May Is National Date Your Mate Month—And We’ve Got A Few Ideas
As far as observance days go, there are a few great ones coming up this month. There's National Prayer Day (May 2). Cinco de Mayo (May 5). National Teacher Appreciation Day (May 7). National Eat What You Want Day (May 11). Of course, there's Mother's Day (May 12). But if there's one that has totally gone under my radar, it's the fact that May is also the month that's totally devoted to dating your mate. How cool is that?
I think we all can agree that if you want to enhance your emotional connection, keep the sparks alive and bring some spontaneity and creativity into your relationship, one of the best ways to do that is to go on dates with your partner, no matter what time of year it is. Yet, as the weather is getting warmer and the flowers are blooming, it makes sense why spring fever is totally in effect and why now would be the time to get in a few more dates than usual.
So, whether you're only a couple of dates in or you and yours have been together for a decade or more, I've got a few suggestions for how you can get inspired to literally date your own mate—all month long!
New Relationships in May Dating Tips
Use Texting to Your Advantage
In a general sense, I'm not big on a tone of texting in relationships; especially new relationships. It's hard to read tone. Things can get lost in translation (emojis included). Folks tend to get super impatient if you don't get back in their allotted time frame. Ugh. But there is one way that I think texting works in a new dynamic. Use it as a way to build anticipation or establish some traditions between the two of you.
Shoot a text to ask each other what your favorite colors are. Then show up wearing them.
Figure out an emoji that can become an inside joke or "thinking of you message" between the two of you.
End the date by texting your favorite part of it once you get back home.
These are ways to use texting to establish a connection instead of it being merely a tool of convenience.
Make Sure You Both Plan Dates
I think we all can agree that the main purpose of going on dates is to get to know someone better. To me, one way to accomplish that is to trade off who on who plans each date. Meaning, once you've gotten to around date three or four (because by then, clearly you both dig each other), you plan one and then he should plan the next one. It's a good way to learn one another's interests and what each of you considers to be entertaining and fun.
Just think about it—if all the two of you ever do is go to a restaurant, a movie or hang out at each other's homes, you might get caught off guard when you eventually find out how much of a sports lover he is. On the flip side, he might not be prepared for how much you like to do random stuff like ice skating, making pottery and or indoor rock climbing. If you alternate plans, this is one way to figure a layer of each other out—easier.
Bring a Date Question Jar Along
Between trying to figure out what to ask and making sure that the man you're out with doesn't feel like he's being given the third degree, getting to know someone better can be a bit like a walk on a tightrope. Take some of the pressure off by suggesting that you both make a question date jar that you can bring on each date. Both of you can put your own questions into it and, at the beginning of each date, you can shake the jars up so that each of you ask three questions.
Based on what the questions are, you can learn more about how each other's minds work. And since you're literally picking questions out of a jar, it can be fun and even a little improvised.
Stay in the Moment
Spring weather is pretty mild for the most part. To me, it's Mother Nature's way of reminding us of just how important it is for us to chill out. There is something that is very special and also intriguing about the first few months of a new relationship. Use this month in May to not only go on dates but to sit back and relax as you experiencing the joy of actually dating too.
Great May Date Ideas
Have a Fresh Favorite Foods Picnic
A cool outdoor idea is to spend an hour or two at your local farmer's market so that you can pick up some food to make for a picnic later in the afternoon or evening. Although picnics are a spring/summer dating standards, they are actually really romantic if you put some intentional planning into it. Pick up a picnic basket and some champagne glasses. Don't forget to have a big blanket in tow. Also, you can set some ambiance (and keep mosquitoes at bay) by bringing along a couple of citronella candles too.
As far as what to cook, use this as an opportunity for you both to show off your culinary skills by having one of you make the main course while the other makes appetizers and dessert. The catch is that it must be some of both of your favorite foods, and all of the items should be picked up from the market (we've gotta support our local communities, y'all!).
Go for a Long Drive
A rental car. The right playlist. A cooler with your favorite snacks in it. A charged-up phone to take random pictures of the landscape and each other. No set destination in sight. There is something really intimate and super enjoyable about going on a long drive with someone you're really into, whether it's your third or 30th date with them.
