What To Do If The Pandemic Has Affected Your Wedding Plans
COVID-19 has taken a lot out of most of us. So much of what we used to take for granted, especially socially, has transitioned into a new normal that looks like it's here to stay for the foreseeable future. This means a lot of kids won't be going to school. A lot of us will be missing out on live music at concerts. And weddings? Yeah, that's definitely something that has to be switched up in a major way. All of the people. All of the food. No social distancing. Not to mention that if you're trying to travel to another state or country (or people are trying to travel to where you live), that's totally up in the air too, due to different places having different mandates on how long you should quarantine once you go (or they come) elsewhere.
Lawd. All of the constant shifting really is enough to drive an engaged couple crazy—at the very least, push them to their complete and total limit. If you're someone who falls into this category, first let me say that I'm sorry 2020 has played out in such a drastic and even semi-dramatic way for you. Wedding planning is stress-filled enough without trying to make it happen during a pandemic. But if you're looking for a few suggestions on how to give yourself, at least a little bit more peace of mind, this article could help you to relax, relate, release and figure out what to do now that will still make your wedding day one of the best days of your entire life.
Meet with Your Wedding Planner
The first thing you should do is set up an appointment with your wedding planner, whether that's meeting with them in person, by phone or a video conference call. Remember that the reason you hired them in the first place was because they are experts when it comes to making sure that your wedding day goes smoothly and also connecting with venues and vendors so that you can get the best rates possible.
While COVID-19 is new to all of us, postponing or canceling a wedding is something that any reputable wedding planner should be able to handle with a good amount of ease. They can talk to you about what some of your options are, the amount of money venues and vendors are willing to refund back to your account(s), and they can share with you if, in their opinion, it's better to push the date back at the same place you already had booked (in order to possibly not lose any of the money that you've already spent) or to cancel altogether and go a totally different route.
(If you don't have a wedding planner and you were doing everything on your own, the website Here Comes the Guide has offered up a list of 40 different questions to ask a venue about your wedding during this particular pandemic. You can check those questions out here.)
Check on What Mandates Your Mayor Has Put into Place
If you still want to move forward with your original wedding plans, the next thing that you should do is check with your mayor's office to see what the mandates are as it relates to COVID-19 in your city. The reason why I say "mayor" instead of "governor" is because, if you're like me, I live in a city that has a health department that is separate from the rest of the state. This means that my mayor can put other plans in place than the governor does. Knowing what "phase" your city is in and how long it plans to be that way can play another intricate role in how you should move forward. All you need to do is go to your favorite search engine and put "mayor's office" and "COVID-19" in the search field. It should automatically pull up a page with details about how your city is currently handling the pandemic—and for how long it will be doing it that way.
How About Throwing a Virtual Engagement Party or Bridal Shower (in the Meantime)?
Say that your wedding is planned but it's scheduled for some time next year. While it's still up in the air if the pandemic will directly affect your wedding day, it could alter your engagement or bridal shower plans. If that's what you're currently contemplating, an option to consider is throwing something that is virtual. Most cities/states are allowing small gatherings to take place, so why not have a few friends (around 10 or so) come over and then invite everyone else to join you online? You can shoot an online invitation to the people who you'd like to participate, along with a dress code and menu of what you'll be eating, should they want to pick up some of the items and join in with you. As far as the music for your party goes, you can create a streaming playlist for the event and then share it with the guests who RSVP. When it comes to toasting you and your boo, if you want to have a favorite bottle delivered to your guests (or specifically to your wedding party or family members), Drizly is an alcohol delivery service that can totally help you out. If it's a bridal shower and folks want to give you presents, you can still create a gift registry as usual (only have those items mailed to you directly). Or, you can point them in the direction of a site like Givingli, where they can purchase a gift card for you and yours from the convenience of their own smartphone.
Ask Yourself If You’d Prefer to Get Married Now and Have a Wedding Later
An engaged couple that I worked with had big time wedding plans for this past spring. It was set to be a destination wedding, but with this pandemic (and states and airlines) being all over the place, they decided to push their wedding back. In February, they tentatively rescheduled their wedding for this coming fall. But since folks out here don't wanna wear masks or stay in the house (SMDH), with talks of a second (or even third) wave coming, they decided to push their wedding date back indefinitely. Problem is, although they already live together, this has put a real strain on their relationship, mostly because one of them has semi-recently had a spiritual change of heart and isn't comfortable simply just living together anymore (especially with no "change of status" in sight).
