

Feeling Lonely During The Holiday Season? We Got You.
Upon reading the title of this article, you might've immediately thought that it was a shout-out to all singles this holiday season. Eh. Not quite. For one thing, that got covered last year (check out "A Single Girl's Guide To Getting Through The Holiday Season"). Second, we all know that 2020 wasn't your typical year—not by a long shot—and so, I wanted to approach feeling lonely from a bit of a different angle this time; especially after recently reading a New York Times piece entitled, "Combating an Epidemic of Loneliness". One of the things that it mentioned was while human beings cannot go more than three minutes without air, three days without water and three weeks without food, interestingly enough, we also cannot go more than three weeks without some form of companionship. And y'all, we've been officially quarantining since March. And as you well know, it is now…December.
Something that I've found myself saying, pretty much on repeat, ever since the summer is, while 2020 was a trip-and-a-half, 2021 is also sure to have its own customized bullshishery between the evictions, financial struggles and mental health side effects that will come from having to endure so much from these past several months (and this current administration) alone. Knowing this can bring on a different kind of loneliness—whether you share your living space with someone or not.
So, as we're literally just days away from Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year's Eve and New Year's Day, if something just doesn't feel quite right within, first, know that you aren't alone (again, not by a long shot) and second, here are some suggestions that can hopefully make this holiday season just a little bit easier to endure.
What Are Some Telling Signs That You’re Battling Loneliness?
Something that I get for the "little friends" in my life is a feelings chart. Unfortunately, a lot of us didn't grow up with parents who weren't emotionally intelligent enough to even know what they were feeling, so they couldn't really teach us emotion-related words beyond happy, sad, and angry (didn't know how to model any others appropriately either). So, as adults, some of us really struggle with discerning which emotion we're experiencing at any given time. That's why I think it's important to share what some signs of loneliness actually are. Not to patronize you; just for clarity's sake.
People who are lonely tend to struggle with sleeping soundly at night. Constantly being online rather than interacting with people you have a "real" relationship with can trigger loneliness. If you make mountains out of molehills, that can be a sign of overthinking which can result from feeling isolated and lonely. A weakened immune system can be a sign of loneliness. Constantly binge-watching television is a sign of loneliness. Did you know that being around negative individuals can also make you feel lonely (which is how married folks can feel lonely)? Interestingly enough, shying away from intimacy—physical or emotional—is also a sign of loneliness (many people see it as a way of protecting themselves from further relational disappointment).
Another reason why it's so important to know these kinds of things is so you don't assume that feeling depressed is the only indication of loneliness. It absolutely is not. If you notice that you're going through any of the things that I just shared, and you can't connect these instances to any specific instance, it very well could be that you are dealing with loneliness—the feeling that comes over you when you feel like you are lacking in some level of sympathy, support or companionship.
Figure Out If It’s About the Holidays or Something Deeper
Now that we've touched on some not-so-surface signs of loneliness, it's important to spend some time figuring out what's causing it for you specifically. Again, if you said it's simply PTSD from dealing with 2020, I would totally get that. Plus, there is something that is literally known as "holiday depression". Whether it's the changes in the seasons and time (which can trigger seasonal depression); watching all of the Christmas Hallmark movies where everyone seems boo'ed up and full of Christmas cheer; reflecting on past memories—good or bad—with loved ones; having a hard time keeping up with your coins; thinking back on what you wanted to accomplish over the past year and quite possibly didn't—again, it makes perfect sense why this may be the time of year when you feel lower than the rest of it.
Another spin is having a few days off around Christmas and New Year's Day may cause you to slow down enough to actually feel what you've been ignoring for the past several months. This is why it's important to make some time to really process what the source of your loneliness actually is. What I mean by that is, even if you feel isolated, detached or like no one really "sees you" or "gets you" right now, what initially got you to feeling that way? Journaling is something that can help you in this area. There is something else that you can do as well. This brings me to my next point.
Let Someone Know What’s Going On
The times in my life when I've felt lonely, it's weird. While I was feeling like no one had my back, I also didn't want to reach out to people who I knew, deep down, actually did. That's the thing about loneliness—from an emotional standpoint, it tends to encourage you to remain in the state that you are in which ultimately only makes matters worse in the long run.
