Gabrielle Union Reveals The Hardest Part About Being A New Mom: "I Feel Nuts"
Becoming a mom can be a tough transition for even the most adaptable women, just ask Gabrielle Union, who became a mother to baby girl Kaavia James via surrogate in January after years of battling infertility, failed IVF treatments, and suffering more than 9 miscarriages. In a recent interview with Glamour, the actress revealed that although she thought the newborn stage would be "different" for her, but she later learned that she was sadly mistaken. The Being Mary Jane star explained that being a new mom is a strange mix of anxiety, guilt, and exhaustion that she just hasn't quite adjusted to yet. Gabrielle shared:
"She's like, 'Fuck your sleep. Fuck my sleep.' I've gotten to the point where I'm OK with her crying. I've just gotten used to it. You know, on the airplane they're like, 'You've got to put your mask on first.' But the guilt of feeling like there's nothing else I can think to do. I don't even know if I'm feeling guilt or fear or exhaustion. I don't know. I feel nuts."
She explained that being a public figure hasn't made her journey as a new mom any easier, but she eventually had to learn to ignore her critics and focus on the people who support her.
"Part of the journey is being OK with how others—specifically moms—are viewing you, judging you, praising you. You feel raw and exposed and vulnerable."
Frazer Harrison/Getty Images
In the past, the artist has been transparent about her healing from her traumas and the power that comes with being vulnerable enough to seek help. In the interview, the actress explained that on her book tour for We're Going To Need More Wine, she had to Skype with her therapist daily to keep herself sane. Upon sharing her experience of being raped while working at a Payless in her youth, she was met with a multitude of other women seeking to share their experience. Although she was overwhelmed by the support, she also felt flooded in sadness.
"It just felt like a never-ending loop of evil and horrific pain and trauma. You've created this safe space, which is awesome, but it's almost like you're just… I'd start the day off like an empty pitcher. And little by little, eventually my pitcher runneth over. At a certain point, I don't know what's mine and what's yours and other people's. It all just feels like you're drowning in plain sight and everyone's looking for me to save other people."
In an interview with Shine, the 46-year-old entertainer shared that she wouldn't be the woman that she is today without seeking professional help. Gabrielle explained:
"I'm a big advocate for working on yourself and your mental health. There is no shame in reaching out to professionals who can help you process tough things that you can't work out on your own. It took me years to get to this point, where I felt like my stories had worth and mattered. Taking the time to work on myself is what got me here."
Despite the late nights and incessant crying, Gabrielle says baby Kaavia has been the beautiful source of light that she never knew she needed. After being diagnosed with adenomyosis, a condition that increases a woman's likelihood of miscarrying, in her 20's, Gabrielle crafted a clever lie to herself and declared that she never wanted children. While she knew it wasn't true, she remained in denial for years to protect herself from the fact that it may never happen, whether she wanted it to or not. She said:
"I wanted to create a big enough cushion emotionally, defensively."
It wasn't until after being marrying her current husband, NBA star, Dwyane Wade, and finally finding the courage to walk in her own truth that she decided to seek out alternative options; but when it came time to find out more information, Gabrielle hit a roadblock.
"Nobody was really open when I had questions. The only reason I heard about certain doctors or treatments or new technologies or new procedures—whether that be diet or Eastern philosophy—was through a whisper network, and mainly from women who did not look like me or who had a very different journey through life than I did."
Although these procedures are somewhat taboo in the black community, Gabrielle knew it was important to be vocal about her experience. Motherhood looks a lot different than it did 20 years ago. Thanks to modern technology, women have the opportunity to truly do life on their own terms, especially when it comes to becoming a mother, and Gabrielle wanted to show other women what that looks like.
"So much of the Instagram life is creating these perfect illusions, right? People have kids—even through surrogacy or IVF or whatever—and the kids just appear. Rarely do we hear how. What was the journey? Without understanding what got to baby, it feels like easy and overnight. And that's not the case."
Thanks, Gabrielle, for sharing your journey and empowering us all to do motherhood our own way!
Check out Gabrielle's full interview with Glamour here!
Featured image by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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It Girl In Motion: Paige Shari Addison Shows Us Why She's The Hostess With The Mostess
Paige Shari Addison is the epitome of an ItGirl, which is why she is one of 100 ladies on xoNecole's inaugural ItGirl 100 list in partnership with Hyundai. Hailing from Atlanta, Georgia, Paige started her journey as a host in high school by hosting parties. Since then, she has made a career in hosting, from parties to big-name events, and she launched Strictly RNB, a platform for new artists and R&B lovers. Paige reflects on her creative path in the limited video series "ItGirl in Motion."
“My first curated event at Criminal Records was incredible. It was all for up-and-coming artists,” she says. “I needed a platform for us as a collective to be able to give ourselves the platform instead of asking for it, instead of looking for it. I was like, I want to make sure I let people get this experience that I would give as a performer but enjoy the experience with them. It was a dream come true.”
The Atlanta native also has her own line of acai bowls called Soulfull Bowls. She started it during the pandemic after events and parties shut down. But it was her love for eating acai bowls and the reactions others had to them that made her want to make it her next business move. Being open to creating new ventures in the midst of uncertainty is a bold move and one of the reasons why Paige has the “it” factor.
“Being an ItGirl means you’re just authentic. There’s an air to us. We have confidence that exudes from the way we speak, the way we put our lip gloss on, the way we walk, the way we talk. I show up as myself everytime I walk into a room. I’m hospitable, I make sure everybody’s good,” she says.
Get to know more about the hostess with the mostess in the video above.
See our ItGirl 100 list in full here. Click through the gallery below for some BTS moments of Paige and our partnership with Hyundai.
Director: Mikkoh @mikkoh
Production company: @polly___studio
Producer/AD: Samuel Cho @choboi90
Producer/Tech: Paul Nguyen @paul__winn
DP: Cristian Bernal @cristianbernal
Editor: @30inthemorning
2nd Cam: Paul Nguyen
1st AC: AJ Paug @ajpaug Gaffer: Dennis Albert @dennisalbert_
Audio Mixer: Victor Chavez @vic_the__
PA: Rick Carreno @ispeakrick
PA: Tiffany Do @tivani.doee
BTS Photo: Prime @theartofprime
Car Detail: @sud_studs @slugglobal
Creative Director @hellobosco
Team Lead @kevgumbo3000
Project Manager @zakk_jullot
Creative Producer @iamkingsheyla
Designers @miacolemxn @noelspiva
@xoNecole
Director, Integrated Marketing @_vang
Campaign Manager @kingchachiii
Talent Lead @kaylawalker
Feature image by Prime/ @theartof prime