![Quantcast](http://pixel.quantserve.com/pixel/p-GS-HF4BKvzCmv.gif)
![5 Nurses Reveal How The Pandemic Reminds Them Of Their Purpose](https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTU1MTM4NC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTc4MDAwNDA5MX0.IL36QtjbEGPeP3RfnWzmrCFejZYt42IMVYQKuZq_ljY/img.jpg?width=1200&height=600&quality=90&coordinates=0%2C0%2C0%2C167)
5 Nurses Reveal How The Pandemic Reminds Them Of Their Purpose
This article is in partnership with National Black Nurses Association.
The year 2020 came with its share of loss, but it didn't leave us without important lessons in its wake. As we navigated the reality of rallying against insurmountable odds during unprecedented times, we were reminded of the blessing of good health, the gratitude of life's simple joys, and the impact of stillness and slowing down. Another bit of beauty found in the ashes of the year was the appreciation for the heartbeat of our front line workers who turned out to be everyday people. They were the teachers in our children's classrooms, the cashiers at our nearest grocery stores, and in the healthcare field, they were the doctors and the nurses.
Undoubtedly, nurses weathered the storm and still continue to do so amid COVID. They worked long hours and went above and beyond to ensure that patients feeling isolated during these times due to the infectious spread of this novel disease felt less alone in the hours that could have left them at their loneliest. It is these reminders that emphasize the depth of nurses as light workers, as healers, but most of all, as essential workers in our healthcare industry.
Still, sometimes it is easy to feel that the hardest roles are the most thankless. To remedy that, we are spotlighting 20 nurses that have been making their battle cry heard on the front lines through purpose and dedication. On behalf of our partnership with the National Black Nurses Association, xoNecole spoke with 5 Houston nurses about what they do, why they do it, and how they pour into themselves after pouring into others. Here's what they shared.
Honoria C. Bush, RN
Courtesy of Honoria C. Bush
Title: Emergency Room Registered Nurse
Length of Time She's Been a Nurse: One year on February 21, 2021
The difference between working in a pandemic versus other times in her career:
"I actually started my nursing career right at the beginning of the pandemic in February 2020. I previously worked in the ER for two years prior as an ER tech. Being faced with using my training in the midst of a pandemic was an entirely different challenge. I used this learning experience and strived to absorb all of the on-the-job training that I could. I learned to move quickly but to also pace myself so that I wouldn't burn out so easily. There were times that I felt I couldn't make it through the shift without crying as our COVID numbers and the work demand rose higher, but I have an amazing team to support me and our patients are a constant reminder of why I chose this field."
How it has felt to be even more of a support system to patients amid COVID:
"I believe I have become more confident in my patients' care. I have had to not only be a nurse, but also take the extra step of being the patient's family member, prayer partner, and a shoulder to lean on. After my brother contracted COVID-19 and was placed on the ventilator and ECMO, the ICU nurses made sure that my mother, sister and I were able to FaceTime him every night. One nurse even went out of her way to research on YouTube how to braid black textured hair and cornrowed my brother's hair. The special treatment that I and my family received impacted how I treated my patients. I had one patient who was older and lived with her daughter. Naturally, having tested positive for COVID, she was nervous about everything.
"Anytime I walked in the room, she thought the worst. This sometimes caused her to hyperventilate, thereby affecting her oxygen demand. After noticing this, I contacted the patient's daughter to see if it was OK if I FaceTimed her throughout the day when the patient became anxious. I figured just seeing her daughter's face may make all the difference in the world. The patient and the daughter were calmer about the patient being alone and they entrusted me with the patient's care. It was at that moment that I knew I might not be able to remove the virus from the patient but I can try my best to bring some type of normalcy to them as they are afraid and in an unfamiliar environment without those that love them."