Sometimes, when you feel like you're out here, all alone, loneliness will tell you that reaching out to someone else—especially during the holiday season—is selfish and inconsiderate. Don't let it lie to you like that. People who truly care about you don't take days off, and while they may be more preoccupied than usual, that doesn't mean that you don't matter to them or that they don't want to help you if you need it.
So, whether it's an emotionally safe family member, friend, or reputable life coach, counselor, or therapist, if you just can't seem to "shake" what you're going through, don't hesitate to let someone know that. Sometimes, just having someone sympathize or even empathize with your situation can help to get you on the path to getting out of the rut that you are in.
Whatever Makes You Feel Better? DO THAT.
While it's kind of another article for another time, there is a fine line between doing things that will mask your loneliness (like going on shopping sprees you can't afford, drinking or smoking a lot of weed or engaging in reckless sex or even sex that serves as nothing more than a temporary distraction) vs. doing things that will help you to feel less lonely. Still, when it comes to Column B, there are beneficial ways to make holiday season depression a lot easier to bear. Today, I'll list 10 of 'em.
Pamper yourself. It reminds you that you are important and deserve self-care.
Get off social media and actually connect with a human. OK, there is still a pandemic going on; however, meeting up with someone to go on a winter walk or setting up an appointment to watch a favorite throwback movie with a friend over Zoom (so that you can share the same screen) can get you past being on IG or Twitter all day long. It can make it easier to have personal conversations too.
Take some real time off from work (at least 3-4 days). You would think that getting off of the grid and being quiet would only make you feel lonelier but actually, overworking yourself can cause you to feel overwhelmed which can put more pressure on you and can actually make you feel worse. So yeah, time off is also a helpful tip for overcoming feelings of loneliness.
Do some minor house upgrades. Purchase some items for your home that are in your favorite color. Get some soy-scented candles that can help to lighten your mood (citrus, jasmine, peppermint, vanilla, cinnamon, lavender, and cedarwood are all beneficial). Invest in some new bedding (so that you can sleep better). Get a couple of plants (they are proven to improve your mood and increase productivity and creativity). Buy things that will encourage you to be more active like new cooking utensils or some arts and crafts.
Pray and meditate. Sometimes, remembering that there is a power higher than you, can take the pressure off of feeling like you have to do everything—including figuring out how to feel better—alone.
Switch up your diet a bit. It's pretty common that when we're in a bad mood, our diet pretty much sucks. Sugary drinks like sodas and even a lot of fruit juice can cause our energy levels to skyrocket and then instantly crash. Anything from a white grain (like bagels, doughnuts, or even white bread or white pasta) are carbs that turn into sugar (and ultimately do what I already said about sugary drinks). Baked goods are made from refined sugars and saturated oils which can result in emotional roller coaster rides. Margarine contains processed saturated fats which can cause your blood sugar levels (and your moods) to be all over the place. Fast food can ultimately make you feel sluggish and lethargic. So, what in the world can you eat that will give you a bit of a pick me up instead? Good question. Articles on our platform like "In A Bad Mood? These Foods Will Lift Your Spirits!" and "Eating Well: 10 Foods That Can Improve Your Mental Health" can help to get you back on track.
Get a pet. Sometimes, being responsible for something else can help to make you feel more necessary and valuable. Pets are great at offering unconditional love too.
Treat yourself this holiday. Something else that can trigger feelings of loneliness around this time of year is feeling like you have to think so much about everyone around you that your own needs end up taking the back burner. Release this toxic mindset because it's totally untrue. There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting a few Christmas gifts for yourself in order to put a bit of a smile on your face. In fact, I encourage it.
Have sex. Not "needy sex". What I'm saying is that if you're in an exclusive relationship, sex can also lift your spirits, and de-stress you, and, ladies, giving head (until completion) is like taking the ultimate multivitamin. It really can't be said enough.
Create a sleep routine. Loneliness that results in sleepless nights that only lead to you feeling worse the next day can be a bit of a vicious cycle. That's why it's not a good idea to wait until you "feel like going to bed" before turning in at night. It's important to actually cultivate a sleep routine. Soak in the tube. Get offline. Sip some herbal tea. Read a book. Go to bed at the same time. Get naked (so that you don't overheat). RELAX. A good 6-8 hours of rest is a miracle resolution for loneliness that isn't praised nearly enough.