For this to totally work, phone notifications must be turned off and the entire day must be devoted to nothing more than the open road and each other. If the relationship is new, make it a point to stop at a small eatery neither of you have even been to before. If you and yours are exclusive, call it a night at a quaint bed and breakfast, at least 50 miles outside of town.
DIY Some Ice Cream/Yogurt
Dinner and a movie are so…predictable. In the spirit of longer days and breezy nights, how about taking out a couple of hours to make your own favorite flavor of ice cream or frozen yogurt that you can enjoy on your front porch or back deck? According to many relationship therapists, cooking together is one of the best kinds of dates because it's comfortable, casual and one of the best ways to open up the lines of communication.
Plus, some cooking experts believe that ice cream can reveal a lot about a person. Reportedly, vanilla eaters are calm and balanced. Chocolate lovers are full of self-love. Coffee consumers are passionate and dramatic. I've even read that how you like your ice cream can say a lot about your sexual style too. Clearly, there's more to ice cream than what meets the eye. (Wink, wink.)
By the way, a site that has almost 40 of my favorite ice cream recipes is Epicurious. Start there if you need some ice cream making inspiration.
Chill on a Rooftop
When it comes to planning the perfect date, sometimes we do way too much overthinking. Spring, in the evening, is when the temperature is pretty close to perfection. Get a little quality time in by figuring out what the best rooftop bar is in your city, then hang out up there and talk for a couple of hours (at least).
You know what? I like this idea so much that I'll even take a lot of the guesswork out of finding the bar. All you've got to do is check out "The Best Rooftop Bar in All 50 States" and head on out. (You're welcome!)
Use May to Bring Some Spark Back
Download a Few Relationship-Related Apps
Question. How many apps do you already have on your phone? Follow-up question. How many of those apps are able to help your relationship? You might not be aware that there are quite a few that can do everything from making things extra spicy to getting your relationship back on track.
One app (that is currently available in 15 major cities) is One:Night. Basically, what it does is find the swankiest and sexiest hotels at the best prices, at the last minute. So, if you and yours want to get it in on a Wednesday instead of a Saturday, this app will totally hook you up.
Some other cool apps that will make your relationship better include Couple (which is great for long-distance relationships); Between (which is devoted to all things you and yours); Mystery Vibe (it's a smart sex toy); The Icebreak (it gives you questions to ask one another) and Kouply (it's an app that encourages better communication).
Get Tipsy on Some Homemade Popsicles
If you've ever wondered if sex is better when you're drunk or when you're high, according to science, it's when you're on that herb. At the same time, one way that alcohol tops that good-good green is when it comes to if you're looking for what will give you the nerve to try something that you wouldn't do in your "right mind". If there's a position your man has been trying to get you to explore or you're thinking that there's no time like the present to attempt a little outdoor sex, gas yourself up by sucking, umm, on an alcohol popsicle first.
Never had one before? Ease into them by making a couple of Vodka Gummy Bear Popsicles, Barefoot Moscato Strawberry Popsicles, Lemonade Moonshine Popsicles, Mango Bourbon Smash Popsicles or some Kahlua Coconut Cream Affogato Popsicles. They'll all easy to make, full of liquor and another great spring date idea.
Go on Your First Date—Again
I recently read a couple of articles that say nostalgia (when the memories are good) can be super beneficial to both your health and your relationship. The main reason why is because when you focus on things that bring you joy, they become an instant mood-booster (they can be a bit of an aphrodisiac too!).
The fact that you and yours are still together after all this time, your first date plays a direct role in that. So why not use this month to take a romantic—shoot, maybe even erotic—walk down memory lane by reenacting it? While you're at it, take things up a notch by making it a date full of "do over firsts"—your first kiss, reminiscing about the first "I love you" and, of course, the first…well, you know.
Pitch a Tent
After doing something like going to an outdoor concert, attending a wine tasting or even going food truck hopping (don't sleep on that last one; it's a lot of fun!), end the night by pitching a tent in your own backyard and gazing up at the stars together.
You can purchase a tent at a sporting goods store, hop on Pinterest for ideas on how to make one yourself or splurge on a transparent igloo that I personally think is pretty dope. It'll run you about $250 but sex underneath the stars in a ventilated shade igloo sounds like the gift that keeps on giving to me.
