February invites us to restore our hope for a better future for all of Earth's inhabitants. Over the weeks to come, your unique mission becomes all the more clear as well as the people you'll need to help you accomplish your vision. Even though the Rona has restricted the way we connect with others, we're being challenged to find innovative ways to maintain a sense of community and connection. Check out the horoscopes to see what's in store for your zodiac sign in the month ahead!
Aries
AriesLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month kicks off with Venus moving into Aquarius which has you wanting to spend some quality time with your friends. The New Moon on the 11th is a supportive time for collaborating with like-minded folks that are equally as passionate as changing the world for the better, just as you are. Be mindful of your triggers around the 17th, particularly when it comes to outdated patterns of relating to others. You're naturally competitive which can sometimes rear its ugly head in your relationships. There's enough room for everyone to shine.
When the Sun shifts into Pisces, you're invited to lay low in preparation for your birthday season. Once Mercury goes direct on the 20th, you're crystal clear about who is #TeamAries and who isn't. On the 25th, Venus enters Pisces, encouraging you to unplug from the chaos of the world to reconnect with Spirit to receive instructions for your steps in this next year around the Sun. You're making a big impact through your social media presence when Jupiter trines the North Node. Consider how you want to influence people that look up to you. February wraps up with a Full Moon helping you resolve bad habits that interfere with the lifestyle you want to experience.
Taurus
TaurusLaci Jordan for xoNecoleFebruary is a busy month for you particularly surrounding your career development. With Venus and the New Moon in this part of your chart, you're encouraged to think beyond your material desires. How can you be of service to others through the work that you do? You have the ability to influence others in a major way so make sure you lead with integrity instead of force. Tensions may be high around the 17th as you try to find a middle ground between working your ass off and finding some time for you. Rome wasn't built overnight so take a break to avoid burnout. The Sun shifts into Pisces on the 18th, lighting up your social life. Make the extra effort to connect with others whether that be through social media or planning a girls' night.
On the 20th, Mercury goes direct, helping you clear up any miscommunications with an authority figure. If you've been wanting to talk about a promotion, the weeks ahead are more supportive of your efforts. When Venus shifts into Pisces, you're encouraged to dream a little more. What does your "Heaven on Earth" look like? It's time to invest in your talents when Jupiter meets up with the North Node. A possible shift in career is likely if you're out of alignment with your destiny. The month ends with a Full Moon encouraging you to explore a creative outlet to restore your peace of mind.
Gemini
GeminiLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month ahead invites you to expand beyond your comfort zone with Venus transiting through Aquarius. When the planet of love meets up with the New Moon on the 11th, you're ready to commit to a path that will elevate your mind and spirit, making this a good time to go back to school, sign up for that workshop, or read up on a topic of interest. When Saturn squares Uranus on the 17th, be mindful of how others impose their truth upon you. As free-spirited as you are, you must learn to trust your path. There is no guru outside of you. When the Sun shifts into Pisces, do your best to stay grounded when it comes to your career goals. You've got some lofty goals. A little strategy and a whole lot of discipline will take you far.
Your ruling planet goes direct on the 20th, helping you move stuck travel plans forward. If you've been waiting on that visa or passport, it's on the way sooner than you think. On the 25th, Venus shifts into Pisces to miraculously clear up any stuck energy related to your career progression. Your faith is necessary in receiving creative solutions for any challenges you're facing. A much-needed shift in your life path could be up for review when Jupiter meets up with the North Node. By the end of the month, matters of home and family take precedence. Give yourself a chance to recharge so you can be more productive with your work.
Cancer
CancerLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe beginning of the month is a bit more introspective for you as you sift through rigid thought patterns that are stifling your growth. When Venus and the New Moon meet up in Aquarius, there's a deep desire for freedom to express yourself uninhibitedly. It's time to come out of your shell, babe. Be mindful of inner conflict that you're feeling around the 17th. You've got some big dreams in mind but your inner critic may be louder than your faith. Try not to feed into any self-deprecating thoughts and get into your affirmations to create a more empowering narrative that will help you align with your goals. When the Sun shifts into Pisces, you may find it difficult to stay focused as you daydream about your next vacay.
Mercury Retrograde wraps up on the 20th, making it a good time to start planning for that international getaway. If you've recently applied for a loan or grant, you'll likely receive news about an approval in the weeks to come. On the 25th, Venus enters Pisces, inviting you to merge with the Divine. Spend time meditating, read your favorite spiritual books, or attend a workshop for developing your intuitive gifts. When Jupiter and the North Node meet up on the 26th, you are deeply tuned into your Higher Power which may provide you with instructions for you next steps through your dreams. The Full Moon at the end of the month invites you to get organized. You can't put off your to-do list any longer. Create a reward system for yourself to motivate you to follow through with your responsibilities.
