April is a time of growth, transformation, love, and fresh starts. There is a need to balance passion with emotions and grace with courage this month, as many different pieces of the puzzle begin to come together after somewhat of a confusing start to 2022. April begins with the Sun in Aries and a New Moon in Aries on April 1. The month begins with fiery passion, self-expression, and initiation, and signifies the fresh starts that this month is bringing in general. Change is inevitable and Aries reminds us of the empowerment that can come from making things happen for yourself, no matter what obstacles may previously have been there.
Venus enters Pisces on April 5 and will remain in this emotionally influenced water sign until May 2. Love is about going deep, transcending, and moving with compassion right now. The emotional inspiration is strong while Venus is in Pisces, and this is a good time to create art and admire the connection to love and the mysteries of life. Mercury enters Taurus on April 10 before Taurus Season begins on April 19. And while Mercury is in Taurus, communications become more grounded and rooted in the facts and the meaningful. Mercury in Taurus wants to build, grow with another, and express love in practical ways and there is a balancing act happening this month between wanting to stabilize what is, and letting things flow how they want to right now.
On April 12, there is a powerful conjunction forming between Jupiter and Neptune, and this conjunction signifies intentions turning into manifestations, and making your dreams come true. The effect of this conjunction will be flowing throughout the entire year, and this is one of the most important days of the year for positive thinking, intention setting, and creative and spiritual pursuits. A few days later, Mars moves out of Aquarius and enters Pisces on April 14, and the drive turns from mental pursuits to emotional.
Although we are in fire and earth seasons this month, April has a strong emotional pull to it and these are where a lot of the transformations are taking place right now. April is overall the month of new beginnings and emotional breakthroughs. There are two New Moons and one Full Moon happening this month, which is significant in and of itself. The powerful New Moon in Aries on April 1, the balanced Full Pink Moon in Libra on April 16, and the transformative New Moon Partial Solar Eclipse in Taurus on April 30.
Emotions are high, and they are meant to enlighten and awaken at this time. This is the month to claim your new beginnings.
ARIES
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleAries Season is here, and it’s your time to shine, Aries! This month brings with it a time of fresh starts, growth, and compassion. With a New Moon in your sign on the first day of the month, you are entering April claiming your new beginnings and your empowerment. Goals are being attended to, and you have all of the support with you right now to make some major waves in life. Your inner world is flowing with ideas, gifts, and truths, and your intentions are showing fruition in April.
Although you are seeing major progress and growth right now, you are still in a time of important self-reflection and of releasing from your life what hasn’t been serving you. From April 5 to May 2, Venus is in your 12th house of endings, the subconscious, and all things hidden, and your emotional world is spending some time in reflection. You are learning from the past, letting go of old patterns here, and seeking your emotional truths. With a Full Moon in your opposite sign Libra and a Solar Eclipse in your 2nd house before the month ends, something about your partnerships is changing this month, and you are the one making the calls here.
TAURUS
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleYou are on the path towards greater abundance right now, Taurus. April is a time of transformation and a time where the seeds of your intentions are blooming into the flowers of your desires. You have been doing important work when it comes to self-love, valuing yourself, and valuing what you bring to the table, and this energy is transforming things in positive ways when it comes to your financial world. Make space for more to come this month, and take the time to plan for your future. With your ruling planet Venus moving through your 11th house of friendships, aspirations, and community in April, you have the people around you to help make your dreams come true.
Moving into the month, the energy begins to move into your sign, and your solar return is here. On April 10, Mercury moves into Taurus, on April 19, Taurus Season begins, and on April 30, there is a New Moon Solar Eclipse in Taurus as well. April is your time of becoming. You have been working diligently towards the things that are most important to you in life and you are feeling a renewed sense of vitality with the support, abundance, and connection that is in your life in April.