Remember That This Too Shall Pass
While I'd be lying to you if I came up with a timeframe for how long bouts of loneliness tend to last, what I will say is getting a ballpark idea depends on what's triggering it in the first place. If it's a break-up, it kind of depends on how long the relationship was (and if you're dealing with it or denying it); however, a couple of months does tend to turn the "wound" into a "scab". If it's due to seasonal depression, you should feel more like yourself come spring. If it's because you're hormonally all over the place, altering your diet and making an appointment to see your doctor can definitely help. If it's because of the holidays, well, those will be over in just a few days. If you are disappointed in yourself—using this time to think about what you love about you and writing down some goals for what you'd like to achieve next year can be helpful.
You know the main thing that you need to do, though? Remember that this feeling won't last forever. Like I once heard Dylan McKay's mom say on an episode of Beverly Hills, 90210, "Even despair exhausts itself." It might not feel like it right now but be gentle with yourself, be forgiving of yourself, be compassionate towards yourself. Feeling lonely is nothing to feel ashamed about or be scared of. You feel like you're not getting support so again, reach out for some. And yes, remember sis, that like all seasons of life, this too shall pass.
Now get yourself a cup of hot cocoa, snuggle under a cable knit blanket and call a friend. I'm pretty sure they would be happy to hear from you. Especially since it's the holiday season.
Featured image by Shutterstock
After being a regular contributor for about four years and being (eh hem) MIA in 2022, Shellie is back penning for the platform (did you miss her? LOL).
In some ways, nothing has changed and in others, everything has. For now, she'll just say that she's working on the 20th anniversary edition of her first book, she's in school to take life coaching to another level and she's putting together a platform that supports and encourages Black men because she loves them from head to toe.
Other than that, she still works with couples, she's still a doula, she's still not on social media and her email contact (missnosipho@gmail.com) still hasn't changed (neither has her request to contact her ONLY for personal reasons; pitch to the platform if you have story ideas).
Life is a funny thing but if you stay calm, moments can come full circle and this is one of them. No doubt about it.
Amber Riley has the type of laugh that sticks with you long after the raspy, rhythmic sounds have ceased. It punctuates her sentences sometimes, whether she’s giving a chuckle to denote the serious nature of something she just said or throwing her head back in rip-roarious laughter after a joke. She laughs as if she understands the fragility of each minute. She chooses laughter often with the understanding that future joy is not guaranteed.
Credit: Ally Green
The sound of her laughter is rivaled only by her singing voice, an emblem of the past and the future resilience of Black women stretched over a few octaves. On Fox’s Glee, her character Mercedes Jones was portrayed, perhaps unfairly, as the vocal duel to Rachel Berry (Lea Michele), offering rough, full-throated belts behind her co-star’s smooth, pristine vocals. Riley’s always been more than the singer who could deliver a finishing note, though.
Portraying Effie White, she displayed the dynamic emotions of a song such as “And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going” in Dreamgirls on London’s West End without buckling under the historic weight of her predecessors. With her instrument, John Mayer’s “Gravity” became a religious experience, a belted hymnal full of growls and churchy riffs. In her voice, Nicole Scherzinger once said she heard “the power of God.”
Credit: Ally Green
Riley’s voice has been a staple throughout pop culture for nearly 15 years now. Her tone has become so distinguishable that most viewers of Fox’s The Masked Singer recognized the multihyphenate even before it was revealed that she was Harp, the competition-winning, gold-masked figure with an actual harp strapped to her back.
Still, it wasn’t until recently that Riley began to feel like she’d found her voice. This sounds unbelievable. But she’s not referring to the one she uses on stage. She’s referencing the voice that speaks to who she is at her core. “Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind,” the 37-year-old says. “It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women. I got so comfortable in [doing so], and I really want other people, especially Black women, to get more comfortable in that space.”
“Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind. It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women."
If you ask Riley’s manager, Myisha Brooks, she’ll tell you the foundation of who the multihyphenate is hasn’t changed much since she was a kid growing up in Compton. “She is who she is from when I met her back when she was singing in the front of the church to back when she landed major roles in film and TV,” Brooks says. Time has allowed Riley to grow more comfortable, giving fans a more intimate glimpse into her life, including her mental health journey and the ins and outs of show business.
