Morocco is quickly becoming a must-see destination for many travelers. With its growing film and TV industries, the country is seeing a lot more tourism. Situated on the north-western coast of Africa, Morocco is home to one of the most unique and dynamic landscapes on the continent. It's mostly Arab but its people have a very diverse culture. Many people recognize Casablanca, which is the most populated city, but Marrakech, Fez, and Rabat should also be on your list of destinations to visit.
Long story short, Morocco checks every box for a destination that leaves you feeling vibrant and fulfilled. Here are a few of my suggestions on what to do while visiting:
1. Shop In Marrakech And Fez
Courtesy of Amer-Marie Woods
I'm not really a big shopper when I go on vacation, but I do love picking up small trinkets or things that remind me of the place that I am visiting. You can cure your shopping needs at the souks inside the medinas of Marrakech and Fez.
Let's start with the basics: What is a souk? It's an Arab marketplace also known as a bazaar. You can find lots of unique gifts there made by local merchants. And who doesn't like handcrafted one of a kind souvenirs? They have everything from rugs, incense, oils, jewelry, clothes, toys, lamps, and more. The shops go on and on for miles through complex maze-like streets, so be careful to either stick to a few streets you recognize or get a guide. It is very easy to get lost.
Pro tip: Take photos of where you are staying or the path you are following so it is easier to retrace your steps to where you started. It is also good to have photos to show if you get lost so someone local can point you in the right direction.
Courtesy of Amer-Marie Woods
Something unique to the Fez souks are the tanneries which are located on the interior of the maze-like streets. You may not be able to see them right away but you can for sure smell them. The tanneries are where camel skins are processed into leather goods. The process of tanning animal skins is one that's been around since the 11th century, and the smell is very strong the closer you get, so the shop owners give you a handful of mint to offset the pungent odor. If there is anywhere I would buy leather goods, it would be here.
Something important to note about the souks, you must learn to haggle. It is an offense to the shop owners if you do not go back and forth with them over price. So choose an item and tell the shop owner how much you will pay.
Allow him to tell you how much he will take for the item. Begin to haggle here, going back and forth on the price. Stay firm, and if the shop owner does not like it, walk away. More times than not, the shop owner will concede and give you what you want. Keep an open mind when haggling and have fun---it is all apart of the experience.
2. Visit 'The Blue Pearl,' Chefchaouen
Courtesy of Amer-Marie Woods
One of the most iconic places and probably the most photographed places in Morocco is Chefchaouen. The city is also known as the "blue city" because all the buildings are painted in the hue. There is a bit of speculation as to why the whole city is blue, but before we get there, here's a little history lesson: Chefchauoen is nestled in the hills of the mountains and means "look at the horns" referring to the two peaks that are high above the city.
There is more to this city than just the blue buildings. As in many of the other cities in Morocco, Chefchaouen has some of the best shopping. I highly recommend purchasing the handmade Berber rugs here. The Berber peoples are the native peoples to Morocco. Outside of shopping, Chefchaouen has some historical landmarks to visit such as Ras El Ma (waterfall), Grand Mosque, and the Place Outa el Hammam.
In recent years, the affinity for blue in this area has been called into question by many. Some say it is to reflect the blue sky and others say it is to attract tourists to come to the city to buy goods. Either way, the blue winding streets against the mountain backdrop is enough reason to add this city to your itinerary.
3. Go Glamping in the Desert
Courtesy of Amer-Marie Woods
Whether traveling with a group or on my own itinerary, I like to do unique things to further the experience. For this particular trip, I decided to go glamping in the desert with my friends. This activity fell right in the middle of our trip and was perfectly timed because it was a planned stop on our way from Marrakech to Fez. I wasn't sure what to expect when we pulled up to our stop in Merzouga. We were greeted by the camping site staff, and after they loaded our bags into cars, they escorted us to our transportation to the campsite: Camels.
In all honesty, the camel ride was not an easy one, but it was through the sand dunes of the Sahara Desert at sunset. Breathtaking would be a gross understatement.
Once we reached the camp, we were escorted to a village of beautifully colored tents equipped with beds and our own personal washrooms. The campsite staff treated us to a traditional Moroccan dinner and then to a live music concert under the stars. The best part was meeting our campsite neighbors who were from France. They spoke no English and we spoke no French, but we drank and danced the night away together---small perks of traveling that make for great stories. Some other fun activities to add to your desert excursion are dune buggy or ATV riding and sand surfing. Desert glamping is a nice break from the hustle and bustle of the city and unlike any other experience.
4. Enjoy a Tranquil Hammam
Courtesy of Amer-Marie Woods
This was not an experience that I was able to have on my trip, but it is a noteworthy experience nonetheless. One of my itinerary tips is to include a spa day or some time to treat yourself. It can be just the cure for jet lag or fatigue from an active vacation before going home.
So, what is a hammam exactly? It's a Turkish bath in which you go through a series of steam rooms and receive a rubdown or massage and a cold shower. The first element in the hammam is heat and increases as you travel through the rooms. The heat helps increase and activate blood circulation, and the colder rooms facilitate respiration by helping to release the sinus and nasal cavities. The baths can also help soothe muscle pain, and as you go through the hammam, it is recommended that you take showers regularly to stimulate your immune system. There are so many added health benefits that it is a worthwhile experience. Before you go, be sure to research the rules and understand what will happen during your time there.
5. Get Authentic 'Liquid Gold': Argan Oil
Courtesy of Amer-Marie Woods
At this point, argan oil is literally in every beauty product these days. Even more common is the claim that most beauty products have the real thing. Luckily in Morocco, real argan oil is everywhere in its most pure form. This is one souvenir I absolutely recommend purchasing. Argan oil is made from nuts that are harvested from argan trees. The oil is extracted from the seeds and yield different amounts depending on the extraction method.
There are two traditional ways to harvest the nuts: by collecting those that drop from trees or those that have been deposited by tree-climbing goats. The latter is done by digging through goat poop to find the seeds for extraction. As awful as this sounds, the goats are an important part of the process because the nut shells are very hard to crack. Goats can chew away that shell, making it easier to get to the seed. Despite the gross poop-digging, Moroccan argan oil is worth the purchase simply for all its beauty benefits.
Take On A Few Bonuses!
There are a few honorable mentions that should also be considered for your trip. Take a tour of the many film studios in Morocco. There are several that have produced recent films and TV series including Men in Black III and Game of Thrones.
If I could do the Morocco trip again, I would split my time between a standard hotel and a riad, a traditional Moroccan house that has an interior garden and courtyard. They're really beautiful and the staff is typically incredibly helpful.
One hotel I suggest visiting is the La Mamounia in Marrakech which features a courtyard pool and green-and-white tile decor. It is a little pricey per night but worth a visit to walk around and pause for a fresh cocktail at one of the bars on the property.
This wraps up Morocco but as always there is a lot to see and do, take your time, plan in advance, and have the time of your life!
Did you know that xoNecole has a new podcast? Join founder Necole Kane, and co-hosts Sheriden Chanel and Amer Woods, for conversations over cocktails each and every week by subscribing to xoNecole Happy Hour podcast on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
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Featured Image Courtesy of Amer-Marie Woods.
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Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
GiphyBack when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
GiphyA few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
GiphyAnd finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
____
One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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