GEMINI
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleApril is a time of balance, patience, and trusting everything is coming together for you, Gemini. There has been a strong focus on your career this year, and April is bringing in those achievements and recognition you have been looking for. The New Moon on April 1 is transiting your 11th house, and you are moving into April with your community, social circle, and friendships in mind, and are seeing some new beginnings here. This month is all about learning to work together with others in harmony, and keeping an open mind when it comes to different perspectives and ways of navigating your experiences with another.
There is a need for some closure this month, some time to understand the different perspectives and self-beliefs within, and to dive deep into which ones serve and which ones hinder. Mercury will be in your 12th house of the unknown until it moves into your sign on April 29, and for most of the month some more mental downtime, rest, and self-reflection are necessary. With a Full Moon in fellow air sign Libra on April 16, there are key moments of love in your life this month, and gratitude should be acknowledged right now.
CANCER
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleApril is all about not overthinking things and letting things come to you, Cancer. There is a New Moon in your 10th house of reputation as the month begins, and your Moonchild Soul is shining in your authenticity. You are thinking a lot about your career and professional successes at the beginning of the month, and processing the changes that have been flowing through here. April overall is the time for you to take things one day at a time, honor your creativity and inspirations, and to continue to show up for yourself.
Venus moves through fellow water sign Pisces from April 5 to May 2, and this energy is positively influencing your love life and sense of adventure. With Venus in your 9th house of travel and exploration for most of the month, April is a good time to take that trip you’ve been wanting to take, and to overall get some time away to decompress. Your mind is a gift, and you are learning more about the different perspectives and intuitive insights that have been flowing through your world. April is your month to align, gain clarity, and explore what the universe has to offer you, Cancer.
LEO
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is a time of karmic justice, and the tables turning in your life, Leo. You are moving out of a time of challenge and into more of your personal success, as past decisions and paths show fruition. April begins with a New Moon in fellow fire sign Aries, and opportunities are headed your way at the beginning of the month. There is a sense of passion, inspiration, and freedom in the air for you and there are some exciting experiences to say yes to right now. What’s unfolding for you is the divine plan, and it’s coming through from your dignity, patience, and the time you took to really consider your options and your path in life.
With Venus moving through your house of intimacy for most of the month, and a Solar Eclipse in your house of publicity before the month ends; balancing personal life with professional life is necessary. There is an emotional need to connect, commit, and dive deeper emotionally this month, and you are getting opportunities to grow with another. Your guidance is to trust your intuitive visions and insights and to uncover what wants to come to the surface right now. You are making the unknown known this month, and breaking free.
VIRGO
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLove is the motive this month, Virgo. April is a time of new beginnings for you in your relationships and within your emotional world. With a New Moon in your 8th house on the first of the month, you are breaking through any barriers that have been placed between you and love and letting the walls fall. With Venus moving through an area of your chart dealing with relationships for most of April, you are feeling the progress, connection, and alignment you have been looking for in love, and there is a confidence in you both physically and emotionally.
Your ruling planet Mercury is moving through your 9th house of adventure from April 10 to April 29, and you are exploring your options in life right now. With a Full Moon in your 2nd house of values, assets, and income in mid-April, you are releasing from your life anything that doesn't add up with how you see yourself, your future, and how you value yourself. April is all about playing your cards right, and thinking out of the box to gain new insights. There is a Solar Eclipse happening on April 30, and you are ending the month inspired by the paths that are opening for you right now.
LIBRA
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleApril is all about fresh starts, speaking your voice, and cutting through the bs. You are empowered by the transformations that you are moving through right now, and others are inspired by your process and progress this month, Libra. You start the month out with Mars in your 5th house of romance and a New Moon in your 7th house of love, and this combo is exactly what it sounds like. The beginning of the month is all about basking in love and letting yourself receive the love that you so often give to others. Make your happiness the priority right now, Libra.
Moving into the month, there is a Full Pink Moon in your sign on April 16. This is a time where you are going to really be seeing the culmination, endings, and new beginnings in your life, and a time to release what doesn’t feel like you anymore. Boundaries may need to be placed this month to honor your self-respect and self-love, and you are getting the space to do just that. The balance of the yin and yang within comes into play right now, and April is the time to accept, release, renew, and speak up. You are powerful, Libra.
