

Picture this. It was a beautiful summer night near the water. He held her close as he gazed into her eyes. She stroked his face before leaning into his kiss. That night, they fell in love. Or did they? While the idea that the couple was destined to fall for each other is enchanting, chances are there are other reasons for human attraction (feelings of falling in love). And some are quite interesting.
As it turns out, the reasons people fall for one another may have less to do with destiny and more to do with biological, psychological, and environmental factors such as attraction, timing, and...owning a dog?
1.Ring by spring. Love forecast.
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Is it possible for warm weather (read: springtime) to have an affect on your love life? Some say yes. A recent blog post shared research from neuroscientists who claim that springtime is the best season for a new relationship to bloom. Naturally, as the days get longer, skirts get shorter, meaning not much is left to the imagination in the fashion department. People wear less clothes and thus, sexual attraction/desires increase. Have you ever noticed that more than flowers bloom in the spring? Online dating app, Zoosk, compared data from ten major cities to see how changes in the weather affected their users.
2.Sex, passion, and physical touch.
Listen, you had me at sex. Not that we actually needed science to tell us that sex produces feelings of love, but as it turns out, there actually is science to support this claim. Well, kinda. Our bodies churn out chemical messengers known as pheromones when we are in close proximity to one another. Therefore, physical contact where there is an exchange of bodily fluids such as sweat or saliva is present manufactures these chemicals. Additionally, sex produces oxytocin, commonly referred to as the love hormone during orgasm and replicates feelings of love but is more likely creating an attachment than actual love.
3.Kissing.
While this may seem obvious, there's actually a more biological reason why kissing increases attraction. Male saliva contains trace amounts of testosterone which can boost the sex drive of a woman. Additionally, evolutionary scientists believe women can detect genetic compounds that are essential for the immune system and will increase their chances of having healthy children. Now if that's not a good reason to spark a makeout session, then I don't know what is.
4.Menstrual cycle (for women).
Did you know that changes in your hormonal levels at different points in your menstrual cycle can trigger certain urges/outcomes? For example, women that are ovulating are rated as being more attractive by men. That's certainly an ego-boost if nothing else, especially when we feel anything but attractive while coping with cramps and excessive water retention. But that's not the only weird side effect of menstruation. A 2012 study found another useful occurrence in women who were strongly bonded to their partner and experienced more intimate physical contact with them during high fertility days of their cycle.
5.The Holy Trinity of Intimacy.
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Robert Sternberg's triangular theory of love proposes that love consists of three elements: passion, intimacy, and commitment, with commitment as the foundational basis and passion being the most unstable. Intimacy refers to the closeness between partners with regard to emotional connection, while passion is more aligned with feelings gained through a sexual connection.
The element of commitment is when partners make a decision to "stop looking" for other partners and pursue a relationship with each other. While each component is separate, they can influence each other. For example, having greater intimacy can lead to more commitment and vice versa. Sternberg's theory can be summed up with the idea that a relationship can exist with a combination of any two (or less) elements, but for a consummate love, all three aspects are required.
6.Tug of war.
There's a popular saying that opposites attract, but the Bible says you must be equally yoked. So which one is? Actually, it's both. Communication theorists call this interplay relational dialectics. You can email me to learn more about that, if you're interested, but what it primarily focuses on is how individuals deal with contractions in their relationship. Generally speaking, attraction grows when you have something in common with a person. This can be liking the same type of music or eating similar kinds of food, or it could be something more substantial like having the same values or beliefs.
But relationships also benefit when partners are not too much alike and can offer something new to each other. The most common contradictions in relationships are the dynamics between introverts and extroverts, affectionate and non-affectionate, and clingy versus independent individuals. The key to a successful relationship is to find a happy medium.
7.Commitment
People think commitment starts with desire, but it actually begins with necessity. Yes, people commit when you're able to fulfill a need they have. Sometimes it's sexual, emotional, intellectual, even financial. But generally speaking, people stick around when they feel like they have a reason to. I've spoken to hundreds of women who have no problem dating and meeting new men, but when it comes time to take the relationship to the next level and commit to each other, they're left wondering why he walked away.
