

These Two Ladies Have The Secrets To The Sex Life You Crave
There was a time when I was all about rolling the windows down and blasting music during my after-work commute. But lately I've been sharing a lot of this time with podcasts. I find myself sitting in parking lots, unable to even get out of the car until I finish listening to whatever interview or conversation has me hooked for the day.
One of my favorites is called Cocktales: Dirty Discussions, hosted by Kiki Said So and Medinah Monroe. Kiki and Medinah are two HBCU graduates and career women who use the show to openly discuss their crazy experiences, dating, and sex. What I like most about the show is the authenticity, the ladies and weekly guests are super honest and don't hold anything back. In just one episode, topics can range from first date and threesomes to masturbation, period sex, baecations and more.
Recently, I had the chance to chat with the two co-hosts about their poppin' podcast and some much-needed tips for great sex:
What made you start 'Cocktales: Dirty Discussions'?
Courtesy of Cocktales
Kiki: I work in radio and at the time I was hearing so much about podcasts. Everybody was beginning to start them and it just sounded like a good idea. Medinah and I have been friends since high school and I knew her personality would be great for the show. We already always talked about the craziness of our dating life anyway, so it was like why not?
I remember hearing that you both are dating now. How has that experience been with the success of the podcast?
Medinah: It can be weird; I was in a long-term relationship when I first started the show. Now I'm newly single, and whenever I meet someone I'm always wondering if they've heard the podcast and what they're thinking.
Kiki: Same here, guys ask questions about the show, or wonder if I'm talking about them on it. At times, they've even tried to "step up" sexually after listening.
One of my favorite parts of the show is the “Cocktales” segment. What are your personal favorite "cocktales"?
Kiki: I remember once I was leaving a wedding and it was an open bar, as all weddings should be. I ended up Uber(ing) and eventually hitchhiking (long story) to an "appointment" to see a guy. Once I got there and we started having sex, I felt my wig slipping. I was on top, and it just kept moving. Eventually I had to tell him, and he snatched it off and threw it across the room! (laughs)
Medinah: A few years ago, I was at an Atlanta strip club we used to go to all the time. I always had an interest in women, but there was a stripper there I really liked. I was with a group, but I felt like a boss because she only wanted to dance for me. Fast forward, we ended up exchanging numbers. Later that night, she sent a car to my house, wined and dined me, and ran me a bath. To date, it's probably one of my favorite girl sex experiences ever.
See, stories like that are what make me ask my next question. What are a few tips for women who crave more from their sex life?
Courtesy of Cocktales
Medinah: Communication is one of the best ways to have great sex. Whether your mate is or isn't giving you everything you need sexually, they don't know it unless you speak up. I like nasty sex and that's not for everybody, some people just aren't as comfortable. Try asking questions to relax them. For example you could ask, "What's your fantasy, or is there anything sexual you've always wanted to try?" Questions like that can make him or her more comfortable.
Kiki: And get a sex toy! Although we live in a time where women feel a lot more free to discuss their sexual desires, there are a lot who are still uncomfortable. Whether you're trying to get out of your own head or experience a more powerful orgasm, the key is learning your body. A sex toy is one way to learn what you enjoy, or dislike. Also you can try a new position with your partner.
Don't be afraid to suggest things that may work better for you, and respond back when they try something new. We have to change the stigma that comes with wanting a good and healthy sex life.
There's nothing wrong with discussing it. There's nothing wrong with having it. As long as we are making decisions based off our wants and desires, it's not bad to want the most from your partner. You can be a career woman and still have good sex!
Want more cocktales from these ladies? Cop some tickets to their live show on May 18, 2019 in Atlanta here. In the meantime, you can always get your life from the weekly episodes of Cocktales every Thursday via Soundcloud and Apple.
Kirby Carroll grew up in VA but now calls Atlanta, GA home. She has a passion for creating content and helping brands grow through storytelling and public relations. When not immersed in work, you can find her sipping a mimosa at brunch or bingeing a new TV drama on Netflix. Keep up with her on social media at @askKirbyCarroll.
Exclusive: Gabrielle Union On Radical Transparency, Being Diagnosed With Perimenopause And Embracing What’s Next
Whenever Gabrielle Union graces the movie screen, she immediately commands attention. From her unforgettable scenes in films like Bring It On and Two Can Play That Game to her most recent film, in which she stars and produces Netflix’s The Perfect Find, there’s no denying that she is that girl.
Off-screen, she uses that power for good by sharing her trials and tribulations with other women in hopes of helping those who may be going through the same things or preventing them from experiencing them altogether. Recently, the Flawless by Gabrielle Union founder partnered with Clearblue to speak at the launch of their Menopause Stage Indicator, where she also shared her experience with being perimenopausal.
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
Victoria Monét Opens Up About Feeling ‘Validated’ Months After VMAs Turned Her Down To Perform
Victoria Monét has had an incredible year. Thanks to the success of the widely popular “On My Mama” that went viral, the singer/ songwriter’s Jaguar II album debuted in the top 10 of Billboard’s Top R&B Albums chart. She also went on to headline her own sold-out tour. So, when the MTV VMAs happened in September, everyone was surprised to learn that Victoria’s team was told that it was “too early” for the “Smoke” artist to perform at the award show. However, a couple of months later, the mom of one received seven Grammy nominations, including “Best R&B Album” and “Record Of The Year.”
Victoria is currently in London and stopped by The Dotty Show on Apple Music and shared how she feels “validated” after being dismissed by the VMAs.
“It really does feel nice and validating because, in my head, the reason why I wanted to be a performer at the VMAs or award ceremonies like that is because I felt like I am at the place where I should. I would work really hard to put on the best show that I could, and I was excited to do so,” she said.
“And I guess the best way to describe it for me is like when you're like on a sports team, and the coach is like, ‘No, you gotta sit this one out.’ When they finally put you in, and then you score all these points, and it feels like that feeling. You're like, yes, I knew it wasn't tripping, but I knew I worked hard for this, and so it's been super validating to just have these accolades come after a moment like that, and I know the fans feel vindicated for me.
While her fans called the VMAs out on their decision, the “Moment” singer kept it cute and is still open to performing at the iconic award show. “I feel no ill towards them because it's just maybe that's just truly how they felt at the time, but I hope their mind has changed,” she admitted.
Aside from recognition from the Grammys, she has also received praise from legendary artists such as Janet Jackson, Kelly Rowland, and Usher.
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Feature image by Amy Sussman/WireImage for Parkwood