Listen, don’t even get me started on all of the sheer creative geniuses that the Gemini season produces (you can check out a mere handful of them via an ESSENCE article from a few years backhere); however, when it comes to my DNA and some members of my tribe, we’re Gemini deep too. My paternal grandparents are both Geminis. My mother, her late brother, and my own brother are Geminis. My mother’s husband is a Gemini. Both of my goddaughters are Geminis. Two of my closest male friends are Geminis. And yes, I am a very proud Gemini as well.
And although I “don’t do holidays,” virtually everyone in my world knows that if there’s a time of the year when I’m gonna be close-to-obnoxious, without any type of reservation or apology, it’s June 17, especially when it’s a milestone year (read between the lines there, chile…LOL). And so, when my peeps asked what I wanted to do this year, especially when one of them suggested a party, all I did was roll my eyes as far back into my head as I could.
As an also proud ambivert (check out “What Exactly Is An Ambivert? How Can You Tell If You Are One?”) and someone who likes to keep my circles…separate (check out “Why I Prefer My Friends To NOT Be Friends With Each Other”), the absolute last thing I want to do is pay to celebrate myself (ain’t it wild how most folks end up bankrolling their own birthday parties only for folks to eat up all of their food and oftentimes not even bring a gift?!) with a room full of folks. Nah, I prefer to go all out, even on “big” years, in a different kind of way.
If you just read all of that and thought to yourself, “FINALLY. Someone who gets where I’m coming from!” — whether you’re a Gemini too (and if so, Happy Birthday! We are so bomb!) or you consider yourself to be an introvert or ambivert and you have a birthday coming up over the next few months, here are seven ways that I have honored my own special day in the past and will be commemorating this year. It has worked hella well for me. Maybe it can be for you, too, sis.
1. One-on-One Dinners with Friends
GiphyHands down, one of my favorite ways to celebrate my birthday is to go out to eat with friends; however, I prefer to take the one-on-one approach. For one thing, y’all know that Geminis have different sides (that really is true), and so, since my circle is rather eclectic, I like to bond with each person individually.
Plus, when you go out with one person at a time, think of how many brunches, lunches, or dinners you can have (based on how large your circle is) that you don’t have to pick the tab up on.
For instance, this year, I am literally going out for three weeks straight, at least five days out of each of those weeks — and each friend has told me that I can go wherever I want to go. And chile, if there’s one thing that Music City’s got, it’s an abundance of restaurants and cuisines! Yep — a very celebratory approach that is also intimate and pretty non-stressful is to set up dinner dates with each friend instead of going out with a room full of folks. I’ve done it for years. I have not one regret.
2. Do an Annual Collection of Something
GiphyFor about the past decade, at least three people in my world will ask me, about a month out from my birthday, what I will be collecting for the year. For instance, this year, I’m all about a particular stone that symbolizes things like rejuvenated energy, spiritual evolution, and divine wisdom. It never fails that, right around April or so, there will be something that I am drawn to — whether it’s a certain color, a stone or crystal, or a certain type of jewelry…hell, one time it was Pumas (because the actual animal represents things like power and patience).
It’s cool to get a lot of things in a “theme” because it’s empowering and a confirmation to remain in that type of head and heart space until another year rolls around. If you’ve never done something like this before, consider it. It’s fun to see what people come up with once you put them in a general direction of something — something that you know you don’t only want, but you want to be emphasized in your life for the next 12 months.
3. Host a Virtual Party
GiphyWhen it comes to introverts, you’ve probably heard thatthere is so much going on within them that large groups can be quite draining (as opposed to extroverts who enjoy getting energy from outside sources). That’s why large parties, even when they are for them, oftentimes feel more like work than fun. Okay, but what if you’re having a milestone year and you want to find a way to merge a traditional party with your own personality type? Something that you might want to do is hold a virtual birthday party.
You can stagger out your guests by giving them different times to log in to something like a Zoom call; that way, you can control how many people you are dealing with at any given time and sign off when you know that your bandwidth is going low (it's also cost-effective as all get out!). Something else that’s cute about this idea is you can have different themes to each set of “callers.”
For instance, with your low-key friends, you can keep it casual on the appearance tip, and then, with your bougie friends, everyone can dress up. If this piques your interest and you’d like to get some planning tips, clickhere andhere for a few ideas.
4. Create a 'Date Yourself' Calendar
GiphyUh-huh. While social media is out here debating over $200 dates, what I want to know is how many folks who say others are “broke” make it a point to spend that much on themselves. Yeah…EXACTLY. LOL. There are so many benefits that come from “dating yourself.” It reminds you to prioritize yourself. It builds/boosts self-confidence. It helps you to learn more about your interests, passions, likes, and dislikes. It can encourage you to learn how to try new things. It’s a wonderful form of self-love.
And here’s the thing about birthdays — while God willing, you will have many more years to come, what you won’t ever see again is the age you will be on your next birthday…so, the more that you can prioritize to make it your best year yet, the better. In walks creating a calendar where you can plan dates ahead for yourself; ideally, no less than two of them a month. It can be a staycation, a day trip, or even just trying out a new restaurant. Starting off a new age with some pre-planned dates will always give you something to look forward to. Try it. I’d be shocked if you didn’t like it. A LOT.