Experts say there are three things that people consider when deciding to commit to someone: how satisfied they are with their partner or the relationship, the availability of options outside of the relationship, and how much they've already invested into the relationship.
8.Looking like your partner’s parents… Say what, now?
Greek mythology relays the tale of a mythical king, Oedipus, whose tragic demise resulted in him killing his father and marrying his mother. From this tragedy, the world-renown psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud coined "The Oedipus Complex" to describe a child's feelings of desire for his or her opposite-sex parent. Recent studies have latched on to Freud's ideas claiming some folks are attracted to people with similar features as their parents such as skin tone, hair/eye color, and the age range they saw at birth. So if it's any consolation for why your ex's new girlfriend is frumpy-looking like his mom, this might explain why. Sigh.
9.Eye contact.
In 1997, Arthur Aron and a group of psychologists conducted an experiment to see if they could "create" intimacy between couples and ultimately make them fall in love. One study consisted of about 50 strangers, a series of 36 questions followed by a two-minute period of complete silence while looking into each other's eyes. Their experiment resulted in an almost 60 percent success rate with several couples going steady and two successful marriages.
10.If you own a dog.
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Several studies have concluded that dogs contribute to social interaction among strangers. A 1992 study by Kelly Ann Rossbach & John P. Wilson showed that the presence of a dog can make a person appear more likable. Research shows that people are more likely to attribute positive characteristics such as being caring, patient, and nurturing to dog-owners. These qualities are commonly cited as reasons people fall in love, thus making them more desirable to date.
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Also known as The Real Black Carrie Bradshaw for her relentless love of shoes and emotionally unavailable men, DeJa K. Johnson is unapologetic in her pursuits to find love, happiness, and orgasms. A graduate of UA Little Rock, DeJa earned a Master's degree in Applied Communication with an emphasis on Interpersonal & Romantic relationships. She is also the founder of TheBreakupSpace.com, a safe space for men and women who need help getting over the loss of a romantic relationship. To connect, you can find her on all social media @TheRealBlackCarrieBradshaw or send her an email to love@TheRealBlackCarrieBradshaw.com.
On her debut album,CTRL,SZA crooned about her desire to be a “Normal Girl.” Now, nearly eight years since its release, her Not Beauty line represents her commitment to existing outside of traditional beauty norms.
The singer whose real name is Solána Imani Rowe first teased the idea of a lip gloss line during Super Bowl LIX in February, noting that the release would be happening “very shortly.” Not Beauty debuted simultaneously with the Grand National Tour, which she co-headlines with Kendrick Lamar, in Minneapolis on April 19.
Each Not Beauty pop-up would offer fans the opportunity to purchase the glosses, learn more about the brand, and have the opportunity to meet the superstar in the flesh regardless of their ticket status.
During the Los Angeles tour stop, which spanned three dates on May 21, May 23, with the finale on May 24, xoNecole had the opportunity to test out the glosses included in this soft launch, as SZA revealed in a statement that "this is just the start of other lip products, including plans to launch stains, liners, and creams all inspired by SZA's “infamous layered lip combinations.”
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So, what is included in the first Not Beauty launch?
The current Not Beauty products available are lip glosses that come in three shades: In the Flesh, Strawberry Jelly, and Quartz.
During my visit to the first LA Not Beauty pop-up activation, I not only had the chance to purchase all three glosses but also took a peek inside the blow-up log tent. Inside, fans got to experience SZA’s love for nature and her fascination with bugs, which are prominently featured in her performances for this tour. At one point, she even had human preying mantis prancing across the stage y'all.
There were blow-up photos of the beauty that is SZA for fans (myself included) to take photos, but in wooden-like tree trunks were a deeper dive into some of the ingredients featured in her products and their benefits.
For example, the glosses feature Hi-Shine Lip Jelly and Shea Butter as key ingredients and some of the listed benefits included are:
- Shea Butter - “A powerhouse ingredient, offering both functional and nourishing benefits.”
- Hi-Shine Lip Jelly (featured in the In the Flesh shade) - “Formula glides on with perfect adhesion to the lips without stickiness).
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What are in the products?
