Long live the Queen! And King, of course.
Now, I'm not talking about the residents of the Buckingham Palace. I'm talking an all-around power couple as they're far bigger than Hip-Hop -- Beyonce and Jay Z -- who have made yet another power play, reminding us just who they are and what they came to do.
The couple recently collaborated on an album, Everything is Love, that is potentially the final piece to the puzzle that their latest solo albums, Lemonade and 4:44 painted for us. With it, it further weaves tales of infidelity, love, and growth.
Gloriously, the album's cover art speaks for the unapologetic nature of the album as the couple spits about life from the top, their love for one another; and social issues, including the colorism spewed at Jay's facial features.
In true Carter fashion, they dropped the album without warning, in the dusk. And with ease, the album is doing numbers. Knowing them and the power of the Beyhive, those numbers have the potential to surpass those of every other artist who's released an album in recent weeks, including Pusha T, Nas, and Kanye. But what's more than Beyonce pulling a Beyonce is what we can learn from the couple on building our own empire in the undefeated way that they've done for themselves over the years.
Lesson 1: All publicity really is good publicity.
I won't pretend to know Bey's stats and the numbers she was doing before a billion dollars caused sh*t to go down in the elevator. What I do know is that Bey and Jay spun that embarrassing, private moment on the elevator into an additional gold mine to sit on top of.
Furthermore, they did so better than any PR team could have. Prior to that incident, the couple was consistently mum AF about their relationship. The only thing we knew for sure was that they were married but everything else after that bit was public speculation and lots of reaching.
However, after the world was able to witness that cigars weren't the only thing on ice in that marriage, they decided to start dishing out little details here and there. It all began with the "Feelin' Myself" track, where Bey comes out of her graceful public persona (maybe embodying Sasha Fierce?) and responded to the rumors.
They went on to sell out stadiums worldwide on a joint tour (the inaugural On The Run tour) and then created synchronous albums about the ongoing endurance of their relationship. Spilling all the lemonade, because they gave us more through this one album Lemonade than they've given us over the course of their nearly 20-year relationship.
A couple years later and they're spinning that straw into gold like a modern-day Rumpelstiltskin, forever making money off the infamous incident with their past collaborations and the latest, Everything is Love.
Let this be business lesson number one, because really and truly there is no one event you can't bounce back from. It's not about what happened, it's a matter of good damage control.
Lesson 2: There's still value in mystique.
Aside from the occasional and strategic glimpses into the couple's marriage, we know nothing about the Carters, making fans all the more curious. Is Jay like any other man? Is he an active and doting dad? Does he recognize and I mean truly recognize that he's got the baddest chick in the game wearing his chain?
Essentially, we're all dying to know if they go through everyday marital issues or if their status affords them the luxury of bypassing all the bullshit.
Yet, they have mastered the art of keeping their fanbase guessing and anticipating their next move all the while giving them what they want, while leveraging their personal life as a business venture. A brand.
In a world saturated by social media creating the illusion of bigger, better, and more — sometimes you just have to shut up and move in silence until your masterpiece is ready for the world.
The world doesn't need to hear you coming for them to see you once you've arrived.
Lesson 3: Do what you have to do, to do what you want to do.
Like anyone in the music game, Bey and Jay paid their dues entering the game, forced to follow the analysis of current trends.
However, at this point and at the top of the game, they got options. And it's in part due to them staying the course in the beginning of their career, gaining the status, and bringing in a steady stream of revenue for their respective labels at the time.
Beyonce and Jay Z have reached a point in their careers where they can do what they want to do and not give an "eff" about numbers. It's evident in how they both have moved musically in their respective careers. Jay's trajectory into his latest 4:44, as well as professionally not feeling the need to say "yes" to every enticing offer (ahem, Superbowl). It's the same with Bey. She dabbled with self-titled, snatched our edges with Lemonade, and experimented even further with her dive into Trapyonce with Everything Is Love.
The Queen has free reign.
Sis does this in everything she touches and because of that, she has opened the door to endless opportunities. Leading me to the next gem we've gotten from watching the couple over the years...
Lesson 4: Be true to yourself, your brand, and where you are.
Bey has never been afraid to branch out and explore new endeavors based on her personal interests, be it music, film, charity work, creative direction, etc. By venturing out regardless of naysayers, she likely garners far more success through her willingness to take the risk and just have fun with projects that she's passionate about pursuing.
Her ultimate power move was in recognizing that her brand is built around her image -- not the other way around.
To the same point of remaining true to yourself and where you are, Jay's music is not the tune of the same thug anthems that they were back in the day. He's nearly 50 and rightfully so, he's living better and his music reflects that.
He doesn't continue to perpetuate violence that he likely no longer partakes in, but instead speaks on the life he now knows: Bey and Blue; fame and fortune; marriage, and parenthood.
Just as you will grow, your brand should grow along with you. Besides, when you allow your growth and your brand's growth to occur simultaneously, it makes for better content. Bey and Jay have mastered this at every turn in their lives.