Whew! Can you feel it? Spring fever is definitely in the air. So, take out the next 31 days to embrace all that the month of May—and your date—has to offer, aight? Bet.
Featured image by Getty Images
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5 Things That Are OK To Require On A First Date
The Things Men Say On Dates That Are Huge Red Flags
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Your May 2024 Horoscopes Are All About Setting Intentions, Focus, And Self-Discovery
Explore your sign’s 2024 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
May is a month of intention and about focusing on what you are creating in your life right now. Eclipse Season is over for the time being; Mercury is direct again, yet there are still more opportunities for breakthrough and self-discovery. The month begins with Pluto going retrograde in Aquarius on May 2, signifying the need to reclaim your power right now. Pluto will be retrograde until October 11, and this is a good time to experience a renewal within your belief systems, friendships, and community. After a time of change and regrouping, May is a time to create a new path for yourself and feel more secure in doing so.
Taurus Season is in full bloom, and on May 7 the Moon will be joining the Sun for the New Moon in Taurus. This New Moon is an opportunity for luxury, self-care, stability, and harmony.
When the Moon is in Taurus, we are guided towards taking care of ourselves more, and this is a good time to set your intentions for where you want to experience more ease, love, and TLC in life. This New Moon will be a powerful time for manifestation, so make sure you are focused on what you want to create in your life right now. Mercury then moves out of Aries and into Taurus on May 15th, and perspectives move into the energy of more logic, patience, and practicality.
Mercury in Taurus brings the focus to your finances as well, and this is a good time to ask for a raise or promotion, take care of finances, or build your assets.
What May 2024 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
Gemini Season makes its debut on May 20 this year, and the Sun moving into these air signs makes the energy a little lighter and playful, and by the end of the month, people are looking to have some more fun. With a Full Moon in Sagittarius happening a few days later on May 23, the end of May is an exciting, eye-opening, and adventurous time. The Sagittarius Full Moon is the Flower Moon of the Year, and it’s time you receive yours.
Venus moves into Gemini on May 23 as well, and during this time, relationship matters can feel a little more all over the place. However, this is also a more social, charming, and dynamic time for love as well. While Venus is in Gemini, remember that communication is key, and a more open-minded and flexible approach to matters of the heart is needed.
One of the most important transits of the year happens as May comes to an end, and that is Jupiter's move into Gemini. Jupiter has been in Taurus for the past year, helping us grow and get the full picture when it comes to your stability, relationships, and finances, and Jupiter's move into Gemini brings things into focus when it comes to your self-expression, communication, connections, and joy in life.
Jupiter will be in Gemini from May 25, 2024, to June 9, 2025, and this is the perfect opportunity to connect with your creative genius and meet new people with whom you resonate. May, overall, has a lot of potential for opportunity, insight, and collaboration, and this is the perfect month to set your intentions for the future while also living in the moment with the people you love and who inspire you.
Read for your sun sign and rising sign below to see what May 2024 has in store for you.
ARIES
May is a coming-together month for you, and things are starting to make more sense after Mercury retrograde in your sign for most of last month. You are getting more time within your relationships and close partnerships right now, and the New Moon on May 7, happening in your 2nd house, is when this connection, love, and stability begin to come in for you. You have been asking yourself the important questions and are ready to break ground and create the new beginnings you see for yourself.
With Mars in your sign for the entire month of May, you have a lot of energy and passion at your disposal right now, and you are making things happen for yourself. This is a good time for feeling connected to your body and for seeing positive results regarding your health. Jupiter moves into your house of communication at the end of the month where it will be for the next year, and you are moving into a time of more grace, understanding, and opportunity for self-expression right now, Aries - own your voice.
TAURUS
The Sun is in your sign, and you are shining authentically in who you are, Taurus. May is a beautiful month for growth and a time when you are finding your balance between letting go of the past and remaining true to yourself in the present. The New Moon of the month is happening in your sign on May 7, signifying a time of new beginnings for you and when it comes to your goals in life and your sense of freedom.
Be confident in your desires, and know yourself, Taurus. With all the manifestations that are coming forth for you this month, clarity is one of them.
