‘Teen Mom OG’ Star Cheyenne Floyd’s Engagement Sparks Hot Topic With Baby Shower Proposal
If you follow Teen Mom OG, then you were elated last week (Apr. 25) when one of the show's stars, Cheyenne Floyd, celebrated baby no. 2 on the way with a beautiful baby shower she showed off on Instagram. There was also a surprise plot twist that happened during the shower—a proposal. The 28-year-old's on-and-off again boyfriend Zach Davis popped the question and the two are now officially engaged.
"Speechless," Cheyenne wrote under her Instagram post of shots from the proposal. "We said Yessss! Today was perfect! I can not put it into words yet but this is a moment I will cherish forever 🤍 thank you @z.terrel I love youuuuuu!!"
Zach also posted the special moment, revealing that he gifted Cheyenne's four-year-old daughter Ryder (which she shares with ex-boyfriend Cory Wharton) with a diamond ring of her own. "She said yes! Put a ring on both of their fingers! I love you fiancé @cheynotshy today we celebrate a lifetime together!" he wrote.
While social media seems happy for the newly engaged couple who first shared their love story on YouTube, their proposal brings up the hot topic of baby shower proposals. While the romantic in me believes, love is love and should be displayed whenever and however—say it loud and say it proud. I also feel that a marriage proposal during a baby shower seems like something contrived "after the fact" and seemingly disingenuous since you're both caught up in all the feelings that come with bringing a child into the world.
That said, I was curious to hear the opinions of my peers to get a better consensus of how folks view baby shower proposals. Below you'll find responses from men and women millenials on the subject that often get mixed opinions.
What Men & Women Think About Surprise Baby Shower Proposals
"To each their own."
"I'm a little more traditional so I would rather be engaged before the baby shower. But I do think that, yes, it's an opportunity for you to have all your family and your friends there celebrating with you. I mean, to each their own, but I still think that there should be some more thought behind the proposal—not just because a baby is coming. It's not happening before or after the pregnancy so it feels like it's being done out of obligation more than anything." —Edna Lareya, 32, HR VP Coordinator
"It feels forced."
"It feels forced like, 'Why is it now that you want to be with me forever? I wasn't worth forever before the baby?' It's not for the couple, but more for the critics as in family and friends that may have their own opinions. To me it's just adding to the embarrassment the woman may potentially feel that she's having a baby without being sure that there's a committed man in her life. It feels like a pity proposal." —James Cameau, 30, Behavioral Health Therapist
"I prefer intimacy."
"Personally, I would prefer an intimate proposal. With that being said, I don't see an issue with proposals (planned and not pressured) at a baby shower. I think they are so romantic and beautiful! Did I mention cost efficient?"—Natasha Sibre, 30, Teacher
"I'm good on that."
"I personally would not like a baby shower proposal. I would hope that by the time that I am ready to have a child, I'd be married."- Anne Marie Gonzales, 31, Digital Manager
"It shows an expression of a deeper love."
"In a nutshell, I think baby shower proposals are beautiful. It shows an expression of a deeper love acknowledged. To think that the love of your life saw this as not only a new journey, but a next chapter between the two of you and wanted to seal the deal on this special day. I'm all for it. I think, however, some things can be taken into consideration, naturally. Is this a proposal from the heart? Or, an opportunity that may be pressured by family and friends? Would a proposal have happened if this wasn't the situation? Was it ever discussed? Nonetheless, this moment is always special in a woman's life and I think it would always be treasured. You don't come across many occurrences when all of your family and friends are in one place at the same time, so why not use it!" —Saphia Louise, 31, Mother/Photographer
"A baby shower is not a place to propose."
"I personally don't appreciate them. It makes me think the guy is now pressured into proposing because a baby is on the way. And the pressure can come from the girl as well as her family and friends. A baby shower is to celebrate the arrival of the baby not to propose. The proposal also sometimes happens because the girl doesn't want to be just a 'baby mother' because that term has a negative representation."—Christina Singh, 30, Teacher
"Life gets complicated sometimes."
"I think making a proposal for marriage at a baby shower is fine. Of course, the goal is to be married before we have children, but life gets complicated sometimes."—Jeffrey DeRose, 31, Founder Startup Advisory Group
"Go for it."