5. Rock a New Lipstick, Crystal, Scent and Color
GiphyIf there’s one saying that irks the mess outta me, it’s “People can’t change.” Ain’t it funny how the folks who usually say something like that believe that no one else is capable — oh, but they can? Now, what kind of nonsense is that? The reality is thatthere are plenty of studies to back up the fact that most of us go through personality changes, more than once, over the course of our lives. One article that I read said that we tend to shift the most in the areas of neuroticism, conscientiousness, openness, extroversion, and agreeableness. For example, we might be “less neurotic about conforming to the group, less open to trying new things in order to savor the classics, less conscientious as they become more selfish, and less extroverted as they keep more to themselves” as we age.
A line that I particularly liked in the piece is we must accept that people are clay, not plaster. That said, since each year brings forth a new number, as you’re exploring what else may be different (or shifting), treat yourself to a new color of lipstick, a new crystal or gemstone to wear, a new scent to put on and a new “favorite color.” You’d be amazed by how much simple adjustments like this can have a pretty big impact on how you move in each new year of your life.
6. Get a 'Reward Yourself' Jar
GiphyThose of you who are day one Sex and the City fans will probably recall the episode when Carrie went to a child’s birthday party, someone stole her shoes and she registered herself to get the pair back from the couple. If you didn’t see it (you can watch a clip for contexthere), her bottom line point was singles are always supporting couples and parents with their stuff (ain’t that the truth, chile?), so they should be able to get some love, too. She’s right. Somewhat along these same lines, regardless of what your relational status may be at the turn of your next birthday, you should celebrate and reward yourself as often as possible.
If you agree in theory, yet your budget is rolling its eyes at you — get yourself a big ass jar to “reward yourself” with. Every time that you reach a goal, do something that you’re proud of or shoot, restrain yourself in a way that you wouldn’t have in the past, and put some money into it. It can be a quarter or five bucks. Along the same line of a sex jar that I recommend for long-term couples (check out “5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs A Sex Jar”), commit to not taking any money out of the jar until your next birthday rolls around; then splurge however you wish. It’s a totally debt-free way to prioritize celebrating you…year-round.
7. Find a 'Theme Word' for the Year
GiphyFinal one. You know, it never fails that right around my birthday and then around the time of year that I observe as the new one (Rosh Hashanah), I will pray and ask God to give me a new word to focus on for that season of my life. It also never fails that he will give me one. Like the year that my house literally blew up three days before Christmas (check out “My House Burned Up. Three Days Before Christmas. What It Taught Me.”)? 2022 was ROUGH. However, around my birthday that year, “replenish” was the word that came to me, and it gave me the strength to keep pushing to come up with a new normal for my life.
The word for my birthday this year? I’m going to keep to myself; at least for now. As for you and your own word(s), just remember that the Scripture says that death and life are in the tongue (Proverbs 18:21), and so, it's important to respect the words that you use. As far as theme words go, they can really help you to orchestrate your life with clarity and direction. I can certainly attest to that.
___
Aight, like I said, this is my own birthday month, and with my own special day steadily approaching, let me get off of this thing so that I can go on another dinner date.
Ah, the life of an ambivert. Wouldn’t have it any other way. #wink
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
Mastering The Art Of Talking Your Partner Through Orgasm: A Guide To Confidence And Connection
I have never been particularly good at dirty talk, but I love, love, love hearing it. Whenever I am getting close to “finishing,” I cue my partner, breathlessly stating, “Talk to me” or “Tell me you want it.” What I didn't know until more recently is that I am asking them to “talk me through it.” But what exactly does that mean? How can you learn to do it, or better yet, how can you get your partner to do it for you? (Go ahead and send them a link to this article, sis!)
In today’s world, the conversation around sex and intimacy is evolving rapidly. Platforms like TikTok have brought once-taboo topics around sex and intimacy into the mainstream. Recently, some of the men on TikTok have been sharing tips on "talking your partner through orgasm"—using verbal cues to guide your partner to and through their climax. It’s not just about talking dirty, but about being in tune with your partner’s emotions and body, enhancing both the physical and emotional aspects of the experience.
For Black women, who often find themselves at the intersection of societal expectations and personal desires, the need for open communication in sexual relationships is especially important. Many of us aren’t sure how to ask for the verbal affirmations that excite us. So let's dive into how you can master this art form.
What Does It Mean to "Talk Your Partner Through It"?
Talking your partner through orgasm can look (or sound) like a few different things. It involves using words and verbal cues to guide them to climax. Unlike regular dirty talk, which may be more about fantasy or teasing, talking your partner through orgasm is about being present in the moment, offering guidance, affirmation, or even instructions as your partner reaches their peak.
Marcqwuan, a sex educator and relationship expert, explains it perfectly:
“For me, talking her through it is a moment within a sexual experience where your partner is climaxing, and you use that special moment to communicate with your partner. Every moment is different.”