SCORPIO
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecolePositive outcomes are coming through for you this month, Scorpio. April is a time when you are shining in your joy, your truths, and your compassion. The beginning of April is bringing in new beginnings to working/everyday life and you are seeking out new, beneficial, healthy routines that work with you. You are taking a grounded approach to things right now, and letting the blessings unfold for you. With Venus moving through your house of romance for most of the month, April is all about feeling the love, giving it, and grounding yourself in gratitude.
Old chapters are closing in April, and you are satisfied with what is coming to fruition for you right now. You are ready to leave the past behind and are finding peace in doing so. On April 29, one of your ruling planets Pluto goes Retrograde, and there is a need for more patience and understanding when it comes to communications, expression, and making your voice heard. On the next day, there is a New Moon Solar Eclipse in your sister sign Taurus, and you are gaining clarity on what support systems, love, and relationships have and will be there for you through it all.
SAGITTARIUS
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is a month of seeking truth, understanding, and new developments, Sagittarius. There is a New Moon in the fellow fire sign on April 1, and this New Moon is influencing your love life and sense of happiness. The beginning of the month is all about reminding you how loved you are, and about giving you those nudges to speak up for yourself, your heart, and what it needs. View things within the lens of self-love this month, and don’t let any naysayers get you down. You know what is best for you and you have the power to connect with more of the people who align with that as well.
With Mercury in your 6th house of work, health, and daily routines from April 10 to 29, and a Solar Eclipse in this area of your chart on April 30, you are moving towards the end of the month with your health and well-being in mind. The ideas, insights, and breakthroughs are coming in for you right now to see what needs to be released and what would nourish you. April is about clearing out any old perspectives that aren’t serving you now and letting yourself rise to your new beginnings, Sagittarius.
CAPRICORN
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleApril is your month of breakthroughs and fortune, Capricorn. You are entering a time of success after some experiences of feeling like your world has been flipped upside down. April is all about things falling into their divine place, finding your ground, and you benefiting from the transitions you are seeing in life right now. With Venus flowing through your 3rd house of communication for most of the month, you are speaking from the heart and receiving messages of love as well, and this is a good month to connect, communicate, and get your ideas and thoughts heard.
You are known for being your goal-oriented and hardworking self, and with a Full Moon on April 16 in your house of career, you are getting the right opportunities to close out old chapters in your professional world, and see some new paths open for you here too. There is a sense of leveling up this month. Pluto goes Retrograde in your sign on April 29 before the month ends, you are entering a journey of understanding yourself more, your path in life, and what feeling personally empowered means to you. Flow with change--don’t force, and make space for your blessings, Capricorn.
AQUARIUS
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is all about gaining new insights, opening your mind, and spending some time reflecting on all that’s been, Aquarius. The New Moon on April 1 is highlighting your communications and your personal influence, and this is a good time to express yourself, connect with others, and get some errands done. Some important messages are coming through right now. April is all about acting on intuition and intention rather than impulse, and about making sure your actions align with your values. You are seeing things with new eyes this month and also taking into account who and what supports this vision for yours, Aquarius.
With Mars in your sign until April 14, you have some extra energy at your disposal right now, and all the opportunities to move forward with your personal dreams. The Full Moon happening in fellow air sign Libra on April 16 is happening in an area of your chart that has to do with adventure and expansion, and April overall is a good month for you to network and meet some new people. Have fun with your self-expression this month, and remind yourself how valuable and needed your perspective and knowledge is in this world, Aquarius.
PISCES
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleAlthough Pisces Season has wrapped up, you are still feeling the inspiration and the strong influence of Pisces energy with Venus and Mars moving through your sign for most of the month, joining Jupiter and Neptune who are here as well. 2022 in general is a big year for Pisces, and this month is when things really begin to get going for you. The beginning of April is a time to look at your bank statements, financial growth, and financial goals, and to plan for the future. This is a good month to take into account the giving and receiving in your life and to make sure everything adds up with what equates to balance for you.