When I presented to them the option of getting married now and having a wedding or reception later, they both said, "We want everyone to be present for our day and we want to do it on the beach." When I responded with, "What if that is a year or two from now?", you could hear the deep sighs through the phone.
Listen, if there are two things that this pandemic is teaching us, it's 1) life doesn't always go how we want it to and 2) we've got to seize the day and make the most of every moment. If getting married, eventually, is the goal, then this particular point won't matter much. But if you want to wait until, who knows when, in order to have a picture-perfect wedding day, surrounded by hundreds of people you know and love, you might want to alter those plans, just a bit.
In most states, you can still meet in small groups, so why not turn your big wedding into a smaller one? Not only will that help you to save a ton of money (because weddings, on average, run about $34,000), but it can give you the chance to prepare for something even bigger and better, once COVID-19 is finally a thing of the past.
Consider Live Streaming Your Nuptials
If there is a silver lining to this pandemic, it's definitely forcing us to get more innovative and creative. When it comes to throwing a wedding, some couples are opting to live stream their nuptials. While it's definitely not as awesome as having everyone's physical presence on your wedding day, this option makes it possible for many people to witness your nuptials without putting you or themselves at risk in the process. The main thing to remember with this particular choice is you need to make sure that you use a reliable platform like Freedocast, so that you're able to record a live high-definition broadcast while using multiple devices. Look at it this way—people who plan destination weddings oftentimes do this very thing. It's not "weird"; it's just different (and safer…and convenient). Anyway, if you'd like some tips on how to livestream your wedding, so that everything goes off without a hitch, click here.
Or Consider Having Drive-Thru Service
Back before COVID-19 literally took over the world, a lot of people found couples who went through wedding chapel drive-thrus to be cheesy (and that's putting it mildly). But now? It's actually becoming a very popular option. I'm not just referring to two people literally driving through a venue that will perform a ceremony like some people order a value meal. I mean holding an outdoor service in the parking lot of a place, so that family members and friends can witness your nuptials while practicing safe distancing in the process. I know a few people who have used the property of their church in order to do this. If you do it when the weather is nice and you've got a reliable sound system, it can be like they are watching a love story on film—only it's not a movie; it's actually your real life. And yes, there is something that's uniquely romantic about that thought.
If You’ve Already Sent Out Save-the-Dates, Send Out Change-the-Dates
If you and yours do mutually decide to postpone your wedding and save-the-dates (or even wedding invitations) have already gone out, there is nothing to feel embarrassed about. How could you have known that 2020 was gonna go all rogue like this? To keep your guests abreast of your change of plans, all you need to do is send out some change-the-dates cards. Etsy is just one of the many sites that feature a variety of different change-the-dates that come at an affordable price (click here to check some of them out). And what if you don't know the new date? Share that too. The people who love you will be waiting to celebrate your "I dos", whenever they happen. Believe that.
Don’t Knock Eloping
Who knows if I'll get married someday. But if I do, I'll tell you what, eloping is looking more and more like the way to go. Matter of fact, I'm so much of a fan of this approach that I wrote about it (check out "7 Solid Reasons To Strongly Consider Eloping"). Eloping saves money. Eloping makes the day be just about you and your partner. Eloping can help you to feel more financially secure about the future. I know many couples who said that they don't regret one thing about eloping because they had more money to make the day extra special and/or to create the kind of honeymoon that they wouldn't have been able to pull off any other way. So yeah, don't look at eloping as a concession. Choose instead to see it as a blessing in disguise. Because it very well could turn out to be just that.
Again, I know that most of us have specific dreams and desires for our wedding day.
Please don't allow COVID-19 to rob you of those. Whether you choose to postpone or simply modify your original plans, just remember that if there's one thing this pandemic can't do, it's affect (or infect) the love between you and your beloved and change the reasons why you chose to get married in the first place.
If you keep these points in the forefront of your mind, you can get through this. In fact, this mindset can actually prepare you for other marriage tests to come. Look at how the Universe works, y'all.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Recently, I watched Ayesha Curry and Lindsay Lohan on Hoda & Jenna discussing their new Netflix film Irish Wish. While they play BFFs in the movie, they also revealed that they were besties in real life. In fact, Ayesha and Steph Curry are godparents to Lindsey and her husband, Bader Shammas’ son Luai. I may be late to the party, but it got me to thinking: what other celebrities have other celebrities as godparents to their children? If you were wondering the same thing, then look no further. Below is a list of celebrities you may not have known were godparents.