Don't be so fixated on the past and facilitate stagnation. Instead, embrace the changes that occur when you're handed lemons. Stand in your truth because they sure as hell do!
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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And so, since this is the time of year when catching a cold (and/or the flu) is common, let’s talk about the impact that sleep (and again, a lack thereof) has on your immune system. That way, you can remain as healthy as possible during the fall and winter seasons.
1. Less Sleep Means More Colds
GiphyLike I stated in the intro, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard somewhere that the fall and winter are the seasons when people are most susceptible to catching a cold or coming down with the flu. And that’s exactly why I thought I would start this all off by sharing the fact that some studies reveal that if you get less than six hours of sleep, on a consistent basis, you end up making yourself more vulnerable to coming down with both. In fact, some research says that only 18 percent of people who get six-plus hours of rest caught a cold while almost 40 percent who got less than that did.
The logic behind it all is sleep gives your body time to build up the proteins and cells (like cytokines and T-cells) that you need to fight off certain viruses. So, if nothing bothers you more than having a stuffy nose or stubborn cough when it’s cold outside, getting more sleep is one way to prevent that from happening to you.
2. Less Sleep Means More Allergy Symptoms
GiphyAt the end of the day, an allergy is basically what transpires whenever your immune system “overreacts” to something that other people’s systems do not. And since sleep is what helps to keep your immune system nice and strong — well, I’m sure you get how less allergy-related symptoms and more sleep go hand in hand. Also, since sleep helps to decrease bodily inflammation (more on that in a bit) and inflammation can also intensify allergy symptoms, that’s just one more reason to get as much shut-eye as possible.
3. Less Sleep Means Potential Diabetes and Heart Disease
GiphyDid you know that in 2024, Black women were diagnosed with diabetes 24 percent more than any other adult demographic. Also, it continues to be a reality that heart disease is the leading cause of death for Black women. These two sobering statistics alone should be enough of an incentive to do whatever you can to keep the risk of diabetes and heart disease way down.
One way to do that is by getting more sleep. Aside from the fact that sleep strengthens your immune system to where it is easier for you to fight off illness and diseases, sleep can keep your blood sugar levels in a healthy space; plus, when it comes to your heart, it gives it, along with your arteries and blood vessels a break.
4. Less Sleep Means Less Time for Your Body to Push “Reset”
GiphyIf you really stopped to consider all that your body goes through during the day (you can read some about that here), you definitely would respect it enough to do your best to thank it by giving it no less than six hours of sleep, each and every night. Sleep is what helps to slow your brain and body down so they are able to “refuel” for the next day. After all, how can your body prevent you from getting sick if your immune system is too worn out to fight ailments off? Exactly.
5. More Sleep Helps You to Fight Off Infections
GiphySpeaking of, in order for your body to fight off infections, there are certain cells and antibodies within you that need to be healthy and strong — one way that they get and stay that way is by you getting a good amount of sleep. For instance, remember when I touched on cytokines earlier? Well, the same way that they help to prevent colds, they also help to prevent infections too. And since sleep lowers your cortisol (stress) levels, rest gives your body the time and space to build up an army that can fight off free radicals and other health-related challenges while you are awake.
6. More Sleep Lowers Bodily Inflammation
GiphyWhenever a health-related issue is mentioned on this platform, inflammation is something that is mentioned quite a bit. Probably the easiest way to explain inflammation is it’s how your body responds/reacts whenever something is happening to your body that shouldn’t be, whether it’s an illness, an injury, a germ or something that you may be allergic to.
If you happen to have chronic inflammation, some symptoms that are associated with that include fatigue, stiff joints, skin rashes, weight gain and moodiness.
The interesting thing about all of this is if you aren’t getting enough rest, you could be triggering inflammation in your body. That’s because studies reveal that a lack of sleep can elevate molecules that are associated with inflammation. So, if you don’t want inflammation to increase within your system, you should definitely catch more zzz’s.
7. More Sleep Regulates Hormones
GiphyWhen it comes to hormones like serotonin, estrogen and cortisol, believe it or not, they play a role in how your immune system acts and overreacts. That’s because, if your hormones are out of balance, that can cause your immune system to work harder than it actually should and that can make you more vulnerable to sickness. One way to keep your hormones leveled out? SLEEP.
That’s because sleep gives your body the opportunity to rest, repair and restore your hormone levels. On the other hand, when you are sleep deprived, that can put/keep your hormones on the ultimate roller coaster ride. #notgood
8. More Sleep Strengthens Vaccines
flu shot GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyIf you’re someone who is good for getting some sort of vaccine around this time of the year, make sure that you rest up before and after getting your shots. Not only does adequate rest before a vaccination help your immune system to be better receptive to your shots but sleep also helps your body to build up enough antibodies to make your vaccinations effective after getting them. Because if you’re gonna get pricked, shouldn’t it be worth it? My thoughts exactly.
Get some freakin’ sleep! Your immune system depends on it.
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