Guard your heart. There is a Scripture in the Bible that says, “Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life.” (Proverbs 4:23 — AMPC) You know, when you take in the fact that one definition of heart is “the center of emotions”, there is so much wisdom in this bible verse.
I say that because, since our emotions play a very profound role in the quality of life that we have, we’ve got to be careful about who we allow ourselves to experience certain emotions with. We’ve also got to be discerning about how we choose to process said emotions once things don’t go our way or as planned. Otherwise, heartbreak could indeed happen — and when it does, not only does that take a toll on your feelings, it can do a semi-number on your body too.
What — you didn’t know? A part of the reason why having a broken heart can be so potentially devastating is that it literally can wear out your system. In just a sec, I’m going to share with you how; that way, you can know how to handle heartbreak, from a physical standpoint — and also share it with others in your world, too. Because, unfortunately, death and taxes aren’t the only things that are certain in this world. Live long enough and…heartbreak is as well.
And the more you know how to handle it, the better.
1. Heartbreak on Your Brain
GiphyWhen it comes to what heartbreak does to your brain, the first thing that I found to be interesting is the fact that when you’re in a (semi) serious romantic relationship with someone, the part of your brain that is activated is called the caudate nucleus; it’s the same part that inspires and motivates you. And y’all, that is why, when you’re in love, you tend to want to do whatever you can to keep your partner happy.
On the other hand, when the relationship ends and you are in the process of healing from it, a part of the reason why the pain is so heavy is because it takes a while for your brain to catch on to the end of the dynamic — and so, it actually waits to feel stimulated in the way that it was used to and, when it’s not rewarded in that way, dopamine levels drop and profound sadness typically comes as a direct result.
Oh, something else to keep in mind is research reveals that love is an ultimate and literal painkiller, so much to the point that it activates the same part of your brain that a cocaine high does. So, when that sensation no longer exists — like crashing from a drug…your lows can end up being…very low.
Heartbreak on Your Heart
GiphyA few years ago, another writer for the platform wrote an article entitled, “Broken Heart Syndrome - Yes, It's A Real Thing.” It actually discusses some of the impact that heartbreak has on the heart itself. The technical term for broken heart syndrome is takotsubo cardiomyopathy; it’s what can happen to your heart when you encounter highly stressful situations (like a break-up). The symptoms can range anywhere from shortness of breath and irregular heartbeats to a drop in your blood pressure, chest pains and even fainting.
Interestingly enough, you are more at risk for broken heart syndrome if you’re a woman or if you’re 50 or over. Anyway, since broken heart syndrome mimics a heart attack in a myriad of ways, if you are feeling any of this, you should alert your physician. They can run tests to diagnose what is really going on.
Heart Heartbreak on Your Immunity
GiphyAlthough you may have never actually thought that heartbreak could wreak havoc on your immune system, once I break down how, I think it will make perfect sense to you. That said, I don’t know about y’all but whenever I go through a break-up (or a huge relational disappointment), it tends to be hella stressful. And stress and immunity are not friends.
For one thing, stress can cause inflammation throughout your immune system and, when that happens, that can weaken your immunity which can make you more susceptible to getting sick (or it taking longer to get over being under the weather). Just one more reason to take healing from heartbreak seriously.
Heartbreak on Your Digestive System
GiphySpeaking of stress and your immune system, since 80 percent of your immunity is in your gut, it would also make sense that a broken heart could result in your digestive system being a bit compromised as well. In fact, some health experts say that if you’re noticing abdominal discomfort, acid reflux, nausea, vomiting or diarrhea and you’re currently going through a stress-filled situation like ending or grieving a relationship, that could be why you’re experiencing those types of symptoms.
Heartbreak on Your Hormones
GiphyThink back to when you were in the beginning stages of the best relationship you ever had. If one way that you would explain the feeling is if you were walking on air, to some extent, that’s not an exaggeration. The reality is that being in love/a healthy romantic dynamic causes your dopamine (it makes you feel good) and oxytocin (it causes you to bond to other people) levels to surge — both of which are natural hormones in your system.
And then, when heartbreak happens, the stress hormone cortisol starts to go into overdrive which can cause you to become anxious, have trouble sleeping and to possibly experience depression-related symptoms. The neurotransmitter serotonin tends to tank too which causes you to have a loss of appetite, to not sleep well and to possibly even have hot flashes.
Heartbreak on Your Nervous System
GiphySince some health experts say that going through a break-up can impact you on basically the same level of someone close to you passing away — and that can put your nervous system through quite a bit too. For instance, something that I found to be interesting is that, according to science, the two nervous systems that typically keep each other in balance (the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems), they both end up amplifying which causes them to “miscommunicate” — and this can lead to lots of anxiety or to becoming a bit emotionally erratic.
Heartbreak on Your Energy Levels
GiphyEmotional exhaustion is absolutely a real thing and heartbreak is one of the top issues that can lead to it. That’s because, when you are going through the process of ending a relationship, it can lead to overthinking, feelings of regret, going through multiple “closure conversations” — things that are stressful and can really take a lot out of you. As a result of all of this, you may not want to eat, you may become a temporary insomniac, your cycles may be unpredictable and you might have headaches too.
Heartbreak on Your Skin, Hair & Nails
GiphyFace breaking out? Hair not growing? Nails more brittle than ever? If you’ve recently broken up with someone, that could be the reason why. As we’ve already discussed, few things are more stressful than the end of a serious relationship and another way that stress can take its toll is in your appearance.
____
Geeze. I know, right? Is this the most feel-good article in the world? Probably not. I do hope that it keeps you from gaslighting yourself — or allowing others to do it.
If you are going through a heartbreak and you’re not currently feeling like yourself, as you can see, it’s not “all in your head”. Some of what you’re feeling/experiencing can be very real and deserve to be handled with care.
Heartbreak is hard. Take care of you.
ALL OF YOU, please. Your mind, body and spirit need it.
Science says so.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Unsplash
RELATED
Kayla Nicole says she wore a dress that was once worn by Braxton herself for the Halloween costume. “It’s not a secret Toni is more on the petite side. I’m obsessed with all 5’2” of her,” she tells xoNecole via email. “But I’m 5’10'' and not missing any meals, honey, so to my surprise, when I got the dress and it actually fit, I knew it was destiny.”
The episode was the perfect way for the multihyphenate to take control of her own narrative. By addressing the viral moment on her own platform, she was able to stir the conversation and keep the focus on her adoration for Braxton, an artist she says she grew up listening to and who still makes her most-played playlist every year. Elsewhere, she likely would’ve received questions about whether or not the costume was a subliminal aimed at her ex-boyfriend and his pop star fiancée. “I think that people will try to project their own narratives, right?” she said, hinting at this in the episode. “But, for me personally – I think it’s very important to say this in this moment – I’m not in the business of tearing other women down. I’m in the business of celebrating them.”
Kayla Nicole is among xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, powered by SheaMoisture, recognized in the Viral Voices category for her work in media and the trends she sets on our timelines, all while prioritizing her own mental and physical health. As she puts it: “Yes, I’m curating conversations on my podcast The Pre-Game, and cultivating community with my wellness brand Tribe Therepē.”
Despite being the frequent topic of conversation online, Kayla Nicole says she’s learning to take advantage of her growing social media platform without becoming consumed by it. “I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out,” she says.
On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."
Credit: Malcolm Roberson
Throughout each episode, she sips a cocktail and addresses trending topics (even when they involve herself). It’s a platform the Pepperdine University alumnus has been preparing to have since she graduated with a degree in broadcast journalism, with a concentration in political science.
“I just knew I was going to end up on a local news network at the head anchor table, breaking high speed chases, and tossing it to the weather girl,” she says. Instead, she ended up working as an assistant at TMZ before covering sports as a freelance reporter. (She’s said she didn’t work for ESPN, despite previous reports saying otherwise.) The Pre-Game combines her love for pop culture and sports in a way that once felt inaccessible to her in traditional media.
She’s not just a podcaster, though. When she’s not behind the mic, taking acting classes or making her New York Fashion Week debut, Kayla Nicole is also busy elevating her wellness brand Tribe Therepē, where she shares her workouts and the workout equipment that helps her look chic while staying fit. She says the brand will add apparel to its line up in early 2026.
“Tribe Therepē has evolved into exactly what I have always envisioned. A community of women who care about being fit not just for the aesthetic, but for their mental and emotional well-being too. It’s grounded. It’s feminine. It’s strong,” she says. “And honestly, it's a reflection of where I am in my life right now. I feel so damn good - mentally, emotionally, and physically. And I am grateful to be in a space where I can pour that love and light back into the community that continues to pour into me.”
Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
Featured image by Malcolm Roberson
Meanwhile, frankincense and myrrh originate from the Middle East and Africa (you know, like the Bible does — some folks need to be reminded of that—eh hem — Trumpers) and ginger? It too helps with indigestion (which can definitely creep up at Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner tables); plus, it’s a key ingredient for ginger snaps and gingerbread houses. So, as you can see, holiday-themed scents have a rhyme and reason to them.