Featured in an orange package, with images of a bug and flower on the side, the back of the box reads: “It’s NOT BEAUTY, it just works. Developed by Solána “SZA” Rowe.
As someone who never leaves home without a good lip gloss, I loved how compact the wood panel packaging is. Perfect to slip into my purse, or in the case of the show at SoFi Stadium, into my pocket when I’m not carrying a bag.
Because I’m a sucker for a good black and brown lip liner and clear gloss combo, I decided to wear the Quartz flavor on night one of the Grand National Tour LA stop, and it did not disappoint. I’ll admit, it’s light weight feel made me nervous because it felt like there was nothing on my lips. However, when I checked my lips in my compact mirror several times throughout the night, I was shocked to find that my gloss was still intact. I only reapplied once out of the habit of looking cute and applying my gloss, but not necessity.
Here are some of the ingredients featured, but not limited to, in the Quartz flavor.
- Polyisoubutene
- Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea)Butter
- Ricinus Communis (Castor) Seed Oil
- Mentha Piperita (Peppermint) Oil
- Tocopherol
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Lip prep
I’m a simple girl who loves to stay true to her roots. So ahead of the show, I stopped by a local Inglewood Beauty Supply store and grabbed a Black and Brown shade lip pencil for just under $2 a piece.
Shading the outline of my lips with the black pencil first, I used the brown to lightly fill the inside of my lips before applying my Quartz Not Beauty shade gloss.
How to apply
There’s truly no right or wrong way to apply lip gloss (in my opinion), with this being a brush applicator sort of product, I simply untwisted the top and swiped the gloss around my top and bottom lip generously.
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Results
Again, my Not Beauty Quartz product stayed on my lips from the start of the show, which began with a fire DJ set from LA’s very own, Mustard, to the conclusion when Kendrick and SZA reunited on stage to send us home to their duet, “luther,” featured on the rapper's GNX album.
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10 Ways To Make Sure Your Vagina Enjoys Its Time In The Ocean & Pool
Although the summer season technically doesn’t begin until late June (June 20, to be exact), you and I both know that as soon as Memorial Day Weekend comes and goes, most of us consider it to be summertime. Well, as you’re in the process of making your summer plans (because you are going to go on some sort of vacation, even if it’s just for a long weekend…right?), if getting into some sort of water (outside of the bathtub) is included in them, I thought it would be a good idea to talk about some ways to take care of your vagina (and vulva).
Because, as I’ve shared in a different article (here), when the weather is warmer, you are far more susceptible to experiencing yeast infections (not just in your vagina, either — check out “What To Do For Yeast Infections (On Other Parts Of Your Body)”). Not only that, but if you don’t do certain things that are listed here, you could end up irritating your genital region in other ways too.
So, as you’re out picking up a new swimsuit, here are 10 hacks that can have your vagina (and vulva) enjoying the ocean and pool water as much as you plan to.
1. Be Mindful of How Your Swimsuit Bottoms Fit
Listen, y’all ain’t gonna ever convince me that, out of all of the panty cuts that are out here (and there are several), when it comes to vaginal health, thongs aren’t the most problematic. However, I do agree with health experts who say that if you must wear them, so long as they are made from a breathable fabric, you should, for the most part, be pretty straight.
Keeping that in mind, since a lot of swimsuits are made from materials that tend to trap in moisture, you might want to avoid the ones that have a “thong cut” to them — especially since something else that thongs have a tendency to do is make it easier for bacteria to shift from front to back (and vice versa), if you know what I mean.
2. Apply a Coat of Aquaphor on Your Vulva
If vaginal dryness or irritation while in your swimsuit is something that you’re concerned about, you might want to try applying a thin coat of Aquaphor to your vulva (the outer part of your vagina). Not only can it help to keep you nice and moisturized down below, it can even help to bring relief to minor itching (that isn’t associated with a yeast infection).
3. Don’t Hang Out in Damp Clothing
Something that we all have in our genital region is yeast; a yeast infection is what happens when “bad bacteria” overtake the good. And y’all, if there are two things that are basically like Six Flags to yeast, it’s sugar and wet/damp areas. That’s why it’s a really good idea not to linger in damp clothing for hours at a time, whether it’s due to water or sweat.