Leo
LeoLaci Jordan for xoNecoleBoundaries are your best friend this month. When Venus enters Aquarius, you're ready to get serious when it comes to matters of love. Get clear about your expectations and your vision so you don't waste time on someone who is all talk but no action. The New Moon on the 11th could have you starting a new business partnership. Triple check the terms of agreement since we're still navigating Mercury Retrograde. Frustrations may be at a high when Saturn squares Uranus on the 17th. If someone in the workplace has been a little too pushy with you, calmly assert yourself or step away from the situation to give yourself some breathing room.
When the Sun shifts into Pisces, it's time to get real about some emotional hang-ups that you've been avoiding. On the 20th, Mercury goes direct, granting you clarity on the direction that a commitment is going in. You'll have a chance to take this connection deeper when Venus shifts into Pisces on the 25th. If you desire more intimacy, you have to be willing to show someone all of you—not just the pretty, shiny parts that the world adores you for. A game-changing collaboration starts coming together around the 25th, helping you move closer towards your dreams and the end of the month affirms that when you let go of your insecurities, anything is possible.
Virgo
VirgoLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe beginning of the month invites you to get your practical affairs in order. Life has been hectic but try not to forget that self-care is just as integral to your routine as handling your tasks at work. The New Moon on the 11th is the perfect time to create a new routine that reflects a better work-life balance. You may be feeling restless around the 17th if you've been drowning in responsibility. If you're not able to take a vacay at the moment, create a vision board on Pinterest to kickstart the manifestation process.
When the Sun shifts into Pisces, your relationships take center stage. Reassess the balance of give and take in your partnerships and contractual agreements. On the 20th, Mercury finally goes direct, clearing up any confusion and disorganization in your life. When Venus shifts into Pisces on the 25th, it's important that you're seeing your relationships clearly and not just projecting your fantasy onto other people. You may find yourself making some changes in your career when Jupiter and the North Node meet up. Keep in mind that the work that you're doing now is simply a stepping stone to where you want to be. The month wraps up with a Full Moon in your sign, encouraging you to retire the martyrdom act and finally put yourself first.
Libra
LibraLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe beginning of the month invites you to explore you to put your to-do list to the side to nurture your inner child. With Venus transiting through Aquarius, you're encouraged to explore your creativity. The New Moon on the 11th is a good time for starting a new hobby or project. When it comes to matters of love, you're looking to partner up with someone that you can make a difference in the world with. On the 17th, be mindful of how your fears stifle your creative expression. In more simple terms, stop overthinking it and allow the flow of inspiration to be channeled through you.
The Sun shifts into Pisces on the 18th, bringing your focus to your health and routines. Try to work in a little exercise routine while you binge watch your fave Netflix series. Once Mercury goes direct, you're more clear on where a casual relationship is headed. When Venus enters Pisces, you'll be challenged to stick to those lifestyle changes you're making. Aligning yourself with someone who shares a similar approach to life will keep you on track with your fitness goals. When Jupiter trines the North Node, your spirit is calling you to level up by embracing a leadership role. The Full Moon helps clear out past life energy that inhibits you from believing in your skills and abilities. Get into those affirmations to boost your confidence!
Scorpio
ScorpioLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe first part of February invites you to tend to matters of family and home with Venus transiting through Aquarius. The New Moon on the 11th could have you considering your next move. Be mindful of signing a new lease or closing on a house until Mercury goes direct later this month. If you're on a tight deadline, triple check the terms of agreement. When Saturn squares off with Uranus, it could result in some tension in your living environment. A desire for freedom may clash with existing obligations whether it be your job or relationship.
When the Sun enters Pisces, exploring your creative side may be the break that you need from the monotony of your routine. On the 20th, Mercury goes direct, giving you the green light to renovate, relocate, or invest in property. The planet of love enters Pisces on the 25th, sweeping you right off your feet. Surrender to the magic of romance without getting caught up in the long-term. Around the 25th, you'll need to be flexible, particularly regarding shared resources with a partner. The two of you have the ability to be successful in whatever venture you set your sights on but it will require compromise. The month wraps up with a Full Moon reminding you just how important you are to your tribe.