What she does for mental health and wellness during a pandemic:
"I believe I have learned to listen to my own body. In the beginning of the pandemic, I was eager to work as much overtime as I could to assist with the high work demand my department was experiencing. Wait times were longer, and my day depended on so many variables, 'Will my patient survive today' or 'will there be another patient that will code during the shift due to the virus?' Some nights all I could do was shower and go straight to sleep. Days and nights began to run together. Then things shifted both personally and professionally. After my own brother lost his battle due to COVID complications, I became the family member that was confused and didn't understand how a person can appear OK one day and then next day, I had to witness a healthcare worker pounding on your loved one's chest to resuscitate them through FaceTime.
"After my brother's death, I have been more intentional with listening to my body and not working too much. I also took the opportunity to seek professional help and meet with a therapist weekly to discuss what I see every day, not only with my own COVID patients but also with losing my own brother. I had to learn that taking care of myself is not selfish but, rather it helps me to be a better nurse who can serve others better."
How her purpose as a nurse has been solidified:
"I know I was meant to be a nurse. It's my God-given purpose. I wake up ready for work, ready for the shift and eager to help my patients in any way I can. The pandemic has shown me that my purpose is to serve others. My manager always says, 'You can teach a nurse skills, but there's no way to teach them how to care. It comes from within.' To those families who have lost loved ones to this disease, I sympathize with you and I encourage you to be hopeful that things will one day get better, but until then, be safe, know that it's OK to be fearful, but use that fear to motivate safe behaviors; wear your mask, wash your hands and watch your distance. We are truly in this together and we're better and stronger together!"
Chanelle Dozier, RN
Courtesy of Chanelle Dozier
Title: Neonatal Intensive Care Nurse
Length of Time She's Been a Nurse: Three years
The difference between working in a pandemic versus other times in her career:
"The Neonatal Intensive Care Unit has always been a place of high stress. As a nurse, you have to be able to balance the stress of caring for the fragile infants. The pandemic was a whirlwind of constantly changing policies."
How it has felt to be even more of a support system to patients amid COVID:
"I am trusted to care for infants that are very precious, fragile, and lastly adorable. It is already extremely difficult for families when they leave their baby in our care. However, sprinkle COVID-19, visitation policies were forced to be even stricter than the previous occasions. It was extremely hard seeing a couple, trying to decide who would be the primary visiting parent.
"As the nurse, being able to help the parent do something as simple as FaceTime was rewarding to me. Also, giving thorough updates over the phone [and] hearing that sigh of relief in their voice made my night."
How her purpose as a nurse has been solidified:
"Working through this pandemic has not been easy on any terms. There have been many times of uncertainty, change, and stress. I am still thankful that I get to go to work and make a difference for the families and infants. I am thankful for all my coworkers that rally together to support each other."
Dr. Lola Denise Jefferson
Courtesy of Dr. Lola Denise Jefferson
Title: House Supervisor at Kindred Sugar Land Hospital
Length of Time She's Been a Nurse: 32 years
The difference between working in a pandemic versus other times in her career:
"We have always had to use Universal Precautions but now it is detrimental. You must wash your hands, you must use gloves when necessary, you must wear a mask at ALL times, and no more close contact. I am a touchy feely person. I love the personal touch of a human being. The patients are human beings who are scared and need a touch with eye contact from a human being, their caregiver. It makes me so sad that we have to be six feet apart to remain healthy. I love to smile and my patients and staff cannot see me smiling at them. That is a problem for me. Smiling is a big part of me and I am not able to show that I am smiling to assure people that it is going to be all right."
How it has felt to be even more of a support system to patients amid COVID:
"Our ICU is on the first floor. We roll the patient's bed in front of the window and the family stands outside of the window. The family members wave to the alert intubated patient. One day, I was rounding in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) and I witnessed the joy of the family on the outside of the window of the intubated family member. That gave me immense joy! I started waving too! The family started jumping up and down when they saw me. So I started jumping up and down! This brought such a deep, warm feeling inside of me because I started picturing to myself that that could be me and the patient could be my mother! I was in the moment! I became tearful but I held back the tears. This pandemic is awful."
What she does for mental health and wellness during a pandemic:
"I am eating healthier. I am getting adequate sleep and trying to add exercise. I pray and ask God to heal our land. When you become a health professional, you fully realize that someone greater than us, is looking out for us!"