Jupiter and Neptune form a powerful conjunction in your sign on April 12, and this is a good day to make a wish. The energy you naturally bring forth is being highlighted and well-received and you are shining with creativity and passion as you move into the month. Mars finishes its transit in your sign on April 29, and there is a New Moon Solar Eclipse the next day. The end of April is all about transformations within your personal community, communications, and perspective, and you are getting the full picture, Pisces.
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RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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Either way, we’re breaking down how to harness the alluring black cat energy to attract and cultivate your purrrfect match, or how to deepen your current relationship.
What is Black Cat Energy?
Black cat energy has made a splash all over TikTok since 2021 where users have popularized “the black cat/golden retriever” theory based on the notorious attributes of felines and pups.
Pet owners and those who have had the pleasure of engaging with furry friends know that cats tend to have personality traits of being more independent, cautious, and unbothered until they develop a relationship with you – then you’ll be graced with their loveable side – whereas dogs, much like golden retrievers, are often overly excited to see you, bursting with happy energy, and seeking your affection, even if they just met you.
Black cats especially possess an elusive, regal, and pompous vibe that makes them irresistible. You can’t simply win these mysterious creatures over with your mere presence. You’ll have to earn their affection.
And if by a stroke of luck, they open up to you, they’ll always keep you wanting more of them. That same je ne sais quoi is what TikTokers are raving about, claiming that if you channel black cat energy into your love life, you’ll summon the person of your dreams and make them fall in love with every part of you.
What’s more, according to The Spruce Pets, single women in Japan who own black cats are believed to attract more suitors. In parts of Great Britain, a black cat is the quintessential wedding gift because they’re believed to bring good luck and happiness to the bride.
Why the Black Cat/Golden Retriever Dynamic Works
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Anyone can be the black cat or the golden retriever in the relationship, but TikTokers and some relationship experts say the best way to ensure long-lasting compatibility is for the woman to be the black cat, while the man exudes golden retriever tendencies.
Dating coach Anwar White solidifies finding the yin to your yang, instructing women to find their complement. “Most people look to date their clone and you’re going to need to date looking for your compliment – that is what is going to bring you the most success.”
In the 14 years he’s been a dating coach, he shared the best complementary personalities that make for a good match. “If you’re a type A, boss babe, you’re going to be looking for the optimistic golden retriever guy. This is the guy that wants to get done whatever you want to get done. This is the engineer, the federal employee, or an architect. It’s very much black cat/golden retriever vibes.”
No matter what stage you’re at in your love life, it’s never too late to transition from subservient golden retriever to omnipotent black cat.
TikToker @jaclyn.dasilva explains that she used to be in her golden retriever energy in her marriage – catering to her husband, and what he needed and liked until she learned how to epitomize the black cat energy.
“We have this beautiful energy as women. When we learn to put all that beautiful, nurturing energy into ourselves that is when they want us. That is when they chase us. Now I think about what I want to eat. What do I want to drink? What book do I want to read? And I put my energy into myself.”
She continues, “And now he’s the one chasing me. He’s the one who can’t get enough of me. When we see ourselves as the prize, that is when he sees us as the prize. Stop chasing him. Let him chase you. Be about you, he’ll be about you.”
How To Embody The Black Cat Principles In Your Dating Life
Dating and maintaining a flourishing relationship in today’s technology-driven world is no easy feat. We have abundantly more access to swipe right or left on apps, or serendipitously meet a great catch in person than our parents and grandparent’s generations.
And yet, with all the potential options, somehow it seems more difficult to stumble across Mr. or Mrs. Right or to maintain a long-term symbiotic relationship. Fortunately navigating dating and relationships becomes easier when you know exactly who you are–your different quirks, flaws, and assets–and when you keenly understand the little things that titillate your world and accept the nuances and icks of a person that you know are not aligned with you.
A woman relishing in her black cat energy and femininity knows exactly what she wants and needs and doesn’t detour from who she is for anyone. These are the qualities of black cat women:
High Standards
Nothing says you’re the main character or HBIC like flaunting high standards and sticking to them.
TikToker Anna Kristina, the self-proclaimed creator of the "black cat theory" shared how to become the ultimate black cat and have men eating from the palm of your hand. “You have to be inconvenient. You have to be bitchy. You have to have standards and certain expectations. The higher the expectations, and the more unrealistic, the better.”
Elusiveness
Relationship TikToker Tomisin Atobatele offers women insights into the essence of being elusive. "I want you to stop being eager to tell men everything you’re thinking and feeling, and especially tell men exactly what you desire. If a guy asks you what you want out of a guy, or what you’re looking for, I want you to be vague…When you’re vague, and someone’s interested in you, it forces them to do work in order to get those answers.”
"And just that fast, you’ve created a scenario where he’s thinking about you," he added. "He’s thinking about your needs. He’s thinking about your wants and desires. And in the process of him thinking about your wants and desires, his focus is on you.”
Firm Boundary Setter
Self-preservation, respect, and overall happiness stem from healthy boundaries. A woman basking in black cat energy knows exactly when and how to implement boundaries. Black cats have boundaries. They will let you know when they are done getting petted," said TikToker Marian Bacol.
“They will let you know when they want to give you attention. They will stare you down if they are done with you. They are clear on their boundaries and they’re not afraid to enforce it. They don’t give love and affection to anyone and everyone the way that dogs do. Cats are more selective and that’s how you have to be with your energy.”
Unapologetically Authentic
A sure way to have a man perpetually falling for you is to be authentically you without changing who you are, solely for him.
“If you want him to chase you as opposed to you chasing him, you need to remember this one thing…whatever attributes you have: your style, your hair color, your whatever you’ve got going on – you don’t change for him," said life coach Margarita Nazarenko. "The black cat would never change for a man and that’s what’s going to make him chase you.”
She cements the rule with an analogy: “The rule is: if you make the best chocolate cake and he likes apple pie, make him the best chocolate cake, not a sub apple pie.”
Famous Couples That Successfully Personify Black Cat/Golden Retriever Energy
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These power couples prove why women who helm their black cat energy make their men swoon:
Rihanna & ASAP Rocky
"[The relationship] is going great. I don’t think there’s a more perfect person because when the schedules are hectic, she’s very understanding of that," A$AP Rocky told Billboard about his relationship with Rihanna. "And when the schedule’s freed up, that’s when you get to spend [the] most time together. It’s all understanding and compatibility.
Ashanti & Nelly
Lauren Speed Hamilton & Cameron Hamilton
Lauren Speed Hamilton and Cameron Hamilton are proof positive of the Love Is Blind concept. More recently, the married couple got real on their podcast about the struggles of expanding their family through fertility treatments. "When I saw what you were going through, terms of taking the medications, doing the daily shots, knowing that IVF and all this stuff wasn't really something that you naturally wanted to do but you did it for me," Cameron shared in episode 2 of The Love Seat podcast with Lauren, his voice beginning to crack.
"You showed me a new level of love that I'd never seen before."
Kristy Scott & Desmond Scott
Zendaya & Tom Holland
"You can’t really find anything against Zendaya, she’s kind of like the perfect person," Tom Holland shared about girlfriend Zendaya in a 2021 interview with Backstage. "It was so wonderful to have someone like her in my corner, to help me grow through that process … Having her as a friend has been so valuable to the success and happiness of my career and life."
Gabrielle Union & Dwyane Wade
Ciara & Russell Wilson
"For me, I knew that God had brought me in her life to bless her and for her to bless me," Russell Wilson told Access Hollywood about wife Ciara.
Serena Williams & Alexis Ohanian
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