"I've seen a couple of baby showers and/or 'engagements-while-expecting' turn out really well (as far as longevity). I have nothing against baby shower proposals because for all you know, he probably wanted to marry you before and/or feels pressured by outdated, societal norms to make your partner a wife before making her a mother. Who's to say that the couple wasn't always in love, intended to get married eventually but then boom--baby came first! It's not always about going by 'the order of your list' as it just sticks to checking off your list. So go for it!"—Soraya Joseph, 32, Journalist
"I'd rather propose on a separate occassion."
"I'm not big on mixing different events together, I'd rather propose on a separate occasion with something special planned."—Marco Cayetano, 31, Independent Contractor
"They should get their time and be well thought-out."
"Like Christmas and birthday gifts should be separate, a baby shower and a proposal are two very important days in your girl's life. They should each get their time and be well thought-out. Due to the day and age we are in though with COVID, it's hard to bring people together for things so just for that reason I think it's acceptable in 2021."—Hala Maroc, 29, Multimedia Personality
"Baby shower proposals are becoming cliché."
"Personally, I would like to be proposed to before a baby shower. These baby shower proposals are becoming very cliché. It seems like, 'Welp, she's pregnant so I gotta marry her now.' At least that's how I would feel. I want someone to love me so much that they want to spend their life with me regardless and the baby is the addition. I'd always wonder if I didn't get pregnant would he have proposed."—India Douglas, 31, LMSW/Therapist
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Featured image by Kevin Mazur/Getty Images for MTV
Jazmine A. Ortiz is a creative born and raised in Bushwick, Brooklyn and currently living in Staten Island, NY. She started in the entertainment industry in 2012 and now works as a Lifestyle Editor where she explores everything from mental health to vegan foodie trends. For more on what she's doing in the digital space follow her on Instagram at @liddle_bitt.
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An Unspoken Wound: How I'm Healing The Trauma Of Not Having A Relationship With My Mother
I used to be a child that sought constant acceptance, approval, and validation from my mother. I longed for the mother-daughter relationships that I saw on TV, in movies, or that my girlfriends had with their mothers. I would be triggered watching mother-daughter Lifetime movie scenes. Warm tears slowly rolled down my face as I watch rehearsed scenes of what a mother-daughter relationship should look like.
As a child, I remember feeling like I was not worthy of my mother’s love. I remember feeling jealous of the love my mother would show to my twin brother and cousins. But when it came to me, my mother seemed to treat me differently. Every difference of opinion seemed to create distance. Every conversation turned into an argument. And I could never understand why.
From the time I was in middle school or either high school, I looked for motherly love in other women – my older cousins, aunts, godmother, my girlfriends’ mothers, and colleagues. At one point, physical distance made our relationship more amicable. But as I started to undo conditioned beliefs, become my authentic self, and heal my inner child, my relationship with my mother went from strained to completely estranged over the years. Believe me — I have tried to fix things with my mother. The pain just lingers. This is never what I had wanted. And I still don’t want it to be this way. I mean, what daughter would want that?
It took time and therapy, but I had to protect my energy and make peace with my reality. I love my mom as any daughter would. My mother is the reason I stand on my feet and not on my knees. I am more than grateful for my mother and everything she sacrificed for me. Because of my mother, I present and carry myself well. Extremely well. I am strong, independent, respectful, confident, responsible, educated, eloquent, well-dressed, successful, compassionate, well-rounded, graceful, disciplined, and hard-working. She raised one hell of a woman.
The relationship we have with our mothers is seen as one of the most important relationships in our lives. It is this type of relationship that dictates your interactions with other people. It is said what happens in your childhood shows up in platonic and romantic relationships. It’s true. Most of the time, mother-daughter relationships are portrayed as healthy, secure, loving relationships. Women often say, “My mother is my best friend.” However, this isn’t true for some women. As women have become more transparent about generational trauma, it’s definitely not true. What is true is that more and more women are sharing their experiences with having a toxic mother.
And I think it’s time we elevate the conversation about toxic mothers. It was within the last year or two I learned that the psychological term for an unhealthy relationship with our mothers is called the "mother wound." Thanks to theInstagram page @motherwoundproject, women like me have a resource to understand, validate, and cope with our own mother wounds. Let’s take a closer look at what the mother wound is, the signs of the mother wound, and how to find healing.
