I Had No Clue This Is What My Body Language Was Really Telling People About Me
The life of an introvert is not for the faint at heart.
I can be the first to admit, it looks super easy being chill, laid-back, and not having to be one of the many people contributing to a conversation with a group of proud extroverts. Shout out to the introverts that live for those moments when they can barely get a word in. Still, what I didn't realize is that non-verbal, body language has the potential to say way more than a group of people discussing the latest controversial hot topics. And unfortunately for me and others, it can send the wrong message at times. Thankfully, there's a solution for all of them.
My Body Language: Resting B**** Face (RBF)
What It Told People:
That I was a mean girl. I wasn't frowning but I wasn't exactly telling people, "Hey! Let's have a conversation and be friends." I was just… looking with a stale exterior. But what I found out is that I was communicating a handful of other things: I thought I was better than other people in the room, I didn't want to be in the room in the first place, or I wasn't even paying attention or engaged in what was going on because I didn't care.
How To Fix It:
Be intentional about smiling when you're in uncomfortable and awkward situations. While I have to warn you, you're probably going to feel awkward at first, it'll be a lot better than coming across as a mean girl, especially when you're not. Also, don't be afraid to get out of your comfort zone and spark up a conversation with a stranger. I've learned that a great way to do this is to find something to compliment about them.
My Body Language: Hands That Were Too Tight To Clap Back
What It Told People:
That I was either ready to fight, or too nervous to function. There have been so many moments when I was in an intimidating situation when I looked down only to realize my hands were clenched together. There have even been times when I channeled my inner Arthur and made a fist without knowing it. While a little research showed me I was trying to have some sort of self-control, it told others that I was ready fight on sight.
How To Fix It:
Relax, girl! Gas yourself up in your head and be your biggest cheerleader. It's okay to be the introvert in the room, but don't let it cause you to be timid and tense up. In situations where it's appropriate, find an object to hold in your hand. Whether it's a pen, a cup, or your phone (just don't use it to swipe on social media), use an item to keep you distracted from whatever it is that is making you question and challenge yourself to the point you find yourself clenching up. Because you got this!
My Body Language: Avoiding Eye Contact Like The Plague
What It Told People:
I am a self-proclaimed terrible liar, but I can see why people would think I wasn't telling them the truth if I didn't look them in the eye. It's a little shady. Avoiding eye contact says a lot of things I don't want to communicate to friends or strangers. It could come across as an indication that I don't respect the person I'm talking to, that I'm ashamed about something, insecure, or awkward. That's ironic that me trying not to be awkward can come across as being awkward.
How To Fix It:
This is another situation when complimenting a stranger can help with your body language. Instead of being so focused on eye contact, tell them something so you both can relax, have a confident posture and demeanor, and be open to having a conversation that goes beyond yes and no answers. Another trick is to look at them in the space between their eyes. I've found that it's close enough to make it seem like you're looking them dead in the eye, but far away enough for you not to feel awkward.
My Body Language: The Classic Folding Of The Arms
What It Told People:
As comfortable as it is, I've learned the hard way that there's a time and place for folding my arms. Unfortunately, it just comes across as defensive, that I don't agree with something being said, or that I'm just closed off from any willingness to communicate or open up.
How To Fix It:
A simple answer is to find something else to do with your arms. If you're standing up, strike a pose and put one arm on your hip and the other by your side. This will help you open up and be more inviting. If you're sitting down, a good solution is just to keep your hands in your lap. If you're having a conversation with someone, don't be afraid to talk with your hands. This shows that you're not only a part of the conversation, but that you're interested in it, too.
Charmaine Patterson is a journalist, lifestyle blogger, and a lover of all things pop culture. While she has much experience in covering top entertainment news stories, she aims to share her everyday life experiences, old and new, with other women who can relate, laugh, and love along with her. Follow Char on Twitter @charjpatterson, Instagram @charpatterson, and keep up with her journey at CharJPatterson.com .
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage