

Y'all. Y'ALL. A couple of weeks ago, I decided to get a humidifier (which is basically an electronic device that helps to put humidity into the air). The main reason why is because I read an article that said that COVID thrives in low humidity. I'll get into that in a second, though. Anyway, what I thought was going to be a quick trip up the street ended up being a day-long endeavor because I had to go to four different stores and all of them had inventory issues. Most said it was because of the labor shortage that's been happening all over the country.
So, before I get into the reasons why investing in a humidifier is quite possibly one of the smartest things that you can do this fall season, let me first say that there are plenty of articles out in cyberspace (like this one, this one and this one) that are warning that between labor issues, supply chain drama and yes, inventory nightmares, it would be best to purchase as much as you can as soon as you can. That way, once the holiday season does roll around, you can be cozied up in your house rather than frantically out in stores. Feel me?
That said, here are 10 reasons why I am sleeping better than ever (and I typically sleep pretty well), now that I have a humidifier running every night.
1. Moisturizes Your Skin
Something that I make sure I do before turning in every night is I put some rosemary oil on my face (and neck) and some shea butter on my lips. However, it never fails that while my skin ends up fairing pretty well, oftentimes my lips will be slightly chapped come morning. This hasn't been the case since I've been using my humidifier, though.
One reason why getting a humidifier for this time of year is such a good idea is, the colder it gets, the more we tend to rely on central heat. And the more central heat blows, the more the humidity level drops within the rooms of our house (oftentimes around 20-30 percent). That produces dry air that can wreak total havoc on our skin.
So, if you know that you naturally battle with dry skin anyway, first read "If Your Skin Stays Dry, No Matter What, Check This Out". Next, strongly consider purchasing a humidifier. Trust me, your skin (and lips) will totally thank you for it!
2. Conditions Your Hair
If your skin can get zapped of the moisture that it needs, you definitely know that your hair can be too, right? And here's the thing — when it's cold outside, that can cause your hair cuticles to lift and that can result in your hair becoming brittle which can ultimately lead to breakage. So, if you want to gain as many inches as possible between now and the spring season, having a humidifier can certainly help; especially if you're prone to not tying up your hair with a silk scarf or satin bonnet and/or you don't sleep on a satin pillowcase (hopefully, you do, though).
3. Soothes Headaches
Are you someone who suffers from headaches or even migraines? This is just one more reason why a humidifier could totally change your life for the better. Oftentimes, what causes this kind of discomfort is, when you're taking in dry air, that can dry out your mucus membranes. When that happens, they can end up becoming irritated and inflamed which can lead to painful head pressure. This reminds me — when you're looking at all of the humidifier options that are available, you might wonder if a cool mist or warm mist one is best.
While I personally prefer cool mist ones (they're more energy efficient, plus I like sleeping in a cooler space), you might wanna go the warm route, simply because it heats up the water, is able to kill more bacteria, can ease head pressure quicker and can help to warm up your room during the fall and winter seasons. If you do go with "B", just make sure to keep it away from young children or pets. Some humidifiers boil the water which could end up harming little ones and animals that don't know to stay away.
4. Clears Sinuses
It's not uncommon for people to have more bloody noses and/or sinus headaches around this time of year, especially if that's something that they experience from time to time anyway. A humidifier can assist with this as well because not only does extra humidity help to soothe your sinuses passages and reduce bloody noses (which typically happens as the result of overexposure to dry air), it can also help to clear up congestion. And the less pressure you feel, the easier it will be to breathe in the day and sleep at night.
5. Protects Your Throat
If your nasal passages and sinuses require moisture, it would make sense that your throat would too, right? Plus, if there's bacteria that's in your bedroom, a humidifier could help to keep it under control, so that your sore throat doesn't get worse over time.
A cool hack as far as this is concerned is to get a humidifier that also works as an essential oil diffuser. That way, you can put some oils into the humidifier that help to ease a sore throat. Some of those include the anti-inflammatory and antimicrobial properties of lavender; the antibacterial compounds of peppermint; the antioxidant properties of bitter orange; the antimicrobial of lemon and the anti-inflammatory properties of ginger.