The actress/singer has been in therapy since 2019, although she suffered from depression and anxiety way before that. In a recent interview with Jason Lee, she recalls having suicidal ideation as a kid. By the time she started seeing a psychologist and taking antidepressants in her thirties, her body had become jittery, a physical reminder of the trauma stacked high inside her. “I was shaking in [my therapist’s] office,” she tells xoNecole. “My fight or flight was on such a high level. I was constantly in survival mode. My heart was beating fast all the time. All I did was sweat.”
There wasn’t just childhood trauma to account for. After auditioning for American Idol and being turned away by producers, Riley began working for Ikea and nearly missed her Glee audition because her car broke down on the highway while en route. Thankfully, Riley had been cast to play Mercedes Jones. American Idol had temporarily convinced her she wasn’t cut out for the entertainment industry, but this was validation that she was right where she belonged. Glee launched in 2009 with the promise of becoming Riley’s big break.
In some ways, it was. The show introduced Riley to millions of fans and catapulted her into major Hollywood circles. But in other ways, it became a reminder of the types of roles Black women, especially those who are plus-sized, are relegated to. Behind the scenes, Riley says she fought for her character "to have a voice" but eventually realized her efforts were useless. "It finally got to a point where I was like, this is not my moment. I'm not who they're choosing, and this is just going to have to be a job for me for now," she says. "And, that's okay because it pays my bills, I still get to be on television, I'm doing more than any other Black plus-sized women that I'm seeing right now on screen."
The actress can recognize now that she was navigating issues associated with trauma and low self-esteem at the time. She now knows that she's long had anxiety and depression and can recognize the ways in which she was triggered by how the cult-like following of the show conflicted with her individual, isolated experiences behind the scenes. But she was in her early '20s back then. She didn't yet have the language or the tools to process how she was feeling.
Riley says she eventually sought out medical intervention. "When you're in Hollywood, and you go to a doctor, they give you pills," she says, sharing a part of her story that she'd never revealed publicly before now. "[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that's not fixing my problem. If anything, it's making it worse."
“[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that’s not fixing my problem. If anything it’s making it worse.”
Credit: Ally Green
At one point, while in her dressing room on set, she rested her arm on a curling iron without realizing it. It wasn't until her makeup artist alerted her that she even realized her skin was burning. Once she noticed, she says she was "so zonked out on pills" that she barely reacted. Speaking today, she holds up her arm and motions towards a scar that remains from the incident. She sought help for her reliance on the pills, but it would still be years before she finally attended therapy.
This stress was only compounded by the trauma of growing up in poverty and the realities of being a "contract worker." "Imagine going from literally one week having to borrow a car to get to set to the next week being on a private jet to New York City," she says. After Glee ended, so did the rides on private planes. The fury of opportunities she expected to follow her appearance on the show failed to materialize. She wasn't even 30 yet, and she was already forced to consider if she'd hit her career peak.
. . .
We’re only four minutes into our Zoom call before Riley delivers her new adage to me. “My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway,” she says.
On this Thursday afternoon in April, the LA-based entertainer is seated inside her closet/dressing room wearing a cerulean blue tank top with matching shorts and eating hot wings. This current phase of healing hinges on balance. It’s about having discipline and consistency, but not at the risk of inflexibility. She was planning to head to the gym, for instance, but she’s still tired from the “exhausting” day before. Instead, she’s spent her day receiving a massage, eating some chicken wings, and planning to spend quality time with friends. “I’m not going to beat myself up for it. I’m not going to talk down to myself. I’m going to eat my chicken wings, and then tomorrow I’m [back] in the gym,” she says.
“My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway."
This is the balance with which she's been approaching much of her life these days. It's why she's worried less about whether or not people see her as someone who is humble. She'd rather be respected. "I think you should be a person that's easy to work with, but in the moments where I have to ruffle feathers and make waves, I'm not shying away from that anymore. You can do it in love, you don't have to be nasty about it, but I had to finally be comfortable with the fact that setting boundaries around my life – in whatever aspect, whether that's personal or business – people are not going to like it. Some people are not going to have nice things to say about you, and you gotta be okay with it," she says.
When Amber talks about the constant humbling of Black women in Hollywood, I think of the entertainers before her who have suffered from this. The brilliant, consistent, overqualified Black women who have spoken of having to fight for opportunities and fair pay. Aretha Franklin. Viola Davis. Tracee Ellis Ross. There's a long list of stars whose success hasn't mirrored their experiences behind the scenes.