Mercury enters your sign on May 15, and this is a time of positive communication, connection, and gaining some new wisdom. With Mercury in your sign, be prepared for some extra communication on your hands as people are looking to hear your perspective. Jupiter moves out of your sign and enters Aries on May 25 after being in Taurus for the past year, and the luck you have been experiencing in life transfers to your finances, income, and value systems. Overall, you are finding your way and making sense of it all this month.
GEMINI
May is a time of rebirth for you, Gemini. You are in a good head space this month now that your ruling planet, Mercury, is officially out of retrograde and direct again. This is a powerful month for you when things are turning around for you and some extra good karma and luck are coming your way. With the Sun in your 12th house for most of May, you are getting an opportunity to renew and heal from the past and to gain some new understanding of where you have been in life and what you want to create moving forward.
Gemini Season begins on May 20, and it’s your time to shine! Gemini Season this year is a month full of opportunity and clarity, and you are bringing your best self forward. There is a Full Moon on May 23 in your opposite sign, Sagittarius, and love matters are coming full circle for you now so that you can let go of old belief systems that don’t serve you or your relationships anymore. Your most important astrological transit of 2024 happens at the end of the month on May 25, as Jupiter enters your sign for the next year. Jupiter in your sign signifies good luck, fortune, and personal success in your future.
CANCER
This month is about finding your balance, manifesting, and working together with others, Cancer. It’s about choosing peace and trusting your intuition right now to guide you forward. The Sun is in your 11th house in May, and you are thinking of the big picture and not letting anything get in the way of your vision or purpose. There is a New Moon at the start of the month in this area of your chart, and your power of manifestation is especially strong this month, so make sure you are following your true North and setting the intentions that feel right for you internally.
On May 23, Venus enters your 12th house of endings and closure, and love is about moving on and moving into more healing and emotionally receptive experiences. Relationship matters are moving through a transformation now, and you are learning a lot through your partnerships, both old and new, this month. There is a Full Moon on May 23 as well, and this Full Moon will be bringing up old work, projects, and intentions; it’s time to congratulate yourself for your successes and how far you come, as others will want to support you more right now as well.
LEO
Over the next month, you are getting the opportunity to stand your ground, speak up for yourself, and claim your space, Leo. This month is about being your biggest cheerleader and seeing yourself in the way you wish others to see you. The Sun is in your 10th house for most of May, and you are focused on taking action and going after your dreams right now. The New Moon on May 7 is a good time to set your intentions for said goals and dreams and to really believe in yourself.
On May 23, there is a Full Moon in fellow fire sign Sagittarius, happening in an area of your chart that has to do with your happiness, romance, creative self-expression, and overall joy for life. You are getting the full picture of where your priorities are or need to be, and are bringing more attention to the things that are going to truly make you happy and fulfilled at the end of the day. Jupiter enters Gemini on the same day where it will remain until 2025, and this move is expanding things for you when it comes to your friendships, community, and social networks.
VIRGO
May is a month of connecting with your soul and creating harmony in your life, Virgo. You are moving into a time of greater freedom and authenticity, and May is a good month for travel for you. With a New Moon in Taurus at the beginning of the month, you are expanding your horizons and gaining some much-needed inspiration. This is the time to do things differently and to not be afraid to take risks, and a leap of faith in yourself. You are feeling a little more optimistic in May, and this is creating an opening in your life.
On May 23, we have a Full Moon in your 4th house of home and family, and this is a good time for experiencing closure in this area of your life, and like things are coming full circle for you here. The first half of the month is all about adventure, and the second half of May, you are looking to build in your stability. Jupiter moves into your 10th house of career and success before the month ends, and you enter a year-long transit that will be positively influencing and expanding your reputation and goals in life.
LIBRA
May is an opportunity to learn, inspire, and spend some more time with the people who bring this energy out of you, Libra. The month begins with Pluto going retrograde in your 5th house of love, and you need some more time to grasp what is going on in your heart and how you can find your power in life here more. There is a lot to learn and discover this month, and the New Moon on May 7 will be an eye-opening and transformative moment for you where you can dive deep into your love life and commitments and see where a new beginning may be necessary.
There is a Full Moon happening later in the month and this Full Moon will be bringing forth spiritual guidance into your life. This is a Full Moon to connect, communicate, and share your insights and ideas with others. On May 25, Jupiter enters Gemini and moves into your 9th house of adventure, and you are entering a year of travel, enlightenment, spirituality, and higher education. Your mind is your gift right now; trust you have everything you need to experience greatness and be open to meeting new people who will help you get there.