4. Immediately Change Your Tampon After Swimming
Periods don’t take summer vacations. Still, that shouldn’t prevent you from having a good time. That said, if you want to go swimming, you’re on your cycle and you happen to be a tampon wearer, please put forth the concerted effort to change your tampon right after getting out of the pool or ocean. In a little while, I’m going to get into how the waters that we swim in are usually not as clean as we would like, and so you want to make sure that the bacteria that is in them doesn’t stay up in your vaginal canal, via your tampon, for a long period of time.
Oh, and if you are a menstrual cup gal, those are perfectly fine to use. Just make sure to empty the cup before getting in the water and right after you get out, for the sake of your self-confidence (surrounding leaks) more than anything else.
5. Keep Some Feminine Wipes on Hand
Whether it’s due to your cycle, you want to remove some extra sweat or sand, or you simply want to feel fresher throughout the day, it can never hurt to keep some feminine wipes close by. Most of them are awesome because they are hypoallergenic, they help to maintain the pH balance of your vagina and they contain ingredients that can help to soothe and protect your vulvar skin.
One brand that makes a variety of different ones, including wipes that contain prebiotics, wipes that are great for sensitive skin, and wipes that have cucumber and aloe in them, is Honey Pot. You can find the wipes that you personally need here.
6. Always Wash Your Swimsuit After Wearing It
When you first get a swimsuit, it’s a good idea to wash it. One reason is because you need to remove any chemicals that could irritate your vulva/vagina/skin, in general. Another reason is because, well, while it would be awesome if stores didn’t sell suits that have been tried on (without panties) before, they can’t always guarantee that will happen. Then, before swimming, rinse your swimsuit out with fresh water, just to get any extra residue out.
Then, when you get out of the water, rinse with fresh water again to remove bacteria, sand, and whatever else may be hanging out in your suit. And finally, make it a point and practice to not wear your suit again until after washing it — I mean, basically for the same reason why you shouldn’t wear yesterday’s panties today.
7. Heads Up: Salt Water Can Dry Your Vagina/Vulva Out
Whether water is chlorinated or it’s made up of salt water, one thing that it has the ability to do is throw off your vagina’s pH balance. And when it comes to salt water (which is what ocean water is), specifically, if you stay in it for two long, it can also start to dry your vagina and vulva out. This is why it’s wise to rinse yourself in fresh water before getting into the ocean and rinse off once you get out. This is also where the Aquaphor hack that I mentioned earlier comes in rather handy too.
8. Sex in Public Pools and Hot Tubs Is Kinda Gross Because…
If you’re feeling a lil’ frisky and you’re thinking about having sex in a pool or hot tub — listen, I’m all for spontaneity. Just make sure that you literally know what you’re getting yourself into because public pools and hot tubs tend to be straight-up breeding grounds for all sorts of bacteria. I mean, pools? You already know that at least one kid has probably peed in it — and hot tubs? I’ll put it to you this way — check out the article, “Just how gross are hot tubs? A microbiologist explains,” when you get a chance. It might convince you to stick to your shower or tub when it comes to copulating. Just sayin’.
9. If You’re Gonna Have Sex in Water, Use Silicone Lubricant
No matter what kind of water you decide to get busy in, make sure to keep some lubricant on tap. Since you’re going to be in water, that can wash away your natural arousal fluid/natural lubricant, which could make sex semi-uncomfortable, if you’re not careful. For this, silicone-based lubricant is best; it’s got great “slip,” plus, it’s waterproof.
10. Always Remember That Condoms in the Water Are…Just That
One more thing — unless you are in a long-term exclusive or monogamous relationship (and you’re using another form of birth control), be careful about relying on condoms when it comes to “engaging” in the water. Although rubbers may stay on for a couple of minutes, they aren’t exactly designed to be in water for a long period of time and could weaken or fall off entirely. And no matter how appeasing water sex may sound, you might be in for an — eh hem — different kind of ride if your condom shows out on you.
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There you have it — 10 ways to take care of “her” while you’re hanging out by water this summer season. If you apply all of these tips, I have no doubt that she will have a blast from the moment you get into the water until you step out. Enjoy!
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