What Is the Mother Wound?
According to Stephi Wagner, the founder of the Mother Wound Project, themother wound is all the pain we carry from our relationship or lack of relationship with our mothers. It is thegenerational pain and a intergenerational complex trauma inherited and passed down between grandmothers, mothers, and daughters. The mother wound usually affects women of color, women from immigrant families, or women living in poverty. This pain can stem from childhood, adolescence, or adulthood.
It is important to note that the mother wound is not gender specific – both men and women can have mother wounds. However, it is more common in mother-daughter relationships. The mother wound can also be described as a loss or lack of mothering. For example, your mother may have been able to provide physical needs but could not provide for your emotional needs. Causes for the mother wound can range from neglect, emotional abuse, physical abuse, financial abuse, and/or sexual abuse.
The Signs of Having the Mother Wound
Every mother's wound is different and is experienced differently. It can cause emotional and mental damage. For me, my mother wound showed up as wanting my mother’s approval, trying to please my mother with my academic accomplishments, shaming my body, thinking my mother didn’t love me, conflict avoidance, and having weak boundaries.
According toPsychology Today, signs of the mother wound can look like this:
"Never feeling they had their mother's approval or acceptance;
"Concerns about not being loved by their mother or not being loved as much as other siblings or family members;
"Difficulties in relating to the mother on an emotional level;
"Feelings of having to protect, care for, or shelter your mother rather than her protecting, caring for, and sheltering you."
And according to theMother Wound Project, other signs of the mother wound may be described as the following:
"You feel responsible for the feelings and happiness of others;
"You have a history of unfulfilling, difficult, or even abusive relationships;
"You are either afraid of conflict and find yourself avoiding it at all costs, OR You find yourself seeking out conflict for the wrong reasons;
"You believe deep down that you are 'unlovable' or 'hard to love';
"You have a hard time saying no, setting boundaries, or asserting yourself, especially when others may be disappointed or upset;
"You care too much about the judgments and opinions of others."
These negative feelings lead to reduced self-esteem in your childhood and as an adult. Ultimately, one can end up having codependency issues in their adult relationships or struggle with an attachment disorder.
Healing From the Mother Wound
For the longest time, I thought I was the only one who had a difficult relationship with their mother. By speaking my truth, I found that three of my close friends also do not have healthy relationships with their mothers. And honestly, there was so much comfort and healing in knowing I had a friend that could relate to my experiences. It’s not easy to talk about the pain of not having a relationship with your mom. You are often envious or feel a way knowing that your friends have what you desire. The type of mother-daughter relationship filled with open communication, transparency, love, affection, and friendship.
Most of the time, friends like this don’t understand or can’t relate. They say things like, “I can’t imagine not speaking with my mom,” “You only have one mom,” or “It’s still your mom.” And to someone who struggles with not having their mom in their life - it’s probably the worst thing you could ever say simply because that is not our truth.
An article byMindbodygreen states that in order to heal from a mother wound we must learn to re-mother ourselves and set boundaries around the relationship with our mothers. We have to create a new relationship with ourselves and learn to meet our own emotional, physical, and practical needs. This means acknowledging our pain and grieving that pain with our inner child. It is recommended to work with a therapist to process those feelings.
I first addressed my mother wound in talk therapy and journaling. I also worked through my pain in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), a past life regression (hypnosis), and equine-assisted therapy (horse therapy). The memories and feelings I had to unpack were uncomfortable but necessary for me to heal. I had to come to the understanding that the women before me didn’t know any better and were doing what they thought was right. By acknowledging this, I was able to change my reaction and/or responses, show compassion, and forgive my mother.
Please note that the mother wound is not a clinical or medical diagnosis. The mother wound just cuts deep. It is something that many women struggle to heal from. And if you are trying to heal from the pain of having a difficult mother-daughter relationship, I want you to know you’re not alone. It’s going to take some time.
And it’s going to take remembering things you don’t want to remember. You’ll unpack a whole lot of feelings. There’s going to be some ugly crying too, but the pain will soften. You will still have your moments and internal battles, but you will find acceptance, comfort, and peace. I have found that women have the natural ability to connect through our pain and heal each other just by sharing our truths.
So, if you think you are suffering from a mother wound or have a broken relationship with your mother, you can and will find healing.
I did and I am still healing.
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