you can even go all out and make your own unleavened bread if you want to. I found a really easy recipe here. (If you want to wash feet as well, all you need is a basin of water and you're all set.—John 13:1-7)
Lots of Folks Are in Need. Give to Some.
Tithing comes from Malachi 3. While I do find it fascinating that so many churches profess that the Old Testament has "passed away" yet somehow the exception is made when it comes to collecting coins, that's another article for another time. For now, what I will say is, according to 2 Timothy 3:16-17, all of the Bible is relevant and applicable. Still, different people interpret tithing different ways. I get that.
What I will say is, what's not up for debate is Christ once saying that, "It is more blessed to give than to receive." (Acts 20:35—NKJV). Whether it's sending money to your church, supporting an online ministry that you've been checking out since the pandemic or simply giving to someone in need, make sure that you sow into someone else's life.
Two things that I've been giving to, as of late, is The Black Chef Movement (it consists of two Black female chefs who feed protestors and people in need, free of charge) and the needs of Navajo Nation (check out The Navajo Water Project). Anyway, tithe literally means "10 percent" and the Bible says that we reap what we sow (Galatians 6:7-9). In a nutshell, this means that we've got to actually sow something. Being out of church should never hinder that. Please make sure that you do it.
If You’re in “Phase 2” or Up, Hold a Small “Praise Brunch” at Home

Now, I'm mentioning this one, mostly for the extroverts out here. While I am more of an ambivert myself, I do personally know extroverts and it's pretty legit how this pandemic is taking a toll on their spirit, due to the constant lack of social interaction. That said, I live in Nashville. We have a different health department than Tennessee, so we kinda do our own thing. Anyway, at the time that I'm writing this (because 2020 really has been all over the place), we had to rollback to Phase Two which consists of being allowed to have private gatherings of 25 or less people. If your city is in the same phase (you can always Google to find out or contact your mayor's office to confirm), while I wouldn't advise 20-something folks being all up in your crib, this does make it possible for you to have a few family members and friends over for a brunch on the day that you observe whether it's Saturday or Sunday.
I don't know about y'all, but I grew up in a church where, it was common practice for there to be a potluck dinner, immediately following church service. It was a cool way to catch-up with people you hadn't seen all week and enjoy a meal while you're at it. And in times like these, brunching/potlucking is a good reminder that, even though church may not be going the way that you're accustomed to, there are alternatives that can make Saturday or Sunday pretty sacred, special and enjoyable—in spite of.
Remember God Is Everywhere. And Is for Responsible Living and Good Health.
Yeah. I'm not gonna even link all of the stories I've read of church leaders and congregants who defied their city's mandates and either met up at church when they shouldn't have or went without a mask on. All I'll say is, for every person who claims that it's their God-given right to go to church, even in a pandemic that could put them and others in harm's way, the Bible that they are toting on their way there says this:
"And here's why: God gives out Wisdom free, is plainspoken in Knowledge and Understanding. He's a rich mine of Common Sense for those who live well, a personal bodyguard to the candid and sincere. He keeps his eye on all who live honestly, and pays special attention to his loyally committed ones."—Proverbs 2:6-8(Message)
Seeking out knowledge and understanding about what's going on right now and then applying common sense to it? The Bible itself says that it can help to protect you. Let them.
I know that 2020 has been on some 2.0 stuff when it comes to creating and adjusting to a new normal. But that doesn't mean that a different way of living can't still be good. As far as church goes, I'm literally praying that these options can make living in the time of COVID-19, just a bit more bearable. Until you can attend your home church, once again.
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This Is How To Keep 'Holiday Season Stress' From Infecting Your Relationship
Hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is something really weird happening in the fall season air (because winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21) that cuddle season is in full swing while break-up season is as well. In fact, did you know that break-ups are so popular during the holiday season that December 11 is deemed Break-Up Day?
The reasons why relationships shift around this time vary; however, I did both roll my eyes and chuckle when I read that a very popular one is because it’s an easy way to get out of getting one’s significant other a Christmas present. SMDH.
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Sergio Hudson On Designing With Intention And Who Gets Left Out Of The Industry
Sergio Hudson dreamt big as a young South Carolina boy staring out of the window of his mom’s Volvo driving down the Ridgeway, South Carolina streets. Those dreams led him to design opulent tailoring that’s been worn by Beyoncé, Queen Latifah, former Vice President Kamala Harris and Forever First Lady Michelle Obama, just to name a few.
Those dreams have come full circle in a new way as he recently collaborated with Volvo for a mini capsule collection suitable for chic and stylish moments this fall. The 40-year-old designer follows a long legacy of fashion aficionados who’ve used their innovation to push the automotive industry forward, including Virgil Abloh, Eddie Bauer, Paul Smith and Jeremy Scott.
Using the same material from the interior of the Volvo EX90, Hudson crafted a wool-blend car coat and waistbelt that combine the vehicle’s Scandinavian design with his signature tailoring and intention. The exclusive collection launched on October 20, and each piece is made-to-order by Sergio Hudson Collections.

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In October, I traveled to Charleston with a group of journalists to get a firsthand look at Hudson and Volvo’s location. During a fitting, Hudson said his goal is to make “great work that can stand the test of time.”
“People can look back on and say, ‘I remember when Sergio did that collaboration with Volvo,’” he continued. “Thinking about aligning yourself with classic brands that speak to where you want to go. And I think that's what this collaboration kind of means to me and my business.”
Hudson pinpoints his mom as the biggest influence for his designs. This collaboration was no different.
“This particular coat reminded me of the swing coats that my mom used to wear in the early 90s. You know, diva girls in the early 90s had Sandra suits,” he said, referring to Jackée Harry’s character in 227. “My mom wore those and she would have these matching swing coats to go over them. And that's where the initial idea came. This would be around the same time that we had our Volvo. So she would put on her suit, her swing coat, get in that red Volvo, and go to church.”

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With this capsule and beyond, Hudson wants to see more staples rotating in and out of closets this fall. He advises fashionistas to build her closet out with essentials to mix and match that aren’t just stylish but also sustainable.
“It's just those special pieces,” he said. “You can wear the same shirt and pants every day and nobody will notice. But if you have a special boot, a special coat, a special bill, a special bag, that kind of speaks to everything that your style stands about, that is something you should focus on.”
These are the same kind of staple pieces that return to our Pinterest boards and TikTok feeds season after season. Fast fashion has never been Hudson’s aim. “I'm trying to create a special pieces that can stand the test of time,” he said in his warm, Southern accent. “I'm only creating those kind of pieces from here on out.”

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For Hudson, this collaboration is revolutionary. It’s his first time working with a car company and experimenting outside of his wheelhouse in this way.
“This is a Scandinavian brand, and, you know, it's 70 years old. I'm an African-American boy from South Carolina that has had a brand for 10 years. So I think bridging those two worlds and seeing the similarities was the beauty of this project,” he explained.
Though Hudson and his partner and CEO of Sergio Hudson Collections Inga Beckham have made massive strides in just 10 years, Hudson said the industry is far from where he wants to see it when it comes to Black representation. He pointed to how few Black designers were at this year’s Met Gala despite the theme being Black dandyism.
“The fact that I dressed 18 people speaks to how many of us weren't there,” he said. He implored more of industries, fashion and beyond, to collaborate with Black designers often.
“Allow mentorship. Allow funding. Allow great design to shine through,” he implored. “When it comes to being a designer of African descent, when you can't get the funding that your counterparts have, you can't compete. When you get opportunities like doing a collaboration with Volvo, or you get opportunities to be at the Met Gala, that's putting us on the equal playing field, but really the funding behind it is what we need to take it to that desk level.”
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