I think we all know what it feels like to have our favorite sex toy fail us in one way or another, particularly the conundrum of having it die mid-use. But even then, there has never been a part of me that considered using random objects around my house. Instinctively, I was aware that stimulating my coochie with a makeshift dildo would not be the answer to my problem. But, instead, further exacerbate an already frustrating situation…making it…uncomfortable, to say the least.
However, this doesn’t acknowledge the sexually ambitious and curious kinksters who seek out the thrill because there are no doubt those who go for the kill with no reasoning. Still, I don’t have to remind you what curiosity did to the cat, so caution is still best. And, unless your goal is to be on an episode of Sex Sent Me to the ER, then I urge you to refrain from masturbating with these…things…often found in your home. Yes, I’m tabling (no pun intended) a few items but I’m certain there are some safety measures you might be able to take when improvising for whatever reason. So instead of just giving you a list of 16 items found around the home and whether or not they’re safe to masturbate with, I'm also giving a few pointers on how to make them safe for the curious and kinky.
Of note, each expert varies in their views as to what is considered 'safe' and 'unsafe' based on their niche and so much more. In fact, Marla Renee Stewart, MA, sexologist and sexual strategist at Velvet Lips Sex Education points out, “A lot of the things that I would suggest would typically be associated with kink, but anything in general (in the vanilla world), you really just don't want to masturbate with anything that would be harmful to you in any way and that would vary from person-to-person.”
As for the more 'vanilla' side of things, we spoke with WHNP-BC Sexual Health Expert and Pelvic Floor Specialist Jenna Perkins, to provide a brief list of common household items that range from a hard "no" to somewhere in the gray area.
Go for It: Household Items That Can Double As Sex Toys
Giphy- Showerhead (externally);
- Bidet;
- Pillow/mattress;
- Electric toothbrush (externally!);
- Ice to be rubbed externally on the vulva and clitoris;
- Sit on a washer on spin or dryer for vibration and movement (Bonus: add a shoe to the dryer for a more intense sensation);
- Body massager.
Proceed With Caution: Household Items You Should Use a Condom With
- Phallic-shaped foods are used with a condom to avoid bacteria or fungus;
- Brush handle;
- Plastic bottle.
Perkins adds that “anything inserted should be covered with a condom to protect from bacteria. Lube should always be incorporated into penetrative play.” You are able to use the following for lubrication: “Vaseline, coconut, or olive oil applied externally [but keep in mind] oils can degrade condoms and are not recommended for penetration when latex condoms are being used.”
Big No-Go's: Household Items You Should Never Use As Sex Toys
Giphy- Textured items like the bristles on a brush that can scratch or damage tissue;
- Sharp item(s) or item(s) able to poke, like utensils (fork, knife, surprisingly vacuum cleaners, etc);
- Any soft or porous objects (cucumber, zucchini, brush handle) for penetration WITHOUT a condom;
- Lotions and soap that contain fragrances and/or a long list of ingredients.
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In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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