When you're in your 40s and single, it's not uncommon to be the only one in your circle who isn't in a serious relationship or married. With that being the case, it's almost inevitable that at least one of your friends is going to have a spouse that you're not particularly thrilled about.
In walks one of my girlfriend's husband. Just in case she or he happens to read this, I'm going to be vague on the details. Let's just say that he's smart and pretty cool upon first meeting him. But as you get to know him, he can be super-opinionated, a little controlling, with a dash of insecure. #ugh
Since he's that way, it makes moments of his marriage with my friend challenging to say the least (especially that insecure part). Also, because she and I are close, I hear the brunt of a lot of their issues. And that? That results in me giving him major side-eye; especially since over the years, progress has been S-L-O-W. Not to mention that he's patronizing and condescending—with her, me, the mailman…it doesn't matter—which are two of my BIGGEST pet peeves.
That said, people who know me know that I am pretty direct and that another one of my pet peeves is lying. Put those all of those things together and yep, my friend knows that her husband isn't my favorite person in the world. Still, we find a way to make our friendship work. Not just work, THRIVE.
If you've got a friend who has a spouse you're not super fond of and you either feel guilty about it, or you're not sure if your friendship can survive your slick-disgust towards them, I just wanted to take out a moment to share some insight on how my friend and I…cope.
1.I Respect The "Rank"
GIPHY
Listen, some of my friends will tell you that I've come to their weddings and cried more than anyone else there. Not because I'm jealous; it's because I get that when one of your besties jumps the broom, like it or not, the relationship dynamic is bound to change. Calling all hours of the night is inappropriate. Randomly hanging out is unrealistic. So is putting them in the position of choosing between you and their spouse because, guess what? THE SPOUSE COMES FIRST. Since my friend knows that I know that, she feels like I respect the relationship even if I'm not thrilled about him as a person.
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With a multi-layered approach to her artistry, just as she did on that winter day in December 2013 with the infamous digital drop of her self-titled album, she changed the game again on February 1, 2023, when she announced her world tour in support of Renaissance, her seventh studio album. Her cultural impact set the internet ablaze, with everyone trying to gather their coins, barter for presale codes, and figure out which cities to attend. The group chats were lit, and the Beyhive was stressed trying to get their hands on tickets.
Photo courtesy of Dontaira Terrell
Unfortunately, I was in that number. As the concert dates passed by and the one in my city drawing near all roads led to disappointment. With time ticking on the day of the Miami show and less than two hours to spare, my wallet bit the bullet, and I purchased three last-minute tickets, costing roughly $700.00 a piece (including fees) for me, my 9-year-old and 16-year-old nieces in Section 121 at the Hard Rock Stadium. With 10 minutes before showtime, we eagerly awaited the Queen to take the stage. A sea of metallic fringes, cowboy hats, disco fans, and western boots were in full effect and filled the entire stadium.
As the lights dimmed, a flood of emotions instantly overtook my body. It continued with each note she belted, along with nearly 50,000 roaring fans. The reverberating sound of the music through the stadium transported me from one era of my life to the next. As a teen girl in her bedroom daydreaming about her first love to blossoming into an unapologetic Black woman who is still on a road of self-discovery while learning to lean into the power anthem of "You won't break my soul." For over two hours, and with each set, I felt joy, love, peace, and a commanderie with fellow concertgoers. It was therapeutic as I danced like no one was watching and sang as if I were alone in my bathroom mirror.
There were no bars held, and I realized at that moment, "Nobody can judge me but me." The "Renaissance World Tour" proved to be so vast, and my Black girl joy was re-invigorated. It was magnetic and liberating, and I had to attend again, but this time, I needed to be up close and personal; I needed to be on the floor. In the days that passed, I watched more social media clips in different cities and asked myself if I would really splurge again to attend another Renaissance show.
Photo courtesy of Dontaira Terrell
After all, this would be my thirteenth time (maybe more because I lost count) seeing Beyoncé live, whether she was on tour with Destiny's Child, as a solo artist, or doing a live appearance. I contemplated for a while, but it worked itself out on its own. I was gifted two tickets and the next thing I knew, I was off to LA to attend another Renaissance show with floor seats at SoFi Stadium during Beyonce's 42nd birthday weekend! This time, things were different: no kids were allowed. It was adults only this go round.
Although the energy at the Miami and Los Angeles shows was empowering, infectious, and a celebration of life, happiness, and identity, they each provided their own unique experience. However, both concerts were what I needed for my well-being, leaving me with sore feet from dancing the night away, on vocal rest for the next few days from screaming at the top of my lungs, and on an indefinite high on life.
My introduction and love for Beyoncé began in 1996, while my older sister lived in Houston, TX, right before Bey hit the scene in 1998 with "No, No, No" as a budding R&B member. Her evolution twenty-seven years later as an international superstar and into womanhood has been an incredible journey to witness. As Mrs. Carter reminds each of us in the audience every night before the curtain closes, "I want you to remember this moment, where you're standing, who you came with, and take it with you. I hope you feel inspired."
I truly felt inspired, so thank you, Queen Bey. You awakened my inner child, and I will definitely remember these moments and take them with me.
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Feature image by Kevin Mazur/WireImage for Parkwood