SCORPIO
This month is about remaining open and receptive to what is possible for you and your future, Scorpio. You are in a good space to receive your due blessings and rewards, but your heart must be open to receive them. Your ruling planet, Pluto, goes retrograde at the start of the month on May 2, and this Pluto retro transit will allow you to rebuild your vision for the home, and help you figure out where you can bring more of yourself into your surroundings.
A lot of the energy of the month is in your opposite sign, Taurus, meaning it’s in your love and partnership zones.
May is one of the most significant months of love for you out of the year, and the intentions you set for your relationships on the New Moon this month will be creating magic in your love life for the rest of the year. On May 23, there is a Full Moon in the sign just after yours, bringing attention to your finances, income, and self-confidence in it all. The end of May is a time to focus a little more on your stability in life and to take a look at your finances. This is a good time to clean your purse or wallet, create some feng shui, and go over your assets.
SAGITTARIUS
Your guidance for the month is to go with the flow and trust your instincts, Sagittarius. The New Moon happening on the 7th is a new door opening for you, your health, and your daily routine, and you are focused on what is going to be best for you and your well-being overall. You are trusting your next steps ahead and remaining grounded with where things are in the meantime. It’s all about trust right now and how much of it you can have for yourself.
The Full Moon of the month will be in your sign on May 23rd, and this is a powerful Full Moon for you of closure, clarity, and self-confidence. You are letting go of what doesn’t resonate with who you are now and what you want to expand in your life. This is a good time to say your affirmations, meditate, and get out of your own head. Before the month ends, your ruling planet, Jupiter, enters your opposite sign, Gemini, and your love life gets an extra boost of good luck right now. Jupiter will be in your 7th house of partnership until 2025, and you are entering a year of harmony, Sagittarius.
CAPRICORN
Abundance is your birthright, and you are tapping into this energy this month, Capricorn. May is a month full of opportunities for you, and a lot of this good juju is coming through for you romantically right now. The Sun is in your 5th house of the heart for most of the month, and there is a New Moon here on May 7 as well.
At the beginning of May, make sure you are focused on communicating clearly, owning your passions in life, and having some more fun with love and the romance that wants to bloom for you here.
With Mercury entering your 5th house on May 15 as well, you could be receiving a surprise message or be having some interesting conversations right now that switch things up for you in love. On May 25, Jupiter moves into an area of your chart having to do with your health, lifestyle, and work life, and you are overall going to be coming into balance more here and experiencing some fortunate opportunities at work and within your daily routine. Overall, May is a month that is setting you up for success, Capricorn.
AQUARIUS
May is an opportunity for you to connect, move forward, and learn more about yourself and your heart, Aquarius. You are paying attention to the signs right now and making sense of things that may have gone past you before. With Pluto going retrograde in your sign as the month begins on May 2, you are someone who will be moving through a journey of self-discovery for the rest of the year and will be figuring out where your true power is in life and how to hone in on it more.
The New Moon in Taurus on May 7 is a new beginning for you and your home life, and a lot of this month will be about finding those people and spaces that feel like home to you and that make you feel supported in who you are. Jupiter enters a fellow air sign on May 25, and Jupiter in Gemini brings in a year ahead of romance, creativity, confidence, and finding your joy. Things are shifting big time in your life right now, but you are figuring out what works for you and what doesn’t.
PISCES
It's time to protect your energy and create boundaries where needed, Pisces. May is a month of checking in with yourself and emotionally regulating before moving forward. Pluto goes retrograde at the start of the month and will be retrograde in your 12th house of closure, secrets, and healing until October. What this means for you is a chance at clarity of the heart, but this transit can also bring up old issues or power struggles of the past. Remember to learn from past experiences and decide for yourself today how you want things to go for you from here.
There is a Full Moon in Sagittarius on May 23, and being a mutable sign like Sagittarius, you can tap into the potential of this Full Moon effectively. This is the time to turn a page within your career or professional world and see some resolution here. Before the month ends Jupiter enters your house of home, family, and history, and you are going to be opening your mind on these matters over the next year. You could be expanding the home, moving, or experiencing a deep sense of healing here now.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole