

A few weeks ago, I did something pretty unprecedented. For the first time in over twenty years, I put up a Christmas tree. To some, that may not seem like a big deal, as people anxiously await this time of year to gather as a family and begin the tradition of holiday decorating. But for me, the holidays have always been a time of sadness due to long-term grief from my grandfather's passing.
As a "grandaddy's girl," the holiday season was always a special time for the two of us. It was a time for us to drink eggnog, listen to the blues, and decorate our tree. It was also a time where he would tell me funny stories like how he had three wives and that "none of them were worth shit" until he met my grandmother. But when he passed away in 2001, a few weeks shy of my 16th birthday, he seemingly took my holiday spirit with him. Causing me to loathe this time of year.
Many people who have lost loved ones, especially those who have lost them close to the holiday season share the same sentiment. Because while everyone is looking forward to food, friends, family, and fellowship, many are reminded of the fact that someone they love dearly is no longer around to participate in the festive activities that this time of year brings. Intensifying their grief and making them want nothing more than to spend time with those who have passed on.
And while everyone's grieving process is different, here are eight coping mechanisms for navigating holiday grief.
1.Acknowledge your grief.
The first step in overcoming anything is to allow yourself the opportunity to feel what you are feeling. You are human and expected to mourn your deceased loved ones. Especially if the holidays remind you of a significant experience that you shared with them. That and, there is nothing strong about suppressing your grief. No matter what anyone tells you. So please, acknowledge your feelings.
2.Take a break from this year's holiday celebrations.
Sometimes being around people can be overwhelming and make you miss those you have lost. So it's totally fine to decline dinner invites and other gatherings in favor of spending a quiet evening alone.
3.Create new holiday traditions.
Doing things how you used to, especially with your loved one who has passed on, can be a constant reminder of them no longer being here. Changing how you celebrate by establishing new traditions is a great way to enjoy this time of year while grieving. So celebrate with new people, try different foods, and take a trip. Do something new that will help you get the most out of the holiday season.
4.Honor them.
Is there an ornament that reminds you of them? Or a movie they enjoyed that you and your family can watch together? Or maybe they had a favorite food that you can add to the dinner spread? Sometimes, one of the best ways to cope with your holiday grief is to do something that will remind you of them. This allows you to incorporate them into your celebrations while making new memories.
5.Volunteer.
Giving your time to someone who needs it most is not only good for your soul, but it's good to take your mind off of things. While grieving, stepping outside of your sadness to pour into the less fortunate can do more good for you than you think. You can even take it a step further by volunteering with organizations or causes that your deceased loved ones were passionate about. And if you can't find it in you to donate your time, monetary or in-kind donations are just as good.
6.Communicate with them.
Even though they're no longer here in the earthly realm, those who have passed on are still here spiritually. And are only a short prayer or conversation away. Talking to them keeps their memory alive and also allows you to express what you've been feeling. Want to take it a step further? Take some flowers to their gravesite or keep a jar of handwritten letters that you can read whenever you visit them.
7.Talk to your family and friends.
They may be experiencing some of the same feelings as you and it might do you and them some good to collectively discuss your feelings.
8.Seek help.
Sometimes holiday grief is too much to bear and the only way to cope with it is to talk with a licensed professional who can give you the tools you need to get through. Especially if you find yourself having thoughts of self-harm.
Understand that while grief is normal, it is not linear. So while some years, the holiday season may be a breeze, others may not. The most important thing to remember is to give yourself grace, surround yourself with love and support, and know that over time, things will get better.
Featured image by Getty Images
Racquel Coral is an experienced lifestyle writer focusing on self-love, growth, body positivity, and profiles of Black-owned businesses and community heros. Her work can be found here, and she can be found on all social media platforms @withloveracquel.
Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Tracee Ellis Ross Is Still Living A 'Robust' Life Despite Sometimes Grieving Not Being Partnered
Tracee Ellis Ross sat down with former first lady Michelle Obama and her brother Craig Robinson for their IMO podcast to have a candid discussion about dating, marriage, and family. At 52, the beloved actress is single, but is still open to finding her person. However, she realizes that she has to navigate dating differently, describing herself as a "unicorn."
“I’m a very unique sort of unicorn of a woman, so it's gonna take a unique person,” she explained. "And in the meantime, I've really learned how to live my life and enjoy it and not sit around waiting."
Calling herself a "choiceful woman," she has had to push against culture norms and found that many of her experiences with men around her age were challenging due to the toxic masculinity they had been raised in. Many of their views about relationships conflicts with how she lives her life, so she tends to date younger.
“It's not just that I'm older. I’m also very embodied. I am a full, very whole person who knows myself, who is in charge of my life and who lives a very full, just robust life," she said.
Regardless if they're younger or older, Tracee has made it clear that she isn't settling and won't be in a relationship for the sake of having a partner. Even when loneliness creeps.
“As much as grief does surface for me around not having children and not having a partner, I still wouldn’t want the wrong partner. At all, I’m not interested in that. You have to make my life better, it can’t just be ‘I’m in a relationship just to be in a relationship,” she said.
Fans have watched pieces of Tracee's life played out on social media and TV. Just one look at her Instagram, you see that the black-ish star lives her life to fullest and it's filled with fashion, family, and all-round fabulousness.
"Even though the grief does emerge, and that comes, and I hold that, I think of what I’ve done. I think I woke up every morning trying to do my best. I didn’t wake up one morning and be like I’m gonna mess this day up. So I must be where I’m supposed to be.”
She added, “And sometimes I think of all of the things I’ve done—the courage that I’ve had to have, what I had to learn to how to navigate as a single person with no one to hide behind. It's built a really beautiful experience around me and I have incredible friends."
The Black Mirror actress has spoken about dating before and has always stated that she doesn't allow singleness stop her from living her best life.
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