But this form of dirty talk isn’t one size fits all. It should be tailored to your partner’s desires, kinks, and needs in the moment.
But why do people go wild for this type of dirty talk? Whitni Miller, Sex Educator and Pleasure Coach, emphasizes, “For starters, it creates a sense of emotional closeness. A little positive reinforcement can make her feel like a goddess. Plus, words have power, and when you turn up the volume on verbal cues, feelings of pleasure can get cranked to 11. And who doesn’t want a bit more oomph as they approach the finale?”
Our senses play an important role when it comes to sexual satisfaction, and hearing your partner whisper sweet nothings while you approach your “O” can help make a lasting impression that keeps you coming back again and again.
Why Dirty Talk Feels Awkward (And How to Get Over It)
For some of us, the idea of dirty talk, especially in a moment as intimate as orgasm, can feel awkward or unnatural. We may not be able to think of the right thing to say or even hesitate for fear of sounding corny. The concern of saying the wrong thing or ruining the mood often holds people back. But most of these barriers are all in our heads.
Dakota Ramppen, certified sex educator, acknowledges these challenges, stating, “Some people get stuck in their heads wondering if what they’re saying is sexy enough or if they sound ridiculous. That hesitation kills the vibe.” But, be aware, your partner may not always want to hear your voice when getting close to their big “O.” Dakota continues, “If she’s in a zone and you’re too forceful or not saying the right things, you could break her rhythm.”
Part of talking your partner through it requires conversation outside of the bedroom, so you can be clear and confident about what they want. The other piece is intuitive and takes watchful practice.
Overcoming that awkward feeling involves communication and repetition. Before diving into talking your partner through orgasm, have an open conversation about what kinds of phrases or cues your partner likes. Witni says, “Adjust your approach based on her responses…find out together what makes her tick!” Start with words or phrases that feel comfortable to you and build from there. It also doesn’t hurt to have a few key phrases memorized (more on this in a few.)
After all, your partner won’t know if your sweet words are preplanned or improvised.
For Him: Tips on Talking Her Through Orgasm
Fellas, this part is for you! When it comes to talking your woman through orgasm, the key is to be present and attentive to her needs and body language. It’s not just about saying something sexy—it’s about creating a connection and supporting her as she reaches her peak. Here are a few tips to guide you:
- Be Affirming: Use phrases that affirm her pleasure, such as “You’re so close” or “You feel amazing.” These words can reassure her that she’s in control and that you’re fully engaged in her experience.
- Stay in Tune: Pay attention to her body language and sounds. If she’s speeding up, match her energy with your words, encouraging her to follow through. As Marcqwuan suggests, “If she can’t hear you, get closer to her ear and speak louder.”
- Use Sensory Language: Highlight the physical sensations she’s experiencing. Try saying something like, “I love how your body feels right now.” Describing what you’re feeling can heighten her own sensory awareness.
- Be Encouraging: Reassure her that her pleasure is your priority. Phrases like “Let go for me” or “I want to feel it” help her feel supported and free to enjoy the moment.
For Her: Talking Him Through Orgasm
Women can also take the lead in talking to their male partners through orgasm. The key is confidence and being in tune with your partner’s preferences. Whitni walks us through some tips:
- Confidence is Key: Own the moment and don’t shy away from guiding him through his orgasm. Your partner will likely appreciate your assertiveness, which can enhance his experience.
- Tailor to His Preferences: Use what you know he enjoys most. If he likes teasing or encouragement, lean into that. Dakota suggests: “It’s about creating a verbal map that gets him exactly where he wants to go.”
- Compliment & Tease: Build anticipation with compliments like “You feel so good” or “I love the way you move.” This will increase his arousal and bring him closer to orgasm.
- Encourage Surrender: Use encouraging phrases like “Come for me” or “Give me everything.” This can help your partner let go and fully enjoy the moment.
Universal Best Practices
No matter your gender or role in the relationship, there are universal tips that can help you master the art of talking your partner through orgasm:
- Positive Reinforcement: Affirm your partner’s pleasure with words like “You’re doing so good” or “Don’t stop.” Positive reinforcement helps build confidence and trust.
- Read the Room: Adjust your approach based on your partner’s reactions. If they’re responding well to your words, keep going. If not, switch things up. As Dakota says, “It’s about feeling where they are and matching that energy.”
- Be Genuine: Your words don’t need to be performative. Speak from a place of genuine connection, and your partner will feel that authenticity.
- Experiment and Have Fun: Don’t be afraid to try new phrases or approaches. Every experience is different, and what works today might evolve tomorrow.
Talking your partner through orgasm is a powerful way to deepen intimacy and create a lasting emotional connection. But it's not all about just talking! As Whitni shared, “And don’t forget your listening ears; tuning in to your partner’s needs will keep the experience flowin' and growin'.” It’s about more than just dirty talk—it’s about being present, engaged, and in tune with your partner’s needs.
So the next time you’re in the heat of the moment, don’t be afraid to use your words. You might just find that they’re the key to unlocking a deeper, more satisfying connection.
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