How her purpose as a nurse has been solidified:
"I love nursing! I love caring for people. All people. I love educating anyone who asks about the COVID-19."
Chioma Alikpo
Courtesy of Chioma Alikpo
Title: Med-Surg Nurse at Memorial Hermann Sugar Land Hospital
Length of Time She's Been a Nurse: One year, six months
The difference between working in a pandemic versus other times in her career:
"Prior to the 2020 pandemic, the main difference is the level of acuity and an unfamiliar treatment plan. As a new nurse, it was strenuous to navigate through these challenges but I was able to develop my nursing skills and utilize the help of my peers to treat our patients affectively."
How it has felt to be even more of a support system to patients amid COVID:
"I was empathetic to my patients' lack of support. I used my caring and loving nature to provide therapeutic communication to assist my patients through their toughest times."
What she does for mental health and wellness during a pandemic:
"I practiced the art of self-care by reading books, writing and getting adequate amounts of sleep. Also, my prayers and family gave a sense of comfort during these challenges. These [things] allowed me to keep my mental health intact to provide the highest care."
How her purpose as a nurse has been solidified:
"I have an important role to play in life and I knew I was called to do this job. Not only are they my patients but they are moms, daughters, uncles , grandparents and sons. I have an active duty to heal and bring them back to their families."
Debra Raven, RN
Courtesy of Debra Raven
Title: RN at Memorial Hermann Southwest Hospital
Length of Time She's Been a Nurse: 24 years
The difference between working in a pandemic versus other times in her career:
"This pandemic has really weighed me down. Many times it has left me feeling mentally drained and defeated. These times are in no comparison to pre-COVID times, yet I rise every morning with God's grace ready to save lives."
How it has felt to be even more of a support system to patients amid COVID:
"I have bought color books [and] crayons for patients for distraction. I have stayed with patients and held their hands. I have worn many hats. I've been a teacher, counselor, mother and friend to these patients. I always go out of my way for my patients and wouldn't change anything."
What she does for mental health and wellness during a pandemic:
"I gravitate to prayer to keep me sane through these trying times. It has always worked for me. I also have a workout program to de-stress."
How her purpose as a nurse has been solidified:
"I know nursing is my calling. I wake up every day for new challenges in saving lives and continue to give 100 percent of me all the time."
For more information about the National Black Nurses Association, visit their website, www.nbna.org.
Featured image by Shutterstock
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
The Common Denominator Is You. So, Why Do You Keep Choosing The Wrong Men?
Everywhere you go, there you are. It’s one of those popular sayings (kind of like “It is what it is”) that I find myself using a lot, especially when I’m in sessions with my clients. Why? Well, it’s kind of likean article that I once read that pretty much said our culture likes to play the toxic game of blaming other people because it’s an easy way to deflect from personal accountability (check out “What It Actually Means To 'Hold Yourself Accountable'”). So true, so true,
Well, another way of saying “everywhere you go, there you are” is using the math term “common denominator” — and today, what we’re going to attempt to tackle is, why is it that some of us, if we stepped back a moment to take a very real and honest assessment of our dating life, do we always end up with the same kind of guy? One who really isn’t the best for us; sometimes, not even close.
Before getting into some questions that I think can help you get to the answer, let me just say that this is definitely one of the kinds of pieces that may step on at least your pinky toe before it’s all said and done. At the same time, although this might not be the most comfortable of reads, keep in mind what the late poet, singer, and publisher Tuli Kupferberg once said, “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”
And so, if when it comes to the caliber of men you’ve dated, what you’ve been doing is revealing that your pattern is not really working for your ultimate good, spend a bit of time trying to unpack just why that could be the case — why, at the end of the day, you truly are the common denominator in it all.
How Self-Aware Are You?
About five years ago, I penned an article for the site entitled “These Are The Things Self-Aware People Do Daily.” You know, of all of the things to be in this life, prioritizing self-awareness is king because self-aware people do things like hold themselves accountable, know their strengths and weaknesses, identify their triggers, have good boundaries, self-reflect, pay attention to their own “blind spots” — and they can — eh hem — take feedback and constructive criticism pretty well.
