Ladies, becoming a mother is a wonderful thing.
While motherhood is something that has been a topic in our lives for as long as we can remember, the journey to motherhood can be a complicated one as many women are met with pregnancy loss or infertility. As a result, conceiving naturally is sometimes not an option for women who desire to start families. That is something that DJ, fitness influencer and founder of HBFIT, Hannah Bronfman knows very well. Although Hannah is now the mother of her first child, a son named Preston Miles Thomas Fallis, it wasn't without struggle.
To show women they aren't alone in their journey, earlier this year, Hannah, alongside her husband, Brendan Fallis, shared with the world their pregnancy journey and how they have overcome multiple obstacles along the way. After experiencing a miscarriage late last year, Hannah decided to look into different fertility options to increase her chances of having a viable pregnancy. She was ultimately able to get pregnant through a process called IVF (in vitro fertilization).
Courtesy of Hannah BronfmanPhoto Credit: Terence Connors
Since, Hannah has made it a mission of hers to show other women that we have options when it comes to creating life inside ourselves. With the reality of miscarriages and infertility diagnoses, Hannah is being honest about her experience with IVF and encouraging other women to learn more about what is available to them when it comes to starting a your own family.
In a recent conversation with xoNecole, Hannah was able to share that while the journey to motherhood can be tough, there is light at the end of whichever path you choose to take.
*This interview was conducted before Hannah gave birth to her son.
xoNecole: You and your husband have been very transparent about your journey to a successful pregnancy. What inspired the both of you to tell the story of your miscarriage and then your subsequent IVF journey?
Hannah Bronfman: For Brendan and I, after we miscarried, we spent 6-7 months trying to get pregnant through different ways. We tried naturally a few times, then we went to the next step called IUI. IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) is when they time your ovulation cycle and have your partner's sperm inserted in your uterus to be fertilized. When that did not take, we both decided that we should try IVF. It honestly was good timing for us as well because we weren't traveling for that month, so we were able to prioritize the process.
For those of us who are unfamiliar with IVF, can you break down what it looked like for you physically?
The IVF process definitely takes time. My IVF process was 11 days total. You have to go into the doctor's office every morning for monitoring and you have to take shots every day. I think it's important to note that everyone is different in how you react to the hormones that you are injecting.
For me, it was super mild. I did feel bloated after the first couple of days, but other than that I felt fine. I am someone who doesn't have crazy mood swings or feeling fatigued around the time I have my period. So since I am pretty even-keeled in general, I didn't have major reactions to the hormones. For others who may be more susceptible to symptoms of PMS, they have a higher chance to have bigger reactions to the hormones when doing IVF.
Pregnancy loss is difficult for any woman and is something that unfortunately a lot of us experience, as someone who is very tapped into their body and wellness, what were some practices that you gravitated towards as a means to heal after loss?
It's crazy how fragmented our society is around reproductive rights and health. Because the pregnancy journey is such a complicated thing. All we are told is that you don't want to get pregnant when you're a teenager, so you get on birth control. Then all these complications happen when you're an adult and you think to yourself I wanted to get pregnant years ago. So when it comes to healing after a miscarriage and dealing with the stress of trying to get pregnant month after month, a few things have helped me.
I have done meditation, acupuncture, and EMDR therapy tapping. The EMDR is when you tap yourself in certain areas while reciting positive narratives. When you do that, the nervous system starts to input the positive affirmations and output the negative ones. I think it's important to feel all of your feelings when grieving. It is so important to release instead of trying to hold it all together. It feels so good to cry and we should lean into that a little more as opposed to acting like we are super humans without emotions. Super-women should lean into embracing their emotions.
Did the process strengthen and/or test your marriage?
I honestly feel so blessed to have a partner who has been by my side every single day. I think everything that we have been through has brought us so much closer. I know it's hard for people who don't have a partner to take on the stress with you and it can be a struggle for relationships. Even for the partners who are really meant to be together and have the strongest of foundations, are tested.
"I think it's important to feel all of your feelings when grieving. It is so important to release instead of trying to hold it all together. It feels so good to cry and we should lean into that a little more as opposed to acting like we are super humans without emotions. Super-women should lean into embracing their emotions."
Courtesy of Hannah Bronfman
Photo Credit: Terence Connors
As a Black woman, why do you think that this type of visibility about IVF is important?
Well I think it's important to normalize IVF for all women, regardless of race or age. Some things I would hear would be, "Oh, you're so young, you'll be fine." But I think we are seeing more fertility complications with millennial women. As a woman of color, I want people to understand that yes, this can be an expensive option, but the one thing that I noticed when I would be in the waiting room was the diversity of women. I think sometimes we talk about these expensive healthcare means for women who are white, but at the end of the day, women of color have access as well. We definitely need to talk about it more, so I hope a story like mine gives people hope in knowing there are possibilities out there.
As a first-time mom during such unprecedented times, what has your self-care routine looked like since the pandemic?
I have been loving bath time while being pregnant. This baby really knows when I am in the water. It is so relaxing and so grounding. Having the moment away from social media and soaking up time just for myself is definitely a priority, while it still can be.
"I think we are seeing more fertility complications with millennial women. As a woman of color, I want people to understand that yes, this can be an expensive option, but the one thing that I noticed when I would be in the waiting room was the diversity of women... We definitely need to talk about it more, so I hope a story like mine gives people hope in knowing there are possibilities out there."
Courtesy of Hannah Bronfman
Photo Credit: Terence Connors
What are some things that you are learning about yourself during pregnancy?
I have learned that I'm a Type A person. I like to have control over a lot of different aspects of my life. I felt that way through the IVF process and I had a plan. But being pregnant during a pandemic has thrown all of that out the window. With that, I have been really embracing going with the flow. For the first time in my life, I am at a place where whatever happens, I am cool with the pivot.
How did you manage to balance your health with your career while pregnant during the pandemic?
Work life has never been crazier. It's all good things, so I feel lucky as a content creator. At the beginning of the year, some brands didn't know what to do or what was going to happen. The attention that black creators got, especially around the BLM movement, I feel we have benefited from that in a healthy and positive way. I actually ended up launching a product, which is a CBD bath bomb. This product is something that is helping people relax, decompress, and release stress. Let me tell you, we are also in an anxiety pandemic and so I know people really benefit from it. I was nervous about launching a product honestly during the pandemic, but the launch of the product couldn't have been more timely.
Courtesy of Hannah Bronfman
What is one main thing about the IVF process that a lot of women should know about?
To be transparent, this doesn't work for everyone. It's important to know that because you could go through it once and have to go through it again. I really do believe that if you put positive energy into what you're doing, you will have a better result than if you put your negativity into it. For example, I was talking to my girlfriend the other day and she is going through her first IVF cycle. When she first started, I told her I was so excited for her and she replied, "Excited is not the word." (Laughs)
I say "excited" because it's one step closer to the outcome that you want. When you think about it, it's two weeks of your life that, yeah kind of sucks, but for the best outcome you could ever imagine. I will admit that at first it was hard for me to accept that IVF was going to be a part of my journey. But once I accepted that this was my path, I gave it my all. It's key to stay positive.
For more of Hannah, follow her on Instagram. If you are interested in learning more about the right questions to ask when choosing your IVF plan, feel free to check out Hannah Bronfman's IG Live chat with Dr. Ghadir.
Featured image courtesy of Hannah Bronfman
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The episode was the perfect way for the multihyphenate to take control of her own narrative. By addressing the viral moment on her own platform, she was able to stir the conversation and keep the focus on her adoration for Braxton, an artist she says she grew up listening to and who still makes her most-played playlist every year. Elsewhere, she likely would’ve received questions about whether or not the costume was a subliminal aimed at her ex-boyfriend and his pop star fiancée. “I think that people will try to project their own narratives, right?” she said, hinting at this in the episode. “But, for me personally – I think it’s very important to say this in this moment – I’m not in the business of tearing other women down. I’m in the business of celebrating them.”
Kayla Nicole is among xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, powered by SheaMoisture, recognized in the Viral Voices category for her work in media and the trends she sets on our timelines, all while prioritizing her own mental and physical health. As she puts it: “Yes, I’m curating conversations on my podcast The Pre-Game, and cultivating community with my wellness brand Tribe Therepē.”
Despite being the frequent topic of conversation online, Kayla Nicole says she’s learning to take advantage of her growing social media platform without becoming consumed by it. “I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out,” she says.
On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."
Credit: Malcolm Roberson
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Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
Featured image by Malcolm Roberson
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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