Tying this all in together — several years ago, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry ‘Christmas Sex’?” Well, in the spirit of revisiting some of that content, with a bit of a twist, I decided to broach some traditional holiday scents from the perspective of which ones will do your libido a ton of good from now through New Year’s Eve (check out “Make This Your Best NYE. For Sex. EVER.”).
Are you ready to check some of them out, so that, whether it’s via a candle, a diffuser, some essential oil, or some DIY body cream (check out “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever”), you can bring some extra festive ambiance into your own boudoir? Excellent.
1. Vanilla
Unsplash
When it comes to holiday desserts, you’re going to be hard-pressed to find recipes that don’t include vanilla — and that alone explains why it is considered to be a traditional holiday scent. As far as your libido goes, vanilla is absolutely considered to be an aphrodisiac — partly because its sweet scent is considered to be very sensual. Some studies even reveal that vanillin (the active ingredient in vanilla) is able to increase sexual arousal and improve erectile dysfunction in men. So, if you adore the smell, here is more incentive to use it.
2. Frankincense
Unsplash
Although, typically, when people think about frankincense (and myrrh), it’s in the context of the gifts that the wise men brought Christ after he was born; it’s a part of the biblical Christmas story. However, frankincense goes much deeper than that. Sexually, since it has an earthy and spicy scent, some people like to use it to meditate (check out “What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?”). Also, since it has the ability to put you in a better mood, soothe and soften your skin and maintain your oral health — with the help of frankincense, every touch and kiss can be that much…sexier.
3. Cinnamon
Unsplash
I already gave cinnamon a shout-out in the intro. Personally, I’ve been a fan of it, in the sex department, for a long time now (check out “12 ‘Sex Condiments’ That Can Make Coitus Even More...Delicious”). When it’s in oil form, it can be very sweet to the taste while sending a warm sensation throughout the body — which is why the giver and receiver of oral sex can benefit from its usage. Beyond that, cinnamon helps to increase blood flow to your genital region, elevate sexual desire and, some studies say that it can even help improve fertility. Beautiful.
4. Peppermint
Unsplash
If there’s a signature candy for the holiday season, it’s probably a candy cane — which automatically puts peppermint in the running for being an official holiday scent. Pretty much, in any form, it’s got your sex life’s back because it’s hailed as being a sexual stimulant; in part, because its smell is so invigorating. Plus, it helps to (eh hem) ease headaches, it gives you more energy and it can definitely help to freshen your breath. Also, that minty sensation? The same thing that I said about cinnamon can apply to peppermint too (if you catch my drift).
5. Ginger
Unsplash
Whether it’s in a meal or in your bedroom, ginger is going to produce results that are hella spicy. On the sex tip, science has praised ginger for being able to increase sexual arousal, improve blood circulation (which intensifies orgasms) and strengthen fertility for many years. Scent-wise, I find it to be one that both men and women enjoy because it is both woodsy and sweet. So, if you’ve got some massage oil in mind, adding some ginger is a way to please you both.
6. Pomegranate
Unsplash
September through December is the time of year when pomegranates are considered to be in season. And, as someone who is a Rosh Hashanah observer, I have a personal adoration for them because I am aware of the various things that they symbolize in Hebrew culture including the fact that they are a fruit that represents love and fertility. So yeah, they would absolutely be an aphrodisiac — one that is perfect for this time of the year. While consuming it helps to boost testosterone levels in both men and women, the floral bittersweet smell that it produces can help to reduce stress while promoting relaxation (like most floral scents do) — and the more relaxed you are, the easier it is to climax.
7. Nutmeg
Unsplash
Another signature seasoning during the holiday season is nutmeg. It’s perfect in Thanksgiving sweet potato (or pumpkin) pie and Christmas morning French toast. And yes, it can also make your sex life better. If you consume it, it can intensify your libido and, overall, its warm-meets-spicy-meets-sweet smell is so inviting that it is considered to be a pretty seductive scent.
8. Cloves
Unsplash
I ain’t got not one lie to tell you — if you’ve got a toothache, put some clove oil on that bad boy and send me a Christmas present for putting you on game. Aside from that, as I round all of this out, cloves are another holiday scent that can do wonders for your sex life. For men, it has the ability to significantly increase sexual arousal and improve stamina and endurance. For men and women alike, it also has a reputation for strengthening sexual desire. And for women solely? Well, if you want an all-natural way to increase natural lubrication down below — the scent and and feel (in DILUTED oil form) can make that happen. It can make the holidays especially special…if you know what I mean.
Ah yes — the atmosphere of the holidays and what it can do.
Take it all in! Scent ‘n whatever stimulating that comes with it! #wink
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Giphy