That last one? If you’re constantly in a hamster wheel or even a cul-de-sac when it comes to men, be honest with yourself: did your family, friends, hell, even your co-workers warn you about some of the guys you dated, and you found yourself either defending, deflecting or getting offended? Yeah, self-aware people don’t get down like that because they would rather have peace and be wrong than act like they are always right and remain in chaos.
So yeah, if you’re always in some foolishness or even in relationships that are simply a counterproductive waste of time, pondering how self-aware you actually are is a really good place to start. Self-reflect. Know your weaknesses. Listen to what others have to say about your tendencies. All of this can do you a whole lot of good.
How Humble Are You?
Society is a wild place, boy. The reason why I say that is because, while it’s out here acting like humility is a bad thing, Scripture says, “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4) And why is humility such a vital spiritual attribute? Because, when you’re humble — you’re grateful; you’re teachable; you’re open to seeing things outside of your own perspective; you’re compassionate and empathetic; you’re flexible; you’re forgiving, and you’re able to release your ego so that you can accept what you need over what you want.
What you need over what you want. Chile, if that doesn’t keep some people in cyclic stuff, I honestly don’t know what does. There’s a client that I have right now who only contacts me when she’s basically blown up her life because she constantly gets caught up in a man’s looks and bedroom performance. When I tell her that she needs to stop making that #1 and #2 of things to look for in a relationship, she “uh-huh's” me and then does what she wants to do anyway — only for it to end up wreaking all sorts of havoc…again.
It’s another message for another time about how some of us could stand to look within to see if wanting a fine man above all else is more about validating some deep-rooted insecurities that we have about our own looks (ouch). For now, I’ll just say that if your ego is out here telling you that looks and sexual performance should trump things like character and consistency, it is LYING to you. If you chose to heed the humble side of yourself, you would know that.
And this actually brings me to my next question.
How Stuck Are You in Your “Type”?
The reason why I wrote “According To Experts, We All Have A ‘Type’” back in the day is because it’s true — pretty much all of us have a type which is pretty much a preference; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that either. At the same time, I’m advising, from very up close and personal experience, that it’s a good idea to spend some time pondering “the origin story” of where your type came from.
Me? I’m always gonna be down for a very tall, hella chocolate, basketball (or soccer) build Black man. However, I’m a sexual abuse survivor and my molester looked a lot like that, so during the healing process of what he did to me, I had to factor in his influence. Plus, my first love also fits the physical mold and he definitely had quite an impact on my life. So…see what I mean? My type didn’t just come out of nowhere. Yes, sometimes your type may have some trauma or drama attached to it. And yes, that might be really uncomfortable to think about; still, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Now my late fiancé? He was right at about 6’ and, complexion-wise, he was lighter than I am. He treated me better than most of the men of my past, though — and even though he definitely pursued me for a while to get me to consider us beyond being friends, because I took a risk outside of my type, I learned what it was like to be loved in a healthy way. And what that did for me was it taught me to remain open outside of my standard type. I still like a tall-ass Godiva man, chile (and don’t let him have a beard and be in a tailored suit!). I don’t limit myself to that package, though. To do so would be severely limiting — potentially tragic even.
How Healed Are You?
“Healed” is a word that comes up A LOT in the social media space. When it comes to relationships, specifically, it’s important to ask yourself if you are healed from your past because, if you aren’t, you very well could be reliving it over and over…and over again, whether you realize it (or choose to accept it) or not.
Just so that we’re all on the same page, the word “heal” means things like healthy, sound, and whole. Synonyms for the word include improve, restore, mend, soothe, and rehabilitate. Signs that you have healed from past hurts of a relationship (or a series of relationships) include you don’t think of them with anger or bitterness; you can see the silver linings from the experience; you’ve forgiven them for things that they did wrong (or that simply hurt you — and no, that’s not always one and the same), and you don’t pick (or avoid) other people to be in your life solely based on what someone else did to you.