6. Eases Cold and Flu Symptoms
It does need to go on record that if you happen to have asthma or really bad allergies, you should probably speak with your doctor before getting a humidifier. The reason why is because sometimes higher humidity levels can trigger symptoms associated with either issue. Still, if you're trying to get a leg up on the cold and flu season, a humidifier can certainly help you out. I actually checked out a study that said low humidity levels can actually help the viruses that cause colds and the flu to not only thrive but last longer.
This means that, say you share your bed with someone and they've got a cold or they're coming down with the flu. Keeping a humidifier close by can actually reduce your chances of getting sick because in high humidity, viruses have a harder chance to survive. This actually brings me to another super valid point.
7. Fights Against the COVID Virus
Since so many folks out here don't wanna wear masks (lawd), one of the main reasons why I thought it was essential to get a humidifier this year is because I read several articles about how COVID also really enjoys low humidity. So, when you factor in central heat and then add to it stuff like lots of cooking and maybe even a fireplace — whew! It's like a customized party for COVID. So, whether you're vaccinated or not, out of all of the reasons on here to have a humidifier in your home, please take this one to heart. If you're wondering which humidifiers would be best for achieving this particular goal, there's a pretty thorough list that you can check out here.
8. Lubricates Your Vocal Cords
If you or someone who you know happens to sing, host a podcast or do something else that requires a constant use of vocal cords, you might want to gift yourself or them with a humidifier this year.
9. Helps to Prevent Snoring
So, here's the thing about snoring. Being overweight (because it leads to extra tissue in the back of the throat), consuming alcohol (because it relaxes throat muscles), nasal congestion and even sleeping on your back (because it narrows your airways) are all things that can trigger a snore fest. And while dry air isn't another cause, there is no way around the fact that it can certainly make the sound of snoring a heck of a lot worse.
Not only that but since dry air usually has allergens floating around, the extra humidity in your bedroom that comes from a humidifier can keep allergens on the floor, so that they don't irritate your nose which could cause you to open your mouth to breathe easier which could also lead to more or louder snoring (funny how all of that works, huh?).
10. Improves Your Quality of Sleep
It's been reported that a whopping 50-70 million Americans have some sort of sleep issue. And y'all, that ain't good. If you happen to be one of them, a humidifier can assist with this too. Less snoring aside, sleeping with a higher level of humidity oftentimes makes your bedroom feel more comfortable which makes your body feel more comfortable which makes it easier for you to fall and stay asleep.
The Potential Disadvantages of Using a Humidifier
So, with all of the praise that I've just given these bad boys, do humidifiers come with any challenges? Good question. All a humidifier does is turn the water inside of it into mist; this means that if the water is dirty, you're taking that in. That's why you need to clean your humidifier, just the way the manufacturer recommends and, if it comes with a filter, you should change it regularly.
Another point to consider is too much of a good thing could backfire, humidity included. When you've got too much humidity around you, that can lead to mold or mildew (which is why they shouldn't be blowing directly on your walls or sitting on the carpet without something underneath).
Also, unfiltered water tends to have minerals that might be too much for your system if you're constantly breathing them in. So, filling up your humidifier with a faucet that has a filter on it, boiling the water first or using distilled water is probably best. But if you keep all of this in mind, I don't know how you could regret investing in a humidifier. I know I don't. Not one freakin' bit.
For more wellness, self-care, and healing tips, check out xoNecole's Wellness section here.
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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Sometimes I get asked the same question, often enough, that I’m like, “It’s time to address this on a larger platform,” — and for, whatever the reason, as of late, folks have been asking me what different sex acts mean.
No, not from the perspective of positions or techniques. What they’ve basically wanted to know is if making love, having sex, and f-cking are simply different words to describe the same thing or if there truly is something deeper with each one.
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
Back when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
A few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
And finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
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One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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