Most of us want our partners to enjoy themselves during sex. Unless you’re a selfish lover – which is a bigger issue for another day – knowing you are the source of your partner’s pleasure is the ultimate ego boost. Personally, when I hear the moans my partner makes when I do that little thing that they like ignites my water works in ways unimaginable. But what do you do when your partner is quiet? How do you know if they are enjoying it if the only thing you hear is crickets? This is exactly what one of my followers wanted to know. She asked me, what does it mean if her boyfriend is quiet during sex? Does his quietness mean he’s not enjoying it?
Because we have been conditioned to believe that good sex equals vocal sex—thanks to porn and media. We think the louder the moans the better the sex. Sound really has no bearing on the quality of sex. For instance, think about every time you faked it, were you really enjoying it? Or did you make sounds as if you were in hopes to fool your partner? Everyone responds differently during sex, some express pleasure through sighs, giggles, grunts, or screams while others express it through nonverbal reactions. Believe it or not, a lot of people find making sounds during sex embarrassing. Plus, some people just don’t like noisy sex.
Why Some Men Are Quiet During Sex
If your partner is male, having sex in silence is a thing they’ve been accustomed to for years. Men traditionally have been taught to not express emotion. They also have been having solo sex in secret for years, and have mastered the art of climaxing without a sound. So being overly vocal during sex can feel foreign to them. On top of that, a lot of men are not the greatest at multitasking and have a hard time doing multiple things at once. So when they’re having sex, all their concentration is on trying not to cum early and making sure you’re being pleased. Making sounds while in the moment is just not a priority!
How To Tell Your Partner’s Enjoying Sex if He’s Quiet
Regardless of the reason, I totally understand wanting to have a vocal signal during sex. The moans of our partners give us validation that we were hitting all the right spots. However, if your partner is reserved in the bedroom, the best way to know if you’re doing a great job is by watching their body language. Do they get hard or aroused? Do they stay hard or aroused? Did they cum? Can you see their muscles tense? Does the expression on their face change? Are their fingers and toes curling? If the answer to any of these is yes, then it's a good possibility you’re doing something right. As long as they can walk the walk, then talking the talk isn't such a big deal.
How To Communicate Your Needs if You Want Your Partner To Be More Vocal
The best piece of advice I have for anyone wanting to change or improve anything in their bedroom is to communicate. If you want your partner to be more vocal during sex, communicate with them. Communication is the best — if not the only — way to improve your sex life. Tell your partner that you’d like for them to be more vocal during sex and explain how much it turns you on. Make them feel comfortable about it and create a nonjudgmental and open environment where they can express themselves fully. Also playing a little mood music can set the mood and create a sexy vibe and make you or your partner feel less self-conscious. Turning on music while having sex will help buffer any sexual sounds that allow everyone to be in the moment.
If full-on sex noises don’t come easily to your partner, experiment with eye contact. You can communicate just as much with your face as you can with your voice. Plus, looking into your partner’s eyes during sex makes the experience much more intense. Don’t worry about your facial expression — whatever your face naturally does is enough.
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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Colman Domingo’s Career Advice Is A Reminder That Our Words Shape Our Reality
When it comes to life, we are always here for a good reminder to shift our mindsets, and Colman Domingo just gave us one we didn't know we needed.
In a resurfaced clip from an appearance at NewFest shared as a repost via Micheaux Film Festival, the Emmy award winner dropped a gem on how he has navigated his decades-spanning career in Hollywood. The gem in question? Well, Colman has never identified with "struggle" in his career. Let that sit.
Colman Domingo On Not Claiming Struggle
"I’ve never said that this career was tough. I’ve never said it was difficult. I’ve never said it was hard," Colman said. "Other people would say that—‘oh, you're in a very difficult industry. It's very hard to get work and book work.’ I’m like, I’ve never believed that."
Instead of allowing himself to be defined by other people's projections about their perceptions of what the industry is or was, Colman dared to believe differently even if his reality was playing catch up with his dreams:
"Like Maya Angelou said words are things. And if you believe that, then that's actually what it is. Actually I've just never believed it. Someone told me some years ago, they said, 'I remember you were, you're a struggling actor.' I'm like, 'I don't.'"
"I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living..."
He continued:
"Even when I was bartending and hustling and not having opportunities or anything, I never believed that I was struggling because I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living and creating and being curious."
Colman’s philosophy of attaching to living instead of struggle has blossomed into an enduring career. He first made his mark on stage in acclaimed Broadway productions before transitioning to the screen, where his star began to rise in the 2010s following his role as Victor Strand in Fear The Walking Dead. From there, his presence only grew, landing memorable supporting roles in If Beale Street Could Talk, Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom, and the hit series Euphoria.
In more recent years, Colman has stepped fully into the spotlight with standout leading performances in Rustin and Sing Sing, both of which earned him widespread critical acclaim and Academy Award nominations for Best Actor.
With all that said, Colman's advice is no doubt powerful, especially for those who are chasing their dreams, building something from the ground up, or have question marks about what's next in their careers. Words shape our realities, and how we speak about our journeys even in passing matters.
Words Create Our Reality & Colman Is Living Proof
"I tell young people that. To remember the words that you say about yourself and your career are true. So, I choose to make it full of light and love and it's interesting and every day I'm going to learn something new even if it looks like I don't have what I want but it's important to be in the moment... you really build on the moments moment to moment.
"And you're looking back at your career as I've been in it for what 33 years and you're like, 'Wow, that's what I've been doing.' And I've stayed strong to that so I think that is truly my advice."
Let this be your sign to give your path a reframe. When the path you're on feels uncertain, the journey is still unfolding. Like Colman said: "I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living."
That's a Black king right there.
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