What I mean by that last one is an unhealed woman may say something like, “I don’t want to do [such and such] for a first date. That’s what my ex liked to do.” The new guy isn’t him, so why does he have to be beholden to your past? Or, “I don’t trust men who won’t let me go through their phone. That’s how I found out my ex was cheating.” You know, for all of the women who like to play a non-animated form ofInspector Gadget (the real ones know), they sure don’t want their phones inspected as much as they like to do all of the inspecting. SMDH. Anyway, I don’t go through phones. For what? I don’t pay the bill and I’m not anyone’s parent. And so, your next guy not preferring it either? That doesn’t automatically mean that he’s up to no good — he may just want his boundaries respected. An unhealed person may not accept that. A healed one tends to, though.
And how can being unhealed play a direct role in you choosing the same guys over and over again? It’s weird because, sometimes you will go back to what’s familiar to you — because the new guy is such a risk, you’d prefer to “stick to the devil you know” than take a chance on someone who rolls very differently. It’s a cryptic way of remaining the common denominator in your dating dynamics. Oh, but it happens all of the time, chile.
What Makes a Man WRONG for You? Specifically?
Okay, with a lot of the inner work out of the way, how do you even come to the conclusion that someone (or several people) is wrong for you? Because you know what? Once you’ve done some real healing (and serious maturing), you can oftentimes find yourself accepting the fact that just because someone may not be right for you, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. No, not at all.
Although the word “wrong” can mean that something or someone isn’t morally right, wrong also means things like erroneous, not suitable or appropriate, not in accordance with certain requirements, or — and please catch it — out of order (which sometimes consists of the right thing happening at the wrong time). So, if it does seem like you keep choosing (because it is always a choice; that is also where accountability comes in) men who aren’t appropriate, aren’t in accordance with your needs or standards, or who aren’t what you need at the time — why is that? Is it rooted in fear? Impatience? Settling? What?
I have had enough clients go through this to know that it’s not good enough to be abstract about someone being “wrong” for you. You need to set aside one weekend, get some wine and a fresh journal, and really get into what wrong looks like. For instance, if you keep lowering your standards (which is the wrong thing to do, by definition), why is that? Because no matter how wrong the guy may ultimately turn out to be, what you have to be willing to accept is — again — you chose him. Why do you choose what’s wrong? Because, more times than not, some red (or at least orange) flags were waving long before the relationship came crashing down; oftentimes, they reveal themselves within the first couple of dates. You just chose to ignore them.
One more.
Do You Know a Good Man When You See One? You Sure?
As we close all of this out, when you get a chance, please check out “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” Learning the difference between “to” and “for” took my own relational processing to an entirely new and freeing level. And you know what? Back to the healing point, another way to know that you’ve healed is you don’t generalize men. Meaning, that if you’re out here declaring that there aren’t any good ones, that’s not true; you’re just jaded (I mean, it’s the truth), and that head and energy space is affecting your judgment and perspective.
That said, if you’re constantly selecting the wrong men, ask yourself if you even know what a good man looks like (cue India.Arie’s “Good Man”). Again, by definition, good means things like morally excellent, right, kind, friendly, benevolent, educated, financially sound (not rich, stable and responsible…goodness), genuine, reliable, dependable, responsible, attractive, warm, intimate — satisfactory to the purpose (yes, that’s a literal definition).
For a man to be good for you, you need to know what purpose he is to serve at this particular point in your life because if, for example, all men seem to do, in your eyes, is use you for sex, why are you prioritizing sex over an emotional connection if the latter is the purpose that you seek right now? A lot of women can stop being the common denominator when it comes to choosing the wrong man if they 1) become the good that they seek and 2) do not betray the purpose behind why they even desire a relationship in the first place.
____
I know. When things aren’t going your way when it comes to matters of the heart, it can be easy to always say it’s the man’s fault. If there’s a pattern, though, please be a bit more self-reflective than that.
Once you do, you’d be amazed by how much about you shifts — to where the wrong guys can’t even get close to you, in the way that they used to, anymore.
Because you cease to be the “common denominator” you once were.
And how wonderful is that?
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by PeopleImages/Getty Images