Steph and Ayesha Curry and Lindsay Lohan
As I mentioned, this celebrity couple serves as godparents to Lindsay’s son. The actress and author, who is expecting her fourth child with the NBA champ, opened up about it on LIVE with Kelly and Mark. “Anytime somebody honors you and bestows that upon you, one, I’m like thank you ‘cause that means that you think I’m a semi-decent parent, but two, I’m just excited to have a hand in raising him and helping shepherd him in the right direction,” Ayesha said.
Zoë Kravitz, Marisa Tomei, and Cree Summer
Zoë Kravitz (L) and Cree Summer (R).
Photo by @iamcreesummer/ Instagram
Lisa Bonet enlisted a couple of her A Different Worldco-stars to be godmothers to Zoë Kravitz. Marisa Tomei and Cree Summer are both the godmothers of The Batman star, and they all appear to have a close relationship with each other.
Cicely Tyson and Lenny Kravitz
Legendary actress Cicely Tyson was Lenny Kravitz's godmother and the two shared an inseparable bond. When she passed in Jan 2021, the singer wrote a long, loving tribute on Instagram. "With inimitable style and grace, my dear Godmother Miss Cicely Tyson made her grand exit to the heavens. She lived a remarkable life up to the last moment," he began. "A true pioneer, who bared her heart and soul so we could witness the spirit of the characters she so brilliantly portrayed, which continue to move and inspire generations."
He continued, "A Black queen who showed us how beautiful black is," continued Kravitz. "The love between us was and is tremendous. As long as I have had consciousness, I've known Godmother. She and my mother were kindred spirits. Sisters. And after my mother passed, Godmother's role in my life was amplified." He concluded his post by saying how he spoke to her days before she passed and how she sent him her memoir Just As I Am.
Cicely Tyson, Oprah Winfrey and Tyler Perry
Tyler Perry (L) and Oprah Winfrey (R).
Photo by Eric Charbonneau/Getty Images for Warner Bros
Cicely also served as Tyler Perry's son Aman's godmother. But she didn’t have that role alone. Oprah Winfrey is also Aman's godmother. When the filmmaker visited The Real eight years ago, he talked about being a new dad and shared the best advice Oprah ever gave him. “I think the best advice that she’s given me is about just living in the moment. Just be present in what’s going on within your life."
Tyler Perry, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry
Speaking of Tyler Perry, the Madea creator is the godfather to Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s daughter Princess Lilibet Diana. Tyler opened up about receiving that honor in the couple’s Netflix docuseries. "I had to take a minute to take that in," he said. “I thought, 'I'd be honored. I'd absolutely be honored.'”
Usher and Ben Vereen
Usher (L) and Ben Verneen (R).
Photo by Bryan Bedder/Getty Images
Tony award-winning actor and dancer Ben Vereen is the godfather to “Superstar” singer Usher. While visiting The Kelly Clarkson Show in November 2021, Ben opened up about their relationship and revealed whether or not the multi-platinum artist takes his advice. “I love giving advice. He just don’t take it,” he said. The Roots star also joked about Usher stealing his moves for his “You Make Me Wanna” video.
Nicole Richie, Quincy Jones and Michael Jackson
When famed singer Lionel Richie adopted Nicole Richie, he bestowed the illustrious title of godfather to two fellow legends, Quincy Jones and the late Michael Jackson. Lionel frequently collaborated with both Quincy and Michael throughout his career.
Star Jones and Vanesa Bell Calloway
Vanessa Bell Calloway (L) and Star Jones (R).
Photo by Jerritt Clark/Getty Images
Divorce Court judge Star Jones is the godmother to both of Vanessa Bell Calloway’s daughters, Ashley and Alexandra. They are also all sorority sisters as they are members of Alpha Kappa Alpha.
CeCe Winans and Bobbi Kristina
CeCe Winans was the godmother to Whitney Houston’s daughter Bobbi Kristina. The gospel legend spoke about dealing with Bobbi’s death in an interview with Toledo’s The Blade. "I don't think there's any words to describe a loss like that. I still can't believe it.
“At the same time, I guess you're just not surprised when drugs are involved in anybody's life," she said. "Most of the time it doesn't turn out well. I pray for the family. I still can't believe Whitney's gone, but now to see that Bobbi Kris is gone too … you just can't even come to grips with it."
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Feature images by Momodu Mansaray/WireImage, Emma McIntyre/Getty Images for Academy Museum of Motion Pictures