Credit: Ally Green
If Black women outside of Hollywood are struggling to decrease the pay gap, so, too, are their wealthier, more famous peers.
Riley says there’s been progress in recent years, but only in small ways and for a limited group of people. “This business is exhausting. The goalpost is constantly moving, and sometimes it’s unfair,” she says. But, I have to say it’s the love that keeps you going.”
“There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman,” she continues. “We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
"There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman. We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
Last year, Riley starred alongside Raven Goodwin in the Lifetime thriller Single Black Female (a modern, diversified take on 1992’s Single White Female). It was more than a leading role for the actress, it also served as proof that someone who looks like her can front a successful project without it hinging on her identity. It showcased that the characters she portrays don’t “have to be about being a big girl. It can just be a regular story.”
Riley sees her work in music as an extension of her efforts to push past the rigid stereotypes in entertainment. Take her appearance on The Masked Singer, for instance. Riley said she decided to perform Mayer’s “Gravity” after being told she couldn’t sing it years earlier. “I wanted to do ‘Gravity’ on Glee. [I] was told no, because that’s not a song that Mercedes would do,” she says. “That was a full circle moment for me, doing that on that show and to hear what it is they had to say.”
As Scherzinger praised the “anointed” performance, a masked Riley began to cry, her chest heaving as she stood on stage, her eyes shielded from view. “You have to understand, I have really big names – casting directors, producers, show creators – that constantly tell me ‘I’m such a big fan. Your talent is unmatched.’ Hire me, then,” she says, reflecting on the moment.
Recently, she’s been in the studio working on original music, the follow-up to her independently-released debut EP, 2020’s Riley. The sequel to songs such as the anthemic “Big Girl Energy” and the reflective ballad “A Moment” on Riley, this new project hones in on the singer’s R&B roots with sensual grooves such as the tentatively titled “All Night.” “You said I wasn’t shit, turns out that I’m the shit. Then you called me a bitch, turns out that I’m that bitch. You said no one would want me, well you should call your homies,” she sings on the tentatively titled “Lately,” a cut about reflecting on a past relationship. From the forthcoming project, xoNecole received five potential tracks. Fans likely already know the strengths and contours of Riley’s vocals, but these new songs are her strongest, most confident offerings as an artist.
“I am so much more comfortable as a writer, and I know who I am as an artist now. I’m evolving as a human being, in general, so I’m way more vulnerable in my music. I’m way more willing to talk about whatever is on my mind. I don’t stop myself from saying what it is I want to say,” she says.
Credit: Ally Green
“Every era and alliteration of Amber, the baseline is ‘Big Girl Energy.’ That’s the name of her company,” her manager Brooks says, referencing the imprint through which Riley releases her music after getting out of a label deal several years ago. “It’s just what she stands for. She’s not just talking about size, it’s in all things. Whether it’s putting your big girl pants on and having to face a boardroom full of executives or sell yourself in front of a casting agent. It’s her trying to achieve the things she wants to do in life.”
Riley says she has big dreams beyond releasing this new music, too. She’d love to star in a rom-com with Winston Duke. She hasn't starred in a biopic yet, but she’d revel in the opportunity to portray Rosetta Tharpe on screen. She’s determined that her previous setbacks won’t stop her from dreaming big.
“I think one of my superpowers is resilience because, at the end of the day, I’m going to kick, scream, cry, cuss, be mad and disappointed, but I’m going to get up and risk having to deal with it all again. It’s worth it for the happy moments,” she says.
If Riley seems more comfortable and confident professionally, it’s because of the work she’s been doing in her personal life.
She’d previously spoken to xoNecole about becoming engaged to a man she discovered in a post on the site, but she called things off last year. For Valentine’s Day, she revealed her new boyfriend publicly. “I decided to post him on Valentine’s Day, partially because I was in the dog house. I got in trouble with him,” she says, half-joking before turning serious. “The breakup was never going to stop me from finding love. Or at least trying. I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness, and you enjoy it and work through it.”
Credit: Ally Green
"I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness and you enjoy it and work through it.”