Sagittarius
SagittariusLaci Jordan for xoNecoleFebruary kicks off with you focused on the mundane tasks on your to-do list. With Mercury Retrograde in this part of your chart, you may find yourself revisiting some unfinished business. When Venus and the New Moon meet up in this part of your chart, you're curious about a new topic of interest, making this a good time to take a course, buy some books, or do some research online. You may be conflicted around the 17th when Saturn squares off with Uranus. Life has gotten extremely busy lately, making it important for you sustain your work-life balance.
When the Sun shifts into Pisces, your focus is on family, home, and emotional security. This is a more sensitive time for you. Surround yourself with nurturing people and do your part in taking care of your beautiful heart. Mercury finally goes direct on the 20th, helping you get more clear about a message that you need to communicate to someone that has you fixated. On the 25th, Venus joins the Sun, inviting you to spend a little more time at home to rest and recharge. A relationship matter changes for the better when Jupiter trines the North Node. Miraculous turnarounds and breakthroughs reflect the fated nature of this connection. The month comes to a close with a Full Moon, offering you a chance to step into the limelight. Stay ready so you don't have to get ready!
Capricorn
CapricornLaci Jordan for xoNecoleMoney matters are your priority in the beginning of the month but what's new with the boss b*tch of the zodiac? When Venus meets up with the New Moon on the 11th, be mindful of emotional spending. Put yourself on a strict budget to stay on track with your financial goals. A new opportunity could present itself around this time but keep in mind that Mercury is still retrograde. If you must accept this offer, triple check the contractual agreement before making a commitment. If you're feeling frustrated around the 17th, that's just your inner child throwing a tantrum. You can only work so much. Gift yourself the freedom of doing something just for fun.
When the Sun shifts into Pisces, handling your daily obligations is a little more difficult. Create a reward system for handling your business so you can stay focused. Mercury finally goes direct on the 20th, giving you the green light for a new job opportunity. On the 25th, Venus enters Pisces which has you feeling super romantic. Write some poetry or jam out to your favorite ballads to channel your feels. A change in your lifestyle or work is likely due to an "aha" moment you're having on the 26th. The month comes to a close with a Full Moon encouraging you to take a leap of faith to bring about the change you desire.
Aquarius
AquariusLaci Jordan for xoNecoleAll eyes are on you with Venus transiting through your sign. The New Moon on the 11th invites you to plant the seeds for what you'd like to accomplish in the year ahead as you establish a new set of rules for how you want to live your life. On the 17th, Saturn squares off with Uranus which could have you feeling pulled between your needs and those of your family. When it comes down to it, choosing yourself is what's best for everyone involved. A growing need to create an identity separate from your family can no longer be ignored.
On the 18th, the Sun shifts into Pisces, bringing your focus to money, material assets, and your values. Miraculous financial breakthroughs are possible as well as deep healing related to self-esteem issues. Mercury finally goes direct on the 20th, lifting the fog of confusion and clearing your path of any delays. When Venus shifts into Pisces, be mindful of emotional spending habits. Although you're tapped into the abundance of the Universe, try not to abuse your power by being superficial. On the 26th, you're ready to tap into your creative potential. Stop over-identifying with the old you to embrace the upgraded version that wants to express itself. The month winds down with a Full Moon, helping you settle imbalances with your finances and within your closest relationships.
Pisces
PiscesLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe beginning of the month is more introspective for you with Venus transiting through Aquarius. As introverted as you already are, there will be an increased desire for privacy as you reconnect with your Higher Power for some spiritual medicine. The New Moon serves as a catalyst for phasing out old cycles and habits that you've been stuck in for quite some time (maybe even for lifetimes). Clear out your karma so you can enter into your new solar year light as a feather. If you're feeling overwhelmed around the 17th, schedule a little time in your day to do what you do best—daydream. You're not the biggest fan on the mundane tasks so it's important that you cultivate a little magic in your life on a daily basis.
When the Sun shifts into Pisces on the 18th, all eyes are on you in celebration of your birthday season. Your vitality is at its peak during this time of year so make the most of it. Mercury finally goes direct on the 20th, helping you make sense out of all of the spiritual downloads you've been receiving over the past few weeks. On the 25th, Venus shifts into your sign and the blessings are pouring in. This is also a supportive time for revamping your appearance to match the new and improved you. Your ancestors are surrounding you closer than ever when Jupiter trines the North Node. You can't hold back anymore. Your destiny is calling. The month closes with a Full Moon encouraging you to compromise within a significant partnership or choose to amicably part ways.
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Featured image by Laci Jordan for xoNecole
RELATED
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
GiphyBack when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
GiphyA few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
GiphyAnd finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
____
One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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