With her ex, Riley was pretty outspoken about her relationship, even appearing in content for Netflix with him. This time around is different. She’s not hiding her boyfriend of eight months, but she’s more protective of him, especially because he’s a father and isn’t interested in becoming a public figure.
She’s traveling more, too. It’s a deliberate effort on her part to enjoy her money and reject the trauma she’s developed after experiencing poverty in her childhood. “I live in constant fear of being broke. I don’t think you ever don’t remember that trauma or move past that. Now I travel and I’m like, listen, if it goes, it goes. I’m not saying [to] be reckless, but I deserve to enjoy my hard work.”
After everything she’s been through, she certainly deserves to finally let loose a bit. “I have to have a life to live,” she says. “I’ve got to have a life worth fighting for.”
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Introducing Chief Mom Officer: Where Working Moms Come First
xoNecole's Chief Mom Officer explores the 18-month post-pregnancy journey through the lens of our very own Chief Mom Officer, Shakyna Bolden. The series will serve as an inspirational and resourceful guide to help get through the early days of new motherhood as working moms knowing they are not alone in the hardships.
“I want to build my work around my life, and not my life around my work.”
I typed these words in my iPhone Notes as I fed my newborn daughter one morning during the first few weeks of having her earthside. I didn’t have much time for page-filled journal entries as my days were filled with nonstop feedings, soothing, and recovery…but I knew I needed to give those words space and life.
Prior to my maternity leave, I, like most working moms, was burning fumes juggling work and life. Since 2019, I’ve been running revenue operations here at this really cool company you may have heard of called xoNecole (hehe). I’ve been behind the scenes building our brand partnerships and negotiating deals with companies such as Ulta Beauty, Toyota, Target, Spotify, SheaMoisture, etc.
Courtesy of Shakyna Bolden
I’ve co-produced our signature events like ElevateHER and Pajamas & Lipstick while conceptualizing, selling, building, and distributing our original video and podcast content and podcast. The list goes on and on. I’ve helped build this small but brilliant company into what it is today, all while running my own small family. And that is not an easy feat.
In all truth, trying to be the best mom and partner I can be while also leading in my job has felt at times like a whirlwind where the rest of my life is passing me by. I don’t quite know where or when it happened, but I swear somebody pushed the fast-forward button in life, and I’m losing my edges trying to keep up.
My mind and body get so preoccupied with the management of life that my soul sits on the sidelines, waiting to take the reins and intentionally live it.
So many facets of my life, from my health and well-being to my hobbies and passions, have been placed on the back burner while tending to my young family and growing in my career has taken center stage. And for the longest time, I’ve wanted to flip the switch, but the pace of life just hasn’t let me restack my priorities.
That is, until now.
Courtesy of Shakyna Bolden
When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter last year, I couldn’t imagine adding more to my already full plate. Simultaneously, I was also relieved to know that my upcoming maternity leave would force me to press pause and catch my breath. Her birth in January 2023 was a much-needed reset, to say the least.
My maternity leave was the first time since 2019 that I had a second for dreams that were buried in the back of my heart to bubble up to the surface of my reality. I got a taste of what it was like to solely focus on my well-being and my home life. And I liked it a lot. My healing. My recovery. Sitting and really taking quiet time with God to search the unattended areas in the garden of my life.
I was cooking homemade meals on the regular and actually sitting down with my family at the table to eat. As grueling as those first newborn weeks can be, I was enjoying the long-awaited shift in my priorities; and I wanted that shift to stick. I didn’t want it to fade away after my maternity leave.
I want to build my work around my life and not my life around my work.
As a leader of an organization that speaks to millions of women every day about their well-being (and also in leading a team of majority women), I feel it’s my responsibility to carry this shift forward boldly. This is why I’m launching a new column here at xoNecole: Chief Mom Officer!
As I return to work full-time this month from my maternity leave, I want to regularly share my experience of trying to harmonize work and life. As an audience, you all share your raw, unfiltered journeys with us. For years, they’ve undoubtedly inspired me. I want to show up and do the same because I know this shift in my life will be quite the journey.
So for all my Chief Mom Officers—those of us who are constantly merging the imperfect and chaotic worlds of leadership in the office and wearing our crowns at home—I invite you to come on this journey with me and celebrate the ebbs and flows in how we show up for each.
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Featured image courtesy of Shakyna Bolden